Sinners

By Norm Foster

A furniture store owner is having an affair with the local minister's wife. The situation becomes complicated when the minister comes home unexpectedly. An intricate web of deceit is hilariously exposed as the police, members of the parish and the women's auxiliary all get involved.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Playwrights Canada Press
• Release date: Jan 1, 2003
• ISBN: 9781770913837

Norm Foster

Norm Foster has been the most produced playwright in Canada every year for the past twenty years. His plays receive an average of one hundred and fifty productions annually. Norm has over sixty plays to his credit, including The Foursome, On a First Name Basis, and Hilda’s Yard. He is the recipient of the Los Angeles Drama-Logue Award for his play The Melville Boys and is an Officer of the Order of Canada. He lives in Fredericton.

Book preview

Sinners

The Setting

The home of REVEREND and MONICA Lloyd. The set shows two rooms. The living room takes up about two-thirds of the set starting from stage left. The bedroom is on a raised platform. Downstage left is an exit, a swinging door, to the kitchen and basement. Upstage left is a window and, below that, a window seat. Set against the back wall, stage right of the window seat, a tall cabinet containing an assortment of dishes, a trophy, and other collectibles. The cabinet holds a case of silverware, a wedding photo, and a silver tea service. Next to the cabinet is the front door. Inside the door is a wall coat rack. Next to the door is a bookcase, which holds an assortment of books plus a cassette player and two small speakers. Beside the bookcase and coming out from the wall at a ninety-degree angle, is the door to the bedroom. Upstage right is the bedroom window. Against the wall right is a chest of drawers. This holds an assortment of beauty products, such as a brush, a hand mirror, a few bottles of perfume, make-up, and a jewellery box. The bed faces out from the wall next to the dresser. Downstage right, beside the bed, is a small night table on which sits a clock radio. In the drawer of the night table is a copy of The Joy of Sex. In the living room, downstage centre, are a couch, chair, and a coffee table. The chair is stage right of the couch. The coffee table holds a telephone, a bottle of wine, and two wine glasses. Downstage right is a plant stand. The room has a conservative, almost tacky look about it.

The Time

Early autumn. Present day.

Act I, Scene One

About nine o’clock in the evening. Ravel’s Bolero is playing. MONICA Lloyd, an attractive woman wearing a seductive nightgown, is in the bedroom. She checks her appearance in a hand mirror, then takes a bottle of perfume and sprays it on her neck and chest area. A knock on the front door is heard.

MONICA: Coming!

MONICA moves to the bookcase in the living room. Another, more frantic knock is heard.

MONICA: Yes, yes, I’m coming!

MONICA goes to the cassette player and turns up the volume. She opens the front door, and PETER Kramer, nervous and out of breath, rushes in. He is wearing a light overcoat over a sports jacket and plain slacks. He also wears a bow tie. PETER yells to be heard over the music.

PETER: What are you doing? What the hell is that?

MONICA: ( struts in flamenco-like fashion ) Isn’t it magnificent?

PETER: Turn it down, for God’s sake!! Someone will hear it!!

MONICA: Oh, Peter, it’s so romantic! ( PETER goes to the cassette player and turns it off. MONICA leans seductively against the cabinet ) Come to me.

PETER: ( rushes past MONICA to the window ) What took you so long? Why weren’t you waiting for me?

MONICA: I was waiting for you. I was in the bedroom.

PETER: You should have been out here by the door. You’re no good to me in the bedroom!

PETER peers out through the window. Beat.

MONICA: Peter, I think we’re starting off on the wrong foot here. ( moves toward PETER ) What are you looking at?

MONICA moves to stand in front of window. PETER pulls MONICA down and they huddle against the window seat.

PETER: Get down’

MONICA: What’s wrong with you?

PETER: I think I was followed.

MONICA: Followed? Now why would someone follow you?

PETER: I don’t know, but they did.

MONICA: Did you see someone?

PETER: No. No one.

MONICA: Did you hear somebody?

PETER: No.

MONICA: And you think you were followed?

PETER: I’m positive!

MONICA: ( stands up ) Oh, you’re being silly.

PETER: ( pulls MONICA down again ) Monica’!!

MONICA: No one’s following you. There’s no one out there at all.

PETER: Oh, you don’t think so, huh? Well, take a look for yourself. ( MONICA starts to get up to look but PETER pulls her down again ) Get down!!

MONICA: I didn’t get a look!

PETER: You don’t need a look. Take my word for it. They’re out there.

MONICA: ( stands ) Oh, will you stop this foolishness! You’re having an affair with a married woman, you’re not kidnapping the Pope.

PETER: ( gets up but stays out of sight of window ) I’d rather kidnap the Pope. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about his husband coming home.

MONICA: ( looks out window ) Where did you park your truck?

PETER: I didn’t bring my truck.

MONICA: Well, how did you get here?

PETER: I walked.

MONICA: You walked? It must be five miles from your place.

PETER: Seven. I stayed off the main road.

MONICA: Well, why in the world did you walk?

PETER: Because I didn’t want anyone to see my truck parked in front of your house while your husband is away.

MONICA: No one’s going to see anything way out here. The closest house is halfway back into town. Now, will you stop being so paranoid?

PETER: Why did I have to come here anyway? What’s wrong with my place all of a sudden?

MONICA: I just thought it was time for a change.

PETER: Monica, we’ve made love six times. I don’t need a change yet.

MONICA: ( presses against PETER ) Oooh, you’ve been keeping track.

PETER: I picked a number out of the air.

MONICA: Well it has been six times. And being here is going to make it more exciting than ever. Now, give me your coat.

MONICA pulls PETER’s coat down over his shoulders. PETER moves toward the door

PETER: No, no sorry. I can’t stay.

MONICA: What do you mean you can’t stay? ( follows PETER )

PETER: Well, it’s getting late. Thanks for everything though.

MONICA: It’s only nine o’clock. You just got here!

PETER: Yeah, but it’s a long walk back. I think I’d better get started.

MONICA: Peter?

PETER: Look, Monica. I’m sorry. I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I just don’t feel right here. I wish I did, but I don’t. So, if it’s all the same to you…

MONICA gives PETER a big kiss.

PETER: I’ll stay for a few minutes, and then I’ve got to go.

MONICA: That’s better. And for heaven’s sake, relax.

PETER: Relax? How can I relax? I’m skulking around like a common criminal. ( removes coat )

MONICA: You’re not skulking around.

PETER walks around, crouching every time he comes near the window.

PETER: I am skulking around. I’m skulking. I’ve never had to skulk before. I don’t like it.

MONICA: