Heartache: Anthology - Volume Two

By Chantelle Lowe

If I were to reflect, embrace all my memories and release them to scatter among the caressing wind. Watch them swirl amid the aspiring stars breaking through the night sky, it would not heal the pain flowing from within.

There is a moment, a rhythm that draws from inside, echoing in every breath upon the breeze. A place where s

• Language: English
• Publisher: Chantelle Griffin
• Release date: Apr 23, 2022
• ISBN: 9780648778653

Book preview

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank Greg Lowe and Sally Shaw for their encouragement.

Foreward

For eleven days I had suffered with the growing pain, wrapping itself around my abdomen and moving upward. The silence became deafening while alone with my thoughts, fading into the anguish. Every part of me clinging on, as all I had done paled into insignificance. Time came to a crashing standstill with the preparation for the operating theatre.

Afterward the surgeon spoke the words, ‘Half an hour later and it would have been different.’

Abundance

If I give you a landscape,

what would you do with it?

Will you cherish it,

or destroy it?

A choice

I don’t understand my feelings now,

I didn’t understand them then.

I don’t know why,

I can see what I can,

and yet all has come to an end.

I thought, I was wrong,

it was something else.

When I looked,

it wasn’t what I expected,

that I felt.

Now I see,

and now I know,

But do not understand?

Why something deep down,

had made that choice for me.

I can feel my feeling grow,

I didn’t think.

But I knew,

in a way I didn’t understand.

Nothing came as it was,

nothing was as it had been.

A dream upon a place,

where two did go.

One now,

and one long ago.

I thought it was something long past,

but instead it was something new,

and I didn’t know,

how I felt or how I knew.

In a way they were the same,

the one old, and the one new.

When both walked over the hill,

together they went.

Somehow I knew,

both had come so close,

but never knew.

A chill

In a mid-summer’s dream,

lies the cold of everything else,

but reality,

it bites like a chill,

unforeseen.

Eminent to every living thing,

it seeps into my bones, covers my heart,

though I myself fear letting it part.

It stays with me always,

wishing to play,

with its strenuous art,

of making the cold, bite hard.

A group

Take as what you want,

leave as much you take.

Can all be left connected?

See all that has been parted.

Together may they rise,

as parted will they always fall.

Reminder of the strong connection,

which can so easily fall apart.

All my anguish

Like a torrent rushing,

I rise and fall beneath.

Like the crimson tide,

which holds my blood in vain.

I have nothing to give,

and nothing to hold on to.

For I have lost all,

to civilisation,

to my burdened soul, relief,

for what I had, and gone.

For what I had,

though something,

as in the world,

as there is happiness,

to justice,

there is also an undenying loss,

of misery and deceit.

This I have, or had,

for now I have thrown them away,

but in my heart is still loss,

a greater loss than I hold,

to anyone else.

For in our ways,

there is a path to leave,

to defy destruction,

to weep from what was,

when knowing

that what was,

held no meaning.

No trust, no sympathy,

no explanation,

for what was.

That is what I cannot show,

because my grief,

is more than can be said.

Is more than can be known,

in words or feeling.

Why can’t I forget,

when I was the one who left,

when I knew what had been done,

and did it?

How I hate what I had to do,

because I knew I had to do it,

and I knew I could not,

go on as I was.

I left,

I left from despair,

from hatred.

I left to knowing who I was,

finding out why I had to do,

what I had,

is the source of my pain,

and all my anguish.

Already ruined

You’ll hurt me,

you’ll break me,

mentally and physically.

I can’t get out,

I can’t get away,

I can’t leave,

I can’t speak.

It hurts,

you hurt me too much.

I am afraid of you,

you keep on treating me this way.

I am afraid that you have destroyed me,

and will keep on destroying me.

I can’t speak because if I try you hurt me,

you are destroying me.

I can’t find a way out,

you have destroyed that.

I am scared you will hurt me,

I am scared you will hurt me badly,

for the last time.

It scares me,

you have already ruined me.

A mark on the page

To go over to peace, so passionate,

is like enveloping in your arms,

the ideal whole,

so calm and elegant.

It smiles up from the unknown places,

to look upon a whole.

Unite in word,

unite in feeling.

Is to take a powerful toll,

and use it,

against the masquerading hope,

to bring it out,

and let it loose.

In the defiance of the page,

to be mutilated,

and recreated.

To hold such beauty,

such turmoil,

yet hide,

not knowing what it is.

It is strange,

that such a mark left,

can stir so many.

Photograph 1

Answer

I won’t say yes, I won’t say no.

It’s too much to say,

too hard to say.

An unearthly dream

Blood is easier to spin,

than the hand of time, laying its cold fingers,

on the outstretched hand.

I looked up, up to the ice anew,

for it lay in those fingers,

as I saw it lift the trembled ground.

I knew not its temptation,

as I lost sight,

of an unearthly dream.

Appreciation

To all the people I know and love,

may you all be happy.

Give me time to see my way ahead,

and I shall be ready.

Do not clear my senses,

I have seen my way.

In