Laughing at Life and Politics: Satiric Viewpoints

By Stephanie Sarich

An eclectic mix of New Year’s Predictions, political satire and musings about everyday life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: LifeRich Publishing
• Release date: Mar 28, 2021
• ISBN: 9781489734907

Stephanie Sarich

She is an equal-opportunity offender, finding the humor in everyday life and current and past politics.

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Copyright © 2021 Stephanie Sarich.

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This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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ISBN: 978-1-4897-3489-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4897-3490-7 (e)

LifeRich Publishing rev. date:  03/25/2021

CONTENTS

If Characters In Musicals Had Issues…

This Week In Politics

Xmas Gifts/New Year’s Predictions

Nimby=Economic Lsapt

This Week In Politics — Blue Biden?; Potential Mccain Admin.

Politics: Musings On Sarah Palin, My Platform For President.

Why Didn’t We Hear The Candidates Say….

2009 Predictions (Read ‘Em And Weep).

Iron Range Memorabilia For Sale

Complaints/Compliments That Don’t Fly

Ten Questions Of The Day

Weather Dumb

2016 Campaign — It’s Here!

Predictions For 2015

More Pet Peeves (That Set Me Off)

Pet Peeves

Modern Insults And Modern Apps

Signs That So-And-So Is An A-Hole

Comings And Goings, At The Workplace, Questions To Ponder

More Smart-Ass Answers To….

Smart-Ass Answers To:

Top 40, Predictions For 2016

Christmas Presents For The Candidates

Bring The Fun Back

Do Finish That Line

Michelle Obama Responds To Melania

Quotes And Sayings

Campaign 2016 – Interviewing Low-Info Voter

Not A Compliment, Dear…

Predictions Of The Famous

2017 Predictions

Knowing You…

Faux Pas & Revenge Rebuttals

Feelings, News For The Day

More Musings…

In Medical Notes

Animal Quotes, Politics, And Being A Nontechie.

Snot-Nose Answers, Those Tv Ads

To U Of M Admin.: My Two Cents’ Worth

You Know You’re A Meanie When…

More Answers, You Know You’re Pathetic When…

More Snotty Answers

Curmedgeons, Unite

You Know You Watch Too Much Tv…

You Don’t Get It…

2018 New Year’s Predictions

You Know You’ve Got A Bad Disposition When…

Books, Songs, Rude Responses

Day Job Impacting Your Life?…

What If…, More Snot-Nose Answers.

Creative Curses

Trumpian And Liberal Songs

Songs And Remarks

Thoughts On Minnesota Campaign 2018

Trump Side Story

Enough Of…

In-Laws From Hell And More

It’s Christmas – Bah Humbug

Xmas Songs, Testing Your Moral Compass

2019 Psychic Predictions

You Know You’re Vain When…

2019 New Year’s Resolutions

Happier Than, More Miserable Than…

Match The Insult… Lent Questions

The Winter That Won’t End

Taboo Songs For Presidential Campaign Trail

Thoughts Re: Celebrities

Song Answers, Funny Tombstones

Trump In England And Japan — Oh My.

Coping With The Times

More Insults, Career Pros And Cons

Our Overtechnical Life

Holiday Ranting

Suggested Songs, Pet Peeves

Glad Xmas Is Over Because…

2020 New Year’s Predictions

Xmas Gift Lift For Politicos

Debate Suggestions… Song Replies

Covid-19 Silver Linings

Likes And Dislikes For Fervent…

This Land…

2020: Too Politically Correct?

Campaign 2020, Musical Medley:

Commercials And Conventions

Questions For Presidential Debate

Halloween’s Here

Desperado/Trump

New Conspiracy Theories

Goodbye To The Trumps

2021 Predictions

Xmas Casting, Gift List

You’ve Got It Bad When…

Problem-Solving Suggestions

IF CHARACTERS IN

MUSICALS HAD ISSUES…

July 5, 2007

Perhaps we’d be fondly (?) remembering…

Seven Bridles for Seven Brothers

Someone to Walk Over Me

The con man who got away

You crawed out from a rock

Baubles, bangles and chains

Some accursed evening

Be careful, it’s my Jarvak heart

Noncaffeinated organic tea for two

Lab Letters in the Sand

Dancing and Stumbling in the Dark

For every man there’s a woman, a man, or both

You do something to me…cut it out!

Only a Roast (eating obsession)

Till the Clods Roll By

Why Was I Born, or rather, made in that tube?

He IS heavy (low motabolism), and he’s my brother

The sun will come up tomorrow (unfortunately)

Que no sera, no sera….

I’ll never smile again (Botox!).

It only happens when I don’t dance with you

Happiness is a thing called Joanne (closet lesbian)

Don’t do it again (too much Viagra use)

I wonder who’s kicking her now (divorced wife-beater)

Street of Wet Dreams (porn-addicts)

Let it be someone else (afraid and/or passive)

Strangers in the Day (afraid of the dark)

Until it’s time for you to go (overactive bladder)

Time After Time After Time After Time (don’t know when to quit)

You’re the skim milk in my coffee (constant dieter)

Smoky Mascara gets in your eyes (sensitive eyes)

A pretty fat girl, is like a melody (likes big women only)

I got it bad, and that’s good (masochist)

Not Making Whoopee (impotence)

Hey, Look Me Over (egotism)

THIS WEEK IN POLITICS

August 25, 2007

One of Bill Richardson’s top campaign workers had to quit because he reportedly was involved in working for a brothel. What, experience with people prostituting themselves? Now I ask you: What more perfect background for politics can you ask for?

There’s a rumor that Hillary Clinton is penning a political book entitled, The Audacity of Barak Obama..hoping to become President.

There are rumors Obama is penning his own tome titled, It DOESN’T take a village idiot…or why I’D be a better president than Hill’.

It seems like everybody is hosting presidential candidate debates these days….who’s next, the American Dry Cleaners Association or the Top Five Dental Floss Manufacturers? I’m a political junkie, but it’s early and weed down the candidates already, man!

My suggestions for candidates to enhance their campaigns:

Barak Obama — Resolve the Is he black enough? nonsense once and for all by meeting with 100 other African-Americans and other blacks of Island origin and doing a scientific analysis/comparison of their skin tones.

John Edwards: Hold a month-long hair-in and not cut, style or spray his locks, proving his $200 haircuts and Vanity Fair cover really DON’T define him after all.

Joe Biden: DON’T express your opinion for a week.

Christopher Dodd: Next time add fly-repellant to your hair spray (anyone else notice that fly that rode over his ‘do at the last debate? Well, Dodd didn’t.)

Gravelle: Don’t say Who you gonna nuke? ANYMORE.

Clinton: Tell Barak he is indeed experienced enough …to be your White House intern (bonus: Bill won’t have anything to worry about).

Dennis Kucinich: I love the guy, but get some platform shoes, and a better haircut/toupee (hint: ask John E. if you need advice).

Bill Richardson: Remind us more that you’re from the West. People ate it up for Reagan, you know. Perhaps a cowboy hats and boots…a Putin-like pose out in the New Mexico desert? Can’t hurt! Also: How about I love you, Bill as your theme song? It stays with you, you know.

XMAS GIFTS/NEW YEAR’S

PREDICTIONS

December 31, 2007

Christmas Humor:

(By Stephanie Sarich, [e-mail])

XMAS GIFTS TO/FROM PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES OF ’08: Hillary Clinton:

TO: Sally Fields perky wind-up doll that blurts out, The American people like you Hillary….we really like you!

FROM: CD compilation of hits to subliminally prepare us for inevitable Clinton reign, (Mike Huckabee, eat your Christian heart out!), including, Here I Come; I am Woman; We Are The Champions; Loving You’s the Right Thing to Do; I am the Walrus; and You’ve Got Me Under Your Skin.

Barak Obama:

TO: CD, Sounds of Blackness’s greatest hits.

FROM: Revision of book now titled, The Audacity of Hope – WITHOUT taking Dope.

John Edwards:

TO: $2,000 gift certificate to hair salon of his choice (hey, givel him what he likes).

FROM: Self-help book, Corporate Greed, Hey, Guys, We’re Really Getting Screwed Here, Don’t You Get It!, for Dummies.

Bill Richardson:

TO: $2,000 hair salon gift certificate (he’s cute, but hair color’s too dark).

FROM: Autographed picture of him riding a horse (to compete with that rock star, and hey – he’s the only candidate who does it!)

FROM: CD of songs chosen by this master diplomat to cantankerous leaders like that Iranian President and North Korea’s Great Leader, including, We Can Work It Out and We Love You Bill.

Joe Biden:

TO: Book, The Art of Brevity.

FROM: Book, Buddy, Did I said THAT? Christopher Dodd:

TO: Family Photo Album (He does have the cutest kids, you must admit).

FROM: Book, 101 Answers to the 101 questions you guys should have asked me but didn’t, while chasing Hillary and Barak around… Dennis Kucinich:

TO: Iron Range Potica (though vegan, he can’t resist the pastry treat). Book on UFOs.

FROM: CD of Peace Songs including Let’s Give Peace A Chance, Imagine, and We Can Work it Out. Also self-authored book, Throw out that burger: Go Vegan! Senator Mike Gravelle:TO: Book, Potted Plants Out Front.FROM: Self-authored horror tome, Why These Guys Here Really SCARE MeRudy Guillani:TO: Book, Torture from the Spanish Inquision On…hopefully Rudy’ll learn something reading it, but one never knows….. DVD, The Ex-Wives Club.FROM: Books, Never Forget — 9/11, and Afraid of Terrorists – call R-u-d-y,

N-e-w Y-o-r-k, T-w-i-n T-o-w-e-r-s. (Okay we get it!)

Mitt Romney:

TO: National Geographic Movie on Chamaleons, three sets of flip-flops, and self-help book, Being Taken Seriously…when you’re rich, look like a model and exude oodles of charm.

FROM: Book, How To Get Rich Like Me…without losing your values. Poster with photo of the dashing Romney and his good-looking wife and family with subliminal religious images – halo-like lights behind the hair-heads, along with a huge Christmas tree blinking silver star, and a lot of images of little t’s everywhere (crosses, get it?).

Mike Huckabee:

TO: A huge Baptist church for campaign headquarters. 10,000 bibles to hand out during campaign events. The Holy Grail.

FROM: Self-authored books, Jesus and Me, and Good Guys DO Finish First in the Race For The White House. Card of manger scene with face of Huckabee superimposed on baby Jesus’s, with motto, Putting Christ Back In Christmas.

John McCain:

TO: A win in New Hampshire (hey, he may be an SOB, but he’s THEIR SOB out East).

FROM: Ostensibly self-help book, How to Be Tough in Times of Trouble, which for some reason goes over and over McCain’s triumph over being a P.O.W.

Tom Tancredo:

TO: Book on building impenetrable fences, including use of electric shocks.

FROM: CD, "They’ll be Coming Round the Mountain," and other not-so-subtle anti-immigration songs. (Message: Afraid of Illegal Immigrants – vote T-o-m now).

Ron Paul:TO: Book, The Dark Horse.

FROM: Self-help Libertarian book, Getting the Feds Out of Here.

New Year’s Resolutions for Candidates:

Hillary Clinton: Find out who John Edwards’ hair-dresser is. Tutor her impersonator on Saturday Night Live to do a better imitation. Dig up more dirt on Barak’s elementary school past.

Barak Obama: Steal more Clinton advisors for his campaign.

John Edwards: Be President or Die (well, almost).

Bill Richardson: Learn another language (he knows Spanish, English, and French – what’s one more?); learn to perfect Spanish accent to sound like Christopher Dodd’s.

Get nod for Vice-Presidency or Secretary of State under Clinton Administration.

Joe Biden: Get nod for Vice-Presidency or Secretary of State in Clinton administration.

Rudy Gulliani: Get his wife, ex-wives and kids to all get along.

Mitt Romney: Be President or Die (well, almost).

John McCain: Be voted Prisoner of War of the Year.

Mike Huckabee: To be Christian Leader of the U.S. (there, he said it!).

PREDICTIONS FOR THE YEAR 2008

After the Obamas and Kuciniches gamely appear on Wife Swap, they love it and decide to really swap lives – for good!. Says Barak: Hey, I’m Muslim (shhh!); besides, remember audacity?. Says Dennis: So long as she knows, no flesh-eating allowed, (apparently flesh-swapping is).

There will be a MAJOR scientific breakthrough. A new way of obtaining stem cells is discovered by a drunk Washington, D.C. lab cleaning woman, mixing wee steel wool bits with brandied fingernail cell DNA. Says the astonished lab director: Some answers really ARE found in a bottle.

A DNA-proven love child of Bill Clinton’s – a dead-ringer 18-year-old Arkansan boy, appears out of the blue, rocking nominee Hillary and the world of electoral politics. But he ultimately humanizes Hil more. Junior is a HUGE hit on the trail – particularly with young women.

After a Colorado spa/rehab retreat, Drew Barrymore gets religion, renounces both men and women lovers, joins an Amish community in southern Wisconsin and is never heard from again.

After being tempted on the campaign trail with coffee, cocktails and more than one willing woman, Mitt Romney can’t take it anymore. He indulges, renounces his beloved Mormonism, and moves out of the family home. But his wife takes him (and his millions) back when he drops out of the race and reconverts. (Shame on you, Mitt!)

Though Mike Huckabee’s popularity doesn’t translate to becoming the Republican nominee, he achieves world-wide fame as a TV Christian evangelist/rock star, rivaling Billy Graham and Elvis Presley. His hit single, Saving You, stays at the top of the charts for months on end.

Things come to a head when headstrong Angelina Jolie is intent on adopting a set of newborn mixed-race sextuplets dumped at a New Orleans hospital. Proclaims Brad, Enough is enough, Angie. It’s me or the babies!, storms out and threatens to leave her for good. Note: Of course the lovebirds reconcile when Angie (this ONE time) gives in to her hunk.

The Spears sisters make millions from writing their book, Secrets to Being Southern, Trashy, and Super, Super-Fertile.

Oops….Britney Spears strips down to her underwear (and/or wears no underwear). She goes on booze and drug binges. She drops one or both boys; an assistant catches them. She dyes/shaves her hair/wears (bad) hair extensions. She acts badly at a photo-op, can’t dance, can’t sing, dates many different guys (yawn-n-n…….)

Kevin Federline is named Father of the Year, much to Britney’s chagrin.

John Edwards gets a $500 haircut. Of course, someone has to blab to the media.

After leaving his Capitol hill office at midnight, Dennis Kucinich sees a blinking UFO and a peering green, three-eared alien in its window. He rushes to grab his camera from his briefcase; just as fast, the vessel zooms off. Darn!

When Suri Cruise has a rush operation, secret DNA blood tests done by an Enquirer-paid lab worker prove she really IS the child of Scientology founder R. Hubbard. Tom tries to hush things up, to no avail. Reportedly Katie is at an utter loss to figure out how Tom managed to pull this off: It’s all news to her.

Nicole Kidman, for the heck of it, joins hubby Keith Urban on stage for a few duets while on his tour. Surprisingly, she is quite good, and the audience loves them together (Country’s Nelson and Jeannette, swoons Music Tonight magazine). However, she loves acting too much, and much to Dolly Parton and the country world’s disappointment, returns to Oscar.

Demi Moore undergoes more plastic surgery, gets a few film roles, and looks fabulous as always. Ashton Kuchner is STILL 29 years old (does the guy ever age!?).

The angel Gabriel suddenly appears behind Hillary Clinton on camera as she makes her State of the Union address, then a minute later vanishes. Politicos claim foul, that she’s stolen a page from Mike Huckabee’s book. Mrs. Clinton swears she had nothing to do with it — and worldwide tech. experts agree.

Ben Afflick and Jennifer Gardner’s daughter Violet discovers ice skating and really takes to it. By year’s end she is declared a skating prodigy by Dick Buttons and even manages a triple loop. She’ll surely be an Olympic gold medalist, maybe a Sonja Henji. At first Ben and Jen feel a bit upstaged but are incredibly proud.

George Clooney remains unmarried.

Jealous of Beckham’s success at underwear modeling, Matthew McConoughy plunges into the field. Though his chest measures up, he isn’t entirely up to par with Beckham – sorry, Matt.

Shirley MacLaine has another out-of-body experience; nobody cares.

An asteroid threatens to smash right into New York City. Luckily Al Gore with his scientific expertise helps NASA to dissolve it before it enters the atmosphere. (Gosh, what award do we give him NOW?).

One of the last remaining Wizard of Oz Munchkin actors kicks off. Well-eulogized and remembered, he is taken to his burial ground as the song, Follow the Yellow Brick Road, plays on: Not a dry eye in the house, folks.

NIMBY=ECONOMIC LSAPT

February 22, 2008

We are all familiar with NIMBY — not in my back yard. I’ve a name for this phenomenon as it applies economically to employers and average American workers — LSEPT. LSEPT: Let somebody else pay them. (I might add, AWGMAM. As we (top dogs) Get More and More — Economic Darwinism or Survival of the Richest.)

Below are several LSEPT examples:

Hospitals and clinics more and more outsource medical transcription to services that rarely provide benefits and health insurance and which demand more and more lines per day, so that only speed demons earn semi-decent money. The only ones making any real money are the service owners. In-house transcriptionists remaining are often provided split shift work (typing medical reports only at inopportune times to send out) or sent scrambling to do ever more to justify (an administrator’s words) paying them in comparison to what agencies charge or what home workers produce (often with added unpaid time). Statewide and nationwide, this outsourcing results in thousand of workers without benefits and health insurance. No matter — LSEPT. I wonder, where does that extra money saved go –surely not to lowering health care costs for patients or for raises for other underpaid employees.

At the University of Minnesota wages have fallen 5% in value in relation to our 1995 earnings, and we’ve had to strike twice in five years. Before the Union, several years there were pay freezes. The administration here dearly wants to bust the unions and have a largely low-paid and temporary work force. (I know one worker who worked as a temp. in the health center for two years before finally being hired full-time!) Not only that, but they are intransigent about giving workers priority to jobs within the U and prefer hiring from outside whenever possible — oftentimes to whomever will work for the least salary. LSEPT. (Meanwhile, administration salaries go through the roof, way exceeding the inflation rate. Like State Senator Marty said, There IS a connection.)

The Metro Transit bus drivers have also had to strike twice for decent wages and health insurance benefits. The ring-wing powers that be don’t even want government jobs to pay well anymore and offer good benefits. Governor Pawlenty took the cold-blooded step of laying off long-term food service providers at the Capitol because private services cost the State less, with no benefits. If he’d take a poll, I’d bet even most Republicans would have said, let these guys keep their jobs and benefits. But well, if they want a good-paying job — LSEPT. (Meanwhile Pawlenty attends a Martin Luther King event and piously raves about the man who had opined that Unions are the best way for workers to better themselves — what a joke.) Teachers in Minnesota have increasingly precarious positions as well, constantly fearing layoffs and budgetary constraints.

I remember hearing of people receiving raises of 4-6%; now they feel lucky to get 2-3% (even the best, most productive workers). Come on, have things changed so much that NO company or organization can afford more than that — in ANY year? Many corporate profits havwe gone up — Exxon Oil had a banner year, as did some drug companies, and insurance company CEOs get millions of dollars — in severence pay, no less. The average worker? LSEPT.

McDonald’s American franchises in Japan recently were forced by court order to back pay so-called managers thousands of dollars in unpaid overtime owed to them. One manager was so overworked that he could no longer count out money without his hands shaking and was diagnosed with a minor stroke. The Japanese have a term for overwork: karioshi. (I think we Americans are so accustomed to overwork and paltry pay it’s just an assumed fact of life for which we haven’t thought to give a name.)

Then we wonder why the U.S. economy is faltering and why few can afford to buy or keep their housing, fill their gas tanks and spend money at the mall. We wonder why the middle class is eroding. It’s true, many good manufacturing jobs have left, we have more of a service economy, Iron Range mines don’t employ as many workers in northern Minnesota as in past years, etc. But that only explains part of it, and that’s all the more reason to care that average workers don’t slip behind year by year and get undercut in salaries. Many smaller companies are doing less well economically having to compete with big ones. The rest: Right-wing Republican policy, corporate and individual greed and just plain selfishness. LSEPT — there must be someone else who can pay those workers enough so that they can buy the products and services the rich produce, get a house, prop up our ailing economy…

The problem is, waiting for Somebody Else can be like waiting for Godot. To paraphrase John F. Kennedy, Ask not what you can do for your company (profits), ask what you can do for your country (its economy and workers).

THIS WEEK IN POLITICS —

BLUE BIDEN?; POTENTIAL

MCCAIN ADMIN.

September 23, 2008

Joe Biden’s feeling blue, left out. While SNL, Colbert, et al. mock Obama, McCain and Palin, NOBODY is spoofing him. No one! What gives?

Said Joe yesterday: "Hell, no, I’m not flattered that comedians find nothing to mock. I’m a serious V.P. candidate, not just Bidening my time here (ha ha). How about — I’m a real East Coast candidate. You think Palin’s Canadian/Alaskan accent is funny — what about mine? I shoot from the mouth a lot too — you know, saying Barak’s black, clean and articulate (though his room isn’t so clean — dirty socks all over the floor, ask Michelle — but I digress.) You think Obama’s professorial? Huh. I’ve taught Constitutional Law for years. Isn’t that knowledgeable, even elitist? Do down-home, picnic-goer, bowling Americans want BOTH candidates to be experts in Constitutional Law? Try talking about THAT over a beer.

How about funny names? Sure, Sarah’s got Trig, Bristol, Branch….well, my son’s named Beau — Beau! Who the