Harry Moffer & the Class That Just Can't Keep It Together

By Jacquel May

If you thought that Harry Moffer's story was over, think again!

Harry Moffer has returned to Warthogpox High School for his sophomore year, but if you think that this story is going to be easy for him, you better think again! He must not only deal with his friends Pun and Hildegarde, but a collection of random students, strange conspiracies, and even a piece of his family's tragic history.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jacquel May
• Release date: Mar 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005141097

Jacquel May

Jacquel is best described using the following words: Writer, Pop culture fanatic, Internet lover, Bookworm, and Introvert. Yet she sees herself as more of a Redhead, Journalist, Genius, Geek, and Killer Bunny Destroyer who will make up a story in her head before she goes to bed.All bad jokes aside, Jacquel is a lifelong fan of fantasy and science fiction. She grew up reading everything from "The Lord of the Rings" to the Redwall series. In the seventh grade, she once slapped the class bully across the face because he called her a Cthulhu and he didn't know what a Cthulhu was. Jacquel is also notorious for starting projects that she never finishes, as she claims that the stories grow too big to be contained in a small box.The kinds of stories Jacquel likes to write mainly fall into the science fiction and fantasy category, even though she also enjoys paranormal/urban fantasy. She also writes slice-of-life stories, which are more or less a watered down version of real life, and the problems that come from it.

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Harry Moffer & the Class That Just Couldn’t Keep it Together

Book 3 in the Harry Moffer Parody Project

Published by Jacquel May at Smashwords

Copyright 2022

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Disclaimers & other Legal Mumbo-Jumbo

This is a work of parody. Any similarities, without satirical intent, to any copyrighted characters/materials, or actual persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental. This book hasn’t been (and probably never will be) endorsed by J. K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, or any entity that has a copyright or license to the Harry Potter books or movies. There is no connection between the author of this story and J. K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, and Warner Brothers.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

Table of contents

Before We Begin

Where We Last Left Off...

Chapter 1: A Fine Day For Everything to be Messed Up

Chapter 2: Still Rocking On the Boat

Chapter 3: Meet Gennus Timpig

Chapter 4: Meet the Freshmen

Chapter 5: The Class That Misbehaved

Chapter 6: In Stranger Halls

Chapter 7: More Troubles Down at the Riptide

Chapter 8: Are You Ready for a Scandal?

Chapter 9: The Return of Snibblepore

Chapter 10: You Can’t Go Back to the Way Things Used to Be

Chapter 11: The Rematch

Chapter 12: Two Can Keep a Secret if One of Them is Dead

Chapter 13: Harry’s Worst Fears Come True

Chapter 14: Finding Answers

Chapter 15: The Rest of the Story Has Yet to be Revealed

To Be Continued...

About the Author

Connect With Me Online

Before We Begin...

Disclaimer: This is a work of parody. Any similarities, without satirical intent, to any copyrighted characters/materials, or actual persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental. This book hasn’t been (and probably never will be) endorsed by J. K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, or any entity that has a copyright or license to the Harry Potter books or movies. There is no connection between the author of this story and J. K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, and Warner Brothers.

Thank you all very much for reading this little disclaimer.

Now read this book; and that’s an order!

Summary: Harry Moffer and his friends Pun Teasley and Hildegarde Lamer return to Warthogpox High School, where they must deal with an escaped prisoner who holds a key to Harry’s mysterious past.

Dedicated to all those who think there are other books that we could be reading instead of Harry Potter. You’re welcome.

Final Warning:

The book that you’re holding in your hands does NOT contain any traces of magic at all. There is no wizarding world, no magic spells, and certainly no use of witchcraft. This is a story about a boy who attends a normal high school in a normal town. By the time that you have realized this, I have just destroyed the greatest thing that your childhood has produced. But you already knew that.

Where we last left off

Harry sat down at his desk, took out a notebook and a pencil, and wrote the following words that would make the sequel to the first story: "Warthogpox High School was placed under a terrible curse and only Harry Hames Moffer could save them..."

Chapter 1: A Fine Day For Everything to be Messed Up

14-year-old Harry Hames Moffer was sitting in his room in the MacLean house in Wyvernwing, Pencilvarnia. He had spent his first summer in Wyvernwing with the MacLean family; they spent three days at Animation Fun Park. (Benny Tucker World had shut down the previous year because of low attendance.) Harry had to deal with cartoon characters from TV shows like Astrobats, Galaxy Knights, and Ace Danger, which brought back memories of his cousin Dillon Dourfey dragging him out of bed and forcing him to watch cartoons on Saturday mornings..

I wonder what the Dourfeys are doing now, Harry thought as he looked at the only picture of Vilmon, Primitia, and Dillon Dourfey he was allowed to bring when Tafrin took him from his home in Branford, Coggnetigut. Was I wrong to leave them and go with Tafrin, though Snibblepore ordered him to take me from my family? Maybe I should write a letter to them and see how they’re doing.

Harry sighed and shook his head; he couldn’t believe that summer was ending. He would have to return to Warthogpox High School for his sophomore year. He knew he had no reason to return to school, not when he was suspended for exposing a teacher at the school as a fraud. He had refused to participate in the school’s musical activities until the last minute, when his singing saved the school from certain doom.

He had to deal with his best friend Pun Teasley’s younger sister Fanny, who had stalked him and attacked many students. Harry knew something was wrong with her; he knew that everybody being forced to sing and dance with him being immune to the musical curse was bad. In fact, he was ready to drop out of Warthogpox High and find another school to attend.

But that wasn’t for him to decide.

Harry knew he should continue his war against bad behavior; he already won a victory against the much-hated "Benny Tucker books and prevented a crisis that stemmed from his fellow classmates being forced to turn the high school into a terrible version of High School Singalong". No one thought about the Benny Tucker books, as they had had enough of being told that the books sucked to last them the rest of the series.

This time, though, things weren’t easy for him.

Harry had to deal with his brother Henry (formerly known as Hunter Middleton). Henry had lived with a foster family in Cloudyhill, Pencilvarnia. He was a student at Cloudyhill High School until he discovered his brother Harry at Warthogpox High. (In fact, Hunter and his friends Ryan Bradley and Holly Garber were ordered to replace Harry Moffer. That scheme failed the moment Henry and two other boys sang "I Like Flat Butts" to Jenna Treetop-Karkaroff of the Adolescent Resisters. Of course, Jenna rejected him.)

Now, Henry was with Lars and Sierra MacLean, who disliked him as they disliked Harry. Yet, they tolerated Henry because he didn’t force them to put away their childish toys away and grow up.

At least not yet.

Harry had to deal with the Teasley family, who still hadn’t forgiven him for exposing them as frauds. They didn’t forgive him for getting Fanny arrested for stalking, attempted kidnapping, and attempted murder of several innocent students, along with digging up a dirty secret regarding Pun being illegally adopted at birth. (Pun and his mother, Lauranna Perry, are currently living in a small house in the city. No one knew if Pun would return to Warthogpox.)

Harry had gotten Silch fired from the school, but he still had to deal with Tarcey Pate and Junia Brown (who everyone hated for their part in the musical fiasco) and Jill Roseberry (who betrayed him when the troubles started). Those three were the worst bullies the school had created, and Harry knew bullies well (as he had fought bullies his whole life).

And I thought Domro Wilfy was supposed to be my main enemy in this story, Harry thought as he listened to the last book’s songs on his oTarf. He remembered the spoiled rich brat and his Kettle Hockey match, which ended with Harry humiliating him in front of the entire school. So far, Wilfy still hadn’t forgiven him for that dirty trick which cost him his popularity, prestige, and a chance to be a favorite with all the teachers. Only Professor Pate counted him as his favorite, and he couldn’t stand the boy half the time.

Wilfy, however, was not the main rival of Harry in this story.

* * *

"We take what we hate and turn it into our god, Harry found himself singing the lyrics to Pacific Insanity, which was never featured in the musical. Jill wrote that song during the time she and him had broke up". Harry shook his head, knowing he and Jill weren’t romantically involved. (There was the issue of her being friends with Tarcey and Junia, who detested him and tried to force him from the school.)

No, he wasn’t interested in Jill Roseberry.

"You can lie and deny, you can try to hide, but you can never fool yourself, he continued singing as he marched around the room. You say you have power over me, but that’s where you’re wrong. You’re nothing without me..."

Enjoying yourself, Moffer? a voice cut into his thoughts.

Oh, frick! Harry cried out as he crashed onto the floor. Osney the dwarf saw him and said, You looked like you were having fun.

I am having fun, said Harry as he turned around and saw the dwarf, recalling their last encounter. Osney had warned him about the school being turned into a terrible version of Song-and-Dance High; he gave Harry a magical charm to protect him from the curse. For once in my life, I don’t have to deal with any musical numbers or strange stones, he continued. I don’t have to deal with Snibblepore or Silch, and I certainly don’t have to deal with Tarcey and Junia! Tarcey’s dad couldn’t stop me and he’s trying to get me expelled from Warthogpox because he’s got something against me.

That’s where you’re wrong, said Osney as Harry stared at him. You don’t know Celevus Pate like I know him. That man may be crude, but at least he’s respectable. However, he doesn’t like boys with the name Moffer.

Just then, a small boy jumped into the scene from the background, shouting, OUTRAGEOUS!!!

Also, Osney continued, I must turn on your TV, as this is important.