The Process: An Engaging Program That Explores Why You Behave the Way You Do and What You Can Do About It

By Tom Steward

The Process is for groups in recovery programs and for individuals in the privacy of their homes. This writing is for those who overuse alcohol or any substance, as well as any behavior that results in any measure of distress. The objective in following this program is to assist the reader in becoming transparent about their actions, and then develop a plan to find the source of the behavior in question and eliminate it. This entails seeking forgiveness for wrongs done and the healing of hurts and wounds.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 27, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669839279

Tom Steward

Tom Steward is a Licensed Psychotherapist in Northern New Mexico who seeks to facilitate the healing of himself and others by using tools and practices from ages past and also the latest developments in energy healing. This book is his latest effort to provide practical tools so the reader is set on a course of discovery, recovery, and transformation.

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Copyright © 2022 by Tom Steward.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

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without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard

Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977,

1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 07/26/2022

Xlibris

844-714-8691

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CONTENTS

Restoration

Preface

The Beginning

Chapter 1 Transparency

Chapter 2 The Life You Now Live

Chapter 3 The Sorrows That Carve Deep

Chapter 4 Relationship Repair

Chapter 5 Forgiveness and Amends

Chapter 6 Transcendence

Chapter 7 A New Life

Conclusion

Further Reading

This book is a manual that describes

a supportive, encouraging, and nonjudgmental healing program

for individuals who are at unease with their alcohol use

(or any substance or behavior)

and also for those who want to help them,

who hope to find the true source behind their behavior,

in a way that results in freedom and empowerment.

For

The Curious

Who Asks Why

And What

To all my friends and loved ones

Anyone . . . You

Who drink somewhat casually, routinely, or a whole lot more

Or are dependent on another substance

Or have engaged in any untoward behavior

Hurting or concerning others, even loved ones

Or perhaps have made a big mess of your life

And you tell yourself repeatedly that you need to stop this

Yet you do it again, repeating the behavior you don’t want

Leaving you empty and ashamed and powerless

You wish you could stop, but you don’t, or can’t

And you ask so very often, Why do I do this?

RESTORATION

In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman, and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual.

Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, each recalling the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy, is recounted. All his positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and acts of kindness are recited carefully and at length. This tribal ceremony often lasts for several days.

In the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe.

This story teaches us a lot about the wisdom of simple people. In our increasingly fast-paced and sophisticated world, we have forgotten to forgive and we have forgotten that without forgiveness it is difficult for someone to achieve the peace of mind that we all long for.

Many times, someone’s bad deed erases in our minds all the good things he or she has done. Disappointed with someone’s behavior at some point, we tend to forget that a person can not be reduced only to a mistake or injustice he or she committed. We have to see the person in the light of all the deeds that define him, many of these being good deeds.

—Jack Kornfield

When a person has done something, behaved in a certain way that is not consistent with their true nature, restoration is needed. This is to be done with utmost tender graciousness and gentle kindness so that the recipient may be reminded of their true worth and value.

This is the intention—to restore the one to true self, the radiance of who they really are in the broader dimensions.

The community gathers to impress upon the one, with words of fond reminiscence of brighter moments, to remember their divine nature, imago Dei and uncarved block. Once this is achieved and the person takes to heart this sacred message, there will be a shift in consciousness, a propelling forward, and a newfound resolve to carry on.

PREFACE

The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have

had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have

revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our

fellows and towards God’s universe. The central fact of our lives

today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into

our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous.

—The Big Book of AA

So you drink. Yet how much? And is your level of drinking a problem? You must be bothered by it to some degree because you are here, reading this.

How do you know if you have a drinking problem? Are you addicted? Is it an addiction to alcohol? And what about that term alcoholic? Are you an alcoholic? Or are you an abusive drinker with an overdependency?

These are just words to describe behavior, yet do you turn to alcohol more than necessary? Are you a casual drinker or periodic? Can you put alcohol down anytime you want to? Do others tell you that you drink too much?

Amen Clinics have presented twelve warning signs that you have a drinking problem.¹ Here they are:

1. You have more drinks than planned.

2. Alcohol plays