Finding Hope in Hopelessness: A Faith-Based and Clinical Conversation on Overcoming Adversity

By Anthony P. Acampora and Eric Oakes

Eric Oakes and Anthony P. Acampora tap into their many years of experience in the mental health and addiction-recovery industry. They provide powerful insights on overcoming adversity by providing numerous strategies from a clinical and faith-based perspective. This conversational platform puts into focus the hearts of two seasoned professionals who see things differently but are willing to listen and collaborate for the mutual goal of helping people find hope in seemingly hopeless situations.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Resource Publications
• Release date: May 26, 2022
• ISBN: 9781666738971

Anthony P. Acampora

Anthony is a published Christian Author and graduate of Vision International University where he earned a Master's degree & Bachelor's degree in Ministry. He also holds an advanced diploma in Biblical Studies from the Int'l School of Ministry. Anthony successfully completed specialized training with the Int'l Conference of Police Chaplains. He is an ordained minister, speaker and writer with articles published in The Sober-World Magazine, The Fix, Somatic Psychotherapy Today, Addiction/Recovery e-Bulletin, Faith on every Corner Magazine and The Awakening Institute. Anthony is also the former Director of the Faith -Net Programs with the National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI) Broward County. He has a heart for those who suffer with mental illness, addictions and the broken in spirit. He has ministered to thousands of individuals suffering with addiction, mental health disorders, the homeless, and inmates. Most recently, Anthony was awarded the 2019 Professional of the Year by Broward National Recovery. In 2018 Anthony was selected as a Global Goodwill Ambassador representing the USA. In 2015, the National Alliance of Mental Illness, Broward Country awarded Anthony its volunteer Recognition Award. In 2014, the National Association of Social Workers, Broward County awarded Anthony its Public Citizen of the Year.  Anthony is the host of "The Faith in Recovery Show. " The Faith in Recovery Radio Show with Anthony Acampora aired on Faith-Talk Atlanta, AM 970 and in the Orlando area on "The Word "94.9FM & AM 950. All Faith in Recovery Radio Shows can be heard by going to www.faithinrecovery.com , media, radio shows

Book preview

Introduction

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

—Matthew

11

:

28

NIV

What one must not do is to rule out the supernatural as the one impossible explanation.

—CS Lewis

The point of this book is to relate a conversation between two people who see things differently but are willing to talk about those differences. We want to create a safe place to talk about religion and social science, and to actually enter the space where they converge. We do this in the name of helping all people, not just the ones who agree with us. We want people to have their own conversations about wellness and healing. We want this conversation to be helpful, easy, and brief. We wanted to address topics that people may find a little interesting, making no prediction as to its profundity. It is the final desire that someone, somewhere, sees hope where they hadn’t before.

Please understand that if you want help with feeling better, thinking differently about things, or looking at things in a different way, you need not wait until you are forced to do it. Neither is it too late, if you find yourself with a crisis, to get started anywhere you can. We encourage you to start by talking to someone. Have a conversation with a person you trust or take a leap and talk to a professional.

It’s a tough time to talk about anything. Sometimes it feels like every day is an exercise in walking on eggshells. As children, we were taught never to discuss religion or politics. Now it seems like there is nothing that isn’t about religion or politics. There is so much division in this, our time of living. We hear everywhere that the rift between those on one side and those on the other side is irreparable. Anthony and I have spoken at length about this, as friends and colleagues, and have discovered something. We think it’s as much about how we approach our conversations as it is our beliefs behind them. When you think about it, it is virtually impossible for there to be only two sides to an issue, yet we tend to approach our relationships as if there are only two ways to look at everything—our way or the wrong way.

Here is our attempt to look at things a little differently. Read this book as a conversation between two people. Anthony is an ordained minister, and a chaplain and faith director in our national drug treatment centers. I am a therapist, a social worker, and an administrator in those same treatment centers. In our conversations, we are asking each other to give our version of the truth on the subjects of hope and its obstacles. We lay out some of these obstacles in the form of real life problems, and we break down these obstacles using real life solutions. But our understanding of the problems and the solutions are markedly different. That’s the fun part. You may read this looking for confirmation of your way of looking at things. If you find that in here, you will have done so by also reading another way of looking at the same thing, and therein lies the purpose. We want this book to strengthen hope, in all of its forms, and give living examples of how differently-minded people can arrive at the same destination.

Chapter 1

Hope

Eric

So, what is hope, and where do you find it? All of us have obstacles, burdens, and troubles, and some of us are finding it harder and harder to cope. The past few years have seemed to emphasize less tolerance for those who need or want help or can’t keep up. The rhetoric of this world has been that there is only alienation and despair left for those of us outside the winners’ circle, and that limiting view has left many of us feeling hopeless. But there is good news in this nearly barren field. Hope can survive anywhere. I have seen in my clinical work more broken spirits than you can count. I have seen people who have hurt themselves and others beyond the imagination. I have seen people break down to the point of finding no words, or even tears, to be able to express their torment. Yet, I have seen so many of them transform over time, so many returning to previous, healthier lives, and some even creating new incredible lives for the first time. It all had to start with hope. Something had to change from I can’t to Maybe, just maybe, I can.

There are three, tiny English words that are some of the most powerful in the hope lexicon. I have used them all with clients in trying to establish a sense of possibility. As both Anthony and I say throughout this book, the messages we send ourselves are the most powerful determinants of our story. We can tell ourselves to believe or disbelieve. We can make decisions to change or not. We can listen to our tapes (our deep-seeded messages or voices in our heads) or rewrite them. We determine that. We tell ourselves what to try, what to be open to, or what to ignore. Sometimes, those decisions can set things in motion beyond what we could imagine.

The first of the tiny words is yet This simple, add-on word changes everything from destiny to possibility in one simple utterance and it can truly change one’s entire message from disparagement to hope. I can change I can’t fix it to I can’t fix it, yet without much difficulty at all, and this simple adjustment acknowledges both realities of where one is and where one wants to be. It suggests possibility, perseverance, and, of course, hope.

The other two words are equally simple, but together propose a powerful question. Why and not, said alone, seem to be distrustful at best and negative at worst. Put them together, and they become hope in its basic form. Why not? Why not, indeed! About twenty years ago, I went through many life changes at once, and found myself with quite a number of negative feelings and consequences. I was feeling alone and isolated. While I had friends and family, parts of my life in those arenas and others were crumbling. While I tried to stabilize my life, I did attempt to turn to God. Despite my want, I continued to struggle, but my tapes, anger, and cynicism brought out by life’s events, kept a solid wall between me and any real possibility of a relationship with a Higher Power.

One day, when I was feeling particularly deflated and lost, I walked by a desert rose in the courtyard of my place of work. It was the lone potted plant in the courtyard of a treatment center. It was the same pathetic desert rose that had been there for a long time. It was a spindly and sickly plant, ravaged by aphids, poor sunlight, and lack of care. The dirt surrounding its roots had been used repeatedly as an ashtray for those hurrying by, rushing to take a last drag before getting inside the adjacent building. This desert rose was browner than green and was bent to the point of breaking.

But this desert rose, on this day, of all days, managed to muster the strength to push forth a weak, barely viable blossom. The small pink and red flower stood in marked contrast to the thorny, twisted stem. I stopped and marveled at the survival and perseverance of this seemingly doomed plant that refused to stop trying. And it occurred to me, as you might guess: Was this a sign? Was it meant for me to see and for me to interpret as a message? The obvious, practical answer was, and remains, that it was a random encounter. But I had not been able to connect to hope for some time. I had not been able to believe in anything . . . yet. So, the next question was what would drive me to hope from despair? The question was, Why not? Why couldn’t it be a sign? There was nothing painted on the plant that read This is not a sign, so perhaps it could be. Perhaps this plant was put in my line of sight so that I might see that patience and effort would eventually show me something beautiful.

I conjure that event and feeling often, as a way to continue to feel connected to hope and possibility. Just that question of Why not? allowed me to suspend the need for any confirmation and be open to hope’s possibility. It started to spread into my life. About the same time, I started to adopt rainbows in much the same way. In Florida we have a lot of rainbows, and they’ve always seemed unique and beautiful to me. When I needed it most, I came to entertain the idea that when I saw one, perhaps it was meant for me to see. Why not? The feeling that I did not deserve the individual attention gave way to the idea that I did not deserve it . . . yet, and then that morphed into the why not scenario that gifted me with hope.

Today, when I see a rainbow, I have an inventory of reactions without fail. My first is that a rainbow is a beautiful manifestation of hope. The second is a realization that today, I don’t need the signs from anywhere to know that I deserve hope in my future. Third is a deeper desire that someone else is seeing that rainbow, wondering if it’s a sign for them. I always hope so.

There are clinical and scientific ways of establishing hope. One such method is through a therapeutic intervention called Motivational Interviewing.¹

In this brief process, the therapist asks the client to measure their desire and their belief in their ability to change. Additionally, the therapist provides clinical data to the client about situation and the commonalities the client shares with other individuals. In so doing, the client is reminded that they are normal human beings with normal problems to manage and are additionally reminded that change will take motivation and the belief in something different. Once those clinical agreements are established, one has the underpinnings of what I would call hope.

Trust in a therapist is key to success in therapy. It is clinically established that there is a direct link between the basic relationship of a client and therapist and the outcome of therapy.²

In simplest terms, if you believe that therapists can help, they are more likely to be able to help. Establish trust, and you establish hope. Medical advances in the treatment of depression, anxiety, and brain diseases give hope beyond what therapy can give. They give tangible light at the end of the tunnel for an ever-widening array of difficult situations. There are so many possibilities that simply did not exist when I first started in this business of helping others. Tomorrow will undoubtedly