Through My Tears Came Midnight Meditation

By Dr. Barbara Butterfield-Jervis

Have you ever reached a point when you’re just tired of everything in life? Have you felt like throwing in the towel and forgetting about everything? Doesn’t that sound like the enemy? He knows just what God has in store for our lives. If we could all see how our end will be and what God has in store for us, we wouldn’t feel like giving up.

Hardships and obstacles may characterize author Barbara Parker-Jervis’ youthful days and even periods of her adulthood, but through it all she remained humbled and relied solely on the promises of God. In Through My Tears Came Midnight Meditation, she offers a collection of readings that resulted from a lot of hurt, heartbreak, and guilt while experiencing rough moments in her life.

Through a host of scripture and reflections, Parker-Jervis reminds you that the solution to whatever you face in life is to be anchored with God.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Aug 3, 2022
• ISBN: 9781663242372

Dr. Barbara Butterfield-Jervis

Dr. Barbara Butterfield-Jervis established Beauty for Ashes Women, a ministry that’s an arm of Charisma Evangelistic Ministry formed more twenty years ago. Throughout her life in ministry, she’s served as a praise and worship leader, youth leader, choir director, and director of the fine arts ministry. Butterfield-Jervis was first ordained as youth pastor and then became a district youth pastor, associate pastor, assistant pastor, and pastor.

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Copyright © 2022 Dr. Barbara Butterfield-Jervis.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation

ISBN: 978-1-6632-4238-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6632-4237-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022912744

iUniverse rev. date: 08/02/2022

Contents

Foreword

Introduction

Healing of Spiritual Wounds

Don’t Drop out of the Race

Put It in God’s Hand

The Will of God

You Were Created to Be Great

Don’t Look Back

It Will Be Worth It All

Let Your Life Be Your Living Testimony of God’s Greatness

Now Is the Time

Standing Up for What Is Right

God’s Faithfulness

What Are You Allowing to Rock Your Boat

That Blessed Hope

We Serve a Good God

Forgiveness

What Are You Filling Your Life With?

Are Your Steps Ordered by the Lord?

I Will Give You Life

Purpose in Your Pain

Don’t Let the Devil Take Your Joy

Your Aroma

Jesus, Take the Wheel

Unforgiveness

Be Empowered

Serving God

Desire to Change

I’m Glad I’ve Counted the Cost

Hiding in God’s Presence

Our Shepherd

Bridging the Gap

Grace in a Barren Place

Don’t Allow Anyone to Vandalize Your Wonderful Heart

Do Not Give Up. Wait on God

Looking at the Good and the Bad in All Situations

A Change Is Going to Come

It’s Tough, yet I Will Praise God

Give Me Grace That I Will Make It After All

Gifts

Delayed but Not Denied

It’s Morning

Rest in Him

Strength to Endure

You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet

Let It Go and Tell Your Story

God’s Constant Love

Forward Ever

Coping with Difficult Seasons

Where Is Your Anchor?

Foreword

It has been my pleasure to have known and to have built an unbreakable bond with Dr Butterfield-Jervis since 1990. She’s my mom. Through the years, I’ve watched my mother bear many struggles, and with the help of God through prayer and fasting, she overcame every time! My mom is a warrior who has fought for her happiness. I’m very proud of her for her commitment to God, her strength, her tenacity, and her integrity.

It’s been a long time coming, but this book is finally here. I encourage you the reader to dive deep into each page and hold tight to the portions that are meant for you. I have no doubt that this book will be a blessing to you.

Mommy, you have gone through so much. You endured labour, raised me, and put your dreams on hold, putting me before yourself. How can anyone be so selfless? I cannot thank you enough. Congratulations on this masterpiece!

With love,

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Tarina Parker

Introduction

We often speak of what we are going through, but the good news is that when we are going through difficult times, we are not stuck in our troubles with no way out. God never promises us trouble-free lives, but He does promise to be with us and to never leave us or forsake us. When God takes us through something, He will always teach us valuable lessons that we can use in the future.

Most of my life I’ve had hardships, but there were a few years of my life that were very challenging. The challenges I have overcome have taught me to look at obstacles in a different way.

During that time, I walked down a very lonely and dark path, and the only One I can give the praise to for bringing me through it is God.

One of the most important times to hear from God is when we need direction as we go through difficulties. What should we do? How long will the problem last? Trusting God to help us will keep us from giving up in the midst of our difficulties.

Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. Obstacles are problems given to us humans to solve. It could be something as big as being born with a disability or something as simple as learning how to ride a bike. For me, it was going through a divorce as a Christian and a pastor.

I spent many nights lying awake all through the night, weeping as I thought about all that I was going through. I tried my best to save twenty-three-plus years of my life, but the decision was not totally up to me. As a result of that, I had to accept what was requested of me.

Amidst the nights of pain in my heart, my mind, and my soul, the only thing I accomplished was to have wet my pillow with the tears I cried. Sleep was far from me. I needed some relief from the grief I was carrying.

Living in a small community where almost everyone knew everyone else, I was judged, gossiped about, and criticized. I was made to feel as if I was the one who had asked for the divorce and that I was the one who was at fault.

There was no way to explain myself to anyone. Those who were willing to lend an ear were the ones who listened to me and prayed for me.

My mind began to play tricks on me, and I began to fall back into a state I had been in during my younger years: having a low self-esteem, not loving myself, and having thoughts of ending my life. Then one day a friend of mine told me to use those nights of no sleep to read more of the Word of God. From that night on, I began meditating and listening to gospel music that lifted my spirit. At one point I played an audio Bible whilst asleep to get my mind regulated spiritually.

Through that, I began to write what I called Midnight Meditations, and I started posting these on my Facebook page each night. The response to these posts eventually were overwhelming, and it encouraged me and motivated me to write more.

I used the pain that I was suffering to birth, or I should say bring back to life, my writing gift.

Through this whole experience, I regained my confidence. I was able to face whatever was out there for me to face. I had worn a mask throughout my entire life, so it was not hard for me to face things. I went through each day hiding all the pain I was feeling inside.

My other book, which I wrote a few years ago but never published, outlines most of what I had gone through from the time of being a child through to my adult life. Through God’s grace, the prayers of a few friends, and the support of my daughter, I made it through this period of divorce.

Overcoming obstacles is never easy to begin with. Most obstacles are extremely hard and challenging. But by overcoming them, we get to know why they are important. The importance of overcoming obstacles in life is to make us braver, stronger, and wiser. And I can truly say that I am now all three. Everyone has their own obstacles