Truth in Freedom: Truth & Lies Duet

By Maggie Kay

"The truth in my freedom is written on my soul"
Olivia
Cole set me free, I am learning to live and breathe without him, but I still feel him all around me. He doesn't understand that without him, I will always be trapped as a prisoner to my own heart.
I am trying to move on and be happy, the music academy is everything I dreamed it would be and more, but I can feel someone watching me. I have this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach, something bad is about to happen, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

 

Cole

Olivia is gone. I feel the loss of her everywhere. My heart aches to have her back but my vengeance has taken over me. I will not rest until all those who hurt Olivia have paid the price.
Revenge is sweet, but the bitter sting it leaves in its wake stirs my restless heart.
If Olivia finds out what I have done will she ever want to come back to me? Everything is so messed up I can't tell where the lies end and the truth begins.

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Maggie Kay
• Release date: Nov 5, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201156558

Book preview

Prologue

OLIVIA

Life has always seemed to dish me out the lesser serving of anything good or fair. Whether it be family, friends, choices or happiness, I never seemed to receive my fair share. The only people who ever loved me were taken from me at an age too young to ever remember them. I have always been told lies over the truth, and given pain over joy, however, with Cole, I was given more love than I knew what to do with. Enduring all that pain and sadness led me to know his love, and I would go through it all again, without hesitation, without regret.

Sometimes I think it’s better to not have loved at all, for if you have never felt it, then you’ll never know the loss of it.

Had I not have known Cole, I would still be that naïve lost girl full of so much hope. Hope is a powerful persuasion, it’s what has always gotten me through. I have experienced love with Cole, though, I know that I will never have that again. There is no hope left, there is no one better for me, he breathed life back into me and gave me purpose, gave me so much more than I could ever have hoped for. But now he is gone, and all the hope I had, has gone with him.

Cole’s words fall heavy around my heart, and my chest physically hurts with the pain of it. As I look around my room, I note someone, most likely Steph, has already packed up my things ready to leave; the room is bare. Did she know?

Inhaling a deep breath, I force my way back downstairs, Cole is talking with Steph by the doorway to his office; he hands her a set of keys before noticing me. I wanted to scream at him; hurt him as he had hurt me, but standing there and looking into his eyes, I couldn’t. I couldn’t because as much as he has hurt me, he saved me too.

How can I be angry at him when he has done so much for me? But how can I not be angry with him when he allowed me to trust him, only to betray me? He let me fall in love with him! He put me back together to just break me to pieces again.

Cole claims he is doing this for me so I will be free. He doesn’t understand, I was already free. With him, I was all I ever needed to be.

I am ready to leave. My words bring both their attention towards me. Steph. I turn to her and ask, I assume you will take me to Cole’s London apartment? I impress myself with how together I sound, when in fact, I am so close to falling apart. It is hard to maintain Cole’s eye contact because I can see so much in them. I can see his guilt, his pain and his sadness, but I could still see his love. I had to look away. Swallowing down the thick, dry lump in my throat, I straighten my back and round my shoulders. I can do this. I can do this. I chant to myself, trying to evoke the courage I so very much need right now.

Yes, Cole answers, his voice cracks a little, so he clears his throat before continuing, I was just giving Steph the keys. Oh God, this is really happening. Breaking his eye contact with me, he looks down at his shoes as though he cannot bear to look at me a moment longer. Then he looks to Steph. You will find everything you need there. Steph has kindly offered to stay with you for a week or so until you have settled. His voice is even and controlled this time, cold almost. Distant of the man I know, the man I love.

George comes running down the hallway barking, then he settles himself at my feet. I look at him and then to Cole, my eyes asking the question my mouth could not. Of course, kitten, George will go with you too. Bending down he pats George on the head with a sad smile before looking back up to me. I bought him for you. He is yours, Olivia. He stands and places his hands in his pockets casually. I want to fall into his arms and beg him to let me stay, but the way he is regarding me right now tells me it would be useless and silly to do so.

Thank you, Cole. Thank you for everything you have given me. I will repay you. I offer an awkward smile and look to the floor, knowing there was no way that I ever could.

Ah, Steph says uncomfortably. I’m just going to wait out in the car. Liv, you come out when you’re ready. Okay? Looking awkward, she points to the door. I nod in her direction but cannot bring myself to make eye contact. If I acknowledge the glassy shine in her eyes, I am not sure I could hold it together any longer.

I will be out in a minute. Thanks, Steph, I reply, turning around to pick George up but hit a hard chest instead, Cole has moved closer to me, and there is no escape now as I look up at him and into those beautiful brown eyes. I try to take as much of them in as I can, storing them to memory. I don’t know when the next time will be that I will see them again.

Kitten, I. Cole croaks out, but I cut him off.

Please don’t, Cole. I think enough has been said. I make my way to the door, conscious of the shadow behind me.

I meant what I said, Liv. Please call me if you need anything. Cole’s strained voice tugs at everything inside me, and I am about to come undone. 

Wouldn’t that just defeat the purpose of being independent of you? I am being rude, and I don’t care; I don’t have the strength to be anything else right now.

Olivia, that’s not, Cole speaks, but I cut him off again. I can’t take any more of his hollow words.

It’s all right, Cole, I will let Steph know if I require any help. I have more than enough money to live off, so I am sure I will be fine. Thank you again for everything. Turning to leave, I feel his hand on my shoulder. I freeze, unable to move, feeling his eyes burning into the back of my head. He is standing so close I can almost feel his breath on the back of my neck. I close my eyes, taking in a long breath, the tears well in my eyes as my lips tremble. I am about to crumble, and I cannot let him see that.

Don’t forget me, kitten, he murmurs in my ear. The tears spill over and run down my face as I walk away, getting into the car, I never once look back. I can’t. If I do, I will run back to him and beg him to let me stay. He doesn’t want you. I remind myself.

Steph pulls out of the driveway and onto the road. You will be all right, Liv, she tries to reassure me. Things will be tough for a while, but they will get better, I promise. Even though her eyes are on the road, I can still see the sadness in them. Your first heartbreak is always the hardest.

I don’t respond. I just look out the window through my tears, my heart breaking into a million little pieces.

I am so mad at him.

I hate him.

I love him.

I miss him.

How will I ever survive this without him?

Chapter 1

Life Goes On

Six Months Later

OLIVIA

Sometimes we only see what we want to see. Often we choose to block out the darkness that threatens to swallow us whole. We build walls to keep it out, keep everything bad away, but in doing so, we also stop any good from touching us. Desperately, we grab at anything we can hold on to in hope we will stay afloat. It’s a constant battle between what we need and what we want, despite what we have.

Life doesn’t always turn out the way we plan. Mistakes are made, promises are broken, and our experiences change us. They mold us into the good and the bad, taking us in directions that are not on any map; we walk blindly relying on those around us for guidance, regardless of our questions and fears, we continue on our journey.

My journey has been lonely and full of fears. Fears of the unknown, fears of the possibilities and fears of what my freedom may look like. I have learned the truth behind my freedom is a pain so deep, so dark, I cannot fully comprehend it. It is false hope and broken dreams, and a heavy weight I carry on my own because the truth is wrapped in lies, and my freedom is scarred with heartbreak. 

I lie that I am okay; I lie whenever I smile; I lie to everyone, every day, but I can never lie to myself. I’m miserable; I miss him; I love him... still.

I have not seen Cole; I have not heard the rhythm of his heartbeat now for six months. Although, I have tried to pour myself into my music, it is useless. Without him it all sounds out of tune, each song takes on a depressing tone and mindless melody.

George sniffs around my feet and looks up at me with his sad eyes, even he can’t seem to get over Cole. I purchased my own place a few months ago and moved out of Cole’s using some of the money Jonathan gave me. I’d hoped that George would settle then, but he still looks as miserable as I feel. Cole’s apartment reminded me too much of him, everything about it said Cole Prescott. God, even his smell was there. George and I would never get over him whilst we still lived in his apartment. I felt like I couldn’t breathe; I had to leave, and despite Cole’s claims of me needing to find my own independence, I didn’t really have it whilst I lived there. I was still initially relying on him. His apartment gave me shelter, his assistant ensured I had everything I needed, and everything was miraculously always in order for me, which I realize is his doing. So how could I be independent while he still silently looked after me like a ghost?

My new apartment is only a ten-minute walk to the academy and in the opposite direction of Cole’s apartment. It’s an older building, but it has a charm about it. There is a little grass courtyard for George, and it’s close to the dog park he loves so much. Steph helped me choose the place, insisting I find somewhere that has a 24-hour security surveillance and an underground parking spot. I could hardly argue how perfect it was when she showed me. Not that I have a car or a license, but it is convenient for Steph when she visits, which is still every couple of days.

Steph has been nothing short of amazing, making my transition into life on my own as smooth as possible. She has been my right hand, my voice of reason and my shoulder to cry on. Steph is my only true friend in this world and the only person who has not left me. Yet. There is no way I would have been able to navigate my way around the supermarket without her. Although... I could have avoided the advice to stockpile chocolate throughout my apartment as it has all gone straight to my backside. Steph has also introduced me to a whole range of ice cream I never, in my wildest dreams, would have thought existed.

It took four months before I felt slightly comfortable going shopping on my own. Crowds still bother me though, so most of my shopping is done online now that I am confident in using the internet. I can cook and clean with no issues on my own, but I needed to be taught the so-called simple things. For example: using a mobile phone, getting money out from an automated teller or using the internet.

Whilst initially, I kept to myself at the academy, now I’ve made a small group of friends, however, I am still a little nervous around them. They have all been really nice and always try to include me in their conversations. I have not told them very much about me. I am never sure how much about my past I should reveal to anyone.  Probably sensing how broken and different I am to them, they don’t ask questions or pry into what happened to me. They all seem to respect that what they do know is enough, at least for now. 

One thing I’ve learnt about people is that they come in all shapes and forms, and some are particularly strange. Being secluded from so much of the outside world since I was eleven, I had never been integrated with such a variety of people before. Sure, I have mingled with guests at a few social events that Cole’s attended, and I have met his friends, but I never really paid much attention to their personalities or styles, as I was so nervous and frightened most of the time. It took all my energy not to make a fool of myself, or Cole.

Now though, everyone’s individuality is all I can see. Like Makenzie, the girl who sits opposite me in my classical class. She has bright pink and purple streaks through her hair, tattoos all over her arms and legs and a bull ring on her nose, but she plays the piano so soft and graceful. It is a complete contrast to her appearance.

One of my professors at the academy is tall, really, really tall, but he has the smallest feet I have ever seen on a man. It is quite odd to look at, really. Then the lady at the administration desk sniffles every few seconds and blinks her eyes rapidly as she speaks, and yet, she seems to be the only one that doesn’t notice what she is doing. I find it difficult to concentrate on anything but everyone’s uniqueness. I guess it is because of my lack of exposure to society.

I struggle the most with men, male professors, male students, male shop attendants. When I see the lust in their eyes, it frightens me. I have to remind myself constantly that all men are not the same as my abusers were, but it will take me some time to believe that. 

It is not a natural instinct for me to engage openly in conversations with people I don’t know. I am awkward, socially awkward. My body language needs a lot of practice, I don’t hide my reactions well, often stopping people considering approaching me. I generally stick to myself and try not to make eye contact with anyone. To my surprise, I have been asked on a few dates, but I am not ready. I don’t know if I will ever be.

Most of my time is dedicated to music, I love attending the academy and studying the art of it. When I am not at school, I am at my apartment reading, playing the piano, or doing some crazy activity that Steph has deemed a must-do for my bucket list.

It’s time for your afternoon walk, Georgie boy, I say, grabbing the lead and attaching it to his collar. Come on, let’s go. George’s tail is going a hundred miles an hour as we leave the apartment and head out onto the street. The afternoon temperature is beautiful today, it has been gradually getting warmer day by day as the summer approaches. George loves the park nearby where he can sniff out his canine friends. I swear he has a better social life than I do.

The air fills with the smell of coffee as we approach a quaint little coffee shop across from the park. The afternoon rush crowds the front door and George grunts in frustration as we navigate around them and stand in the pickup line. I learned quickly when I moved into the neighborhood to call in my order ahead of time.

Olivia honey, your Chai is ready. Kate, the barista, calls, handing me my cup.

Thanks, Kate, see you tomorrow, I reply as I take the cup from her, giving her a warm smile.

Bye, honey, Kate says, not looking at me as she busily begins making the next coffee orders.

Kate’s father owns the café, which she helps him run. She has been the first person I’ve had a proper conversation with outside the academy. It sparked from her asking where my accent was from, and after telling her it was a mix of Norwegian and English, she told me her mother is also from Norway. So the conversation flowed from there. Every morning I pick up a coffee on my way to class, and every afternoon I get my Chai tea when I take George for his walk. I am a creature of habit. The need for the routine and structure that I have had my old life runs through my veins now, forever a piece of me.

George takes off running across the park the moment I let him off his lead. He has spotted Esmerelda, the black poodle, over by the bushes and has gone to say hello. I take my usual seat by the oak tree and watch in amusement as he plays tug of war with Bailey, the caramel-colored Labrador.

Time passes, and yet, I feel as though I am still standing still. I have learned all these new things and met all these new people, but at night, I have no one to share it all with. No one to hold me, and no one to love. I see couples walking through the park, holding hands and kissing; I watch movies and television shows with love stories and sex, and the more I see, the more I’ve come to realize just how truly special my relationship with Cole was. Our bond was strong, our connection was natural, and despite what Cole or Sara thinks or believes it to be, it was real. It still is real. I still feel him as though he is a part of me.

The darkness is creeping in across the sky, and I am awoken from my daydreams by George licking my face. Okay, George, I know, I know, it’s time to go home. I place his lead back onto his collar, and we begin our walk back to the apartment.

Hey, you. I was just about to send out a search party. Steph is sitting on the sofa in the foyer entrance of my apartment building as I enter.

Hi, Steph. Sorry, I hope you haven’t been waiting too long? I was longer than usual today; the weather is just so beautiful. I give her a loving smile, hoping it will sweeten her somewhat.

It’s totally fine, Liv. I hope you’re hungry because I brought dinner. Her wide infectious grin follows me to my door.

What did you bring? I ask, eyeing the bag she is carrying.

Indian. It’s my favorite, so I am not surprised that’s what she chose. I have really enjoyed our girl’s nights together. Steph has opened me up to a whole new world of culture and food through these nights, and I am grateful for her company. There is a positive aura about her. Her happiness is contagious, and you cannot help but feel good around her. She has helped me heal and try to move on with my life after Cole. In reality, I perceive I will never truly get over him, but Steph’s presence in my life makes things easier. Just recently, having broken up with her boyfriend too, Steph has been at my apartment more often than not. She is not used to the quiet emptiness of her flat since Michael moved out. I don’t mind though, I like the company.

Did you bring a movie too? I smile, knowing that she definitely would have.

Of course, I did! Tonight, we are watching Dirty Dancing. Steph raises her eyebrows up and down smirking.

Dirty Dancing? Glaring across the room at her, I raise my own eyebrows, giving her a curious look.

You will love it! Trust me, Liv, it’s an epic love story. Duck pouting her lips, she kisses the air a few times teasing me.

I will have to trust you on this one, Steph, because the title makes it sound more like porn. I chuckle.

Steph laughs. No porn, I promise you. She holds her hand over her heart as she says it. But there is definitely some hot sex. She giggles as her eyebrows do a dirty dance of their own. By the way, she quips. I hope you don’t mind if I stay for a few nights? I am free for the next couple of days, she discloses. I stare at her with a questioning frown as she pulls out a bottle of wine from another bag. I am treating you to a day at the spa tomorrow. Then we are coming back here and binge-eating ice cream while watching The Twilight series. Steph beams, grabbing two wine glasses out from the cabinet and placing them onto the table.

As long as I make time to practice my piece for the recital next week, I’m good with that, I consent. And whatever Twilight is, it sounds less like porn than tonight’s movie choice, so I’m great with that too. I chuckle, taking the curry out of the container and dishing it into two bowls with some rice.

It doesn’t have dirty dancing in it, but there are plenty of sexy vampires and werewolves. Again, I look at her with a curious frown, in return, she gives me her usual mischievous grin. We may be similar in age, but we may as well be generations apart. I dress plain and comfortable, I don’t like to stand out, choosing softer colors and light natural makeup. Whereas Steph is bold and vibrant in her fashion and makeup, together we are like chalk and cheese, but our differences work perfectly for us.

Initially, Steph was only my friend because Cole asked her to help me, yet over time we have naturally developed a strong relationship of trust and respect. We generally have an interest in one another, and it feels natural and not a forced relationship. She never makes me feel inferior or stupid for not knowing anything, she knows where I have come from, and what my life was before I met her. We have had talks about my time at the manor with Hawk, and I think it brought us closer together. She knows it is difficult for me to talk about it and hard for me to trust anyone enough to expose that vulnerable side of myself. It gave her a better understanding of why I am the way I am.

So how did your half-yearly exams go? When will you know your results? Steph asks, shoving a more than a generous spoonful of curry in her mouth.

They went all right. I shrug. I won’t know the results until after the recital, as our original compositions we are to perform contributes to our final mark.

Are you going to invite Cole to the recital? She does not look at me when she asks. I am sure it is to avoid the deadly look she knows I am giving her right now.

Speaking of, why are you available for the next few days? Where is Cole? I query trying to avert the subject.

"He is leaving for Dubai in the morning for business; he said he didn’t need me. You avoided