“HELLO, SMITHERS. YOU’RE QUITE GOOD. AT. TURNING ME. ON.”

We’ve all seen it: Waylon Smithers’ homemade, deep-faked ‘erotic content’ depicting his tyrannical, decrepit boss Mr. Burns topless and languidly seducing the camera. Those robotic words echo in my mind as I venture into Springfield to interview a man previously known as ‘Burns-sexual’ for his long-derided attraction to Springfield’s oldest resident.

But things have changed. Ever since Smithers officially came out — well, sort of; he stepped out of the glass closet via a doomed courtship with the sexy, sharp-tongued Julio some time ago — he’s technically become the world’s most widely recognised gay man. (Move over, Lil Nas X.)

Now, from Evergreen Terrace to the Kwik-E-Mart, word on the street is the  designer by the suitably grand name of Michael De Graaf*. Who, by the way, moonlights as a judge on a -esque reality show actor Victor Garber.