Harry Moffer Really Needs to Give up & Go Home

By Jacquel May

After the epic disaster that happened in "Harry Moffer & the Class That Just Couldn't Keep It Together", Harry Moffer has been forced to "lie low". But that doesn't mean that he's not participating in the school's newest problems, which include more exchange students, student-led revolutions that quickly destroy the school, and even starring in a school play as presented by a questionable group of girls.

Not to mention that someone out there is plotting to cancel the Harry Moffer Parody Project, which means that if Harry and his new group of friends don't get it together, the story could be cancelled...forever!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jacquel May
• Release date: Jan 13, 2023
• ISBN: 9781005459666

Jacquel May

Jacquel is best described using the following words: Writer, Pop culture fanatic, Internet lover, Bookworm, and Introvert. Yet she sees herself as more of a Redhead, Journalist, Genius, Geek, and Killer Bunny Destroyer who will make up a story in her head before she goes to bed.All bad jokes aside, Jacquel is a lifelong fan of fantasy and science fiction. She grew up reading everything from "The Lord of the Rings" to the Redwall series. In the seventh grade, she once slapped the class bully across the face because he called her a Cthulhu and he didn't know what a Cthulhu was. Jacquel is also notorious for starting projects that she never finishes, as she claims that the stories grow too big to be contained in a small box.The kinds of stories Jacquel likes to write mainly fall into the science fiction and fantasy category, even though she also enjoys paranormal/urban fantasy. She also writes slice-of-life stories, which are more or less a watered down version of real life, and the problems that come from it.

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Harry Moffer Really Needs to Give Up and Go Home

Book 4 in the Harry Moffer Parody Project

Published by Jacquel May at Smashwords

Copyright 2022

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Disclaimers & other Legal Mumbo-Jumbo

This is a work of parody. Any similarities, without satirical intent, to any copyrighted characters/materials, or actual persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental. This book hasn’t been (and probably never will be) endorsed by J. K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, or any entity that has a copyright or license to the Harry Potter books or movies. There is no connection between the author of this story and J. K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, and Warner Brothers.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

Table of Contents

Before We Begin

Where We Last Left Off…

Chapter 1: In Which This Story (FINALLY!) Get Some Much-Needed Changes

Chapter 2: In Which This Story Finally Begins

Chapter 3: In Which Weird Things Happen at the School

Chapter 4: Let the Good Times Roll

Chapter 5: Strange Things Are Happening to Me

Chapter 6: Why Would I Lie to You

Chapter 7: Twibright

Chapter 8: A Slap from the Past

Chapter 9: Why Did It Have to Be You?

Chapter 10: Schoolyard Blitz

Chapter 11: The School Strikes Back

Chapter 12: How It All Came Crashing Down

Chapter 13: In Your Face, Haters!

Chapter 14: Time to Play Clean Up

Chapter 15: And So It Ends…

To Be Continued…

About the Author

Connect With Me Online

Before We Begin…

Disclaimer: This is a work of parody. Any similarities, without satirical intent, to any copyrighted characters/materials, or actual persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental. This book hasn’t been (and probably never will be) endorsed by J. K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, or any entity that has a copyright or license to the Harry Potter books or movies. There is no connection between the author of this story and J. K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, and Warner Brothers.

Thank you all very much for reading this little disclaimer.

Now read this book; and that’s an order!

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Summary: Harry Moffer and his friends Pun Teasley and Hildegarde Lamer return to Warthogpox High School, where they must deal with four more foreign exchange students, a dead student who returns to haunt Harry, and even an unexpected crush.

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Dedicated to everyone who still hates Harry Potter after all these years. You’re welcome.

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Final Warning:

The book that you are holding in your hands does NOT contain any traces of magic at all. There is no wizarding world, no magic spells, and certainly no use of witchcraft. This is a story about a boy who attends a normal high school in a normal town. By the time that you have realized this, I have just destroyed the greatest thing that your childhood has produced. Don’t make me repeat myself.

Where we last left off...

Harry pulled out his notebook and began writing the third chapter of his story: "When Warthogpox High School was infiltrated by a crazed madman, Harry Hames Moffer was the only person willing to find the man and stop him…"

Chapter 1: In Which This Story (FINALLY!) Get Some Much-Needed Changes

Well, I guess things could get worse for us, Harry Hames Moffer said as he and his former friends Pun Teasley and Hildegarde Lamer sat where the Third Building once stood. Several minutes ago, Spoofius Brown (Harry's godfather and Junia's father) was taken back to Angelstone Clinic, where he had escaped from in the beginning of the third book. (It should be stated that many people living in Wyvernwing still believed that Spoofius was responsible for killing Harry's parents, Hames and Linny Moffer, despite the recent evidence that claimed otherwise.)

Well, don't say that, Hildegarde said as she stood up and shook her hair. It was so wide, it was in dire need of a wash AND a trim. You know what happens to those who claim that things are bad.

I noticed, Harry said as he saw his brother Henry and sister Harriet sitting on a nearby bench (who wants to be called Hattie, thank you very much!). We have to go back to the MacLeans again, and I don't think we'll be welcome there after all the trouble I've caused in the last three books.

Not to mention you made Lars and Sierra behave like normal children and Mr. and Mrs. MacLean behave like adults, said Hildegarde.

That was because we decided in the first book to fight against the misbehavior of children, Harry said. Have you guys forgotten that?

I know, said Pun. And did you know that the more negative you are, the happier your life gets?

Are you serious? Hattie snapped as Henry snorted with laughter. You’re happy if you’re negative all the time? What idiot made that up?

Ignore him, said Hildegarde, as she slapped her shoe over Pun's head. While he was still living with the Teasleys, he was kicked around like a football.

I’ve noticed, said Harry. Anyway, what will we do about me? I know I won't be welcomed back to the MacLean family, not after what I've done in the last three books...

Such a shame, said Hildegarde. We’ve hardly seen them in the story, yet they were *so* decent. How did THAT happen?

Who knows? said Pun. Like I’ve said before, if God’s really watching us, and he is, the least we can do is be entertaining.

Shut up, Pun! Jill yelled as she came towards the Trio. To Harry, she said, Remind me again why I hit him in the head in the first book?

Because you were stupid, said Hildegarde. You never think before you hit people in the head.

Yeah, said Pun. But to be honest, I don’t think you’re stupid. You just have bad luck when thinking.

Jill was about to slap Pun again (and possibly put an end to his saying puns) when Tafrin showed up, saying, What are you kids doing here?

Well, Spoofius was taken back to the hospital and Snibblepore got away after the truth about him was revealed, Harry said.

I can see why he left, said Tafrin. That man is revolting!

I know, right? said Jill. Why would we want to live in a town that worships a fake boy wizard when we have a real hero in front of us?

Thank God! said Harry as he stared at Jill. Look at who’s finally coming around! The crowd cheered as Jill shook her head.

Yeah, yeah, I know, said Jill. I should have listened to you in the first place. That way, this crap could have been avoided.

The crap Jill spoke about was the incident in the Third Building, the disastrous High School Singalong, and the controversy surrounding Spoofius Brown. (Well, the last part couldn't be avoided, but the first two parts could. That happened because no one listened to Harry when he told them that pretending to live in Benny Tucker's world was a bad idea and they shouldn't have done that.

But let's leave it in the past and keep going with the story. After all, why should we worry about things that happened in the past, anyway?)

Anyway, why are you here? Harry said to Tafrin.

Tafrin said, Well, I've been sent here to retrieve you and your siblings and take you to my place.

You mean, we’re not going back to the MacLeans? said Harry as Henry and Hattie gasped in shock.

Unfortunately, you’re not going back to them, said Tafrin.

Really? said Harry. Why not?

Because they've already played their part in taking care of you, even if that part was a small one, said Tafrin. Plus, with Snibblepore in the hot seat due to the various scandals surrounding him because of the truth about the deaths of your parents being finally revealed, I don't think it's wise for you to stay with the MacLeans anymore. Not when Joe admitted that Snibblepore paid him to keep an eye on you.

I knew it! said Harry as he slammed his hand on the seat. That cursing old man just can’t leave me alone! Now he’s affecting how I live and who I’m living with. I bet my parents aren't dead or did he hide them somewhere like Henry and Hattie?

 I’m sorry, Harry, said Jill. Your parents have died. I have gone to their funerals. But you've got Henry and Hattie. You’re still a family. 

Yeah, until we all go back to the Dourfeys and I have to transfer to Branford High School, said Harry. "I don't want to be