In the Mind of a Child: Book 1

By K. Rareheart

The book is a true story about what went through the author's mind as he was growing up from a baby of just 6 months old and the traumatic effects it all had through his childhood and through his life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Book Vine Press
• Release date: Oct 20, 2021
• ISBN: 9781955885874

Book preview

Contents

Introduction

1 My First Look at Life

2 Discovering Our New Home

3

4 My Fourth Birthday

5 First School Days

6 Snowed in at Christmas

7 Holiday in London

8 Camping with the SA Cubs

9 The Farewell from Darlington

10 Looking around Eastbourne the First Time

11 The New School

12 My First Job

13 Starting on the Farm

14 The Rebelling Teenage Years

15 Leaving Home

16 Moving in with Friends

17 Experiencing Homelessness

18 Brian’s Second Marriage

19 Moving to Rugby

20 The Foundry and Accident

21 Staying on My Own

22 Starting a New Life Together

23 Getting Married the Third Time

24 Mum’s Surprise Ninetieth Birthday

25 Working for the Salvation Army

26 Langney Area Panel

27 ’07 Eastbourne Achievers Award

28 Not Speaking to Us

29 The Loss of My Mum In 2012

Introduction

This book is about a child aged thirteen months old called Brian, from his childhood through his teenage years. Brian will be sharing his thoughts and feelings from the children’s home where he started life, as he was growing up in his new home with a Salvation Army family.

Although in the beginning, he was lost in a world of confusion and bewilderment and a deep sadness in his heart, the despair and the anger of what was happening to him and the things around him, and trying to understand the reasons for it all for over half a century.

1

My First Look at Life

It was in the middle of the night when Brian, and his brother, Kevin was rushed into the hospital with a rare disease. Kevin had been very ill for the first year of his life.

And the reason why Kevin and Brian were put into care in the first place was because their real mum and dad could not cope with it all.

But Kevin and Brian did not know that until ten years later. Brian was thinking at the time, What is going on, and who are all these people that have come here, and what do they want with Mum and Dad? Brian was put into a car and taken away.

The two boys went into a children’s home many miles away from their place of birth in the midlands. By the time Brian arrived at the home, it was late at night, and Brian was fast asleep in the back of the car. Kevin was still in the hospital back in his hometown and was brought to the children’s home some months later.

Something in Brian’s mind told him that this was not his home, and he had got a strange feeling in his inner self. As Brian woke up and looked around, he was confused at this place and wondered why he had just, all of a sudden, been dumped in this godforsaken, smelly, noisy place.

As Brian looked around to see just where he was, he could see the shapes of the other cots in the early morning daylight. As Brian can vividly remember, the walls where two-tone green with a wooden dado rail around the walls. The floors were wooden blocks flooring and highly polished, and the doors where big oak doors with rounded tops.

This is the sort of thing what went on in Brian’s mind through his childhood and into manhood. During the night, Brian woke up a bit bewildered in a large room with strange dark shapes, and he could hear whimpering coming from other parts of the room; he realised that he was no longer alone. He was in a room full of other children in rows of cots in long lines. Brian was frightened as he had no idea why he was in this place with forty or more children all in the other cots.

The children’s home was in Darlington, Country Durham. Brian had been in the home on his own for just over fourteen weeks. By then, Brian was about six months old. When his brother Kevin joined Brian in the home, Kevin was still quite ill but getting better as the days and weeks went on.

When Kevin was nearly eighteen months old and Brian was just one year old, at that time in their young lives, Brian had just started to take things in around him. When Brian was introduced to another boy called Kevin, unknown to Brian at that time, he had no idea that he had a brother called Kevin who had been in the hospital to start with, who was secretly ill. The rare disease that in the fifties could not be cured at the time. But a doctor did find a cure for Kevin, quite by mistake, but the doctor that cured Kevin of this rare disease sadly contracted it and much later died of it himself. †rip

The next morning after breakfast, Brian was put on the floor and left on his own. In the hallway, Brian saw a door open across the hallway, so he crawled across, and as he got closer to the opened door, he saw into the giant room big square shapes. As Brian got closer to the door, he could see that the shapes were big boxes full of toys. By the time Brian got to the room door, he could see some of the other children were already in the room playing with the toys, so Brian thought maybe this is not such a bad place to be after all. As he went into the room, he could see the big box were full of toys. There were toys all over the floor, and it was there Brian found a lot more children just like him, lost and on their own. He crawled over to one of the big toy boxes and pulled himself up, so he was now standing for the first time.

Brian looked into the big toy box, and he could hardly believe his eyes to see it was full to the top with hundreds of toys all the boxes were. As he put his hand into the toy box and started to pull out some of the toys, a bigger child came over to him and took the toy that Brian was holding out of his hand, and he said, Mine, so Brian tried again, but the boy did the same thing.

It was than Brian saw a broken red car. As he pulled it from the box, the boy tried to take it from him again, but Brian had a tight grip of the car, yet the boy still tried to take it off Brian, so Brian snatched the car out of the boy’s hand and hit him with it. The boy went off, crying. He left Brian alone after that. Six months had now gone by, and Brian was now sixteen months old. Brian was sitting in the middle of the hallway floor on his own. He still did not know that his brother Kevin was now well.

Brian was still with his broken red car, looking around at his new home. He could see there were five massive steps going down to the big oak front doors.

Brian was feeling very uncomfortable; his nappy was leaking on the floor, but one of the people that worked there came to his rescue and gave him a nice, clean, dry bum again.

But after all the time Brian had been in the home, Brian was under the impression that no one wanted him and was feeling so very alone and unwanted, very hurt by the things going on in his mind, people coming to the children’s home and going away again.

Sometimes they would take a child with them, and Kevin and Brian were left behind as always.

Oh, how Brian craved the love from his mum and dad, who never came to get him.

And Brian just could not work out why.

Brian felt so alone and very sad and unhappy. What had I done that was so bad that my mum and dad would abandon me in this way? Brian’s little heart was breaking.

Just a few weeks later, Brian was in the hallway when there was a knock on the door. One of the matrons went to answer the door; the door cracked as it opened. At the door, there was the Brownes from Darlington SA (Salvation Army); they had come to see the children’s home for the afternoon. Brian was picked up by one of the Brownes, and they played all afternoon. It was great to have someone to play with instead of being on his own all the time.

It came time for the Brownes to go, but Brian didn’t want them to go away, but they went anyway, just like everyone else that came to the children’s home, so what’s new? Alone again.

But two of the girls, when they went back home that day, told their mum and dad all about the little boy all on his own in the hall of the children’s home and how unhappy he was all alone.

And just two weeks later, there was another knock at the door; this time, it was a middle-aged couple and two of the Brownes who had come a couple of weeks before this time. They had come to see about the little boy that was on his own the day the Brownes came to visit. They were taken onto the office. While they were in the office, the two Brownes played with Brian in the toy room. And it was there they were told that the little boy in question had a brother who was in the hospital with a rare disease and that he had just been cured of it, but the doctor that cured him had now got the disease and had since died of it, but the other little boy was doing very well and should be out of the hospital soon in the three to four days or so all being well,.

The couple had already decided that they would adopt/foster both of the boys anyway. A couple of weeks later, the couple came back to the home.

I was thinking, Hello! They’re back!

I wonder what they are doing back. Was this couple my mum and dad who came to get me?

After all this time.

Although I did not have a clue what it all meant, or how it was going to affect me later in life.

Brian had just found out that he was not alone after all. I have got a brother, Kevin, and he had just come out of the hospital a week before, whatever that meant.

Two of the Brownes that came to visit all through weeks ago for the day had come back and stayed with my brother Kevin and me and played with us for a while until the couple came back down the stairs. They picked us both up and said, Come on, boys, you are coming to live with us at our house. And off we went; we were put into their car, an Austin A40, as we sat in the back of the car with J and Hazel, our new sisters we were whisked off to our new home. We had no idea what to expect. I remember how frightened I was going off into the unknown, but J and Hazel gave us both lots of hugs and kisses.

I expected Kevin was feeling the same as me; it was both frightening confusing and exiting at the same time.

It was a cold February morning; the ground was covered with a thick layer of snow, and I had never seen snow before. It was wonderful to see everything was covered in snow. As we all got into the car of our new mum and dad and drove out of the countryside and into the town of Darlington through the main high street and just past a large park, our new mum told us, You are going to live near one of the biggest parks in Darlington. It’s called South Park, and we will take you to see it as soon as the snow clears. It has the River Tease running through it, and it’s got a skating rink! At this point, I did not have a clue what she was going on about.

I thought in my own mind, Don’t you know I am not two years old yet, and you expect me to know what you are going on about? Oh well, whatever.

When we arrive at the house, where we were going to be living, we got out of the car and went up the front garden path, up the steps, and into the front door at the other side of the door in front of us was a staircase, and there was a door on the right and one on the left of the stairs.

We were told that the door on the left was the front room, and we only used it on the Lord’s day on Sunday. We were shown into the back room, which had a big dining table and a three-piece suite, as well as an open fireplace and a door on the other side of the room that went into the kitchen, where there was a another door that went into the back garden.

We were shown to our new bedroom where there were now toys all for us to play with and none of them were broken, and no one was going to take them off you, but Brian still got possessive over some of them, which was to be expected. Brian was very apprehensive and nervous off everything that had just happened. One minute we were in a children’s home, and now we are in a new home.

We were both picked up and shown our new garden out of our new bedroom window, and then we played with our new sisters J and Hazel for a while in our new bedroom with all of our new toys. Brian was a bit confused and not at all too sure of my new surroundings.

We all went out into the garden to look around. It was massive; the length seemed to go on as far as the eye could see, but we were only small at the time, so everything was supersized to us.

The excitement was all too much for Brian;