If You Cook, I’Ll Clean

By Eli Breeden

For years, you’ve wanted to know the truth about men, and you’ve been cheated by books interested only in emotionalizing you and eventually causing an even greater divide between men and women. It’s time you get the absolute truth about men from their own mouths.

In If You Cook, I’ll Clean, author Eli Breeden offers a compilation of actual conversations that took place in barber shop settings during an eighteen-year period throughout the United States. These conversations stem from different relationships men have been involved in. Based solely on a male’s perspective pertaining to men’s relationships with women, all the interviews provide true perspectives. Men share details of their lives with their barber they don’t tell anyone else, such as their dreams, aspirations, love lives, accolades, tragedies, and more.

If You Cook, I’ll Clean gives insight into a man’s mind through real discussions about love, family, joy, sorrow, and everyday struggles of men who are in relationships.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: May 18, 2022
• ISBN: 9781665721417

Eli Breeden

Eli Breeden, a clinical informaticist, graduated from the University of North Carolina at Charlotte and is a member of Omega Psi Phi Fraternity Incorporated. Breeden executive produced the stage play “If You Cook, I’ll Clean” and plans to continue writing as well as producing films in the future. Originally from Laurel Hill, North Carolina, but currently living in Charlotte, North Carolina, he enjoys reading, writing, and cooking while entertaining friends and family.

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Copyright © 2022 Eli Breeden.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Archway Publishing

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-6657-2142-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6657-2140-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6657-2141-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022906317

Archway Publishing rev. date: 05/17/2022

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1 The Grass is Greener

Chapter 2 A Man’s Motivation

Chapter 3 What You Won’t Do

Chapter 4 Forget Me Not

Chapter 5 Holding Me Hostage

Chapter 6 Why Do Bad Guys Have All the Fun?

Chapter 7 Third Party Influence

Chapter 8 Misery Loves Company

Chapter 9 For the Kids’ Sake

Conclusion

INTRODUCTION

This book is compiled of actual conversations that took place in a barber shop setting over an eighteen-year period. These conversations stemmed from different relationships that men have been a part of. If You Cook, I’ll Clean is solely based on a male’s perspective pertaining to men’s relationships with women. All the interviews that took place are based on a true perspective. For years, you’ve wanted to know the truth about men, and you’ve been cheated by books that are only interested in emotionalizing you and eventually causing an even greater divide between men and women. It’s time that you get the absolute truth about men from their own mouths. Men share with their barber details of their lives they would never share with anyone else. They share their dreams, aspirations, love lives, accolades, tragedies, and so on. If You Cook, I’ll Clean is not one of these books based on false theories and concepts to emotionalize and entertain you. These are actual conversations that occurred in barber shops all over the country. These conversations involve love, family, joy, sorrow, and everyday struggles of men who are in relationships. Sit back, relax, and allow yourself to gain access to a man’s mind.

If we can better understand each other, we can potentially start to mend relationships that have been broken or gain a better perspective on current relationships. One way of doing that is through conversations, as well as gaining insight into how we think. Thousands of conversations took place over an eighteen-year period. In those conversations, I’ve learned many things. At times, we want so much of the same things, especially when it comes to our family’s well-being, finances, spirituality, and so on. But when it comes to relationships it seems that, although we want the same outcome, we have different approaches to get there.

Men have simple solutions, and practical ways of solving issues. Although most of the men are of different origins, different nationalities, different educational levels, and diverse socioeconomic backgrounds, they all had one thing in common: their desire is to be with one woman and one woman only. Please erase all the misconceptions and preconceived notions that you have about men from your mind. You will be amazed at what I have discovered, and what you can possibly do to make your relationships better. By no means is this the blueprint to a perfect relationship; however, it is the road map to having a better sense of how men think and operate. If You Cook, I’ll Clean is a necessary read, if you want to build those bridges to having a better relationship. Do yourself a favor and borrow a man’s mind for a moment. Once you gain access to a man’s mind, it is up to you how to best utilize this information.

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THE GRASS IS GREENER

CLIENT. Man, I just found out my woman has been dealing with this guy for the past four months behind my back. The crazy thing is I know this mutha———ka. We have never been friends, but I’ve always known him to be the sneaky type. He lives with random people, and he’s never had a steady job. The crazy thing is she used to tell me that I worked too much. She wanted me to spend more time at home with the kids. Even though they are her kids, I treated them as my own. As soon as I stopped working as much, she told me that we weren’t bringing in enough money to keep up our lifestyle. The guy that she was messing around with didn’t even have a job. This almost made me lose my mind. I felt like I was truly going crazy.

She used to tell me that she was going out all the time. She would stay out all times of the night. There would be times that she wouldn’t even come home. I just kept accepting every excuse she offered. The whole time she was seeing this bum-ass dude behind my back. You would think she would have upgraded, not downgraded. It’s crazy because she would always say I never made enough money and I never spent enough time with her. This guy doesn’t even have his own place. And I know that he’s just using her. I’m mad as hell, but you know what—they deserve each other. I’ve cried so much; I can’t even cry anymore.

BARBER. You know what, man. Some people think the grass is always greener on the other side. I don’t know what it is about some people. They always seem to want something, or someone, that doesn’t belong to them. There’s just nothing appealing to me about someone else’s property. I’ve seen how a lot of these situations turn out for the worse. People end up leaving their significant others for someone, only to find out things weren’t as they appeared. They give up everything they had, only to end up regretful and alone.

There was this one case that just came to mind about a husband and wife I knew. She used to tell me he wasn’t paying her enough attention. I would tell her he’s working to provide for you and the family and that he will eventually give you all the attention you need. She would always say that she didn’t have a problem finding someone to give her the attention she needed. And guess what? She did just that. She left her husband for a guy who could barely make ends meet, let alone attempt to take care of her. Her husband ended up getting custody of the kids. He also started a business that is very successful. She eventually moved back home with her mother after the guy dumped her. So she got all the attention she desired at that moment, but if she would have waited, she would have gotten that attention from her husband. I would be hard pressed to believe their relationship will last. Just keep doing what you are doing. Just remember what goes around comes around. The world has a way of returning back to us what we put out in the universe. They will both get what they deserve.

CLIENT 1. Man, I just got this woman’s number. The only problem is she’s married. She says she’s not happy in her marriage and she plans to divorce him. I just don’t understand her because he’s some big time executive of a company. I can’t compete with that. The only thing I can offer her is a good time. It didn’t take me long at all to get her number. I really don’t think this is her first time stepping out on him. It was just too easy. She said that he was always out of town and he didn’t pay her enough attention. I think it’s very strange that she would want to potentially risk the chance of losing everything just for a