Scorn, Not Torn

By Jermaine Singletary

How does a man continue to keep his head up when his marriage fails, and he's confronted with Judicial Bias? What does he do when the system he had so much faith in threatens to take his kids away and treats him as the offender? Will his faith be strong enough to overcome his adversities? Scorn, Not Torn is the true story of a father's struggle and determination to overcome divorce, gain custody of his children, and confront a biased family court system. Learn about the consequences children, and parents, must endure due to the injustice of the legal system.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jun 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9781667853697

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PREFACE

I wrote this book to account for how society rejects the idea of a father caring for his children. I went through many struggles as a father and husband, and I wanted to reach out to all the men and women who may have gone through similar struggles or may still be in the midst of them. Scorn Not Torn is also a reflection of the consequences my children had to endure due to the injustices portrayed by the legal system. This book is not a format to bash the mother of my kids (my ex). But it serves more as a platform to show the struggles of a man, and his children, as he fights for what's right. I encourage you all to hold on to your faith, overcome your adversities, and understand that YOU are Bigger than the challenges you face!

~ Jermaine Singletary

Author, Father, Husband, and Philanthropist

1

TO KNOW ME, IS TO KNOW MY STORY

I have wrestled with illusions of what a Good Man and Good Father should be all my life. My own childhood significantly impacted my ideas of this depiction. While growing up, I had no father by my side to set a good example of what true manhood was all about. You see, my father wasn't there for his family as he should have been. After mentally and physically abusing my mother for years, he ultimately decided to leave home, as well as all of his responsibilities. He left the burden of raising seven kids on the shoulders of my mother. In most instances, this would have had a negative effect on the youngest of the seven children. But that wasn't the case for me. I refused to follow in my father's footsteps. Instead, I decided to use his adverse and violent behavior as a learning guide of what I would not do once I grew older.

My mother remained strong, and our family carried on without a father figure for a while. However, things soon changed. At nine years old, I was faced with another illusion of manhood--my mother married my stepfather. In the beginning, the two seemed to share a genuine love for one another. But it didn't take long for the arguing to begin, which led to physical abuse. There were times when the abuse was so bad that I had to run across the street for help to protect my mother from my stepfather's vicious attacks.

Throughout this time, I always questioned why my mother remained in the relationship. Was this an accurate portrayal of love, marriage, and manhood? Don't get me wrong. I had witnessed the good times in the relationship when they both were genuinely happy with each other. They'd smile and laugh as if everything was meant to be. But I had also seen the tears and the pain when they fought. Witnessing both sides of their relationship led me to a pretty logical conclusion. I decided that the only way I would become the kind of man, and father I wanted to be, was by understating what it took to maintain the laughs and smiles. Because even at that age, I understood that in their roughest moments, it was the memories of those good times that kept them together. My stepfather took his fatherly role seriously. He always ensured that he took care of my step-sister, step-brother, sister, and me. We always did things as a family. Therefore, I absorbed those good father characteristics and held them dear in my heart.

My mother and stepfather stayed together for the next few years. But by the time I turned eleven years old, my mother decided she could no longer take the mental and physical abuse from the man she loved. She packed all of our things, loaded us in her vehicle, and said goodbye to that life she no longer wanted. I guess she had taken all that she could from what she perceived to be LOVE. I thank GOD for being with my mother through it all because I'm sure that it was through his GRACE that she survived. 

By the age of twelve, I'd officially become the man of the house. At this time, our household only included my mother, my sister, and me. The leadership now rested on my shoulders. It was time to dedicate what I had learned, as a man, to my family, and I was prepared to take on this challenge. Unfortunately, my newly found role as head of the household didn't last long. Once again, my mother met a new life partner. I was no longer the man of the house but was demoted back to a child.

I struggled with the fact of knowing that all of my new responsibilities were no longer required. My mother didn't have to depend on me anymore. In fact, she became distant. This was an incredibly sad time in my life because the mother whom I loved was no longer a part of my inner circle. I felt deserted! I felt unloved! I felt unwanted! I felt betrayed!  It was difficult to assess the reasons behind my feelings. Was I being selfish? Or was this simply a reaction to the fact that I was afraid of seeing my mother and our family hurt again? I'd already witnessed enough disappointment in our lives.

Eventually, I had to come to grips with the fact that my