The Man with the Magic Foot: Chadmouth Town, #2

By Ian Slatter

From Wishing Shelf Award finalist Ian Slatter.

 

"A thrilling soccer adventure for 9 – 12 year olds. Very enjoyable!" -  'Wishing Shelf' Book Review

 

Chadmouth Town haven't won anything for 60 years, and Ches doesn't think he'll ever see the team he loves win a trophy.

But amazingly, he suddenly finds himself travelling back in time to the 1960s, just days before the biggest occasion in the club's history – their one and only FA Cup Final appearance.

He's desperate for a ticket to watch his beloved team win the Cup, but an accident the day before the final threatens to change the course of history. It's up to Ches to put things right to make sure Chadmouth are still champions.

Can Ches make it to Wembley, and has he just ruined the Crabs' chances of winning?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ian Slatter
• Release date: Nov 9, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201395636

Ian Slatter

Ian published his debut novel, Eco Worrier, in 2020 - a middle grade adventure story with plenty of twists and turns and lots of laughs. He followed it up with Danny Mann Super Fan in 2021 and The Man With The Magic Foot the following year - two fun tales that are perfect for young football/soccer fans. He has also written two non-fiction books for adults - Premier League Legends - the top 10 greatest Premier League players of all time and Incredible Moments in Sport. Ian wrote for satirical website newsbiscuit.com for ten years, as well as writing for comedy sketch shows on ITV and BBC Radio. Find out more and get a free ebook at ianslatter.com, or follow Ian on Twitter - @slatter_ian.

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Chapter 1

‘And it’s Chester Kaye, with just the last defender and the goalkeeper to beat. He sells the defender a dummy... oh, that is superb! Look at that footwork! The keeper comes out... but Kaye dribbles it around him... and calmly slots the ball home into the open goal! What a goal! What a player! Surely that’s the goal that wins the FA Cup for Chadmouth Town – the greatest goal the FA Cup final has ever seen!’

The goalscorer wheeled away in the sunshine to celebrate with his arms in the air.

‘Do you have to commentate all the time whenever we’re having a kickabout Ches?’ asked Sol.

‘Yeah, Ches,’ agreed Ravi, ‘it is a bit annoying.’

‘Sorry,’ Chester (Ches to his mates) apologised as he fetched the ball from behind the makeshift goalposts. ‘You know I want to be a commentator when I grow up though. It’s all good practice.’

‘Just, give it a rest sometimes, okay?’ said Ravi.

‘And is it good practice, really, pretending to commentate on Chadmouth winning the FA Cup?’ asked Sol.

‘What?’

‘Well, it’s not like it’s ever going to happen is it?’

‘Oi!’

‘Well? It’s not.’

‘They’ve won it before.’

‘Shut up!’

‘They have.’

‘When?’

‘Er, 1960 something.’

‘You’re making it up.’

‘No, I’m not. They really did. My dad told me all about it. Look it up if you don’t believe me.’

‘I will. There’s no way a tiny club like Chadmouth Town could ever win the FA Cup.’

‘Actually Sol, I think he might be right,’ said Ravi. ‘I think my grandad said something to me about it once.’

‘What?’

‘I know it’s hard to believe now,’ admitted Ches, ‘but they weren’t always in League One like now. They were in the Premier League back in the 60s.’

‘They didn’t even have a Premier League in the 60s.’

‘Alright, the First Division or whatever it was called back then. You know what I mean.’

Ches threw the ball to Ravi and stopped to tie up his shoelaces, before joining in the game again. Ravi rolled it out to Sol, who took it out wide and floated in a cross, which Ches ran onto and volleyed past Ravi for yet another goal. He managed not to commentate on the action this time but instead started singing:

‘Oh, Chester Kaye is magic, he owns a magic foot, and when he gets in front of goal, you know he’s gonna shoot, we all know that it’s coming, we know he’s gonna score, and when he gets the ball again he’s gonna score some more!’

Ravi and Sol looked at him like he was crazy.

‘What was that?’ laughed Sol.

‘Oh, it’s just a song we sing at Chadmouth Town, only, we don’t sing Chester Kaye obviously.’

‘Obviously,’ nodded Ravi.

‘They don’t rhyme though,’ pointed out Sol.

‘What don’t?’ asked Ches.

‘Foot and shoot.’

‘Maybe you could have a magic boot instead of a magic foot,’ suggested Ravi. ‘Then it would rhyme.’

‘It’s not about me anyway, it’s about Johnny Jones. Or at least, it was originally. My dad says it’s been sung about a few players over the years, but the first one was Johnny Jones.’

‘Johnny Jones? Who’s he?’

‘He’s the man who scored the winning goal when Chadmouth won the FA Cup...’

‘In 1960 something?’

‘In 1960 something, yeah.’

‘Never heard of him.’

‘Yes, you have. We saw his grave when we went on that school trip to the graveyard last week.’

Ches had been finding their trip to the local graveyard pretty boring until they’d come across Johnny Jones’s grave. He was fascinated with it, not only because it was a Chadmouth Town footballer but also because it looked so impressive, with its life-size marble statue of the man himself, standing proudly in his football kit, arms folded, with his left foot resting on a marble football.

‘Oh, the one with the statue of the footballer on top?’ asked Ravi.

‘Yeah.’

‘I didn’t realise he was an FA Cup winner.’

‘That’s because you weren’t paying attention. You never pay attention.’

‘Yeah, alright.’

‘It’s from something else though isn’t it?’ asked Sol, frowning.

‘What?’

‘That song. Those aren’t the proper words. It’s some old song my nan used to sing sometimes. I can’t remember what the real words are. The real words rhymed.’

‘Are you still going on about that?’

‘I just think boot is a better rhyme than foot.’

‘He didn’t have a magic boot though.’

‘Did he have a magic foot?’

‘Well, probably not actually magic, no, but...’

‘There you go then. Boot would be better,’ Sol insisted.

‘It’s a bit weird saying he owns his foot too,’ added Ravi. ‘Obviously, he owns it. It’s his, it’s on the end of his leg.’

‘Oh, don’t you start,’ moaned Ches. ‘It’s just a song, okay?’

The boys picked up the jumpers they’d been using for goalposts and started walking home. They squeezed through a gap in the hedge to take a shortcut, and walked along the pavement side-by-side, taking it in turns to dribble the ball and arguing about who the England manager should pick to play up front for their next World Cup qualifier.

‘My Old Man’s a Dustman!’ blurted out Sol suddenly.

‘What?’

‘My Old Man’s a Dustman.’

‘No, he’s not. He works in IT doesn’t he?’

‘No. The song. The old song I was trying to remember. It’s called My Old Man’s a

Dustman.’

‘Oh, okay.’

‘They must have changed the words.’

‘Do you think?’

Halfway home from the park was a corner shop, and when they got there Ches realised how thirsty he was. He checked his pockets and found he had just enough money to buy himself a drink.

‘Anyone else getting anything?’ he asked.

‘Nah.’

‘No money.’

Ches didn’t have enough to buy anything for anyone else, so the others left and he went into the shop on his own. He almost turned around and came straight back out again as soon as he got inside though.

Chapter 2

Crook and Blight were in the shop, and they were trouble. Everyone had lost count of the number of times they’d been given detention at school, for everything from hiding a rotting fish behind the radiator in the Head’s office to replacing all the photos of teachers on