Smiley!: A Laughing Matter

By Smiley Anders

Smiley Anders's first book, "Best of Smiley," published by AuthorHouse, presented humorous excerpts from his six-day-a-week newspaper columns in the Baton Rouge, La., Advocate published between 1979 and 1990.
This book not only contains funny stories from his columns published between 1991 and 2000, but also an account of his life, from his early days as a spoiled brat in Natchez, Miss., to his high school and college days in Baton Rouge and his journey in journalism that culminated in his award-winning column.
Here you'll find Cajun jokes featuring Boudreaux and Thibodeaux, tales of Louisiana politicians both free and incarcerated and a somewhat less than serious look at the "Gret Stet" of Louisiana and its colorful citizens.
It's as much fun as Mardi Gras, without the hangover.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Mar 16, 2012
• ISBN: 9781468554045

Smiley Anders

Smiley Anders (that's his real name) has been writing his light-hearted column in The Advocate in Baton Rouge, La., since 1979. The column appears six days a week, and has won numerous awards, including the Herb Caen Award for best items column by the National Society of Newspaper Columnists on five occasions. In 2011 Smiley was inducted into the Hall of Fame at LSU's Manship School of Mass Communications. A native of Natchez, Miss., he lives in Baton Rouge with his wife, the former Katherine Scales, who appears in his columns as "Lady Katherine." He has two children, six grandchildren and four great-grandchildren, plus three cats he shares with his spouse.

Book preview

Contents

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

INTRODUCTION

Natchez Days

School Days

More Natchez Memories

On To Baton Rouge

Back To School

My First Byline

High School Days

The Dawn Of Cool

WIBR Was the Biggest,

But WXOK Had Diggie Doo

Class Warfare Along the Illinois

Central Tracks

Hopper’s on a Saturday Night

A Liberal Education at the Hotel Bruin

Big and Little Fuzz, and This Bowlegged Kid, Cannon

"Two Things Could Close Down

a Sock Hop . . ."

My Tattoo

Discovering Mencken

The Boy In The Band

The J-School

Home Alone

Reveille Days

Championship Season

Clarksdale Summer

Mr. Editor

One Hundred Pages

The Run

Night Train To Shreveport

Night And The City

Shreveport Interlude

The PR Guy

Down On The Farm

Mr. Business Reporter

Birth Of A Column

New Roads Days

A Spanish Town Home

Lady Katherine

A Memory Of A Quiet Christmas

All In The Family

Ode To A Youthful Comedian

He Was The Bravest Guy I Ever Knew

Taking A Look Back

1991: The Election From Hell

Musical Interlude

You Gotta Give Him Credit…

Out Of Sight…

Cajuns At War

Small Talk

Cross My Heart, This Is True

You Mean We Can Be Replaced?

Food For Thought

Parting Shot

His Wicked, Wicked Wife

The End

A Fish Story For The Birds

Chemical Reaction

Something To Sing About

The Quiet Hour

Crime Wave

Criminal Behavior

Communications Gap

Fair Enough

The Ultimate Ad

1992: That Wonderful Year

Limited Admittance

Our Other State Bird

Southern Hospitality

The Great River Search

Dead Wrong

Shell Game

Emergency Delivery

Initial Reaction

Only In Louisiana

No Joke(R)

Negative Thinking

Close Quarters

Liquid Assets

That Sinking Feeling

Bare Facts

No Pummeling Allowed

A Political Speech?

Youthful Indiscretion

Hard Time Blues

That’ll Show ‘Em!

Sandy’s Moment Of Fame

Roland Returns

The Naked Truth

The Wrongest Number

Only In Louisiana

Silencing A Blowhard

Do It Yourself

Say What?

Financial Statement

Streetcar Confusion

Just Like Home

Turning Over A New Leaf

Oops!

As The Gerry Manders

1993: A Pain In The, Uh, Lower Back

Street Smarts

Consider The Alternative

The Paper Chase

A Moving Tale

Legal But Lonely

Ultimate Sacrifice

Show Time

Incentive Plan

Grace Under Fire

A Rare Louisiana Moosehound

Initial Reaction

Heavenly Trial

Take A Break

A Major Oversight

Last Laugh

Holland Holidays

Biting Wit

Job Security

Stinging Remark

The Louisiana Chomp!

Ups And Downs

1994: Gambling, Football And Lesser Things

Politically Correct Geography

Give Him A Hand

Death And Football

Just The Facts, Please

Makes Cents To Me

Bathroom Humor

The Ultimate Job Training

Amazing Grace

If Anybody Needs One…

Critical Mass

What Freudian Slip?

Aging In Acadiana

An Inside Job

Wait! There’s Worse!

Where Prices Are Heavenly

Keep ‘Em Cold, Salty And Stupid

A Dangerous Precedent

The Bottom Line

Best Of Both Worlds

Think Southern

1995: Suddenly It’s Cool To Be

A Republican

Planning Ahead

Blame It On Love

Geography Lesson

Crowning Achievement

The Ultimate Atheist

The Ultimate Line

Think Cajun

Brief Grief

Not Her Day

A Bad Heir Day

The Five-Speed Option

Educational Experience

Snow Kidding

Those Floating Suckers

A Cowboy’s Lament

High Finance

Think Big

Meeting Mr. Lea

The Ultimate Hazard

A Long Strange Trip

Employment Opportunity

Why Does This Sound Familiar?

Take That, Boss!

Musical Interlude

1996: Welcome, Gov. Easy Rider

It’s Currently Greek

High-Tech World

This Story, She’s A Good One

Say What?

Ultimate Guest List

Aging Process

Music, Not Science, Major

We’re Talking Rural Here

Aging Process

Expert Opinions

Good (Male) Housekeeping

Hold That Hog!

No Comment

Sticky Situation

He’s The Most

Machine Politics

Thank Goodness For That!

Clever Policeman!

1997: A Year To Reflect And FORGET

Truth In Advertising

Creative Cuisine

Seat Of Learning

Picky, Picky, Picky

Fashion Statement

Helping Hands

Lord Help Us

A Matter Of Priorities

Colorful Comment

Dogs And Cats Are Different

Road Memories

Animal Crack

Oops, Wrong Word!

Many Happy Returns

Horsing Around

Knock-Knock Joke

False Advertising

Latin And Less

Food Industry Major?

1998: The Year Of Living Dangerously

Southern Exposure

Accept No Substitutes

Geography Lesson

It’s Called Cajunization

Cool Comment

Educational Experience

Life Imitates Mardi Gras

Magic Moment

Let’s Get Cynical

Only In Louisiana

1999: Yet Another Year Of Weird

Double Trouble

A Suite Deal

Thrill Of The Hunt

Only In Louisiana

Where’s That Translator?

Think Rouge

A Feast For Mind And Body

Gourmand’s Paradise

Aggies Strike Back

Initial Reaction

Born To Fish

Southern Syllables

Heaven On Earth?

That Dreaded Bug

They Oughta Fry Him!

Sticky Situation

The Littlest Entomologist

God’s Country

Tell It Like It Is

Selling The Generation Gap

Only In Louisiana

The Joy Of Eating

2000: Another Zany Year

Educational Experience

Culture Shock

What Southern Hospitality?

Planning An Escape

Let My Preacher Go

Creative Driving

Bon Appetit!

Employment Opportunity

A Watery Fate

Babying Mudbugs

We Need A Junta!

Crisis Of Faith

Limits Of Technology

Ah, Romance!

Life Imitates Art

Selling The Sizzle

Who Needs Hallmark?

Purr-Fect Question

Go, Fish

Quick Thinking

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

My thanks to my co-editors, who are also the women in my life: Katherine Anders (wife) and Tammy Anders Smith (daughter). They spend long hours searching for my many errors, but more importantly they nagged me to finish this book until I couldn’t take it any more and finally did it. Love ya, ladies…

I’m also grateful to the talented artist David Norwood, aka DIN, for the terrific drawings. I once described David as the only real genius I’ve ever known, and defined genius as making something difficult look easy. Thanks, DIN…

I have to thank David Manship, publisher of The Advocate, for putting up with me all these years, and for giving me one of my favorite lines when I asked him when he thought I should retire. He said, Retire from WHAT?

And last but not least, I’m extravagantly grateful to all the wonderful, talented, funny, weird people who write my column for me every day. They do all the work and I get all the credit, plus a paycheck. Works for me…   

INTRODUCTION

Several years ago I did a little book called Best of Smiley. In it I ran little items that had run in the column between 1979 and 1990. It consisted of Cajun jokes, Aggie jokes, bad puns, etc., that I had collected over the decade in my six-days-a-week column for The Advocate in Baton Rouge, La.

I figured that was it as far as my career as an author.

But then a couple of more decades went by, and I realized I had a lot of funny stories that might make a book. Plus, I had been asked by some readers to tell about how I grew up in Baton Rouge in the ‘40s and ‘50s, and how I got to do what I do.

So, with the persistent urging of my wife and daughter, I launched this project. I pulled items I thought were funny or meaningful, or both, from the columns of 1991 through 2000. That was the easy part.

Then I started trying to recall my childhood, teen years and early adulthood. That was harder.

I think I’ve gotten most the details right. But if you run across some recollection you know is wrong, don’t complain to me about it — just think of this as a novel.

I have a lot of fun at my job, and I’ve had a lot of fun putting this book together. I hope you have a lot of fun reading it…  

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Natchez Days

My mother described the day of my birth, Nov. 20, 1937, as a terrible day, weather-wise. (I think that’s all she meant by terrible.)

She said, It was sleeting something awful, and your daddy had to borrow his brother John’s car to get me to the hospital, because we didn’t have a car at that time.

Of course, we didn’t really need one at that time, because we lived close to downtown Natchez, Miss., and we could walk everywhere.

My mom continued, We were in John’s new Plymouth. It was early in the morning; the sun wasn’t even up yet. The streets were slick with ice and we were so afraid we were going to wreck it, and it was a borrowed car, you know. We lived with my mother on Washington Street; we had an apartment in the back of her house. She told me to dress warm and not to slip down on the ice… (My mom is inclined to wander a bit while telling a story…)

She always stressed to me how much trouble I caused by being born on such a miserable day, and I felt a certain resentment towards me for being such a thoughtless son.

The only memories I have of my earliest years come from photos of me—a chubby, cherubic kid with curly hair, stomping around a downtown park in my snowsuit, and later in a sailor suit, looking at goldfish in the big brick fountain or grinning at the camera with an ain’t I adorable? grin.

We shared my grandmother’s house with her and my mother’s brother and sister, who were in high school.

My grandfather had split and married a red-haired employee known in our household as Hag. At that time any divorce was a big scandal, and Natchez was so small that the divorced parties and their families couldn’t help running into each other. This made for a terribly sticky situation, as I discovered later.

Once I got old enough to talk, my uncle, a teenager, delighted in teaching me words that would get me in trouble.

My parents told me that after one of his coaching sessions, they took me to the park in my stroller. An elderly gentleman sitting on a bench offered me a cookie, and as I munched