Nothing's Every Easy: Nothing's Ever, #1

By Amanda Lee Dixon

No one ever really gets over their first love, but when it's ripped from you, it tears a piece of your soul.

 

Lily James left Peak Valley on a bus in the middle of night ten years ago and had no intentions of ever returning, after all it could cost her everything. But when her brother Forest calls, telling her their mother is dying Lily is willing to risk it just to spend a few nights with her mom.

 

Warren McKnight has spent the last ten years wondering what happened to the love of his life. No one knew what happened to Lily James. She disappeared without a trace. But when she returns, unharmed and looking as beautiful as she did when she disappeared, he wants answers.

 

The more Lily tries to avoid Warren the more buried secrets come to the surface. Buried secrets that have a deadly price.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Amanda Lee Dixon
• Release date: Nov 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201230104

Amanda Lee Dixon

Romance Author | Professional Pen Thief | Coffee Addict | Obsessive Reader I live in the weather crazed Midwest where we experience hot Summers and cold Winters. I’m starting to think Spring and Fall is a beautiful made up fantasy. I share my life with my wonderful husband who despite my begging and pleading won’t grow his beard out. I have three teenagers, two girls and a boy, and two mouthy malamutes, that are always keeping me on my toes, and never stop eating.   My earliest memory of writing was when I was in the second grade and my teacher encouraged us to write a book. I remember my whole world changed that day. I was certain books grew from a library tree. From that moment on I never stopped writing. Writing also feeds my pen addiction. I am always in need of new pens, and when life gives me lemons, I buy pens and write. Outside of writing I can be found reading, looking for new books to add to my every growing TBR, and watching BookTubers. 

Book preview

Prologue

Lily James

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T

he cicadas hum loudly as I stare at the vast night sky, full of twinkling stars and drifting cloud wisps. There aren’t many perks when you live on the outskirts of Peak Valley in a rundown trailer park, but one of them is the wide-open field with its dilapidated barn next to a secluded pond, hidden by old trees. The owner of the land doesn’t seem to mind when the residents of the trailer park come and swim on hot summer days—at least, no one has ever told us to leave or stay off the property.

For us trailer park residents, who barely make it paycheck to paycheck, this little spot was our escape. It was our own little paradise that didn’t cost us a thing and wasn’t landing us in trouble.

When I first brought Warren here, I was scared he wouldn’t be able to see its beauty—after all, he lives in the nicer part of Peak Valley where the homes have beautiful lawns, private pools, and naïve feelings of safety, but he did see its beauty and more. He saw it as a place where we could escape our pressures and worries, and just be us. Over the years, it became our spot, where we came to spend our last night as high school students.

On a clear night like tonight, I could stare up at the stars for hours. They’re brighter tonight, as if they know tomorrow is our high school graduation, reminding us that our lives are just beginning. So many possibilities are just waiting for us to seize them.

Lily James, Warren nuzzles my ear, setting my already hot skin on fire, what’s on your mind?

Lots of things… I turn on my side, resting my head on my arm. The spring breeze dances across my naked body. Laying in the back of Warren’s truck on the metal truck bed isn’t the most comfortable, but with a few blankets, we’ve managed to make a semi-comfortable nest. Tomorrow is a big day.

It’s just another day. Warren shrugs and lays back to stare up at the stars, his fingers softly caressing my spine.

It isn’t just another day. I frown, shifting so I can rest my chin on his chest. We’re closing a chapter. After tomorrow, we’ll officially be adults.

We’re both eighteen, so we’re already adults. Besides, nothing’s going to change except where we go to school.

Well, I’m excited, I huff, laying my cheek against his chest. I’ll be excited for us both.

Have you thought about the apartment?

Yes… I bite my lip and squeeze my eyes shut. I was hoping he wouldn’t bring it up.

And? He runs his hand over my hair.

Sitting up, I look him in the eye so I can see his emotions play across his face. No one really knows what Warren is thinking, but I’ve learned to read him well over the years. I’m not ready to leave my mom. Forest wants to try to get a factory job up in Kansas City and if he leaves, she won’t have anyone.

Sensing my worry—because he, too, has learned to read my thoughts—Warren sits up and pulls me into his lap. My legs straddle around his hips as his hands cradle my face. There once was a time when I was scared to be this naked, this exposed around him, but that was long ago. Love does that to you. Frees you of fears and redefines the meaning of being vulnerable. Warren gave me his heart, and I gave him mine. I have nothing to be nervous about, nothing to worry about or fear. He’s mine and I’m his. We can wait.

I want to live with you, I murmur, resting my forehead against his.

I know, but I don’t want to take you from your mom. We have the rest of our lives; what’s a little while longer?

Thank you. I pull back and place my lips against his and that raw need for him, only him, flushes my entire body as we deepen the kiss, completely oblivious to the sound of tires turning up gravel until headlights shine brightly across the field.

Warren moves quickly, ducking me down and grabbing my clothes, shoving them into my hands.

You were hard to find, Warren’s dad calls out across the field as we rush to get ourselves clothed.

I didn’t want to be found, Warren fires back, tugging on his shirt. What are you doing here?

Looking for you.

What’s so important that you had to track me down?

We’ll talk about that later. You dressed, Lily?

I cringe, pulling on my shorts and quickly zipping them up. Yeah.

Warren helps me down from the bed of his truck while his dad, Sheriff Warren McKnight Sr., strolls over to us. He’s still in uniform with a hand resting on his holstered gun. He stands in front of his headlights, and I have to squint to see him, but even if I didn’t, I already know he isn’t happy. He’s never happy—I’ve never seen the man crack a smile or laugh. I often wonder what turned him into such a bitter, cold man, and I pray my Warren never follows in his footsteps.

You need to run on home, Lily. Your momma needs to speak with you.

I’ll drive her home, Warren quips, and I shift my eyes between the two. I’ve seen them stare each other down many times, and my Warren is often punished for it.

Lily can find her own way home. He points to the dimly lit trailer park several hundred yards away. Ain’t that right, Lily?

It’s okay, Warren. I can walk home. Warren’s jaw clenches when I touch his bicep. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Only I didn’t see him tomorrow…

I never saw him again.

Chapter One

Warren McKnight

Fifteen Years Later…

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There once was a time when I believed there was no evil in Peak Valley. It was a charming town with charming people. Crime didn’t exist. Teenage boredom was the only trouble my deputies and I had to contend with, but that isn’t the case anymore. Something evil has found its way into our sleepy little town and has taken its first victim.

Our district attorney’s wife was murdered. No, not murdered, brutally murdered… in her own home. Despite all the training and years of experience as the sheriff of Peak Valley, I wasn’t prepared for this. I knew Kate Hudson; I’d even been to her house for dinner on a few occasions. I played softball in the summers with her husband Kevin. They aren’t a couple with secrets or hidden agendas. Kate’s murder makes no sense. They had no enemies, yet her lifeless body lay in the morgue, waiting for the medical examiner to perform an autopsy.

How are you holding up? Eric Colson asks, and I pull my eyes off the crime scene photos of Kate and Kevin’s house. I want the images burned from my brain, but I know they’ll haunt me tonight when I close my eyes.

I’m still in shock, I admit. If there is anyone I can be honest with, it’s Eric. He doesn’t judge, and he understands that this line of work can be emotionally and mentally exhausting. We see the worse in people, and that can leave you a little jaded. Too many of my deputies think they need to suck it up and not talk to someone, afraid that if they do, they won’t be tough enough for the job—I blame my father for that mentality. Where I see my deputies as being human, he saw them as being weak. I stepped into his shoes as sheriff to make change, not carry on his legacy. I knew that change would be slow, and during times like this—working a murder case where the victim is a friend—I wish I worked harder to make that change happen sooner. My men need to talk to someone, but they won’t.

Do you want to talk about it? He enters my office and closes the door before taking a seat. Eric isn’t one of my deputies—he runs his own private investigation and security firm—but he contracts with Peak Valley Police Department as a consultant. We’ve worked several cases together, and I’m not surprised he’s here. He probably wants to see if he can lend a hand just like all my deputies—even the ones not working a shift came in when they heard the news.

I’m not sure what to say, honestly. Kate didn’t deserve this.

Was it a crime of passion or are we looking at something mo—

I hold a hand up to stop him. You know I can’t give you any details about an open investigation. Not unless I bring you on.

I know. He runs a hand down his face. I liked Kate. Kevin, too. This kind of shit isn’t supposed to happen to nice people like them.

This is a case that will stick with me.

Sounds bad. Eric shakes his head. Explains why a news van is sitting in the parking lot.

The media is here?

Yeah, but your deputies wouldn’t let them in.

Good. I sigh with relief. I don’t want this case to go cold, but right now, I’m keeping it close to the vest. With that said, I need to ask a favor, and I need you to keep it between us.

Understood. Eric nods.

Can you put out some feelers for anything related to ‘eye for an eye?’ That’s all I can give you, and I need you to be discrete about it. If the news is here, I’m sure it might get out, but before it does, whatever you find could help.

Yeah, I’ll look into it. Eric stands. Some advice. Get in front of the media. If they think you’re working with them, they’ll likely focus on you and not try to ferret out information from your deputies.

Thanks for the tip. I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling the stirrings of a headache. I don’t want to deal with the media. Sharing anything with the media feels like a violation against Kate and Kevin. They wouldn’t want their tragedy to be splashed across the ten o’clock news.

Also… your dad is here.

My head shoots up and I look around the bullpen where my deputies sit looking for Warren Sr., my father. What’s he doing here?

Don’t know, but he was threatening the cameraman with bodily harm.

And you’re telling me this now?

Eric shrugs. He’s retired. What can he say that they would want to listen to?

This day is a fucking nightmare.

You want me to have one of your guys run him off?

None of them would last two seconds with my dad.

Fair enough. Eric opens my office door. I’d do it myself if I was certain he wouldn’t shoot me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" My father’s voice booms through the bullpen. Eric and I both look over to see the former Peak Valley sheriff glare at Eric. If there is one thing my father hates above all, it’s a Colson, and being friends with Eric Colson makes me a traitor. But I don’t give a damn what my father thinks. All I care about is erasing his legacy. No more fear tactics or cranking out morally gray deputies. Peak Valley is going to see change, for the better, even if it’s the last thing I do.

And that’s my cue, Eric mutters then looks at me. I’ll check back with you if I hear anything. He promptly leaves with my father glaring at him as he strides down the side hallway toward the back parking lot, avoiding my father all together.

I close Kate’s case file and tuck it into my drawer before my father enters and slams the door shut. The windows shake and I’m amazed they’ve withstood the years of abuse my father put them through. Warren Sr. doesn’t shut a door, he slams it.

Why are those blood-sucking leeches out in the parking lot? In my day, I wouldn’t let them get within 100 yards of my police station. He points a finger out toward the front entrance, a case file in his other hand.

Nice to see you too, Dad. I roll my eyes. What brings you here?

Why wouldn’t I come? Kevin Hudson’s wife was murdered. I want to know what you’re doing about it. He glares at me, dropping his arm.

You know I can’t discuss the case with you.

I used to be sheriff… or have you forgotten? Dad snaps, turning to stare at his old sheriff photo hanging on the wall. I hardly changed my office since taking over after my father retired. I knew if I made any big changes, I risked losing control. My deputies have a fearful loyalty to my dad—a loyalty that has to be systematically broken down. So I left his office mostly intact, replacing an item here and there until, in time, it becomes my own and my deputies’ loyalty lies fully with me. I hate his photo most of all, and unfortunately, it’ll be the last to go. I try to think of it as a reminder of the positive change I’m bringing to the Peak Valley Police Department, but really, it haunts me, making me second-guess my choices as his condescending stare watches my every move. It doesn’t help that I look just like him, sharing the same thick blond hair and blue eyes. I’m broader and taller than him, and he hates it. We may be identical, but that is the only thing we have in common.

I haven’t forgotten. You won’t let me forget, I hiss between my teeth, glaring at his back.

He