My Journey and Struggle with Agape

By Sincerely Agape Poet Heart

A lost woman searching for love, her true self, and her real purpose in life. As she goes on her journey in life, she struggles with relationships with friends, family, and significant others. She also struggles with her self-worth while giving her all to everyone around her. She finds herself in a deep dark place, crying out for help, But no one would help. Through all her struggles and mistakes, God always stood by her side. As things get tough, she begins searching for God and her true self inside and out; during the storm in August 2019, a divine spirit entered her life, this beautiful holy spirit unleashed a great Force she had never come in contact with, two weeks after this divine lioness entered the world Love begin to lose her mind, her past pain came back to hunt her, all the mental, emotional, verbal, physical and spiritual beat downs, all the losses and deaths of loved ones that took place in her life placed her in a deep depression for three years, anxiety, and triggers that reminded her of the past, the yelling, screaming of hateful words, man, control, aggression, what a nightmare to cross paths with these hurtful words, night terrors and evil people. Love finds her true self, and she finds out that she is Agape, Empathy, a writer, mother, grandmother, Communication, and a poet at heart. Her pain is more in-depth than anyone can understand. No one can walk a mile in someone else's shoes, most people are only here to gossip and judge, but in the end, Love had to clear her table to make room for her blessings from God. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. After thirty-two years she found her inner self.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Jan 25, 2021
• ISBN: 9781532097232

Sincerely Agape Poet Heart

I am, Sincerely Agape Poet @ Heart, 39-year-old single mother of six, a grandmother, entrepreneur, writer, poet, and inspiring motivational speaker. Born in Arkansas, raised in Long Beach, CA, and Jonesboro, Ga.

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This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

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ISBN: 978-1-5320-9722-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-9723-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020921947

iUniverse rev. date: 01/25/2021

CONTENTS

My Journey With Micheal

My Journey And Struggle In A New Environment

A Lost Little Girl

My Journey And Struggle With Timothy

My Journey And Struggle With Courtney

My Encounter With The Devil

My Journey And Struggle With Aaron

Life In The Eyes Of A Chess Player

My Journey And Struggle With Neil

My Journey And Struggle With Camron

The Entanglement With Emotions

My Journey And Struggle With Mark

My Struggle With My On Thoughts

My Journey And Struggle With Family

2020 Overload

To Make It Clear

My Journey And Struggle With Losing My Children

My Journey And Struggle With Friendship

Queen

Empathy And Attraction

Learning To Live With My On Scars

To My Beautiful Eight Angels Sent From God

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Sincerely Agape Poet @ Heart

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I once wanted the world to accept and love me, but I found out that the world will not accept me, I have to accept and love me, I thought I was lost and confused but I found out the world is lost and confused. The world would not know an angel if God placed a purple crown on her head. I’m her and you did not see it, not once did you see it, you came only to break her down but my God is so good he kept me in the wilderness. Thank you, Lord. Sometimes the soul Is broken and no one will understand.

What is Agape? Agape is a selfless, unconditional love like the one Christ manifested on the cross; It goes beyond the physical presence. It desires to see you grow, it sees past your flaws, it sees opportunities for building into you, it does not second guess you. Agape does anything for the person it loves without seeing it as a sacrifice. Agape is not one-sided, it’s a foundation that builds together.

As a little girl, I always wanted a great job, an amazing husband, and children. Never did I once think LIFE and Love would be this hard. From my first to my last relationship, it had been pure hell. I grew up in a pretty good environment, and in a pretty good Lifestyle as well. I can’t say I ever went without anything, but there is no such thing as perfect, LIFE has its ups and downs, we all have struggles, there’s a time to, learn, love, live and struggle, for rich or poor, we all have good times and bad times. Life is a journey filled with obstacles, the greater you become the greater your mindset becomes. I was born in a small town In Texas. I Grew up with both parents in the same household, they had been married for a while by the time I was born, however, they were still developing at this time in life, I watched my parents strive together through thick and thin working hard to provide for myself and my older brother Myron, my mother Velma worked as a nurse and my father James worked as a fireman. My mother, Velma was a huge fusser, I never felt like I could tell her anything because she fussed so much, I felt as if she did not love me, my mother was just like her mother, Ruth, if you said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing, they would start fussing and saying things that would hurt your feelings, As I grew up in age, I learned that they were tough to communicate in that way, they came from a generation of tough love, nothing was handed to them they had to work hard to get where they wanted to be at in life, they also were born during a time blacks and whites were still segregated. My mother tells me a story once about her going to work with her mother Ruth, says Ruth use to work in a restaurant, in downtown Atlanta Texas as a cook, on this particular day one of Ruth’s co-workers brought her daughter to work with her as well, my mother says she was a little white girl but at that time my mother did not see color differences, till, the little white girl ran to the front of the restaurant, my mother says just as she went to follow the little girl, Ruth gives her a strange look like I wish you would, after that day my mother knew that there Is a difference between her skin and the little white girl’s skin, I can’t do what she does, the blacks can only come in from the back of the restaurant and they were not allowed in the front at all. My mother and her six brothers and sisters were raised by a single strong black woman. I also learned that I am a very mental person, I am a child at heart, my God is love and peace, God would never use anger, violence, or hateful words, words mean a lot to me because, in my mind, words are powerful, words manifest beauty and love but words also can manifest hate, hate and anger can overwhelm the spirit, causing the spirit to become filled with evil, chaos, or pain, you don’t scream or yell at anyone unless your upset with them or you hate them, everyone deals with things differently but as for me, you must be gentle with your words because mentally I don’t take them well, I came from Gods love, I am Agape, I am empathy, I am a poet at heart, I don’t see ugly in anyone, what others call flaws, I see the beauty in them. I know it’s not easy for anyone to change there old ways they learned from the beginning of their time. I also learned that the fussing my family did was good advice and knowledge, but the content of the way you deliver that knowledge can affect the way you receive it. I could tell my father James anything and ask him anything, he always spoke great knowledge, sometimes I wonder if God sent him to minister to the world, he loves to talk, he over talks, he talked so much my mind would wander off and leave the conversation, I also learned that I have a short attention span, but also I chose what I wanted to tell him, I didn’t want to tell my father girly stuff, I wanted to talk to my mother but I couldn’t, she would only fuss, I could feel the aggression and anger coming from her heart, I am chosen and destined to be great and so are my children when you’re chosen and you don’t know it you have no ideal how to control your gifts, I was born from love, unconditional love(Agape), I am Agape, I am Empathy, I was raised by my granny Ruth as a child and she installed me with even more Love and empathy, my granny Ruth helped everyone, even her enemies, she helped my father James and his family when my fathers older brother passed away, she also helped with my grandmother Ola’s funeral cost as well, Granny Ruth was a gift to us all but the hard part about life Is no one ever see’s the good you do in life they only see what they want to see. I’ve learned over time, I am very vulnerable to others energy, I’m an empath, the empathy that I have for others breaks my heart, all the pain others reciprocated towards me over time begin to break my heart and soul, people don’t realize God is Love, peace, joy, kindness, goodness, and faithfulness, God would never do anything to hurt you, God allows you to have free will. My mother and grandmother were only trying to protect me from the evil ways of mankind, the anger others tried to place in there hearts tough them that in this world you can not be too soft, because if you are to soft the world will eat you alive, just as a shark will if you jump in the ocean. I will always be daddy and mommy’s little girl, my mother truly adored’s me with all her heart, and my father will always protect me as a father should. My mother and father worked hard to provide for our family, I was very spoiled and scared, as a child, I had really bad night terrorist, I slept in bed with my parents till I was well in my pre-teens, and when I went to visit my granny Ruth, I slept in the bed with her, she always protected me, I was extremely scared of ghost and I couldn’t sleep without someone next to me, just as I sleep with my baby daughter today at 39 years old, I’m truly a child at heart. I also grew up very close to my granny Ruth, as a little girl I was always at her house, granny Ruth was our family’s backbone, if you had nowhere to go you could come live with her if anyone did anything to hurt my granny Ruth’s family, she was ready to fight, going to war was no problem for her, she wasn’t afraid of anything that I knew of, protecting family was always first in her book if you needed money she was there to give it, she was a good kind-hearted woman she helped everyone, even strangers, if you needed prayer she would pray, my granny