Bedtime Stories

By Norm Foster

A radio shock jock pays a couple to make love on the air. A woman visits a dying man she feels she hurt years ago. Two men rob a house and discover a shocking secret. An aging rock star is confronted by a groupie. An accident-prone stripper meets with her no-nonsense boss. A woman leaving her husband lectures the movers on the proper way to treat a lady. Six interconnected scenes about friendship, romance, and the true meaning of love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Playwrights Canada Press
• Release date: Feb 1, 2007
• ISBN: 9780369103154

Norm Foster

Norm Foster has been the most produced playwright in Canada every year for the past twenty years. His plays receive an average of one hundred and fifty productions annually. Norm has over sixty plays to his credit, including The Foursome, On a First Name Basis, and Hilda’s Yard. He is the recipient of the Los Angeles Drama-Logue Award for his play The Melville Boys and is an Officer of the Order of Canada. He lives in Fredericton.

Book preview

Cover: Bedtime Stories by Norm Foster

Bedtime Stories

by

Norm Foster

Second Scene Editions

Playwrights Canada Press • Toronto

Bedtime Stories © Copyright 2006 by Norm Foster

PLAYWRIGHTS CANADA PRESS

215 Spadina Avenue, Suite 230, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M5T 2C7

phone [phone]   fax [phone]

[e-mail] • www.playwrightscanada.com

No part of this book, covered by the copyright herein, may be reproduced or used in any form or by any means—graphic, electronic, or mechanical—without the prior written permission of the publisher, except for excerpts in a review, or by a licence from:

Access Copyright, 1 Yonge St., Suite 800, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M5E 1E5 416.868.1620

For professional or amateur production rights, please contact:

Pam Winter at the Gary Goddard Agency

10 St. Mary’s Street, Suite 800, Toronto, ON M4Y 1P9

phone [phone], email [e-mail]

Playwrights Canada Press acknowledges the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Canada Book Fund and the Canada Council for the Arts and of the Province of Ontario through the Ontario Arts Council and Ontario Creates for our publishing activities.

Four logos. One is for the Canada Council for the Arts, one is for the Government of Canada, another is for the Ontario Arts Council and the fourth is for the Ontario Media Development Corporation. The latter two organizations are agencies of the Ontario government.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Foster, Norm, 1949-

Bedtime stories / Norm Foster

A play.

ISBN 978-0-88754-703-4

I. Title

PS8561.O7745B44 2007        C812’.54            C2007-900412-1

Chapbooks are published on demand

First appearance in this format: February 2007

Production editor, Michael Petrasek

NORM FOSTER was born in Newmarket, Ontario in 1949. He attended West Hill Collegiate High School in Toronto. He studied Radio and Television Arts at Centennial College in Toronto, and at Confederation College in Thunder Bay. Norm wrote two plays for Malcolm Black, then Artistic Director of Theatre New Brunswick. Those two plays, Sinners and The Melville Boys, were enormously successful for Theatre New Brunswick. The Melville Boys has made Foster one of Canada's most produced playwrights. The Affections of May, Sinners and The Melville Boys have been translated into French.

CHARACTERS

EDDIE ‘Nighthawk’ Nichols

LOU Ballantyne

BETSY Ballantyne

DEREK Baumgarden

SUSAN Upchurch

NICK

DAVEY

TOMMY Quick

MELODY Ballantyne

SANDY

CHARLIE

LAURA Nichols

STEVE

JERRY

YOLANDA

(All 15 characters can be played by as few as 5 actors or as many as 15.)

Suggested doubling scheme for five actors:

Bedtime Stories was first performed at Theatre Orangeville in Orangeville, Ontario from February 16 to march 5, 2006 with the following company:

Directed by David Nairn

Set design by Vaughn Davis

Lighting design by Peter Debreceni

Costume design by Vandy Simpson

Stage managed by Barbara Mclean Wright

ACT ONE

Time: The present. 10:55 p.m.

Place: A bedroom

The set is a bedroom. There is a bed in the room with a couple of bedside tables, a phone and a radio. There is a desk in the room and on the desk is a champagne bucket with a bottle of champagne and two glasses and a tray of hors d’ouvres. There is also a box of Kleenex on the desk. There is a door which leads to another room, a second door which leads out of the bedroom, and a third door to the bathroom. There is also a window and a beer fridge.

Lights come up to reveal EDDIE ‘Nighthawk’ Nichols. He has a microphone in his hand and he wears a set of headphones.

EDDIE: It’s ten fifty-five at The Rock, Ninety-six FM, and you’re with Eddie Nighthawk Nichols, broadcasting live from a hotel room somewhere in the city. And tonight the Nighthawk is going to bring you a radio first. In about fifteen minutes from right now, you are going to hear the act of love being broadcast live atop a bed in this very hotel room. That’s right. The nasty. The mattress mambo. The bus ride to Bootyville. Live on the air. Now, for those of you just tuning in, here’s the skinny. We offered up five thousand dollars to the first couple who would agree to play some doubles on the grass court tonight, and that couple is in an adjoining room getting ready. So, we’re going to break away right now for news, sports, weather, editorial commentary, several commercial messages and an uplifting radio minute with the Reverend Wally Sandusky. But stay tuned, because as soon as the Reverend shouts ‘Amen,’ there’s gonna be some heavenly testifyin’ goin’ on right here. ( EDDIE talks to his operator back at the radio station by pressing a button on a pack on his belt. ) Little Jim, are you there? …. How’d that sound?…. Good. This is gonna put me on the map, buddy. Gonna get me out of this dump and into a morning show in a major market…. All right, so I’ll be back to you at about ten after…. What?…. Of course I’ll take you with me. I can’t make radio magic without my favourite operator, can I? Huh? Okay. ( He flicks off the switch. Then to himself. ) Fat chance, Jimbo. ( He moves to the bathroom door and knocks. ) Mr. and Mrs. Ballantyne? Are you almost ready, folks? We’ve got about thirteen minutes to showtime. Let’s shake it, huh?

EDDIE moves away from the door. LOU and BETSY Ballantyne enter from the bathroom. LOU is wearing pajamas and slippers, and BETSY is wearing a red housecoat and slippers. LOU and BETSY are in their fifties.

BETSY: Here we are.

EDDIE: Oh my God.

BETSY: What’s the matter?

EDDIE: What is this?

LOU: What’s wrong?

EDDIE: What is this?

BETSY: What? Is it too provocative?

LOU: I told you not to wear the red. Red is very sexual.

BETSY: Well, my blue one is at the cleaners.

LOU: It’s terrycloth. Who sends terrycloth to the cleaners?

BETSY: It’s too big for our washer. I told you we needed a bigger washer but you didn’t want to spend the money.

LOU: The washer we have now is fine.

BETSY: Then don’t complain about sending terrycloth to the cleaners.

EDDIE: People! Hello! This is not the look I was hoping for.

BETSY: Well, my