Christian B$tch: A Social Parody About Jehovah's Greatest Wickedness

By Audrey Thomas ESQ.

Account of how faith trumps fear. This book is an interesting look at how belief and understanding are always mutually exclusive. This book reinforces the Biblical premise that the word alone is not enough for human beings to prosper. Instead, the word must be partnered with thoughts and deeds to create a proverbial tripartite being in the

• Language: English
• Publisher: ReadersMagnet LLC
• Release date: Jun 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9781955603904

Audrey Thomas ESQ.

AUDREY A. THOMAS, ESQ. "Author, Attorney, Radio Show Host, TV Personality, Editor in Chief of a Magazine, Ph.D. Candidate, Business Woman, Inspirational Speaker, Mother of Nine, Step-mother of Two, Grandmother of Four, Friend to Many, Significant to Four Others and Humanitarian."

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Christian Bitch: A Social Parody About Jehova’s Greatest Wickedness

Copyright © 2021 by Audrey A. Thomas ESQ.

Published in the United States of America

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any way by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the author except as provided by USA copyright law.

ReadersMagnet, LLC

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Book design copyright © 2021 by ReadersMagnet, LLC. All rights reserved.

Cover design by Ericka Obando

Interior design by Renalie Malinao

This Book Is Dedicated To

Rhea Murray, Anthia Murray, Blueth Ogunnoiki,

Bernard Kleinman, Esq.,

Symonous Harris and Harry Whyte

All that I shall accomplish from July 29, 2019 to the day I close my eyes permanently, will be because of the tremendously positive contributions you have made to my life.

I thank you for being Peninnah to my Hannah.

For, you forced me to my next greater level.

May G-d Bless and keep you all eternally!

Like me, I pray you find your Peninnahs and become inspired to pursue unwaveringly, the source of all holiness and will be driven to find your next greater levels.

In love and light,

Audrey Sandy Dewdrops Vicious Lover Thomas, Esq.

Aka Baby Deer’s Grand Daughter, July 29, 2019

1 SAMUEL 1:6:16

6 PENINNAH TEASED HANNAH TO MAKE HER ANGRY. SHE DID IT BECAUSE THE LORD HAD KEPT HANNAH FROM HAVING CHILDREN.

7 PENINNAH TEASED HANNAH YEAR AFTER YEAR. EVERY TIME HANNAH WOULD GO UP TO THE HOUSE OF THE LORD, ELKANAH’S OTHER WIFE WOULD TEASE HER. SHE WOULD KEEP DOING IT UNTIL HANNAH CRIED AND WOULDN’T EAT.

8 HER HUSBAND ELKANAH WOULD SPEAK TO HER. HE WOULD SAY, HANNAH, WHY ARE YOU CRYING? WHY DON’T YOU EAT? WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY AND UNHAPPY? DON’T I MEAN MORE TO YOU THAN TEN SONS?

9 ONE TIME WHEN THEY HAD FINISHED EATING AND DRINKING IN SHILOH, HANNAH STOOD UP. THE PRIEST ELI WAS SITTING ON A CHAIR BY THE DOORPOST OF THE LORD’S HOUSE.

10 HANNAH WAS VERY BITTER. SHE SOBBED AND SOBBED. SHE PRAYED TO THE LORD.

11 SHE MADE A PROMISE TO HIM. SHE SAID, LORD, YOU RULE OVER ALL. PLEASE SEE HOW I’M SUFFERING! SHOW CONCERN FOR ME! DON’T FORGET ABOUT ME! PLEASE GIVE ME A SON! IF YOU DO, I’LL GIVE HIM BACK TO YOU. THEN HE WILL SERVE YOU ALL THE DAYS OF HIS LIFE. HE’LL NEVER USE A RAZOR ON HIS HEAD. HE’LL NEVER CUT HIS HAIR.

12 AS HANNAH KEPT ON PRAYING TO THE LORD, ELI WATCHED HER LIPS.

13 SHE WAS PRAYING IN HER HEART. HER LIPS WERE MOVING. BUT SHE WASN’T MAKING A SOUND. ELI THOUGHT HANNAH WAS DRUNK.

14 HE SAID TO HER, HOW LONG WILL YOU KEEP ON GETTING DRUNK? GET RID OF YOUR WINE.

15 THAT’S NOT TRUE, SIR, HANNAH REPLIED. "I’M A WOMAN WHO IS DEEPLY TROUBLED. I HAVEN’T BEEN DRINKING WINE OR BEER. I WAS TELLING THE LORD ALL OF MY TROUBLES.

16 DON’T THINK OF ME AS AN EVIL WOMAN. I’VE BEEN PRAYING HERE BECAUSE I’M VERY SAD. MY PAIN IS SO GREAT."

Message from

Audrey A. Thomas, Esq.

WARNING!!!!!

THIS WILL BE LONG BUT WORTH READING

I ENCOURAGE YOU TO ENDURE YOUR CHILDREN, BE PATIENT LOVING AND KIND TO THEM ALWAYS. I AM EVIDENCE THAT YOUR EFFORTS WILL PAY OFF (FOR THE CHILD, NOT YOU).

Iwas fortunate enough to grow up with four sets of parents, and four foster families, for a total of eight separate households. G-d does not make mistakes and G-d never gives us more than we can bear as he provides all we need to succeed.

There is a gospel song I like, it is by Marvin Sapp and it is called Never Would Have Made It.

I never would have made it without my familial ties and or their influence over my life. My influences ran the gamut. I had a range from world renowned athlete, to uncompromising afro-centrist, to intense intellectual, to dominant area leader, to militant afro-euro Hebrew, to uncompromising Irish radical revolutionary, to dominant alpha female King Pin, to devout Christian, to evil genius, to notorious gangster, to uber-loving child nurturer.

You name it I was exposed to the persona for a sufficient enough time-frame for there to be a serious social impact. More importantly, I was never socialized in weakness, and thus I was never familiarized in fear.

I am a strong believer that social antagonism is the worst form of oppression. The song I like by Marvin Saap, that it is called Never would have made it says now I am stronger, I am wiser, I am better, so much better, I made it, I made it......!

I just awoke because I arrived at home from court around 5:00 pm, pulled off all layers of clothing, ate a steamed fish with some vegetables and then rolled over and passed out.

I woke up and immediately searched for Marvin Sapp’s song and played it on repeat mode. As I meditated on the song, I realized that tears were flowing down my cheeks. No, I was not sad. I was extremely joyful and thankful.

Although I was alone in my room, I knew that I am not alone in this world. I felt like my room was filled with presence of all distinctions and I was comforted.

I whispered softly, thank you, thank you all ever so much, I never could have made it, without you. I would have lost it all. Each day I see how important it is that you were there for me.

Each time I am on trial, my family supports me in ways that makes being me not only make sense, but also possible.

As I endured being accused of weakness (my Judge said I was trying to create a record for appeal, nooooo I am doing an exceptional job in a way that is zealous and consistent with the principles of law I am governed by). The ADA accused me of not being trustworthy (noooo you cannot appreciate the need to trust and believe that I am worthy of your regard and consideration, I am trustworthy if nothing else).

The client, although a strong confident man was depending on me for so much that but for the support and love my family gives me, I never could have made it through this trial.

For example, as I was sitting in the courtroom, I looked around and Patsy (my mom, I have four moms) walked in and sat in the audience. She gave me the thumbs up and put the middle finger up to the prosecutors inconspicuously. I smiled in satisfaction.

Seeing that smile on her face, that look of pride and love in her beautiful eyes, gave me a boost that is indescribable. I turned only to see that my dad (Lenny, I have four Dads) was calling me on the telephone, I touched the button and whispered, Dad I am in court I will call back. He said ok Bebe and I could hear the sound of proud satisfaction in his voice. He whispered to someone she deh a court she soon call me back! (Jamaican colloquy for she is at court and will return the call soon.)

I looked on my lap top screen and in the lower right corner there was an alert, my aunt Doreen Dunn (I have countless aunts) messaged me Love you Ducky Ducky (She has always called me her little ducky ducky). My uncle Archie Hyde sent me a random I love you.

Next, my cousin (Violeta, I have countless cousins) messaged me an inspirational scripture. My little brother, Michael, (I have countless brothers) texted me, San come get your food. I also missed a call from my sister (Ichia, I have many sisters). My aunt Henreece Hinds-James also sent me a vase of red roses!

But the icing on my cake was when Breanna (my daughter, I have seven) texted me Happy Valentine’s day mom, I love you. to which I replied, Saint Valentines a Batty man (:-) love you too (that’s Jamaican for gay guy." Any guy that flies around in a diaper is definitely gay and being gay is a sexual preference that is perfectly ok and normal, I am jussss stating the obvious).

The above exchange, like countless others, are vitally important to my social well-being. As I am dealing anxiously with the socially antagonistic efforts of my adversary and at times my very pretty Judge (no homo, Justice Debra Dowling is gorgeous and classy too, she is just a little socially antagonizing is all). It is extremely balancing to have the love and support of my human extensions.

Marvin Sapp’s song, Never Would Have Made It is an absolute expression of the reality that there is no way to make it without support. Each and every one of us has a need to be nurtured in some way. Whether it is finding comfort in seeing the Judge resolve to let you be you (within limits) or to have an adversary acknowledge that there is greatness in you (ok that’s a stretch), or just to see the glimmer of hope in yOUR parents’ eyes, having people power is a necessity none of us can live without.

I would not be the woman, you all can love effortlessly but will never understand but for the foundation of family unity, love and support that I grew up with, am relying on, and pray to always have.

When I had my trial in the Bronx, my mom was away and my brother wasn’t available (I cursed him out and we weren’t speaking). But every day I looked over in the audience and my friends Maria Abdula Greene and a total stranger that was a friend of Maria, were there cheering me on and that made all the difference in the world.

I want you to remember this, it is nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice to the people you are obligated to love well, against this there is no law and there never can be laws against love (the LGBTQIH community has a legitimate right to love freely).

I added the H for heterosexual. The reasoning is that separate can never be equal. Heterosexuals are often judged for their love choices. No one ever talks about this because it is presumed that if you are heterosexual you are meeting the standard of the majority. However, many heterosexuals are battling similar issues that lesbians, gays, bi-sexual, transgender, queer and the inter-sexual are addressing openly and notoriously now. I want to ensure that none are left behind in the struggle for love equality.

As you flock to see the Black Panther movie or to engage in any other acts of social inspiration, remember that you are playing a role that is vitally important and your efforts will be the deciding factor in whether someone survives walking through their valley of shadows of death.

I am a survivor, not because I am strong, but because we are legions. Find a league and stick to it! Your team will never make it without you.

##unapologeticallylovingandsupportiveofmyteam##

Regards and respect,

Audrey A. Thomas, Esq. Feb 18, 2019, 5:58 AM

DISCLAIMER

DO NOT RELY ON ANYTHING I SAY HEREIN AS GOSPEL!!!!!!!!!!

INSTEAD, I ADVISE YOU, VERY STRONGLY, TO PURSUE EDUCATION, FORMALLY AND/OR THROUGH APPRENTICESHIP.

THIS SHOULD ENABLE YOU TO FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE AND HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR BELIEF AS YOU EMPLOY THE APPROPRIATE EFFORTS TO THE UNDERSTANDING YOU GAIN THROUGH EDUCATION.

In my humble opinion, belief and understanding are necessarily mutually exclusive!

Why do you say this Audrey Sandy Dew drops Thomas?

Because belief is personal and understanding is universal.

Why is that Audrey Sandy Dew Drops Thomas?

What you believe is inalienable and personal. What you understand must adapt to suit your environment and must incorporate societal considerations such as the need to co-exist peaceably.

Can you give me an example Audrey Sandy Dew drops Thomas?

Sure!

BELIEF:

Jamaican Charlie believes man fi have nuff gal and gal ina bungle (men must have a lot of women and women in abundance)

UNDERSTANDING:

Jamaican Charlie understands that as a married man living in America, having women in abundance will endanger his ability to live peaceably with his wife and will most likely threaten his freedom, health, wealth, finances, mental stability and/or safety.

Hence, Jamaican Charlie has prudently elected to keep his beliefs to himself as he employs what he understands will promote peace.

BELIEF and understanding are necessarily mutually exclusive!!!

YOUR BELIEF SHOULD LEAD YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR SIMILARITIES ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR DIFFERENCES!

FOREWORD

The song writer ¹ said There is no secret what G-d can do. What he has done for others, he will do for you…. Every person that reads this book of knowledge, wisdom and understanding, will receive a different result. This is because the scripture says that, some ….by hearing ye shall hear and shall not understand and seeing ye shall see and shall not perceive… ²

This book is a power tool for the effective implementation of practices that will enable the reader to grow in many ways. This includes, but is not limited to growth spiritually, physically, intellectually, morally and psychologically. However, its impact will be determined solely by the reader and their application of the principles detailed herein.

This book reinforces the Biblical premise that the word alone is not enough for human beings to prosper. Instead, the word must be partnered with thoughts and deeds to create a proverbial tripartite being in the reader.

Basically, the Author stresses, through her teachings, the importance of recognizing that before the body can act, the mind must conceive of the act, the heart must embrace the thought conceived of and then the body must move in furtherance of carrying out the act that was conceived of and embraced.

There are three essential parts to every being. This book is an excellent tool for tapping into all three aspects of your earthly being. How you receive the word into your thoughts; how you embrace the word in your heart; and ultimately, how you carry out the word, will be determined by how you have been socialized, what your purpose for acting is and who you are surrounded by.

The scripture says, ….some fall upon stony places for they have not much earth and forthwith they sprang up because they had no deepness of earth and when the Sun was up they were scorched and because they had no root, they withered away….³

Like the concurrent books FAILURE TO MAN IS NOT FAILURE TO G-D; YOUR EYES CAN’T SEE MY HEART; EQUALLY DIFFERENT; EVE’S HILLS THE HEART AND THE VAGINA ARE ONE ORGAN; DOES G-D HATE HOMOSEXUALS? NO G-D CAN NOT HATE; STILL I RISE, THE WINSTON WHITE STORY; WHITE MEN AREN’T CHUMPS and 52 THEMES TO SELF EMPOWERMENT, this book is a seed that will be planted in your life.

Its impact on your life, however, will be determined by how deeply the roots of the tree that sprouts from this seed are allowed to be planted within you. The deeper your embrace, willingness to act and application of the principles taught herein, the greater your rewards will be.

Do not read this book and then try to change the world. Instead, understand that all things work together for the greater goodness of G-d. Remember, the scripture says we must not try to root out weeds because, …while you gather up the thorns, ye root up also the wheat with them….⁴

Instead, remember that by changing yourself, you help to change the world one person at a time!

Enjoy this gift of self-transformation!

BY: Minister Charles Smith

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1 It Is No Secret (What G-d Can Do) is a Southern Gospel song composed by Stuart Carl Hamblen in the 1950s.

2 See the Christian Bible King James Version, Chapter Matthew 13 Verse 14.

3 The Christian Bible King James Version, Chapter Matthew 13 Verses 5-6.

4 See the Christian Bible King James Version, Chapter Matthew 13 Verse 29.

introit

Igreet you in the love and embrace of Jesus the Christ of Bethlehem. I thank you sincerely for purchasing this book and I can only pray that your life will be enriched immensely by the verbiage contained herein.

My one desire is that if you learn nothing else from this book, you learn that the G-d in the mountain is the G-d in the valley and when things go wrong, all you need to do is wait patiently for the G-d of the day to remind you that he is still G-d in the night.

Below is a timeline that will enable you to appreciate the introduction and subsequent chapters much more clearly.

You should find that faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen. Hebrews 11:1 Christian Bible, King James version. Moreover, remember that through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised. Hebrews 11:11 Christian Bible, King James version.

Knowing this, I encourage you to purpose in your heart to trust the G-d of your now to be the G-d of your then when I have overcome for his plan for your life is that it shall always be well with thee.

Regards and respect,

Audrey A. Thomas, Esq. aka Sandy, Dewdrops, Vicious Lover

The Time line That Validates the Fulfillment of Promise

An On Time G-d

1. At 7 months into the pregnancy with Andrew, Audrey’s water broke and the doctors declared he would not survive. Audrey prayed for just one day and asked G-d to spare the fetuses’ life long enough that he could be born and live just one day and after two months on bed rest, Audrey gave birth to Andrew.

2. At 17 years old, someone shot Andrew in his head, and the back of his neck and left him for dead on the pavement in Queens. Audrey thanked G-d for giving her 16 years 364 more days than she asked for and told G-d whether Andrew survives or not, G-d has done enough.

3. Andrew turned 30 on July 29, 2019 the day Audrey was arrested.

4. Audrey failed the bar exam the first two times she took it. So she prayed for G-d to give her just one thing, let her pass the bar.

5. As of September 18, 2019, Audrey has been an attorney for 17 years.

6. So when she was arrested on July 29, 2019, Audrey thanked G-d. She reminded him that she asked only for to pass the bar exam and instead G-d gave her an amazing career for 17 years. So Audrey declared, if I lose my law license today, you have done enough.

7. Audrey is believing the on-time G-d for 30 years and more.

8. When Audrey gave birth to Michael on August 20, 1985, Audrey joked about all the shame and ridicule she endured during the pregnancy, so much that, at one point "I thought my name was A