Desensitizer Iii Vol. 1: Metal Maladies

By Kaero Davis

Kaero deepens the plot with revealing yet more of the heinous endeavours keeping from attaining him his glory and peace, more villainous acts, rebellion and more to mention from out of the darkness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Dec 30, 2020
• ISBN: 9781664103009

Kaero Davis

Taking seriously now of 16+ years writing these poems that long of all of the things I'd experienced all that might have mattered as I'd learnt, matter making light of a bad situation and showing as far damaged as the zero was (won't say hero) there remained a more enlightened one then after. Tormented and as twisted may be.

Book preview

Copyright © 2021 by Kaero Davis.

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-6641-0302-3

                Softcover        978-1-6641-0301-6

                eBook              978-1-6641-0300-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 12/29/2020

Xlibris

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AU Local: 0283 108 187 ([phone] from outside Australia)

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CONTENTS

Chapter I: Fight Through Clashing Delusions

Interpreteneur No.2

Let It Be Writ

Fear Divided Faith

Faith All In The Grace

Forwards For Whats?

His Heinous, His Tragesty,

Luciferian Christianity

Makeshift Madness

Lookin’ For Help

Almost A Little

Hindrance More Than Help

Acceptance Of The Delegated Help

HELLp

Little Freedoms

Keep It Within

Less I Say

Hypocritical Disadvantaging By Fear For Reputation

Better Getting’ It Now

By Damaged Pride

Better Than Some

The Part Of The Conquest As Change

Regarding The Scale Of Hurt

Take It Seriously

Cannabis…I’m Sorry

Face The Nurse

Confront And Control It

Delayed Desire To Aspire

Competitive Ploy To Blind

Sand In The Face

Sudden Detachment

Throw Offs

Centre Shade, Inward, Outward

To Never Get The Better I Deserve

Under Lock Away

Under Keen Eyes

Propriety Of Meticulous Mentality

Patience, Adversary, Patience,

Whose Delusion?

My Word

Manic

Rush To The Failure

Peace Away

Ciggy Breaks

Patterns Of A Mass Delusion

Reason The Belief

Warrior To Delusion

To Determine The Difference

To Choose, To Try,

Was Never The Enemy

When The Critics Aren’t Fair

Why We’re Different

Psyche Off

Narco-Psy-Sis

Ruin My Life

Close It Off

Reel It Back

Problem With A Plagiarist

Problematic Plagiarist

Irony

Whose To Say How?

Just When

Good Gone Black

Realm ‘twixt Realms

Ramraid God Realm Gates

Christ For Hell

Monsterdom

Remorse, Contrition, On A Whole New Sociopathic Level

Strong After Scene Of Time,

Full 360

The Knack To –

Who’s Responsible For Whom?

Controlled My Delusion, Now It’s Just Theirs…

Why Work?

Fair Wages Fare

Dialectical Materialism

Enslaved

You, Me, We, Med –

Obstructed Flows

Fifty Cones

Untamed

By Will

Give ‘Em Hell

Fight Of Clashing Lies

Irrational Contradictions

Spreading Her Delusion

Another’s Smothering Psychosis

Being Driven Mad

What Now?

More Than Just A Mouth

Before The Leap

Square One

Read People

Masking Delusions

Lesson Lived

Heeding The Mistakes Now…

Like A Cold Nose In The Butt

Fuck Me… You’re The Same?

For Sinister Conclusions

Sensitive Ears ‘Round

Lamb Of Satan

Each Our Own

Zyprexa

Scout

On The List To Do…

Understand The Matter

Better The Man

Plagiarising Parasites

Above It

I’d Have To Be

It’s All Mine

Disruption Continues…

On The Subject Of Something I’m Not

Keep To My Own

If You Get Caught

Find Another

Know Passed Their Lies

Victim To The System

Similar Difference

Haven’t You Herb?

For The Coward Unknown Culprit

What Do I Know?

Spineless Thieves

An Insult Over The Injury

No Loser

Blood Of Royals

Contradicting What They Know

What About The Ones Who Need It More?

Commit Them

Never An Easy Way

Fictitious

Chapter II : Zealous For…

Instant Inventory

Missin’ The Woman I Casually…

Passionate Manoeuvres

Mouth The Rhythm

Something About You

Damn You Paliperidone (Half Bone)

Moment I’ll Miss

Older Woman’s Touch

Lovin’ In The Name Of…

The Storm Between Us

Cold Mourning, The Chaos Apart

Her With Me

Good For It Good

Gentleman Beast

The Super Nicest Guy

I Owe It To My Mother

Numbing Screams

My Daughter…

Fantasy Fling No. What?

Intangible

Just Can’t Promise

Leading Up

Jenifer Tahlia

Polygamous

They Eventually All Go Lookin’

Is It…Overcomplimenting?

Before The Lies, Before She Hides,

Counterparts Amiss

Bitch

Evil Bitch

Living In Shit

And She’ll Just Laugh…

Past Crawlin’ Back

Past Sayin’ Somethin’

Fuck Off Cunt

Pickin’ The Faults

Acceptance, All Sectors

Twist At The Tale

She Chose

Hard Time Hearin’ It

Grubby Little Money Grabber

Doggies Best Done Doggy

Respects To Trust

Grieving Heart

More Than Once

Bullygasm

Hype The Horny Energy

Wanna Do’s

Butterflies

A Suspend In The Chase

Wanton To –

Why Did She Have To Look?

Every Bit Of Skin Counts

Fiend Away to The Pure

Special Feeling

She’s Trying

A Little Something, So Little

Laugh Away Comfort

She’s Pissed… Still Loves

Category To Her Despise

Not Wrong

Cheap Shot

Queen Shit

Emasculate Men

What I Couldn’t Fathom

Really Thinkin’ Now

Stealin’ My Shit

Mean Love

Fuck This Bitch

Fuckwit Ex

Hope It Hurt

All The Pretty Girls

To Kiss

Mysterious Lover

There But Not

Talent I Won’t Waste

That One You’ve Got

Heads Into Headboards

Must Be For Sport

Parasitic Narcissist

She Was Pissed

Better Than She Complained About

Serial Sociopathic Lover

Stockholmer

Dodged A Bullet

Living Vicariously

For Changes She Needs

Come…For Real

With My Mouth

Jizzus

Was Monogamous ‘Til

At A Time

Guilt On Her

An Arsehole Of Itself

The Moment She Knew

Nothin’s Special

I Want A Dog Ugly Bitch

Lady Starfish (Bag Job Baby)

Despite What You Think You See

Where I Have To Be

Through Time And Space

Fearful Desperation

Hotel Heart

Touch Me There

Pro-Consensual

Right To Be Pissed

Step Off Bitch

Dispiriting Excitement

Benign

Home Job Hysterectomy

Besides You

Surrogate Root

Love Depraved

Equal Levelling

Breaking Halves

Doubly Mindful

Ashamed?

In Losing A Loss

Save You A Repeat

No More

Not That Girl

Do Without

Smack A Bitch

Fuck No

It’s Just…Fucked

Sorry For Her

Otherwise Oblige

Over Groan

Don’t Say It’s Love

Could Be Getting Lucky

Chapter III : Static Filtering; Keys, Tones, Shades

The Name

That Voice

Tingling Mingling

Mutual Satisfactions

A One To Wonder

Wasn’t Capable ‘Til Recent

Sound Waves

Forcing Interaction

Static Transmission

Another Language

Down To Doing

To Those Who Earn

Heart

When The Need To Know

The Jungle, Next Lot

Controlled Anger

Simple Similarities

A Distracting Hell

Off Putting My Processes

War Getting Complex

Add Nicotine

Complex Onsets

Curse Of Excitement

Woes May Come With Throes

Raised By Sloth

Wasn’t The Prodigal Son

You? Man Enough?

Big Noters

Bustin’ My Rocks

Little Victories

For Shame

Vital Moments

Something There

To Make You Lose It,

Never Quite The Balanced

By Peaked Levels Of Fight Or Flight

Torrential Hate Beneath

Used For The Prize

Not Human

What?!?!

Surrecting In Silence

Hear What’s About

Nothin’ Like You

Hate Yourself More

Controlled Feed,

Whose For, Reigns Of Control

Med Motif

Treatment Authority?

Problematic Me

Drug The Meanie

Rejection

That Nicotine

Ricketty Ragged

Lovely Disarray

Secrets Smugly Kept

Where It All Came From?

In A World Of Mass Delusion

When A Sorry Cannot Cut It

Pestilence Prescribed

Sentiments For Sacrifice

Seeing Otherwise

Rite Nicer

Overheard

Means And Cause

And There It Was

Takes The Burn

Feel … Something

Still In Need

I Might Have Martyred

Psychic Driving

Born Of Elsewhere

Changeling’s Teachings

Spirit On Strong

In Meditation

One Of Many Things

Echoes Of Voices

Roaming Sprite

I Am Witch

Don’t Tell ‘Em

Hidden From View

Battling Off These Plagiarists

Misguidance

As I Suffered, So Shall He

Some Men

Fragments Of Me Scattered

We Will Clash

Strong Enough

Position In Place

Eager Ears

Always From A Distance…

Influence Of Feeling

Something Parallel

I Feel It Stupid

Depreciating Worth

By Lived Lies

Always Has Been

Void Of Company

Set Apart

Better Have Learnt

People Around

To Protect You

Poor Preparation Makes Prey Of

Soften The Nerves

Shit To Show

And A God Shows Man Again

Better Now Than Later

Will, Oust Of A Toll

Without The Boundaries Drawn

Satan Wants…

The Little Losses Now

Killing To Question

Master Madman

I Know Love

Righteous Violence

Instinct

Each Where And Thereby

In All Honesty, Your Honour

Just Lookin’ For An Easy Way To Get Money

Party In The Deep South

Vigour Mortis

Fuck Suicide

Damn Good

Distant Company

I Do Feel Them

They Reach Out

Nobodies… Nothing

No Better Than The Lower Kind

Liege Of The Legacy

A Little Evil

So You Know

Chapter I

Fight Through

Clashing Delusions

Interpreteneur No.2

We’ve lost the love,

We’ve lost the light,

It’s why we’ll lose the fight,

We have loathed,

We have hate,

And it brings sooner our fate,

People believe his Holiness will come,

But this time next it will be done,

The one, the only, the holy son,

To wipe out, cleanse out of the scum,

Lightening in the night,

Whip crack – almighty smite,

Bow before – surrender your fight,

Before you lose this life,

Too many interpreters maybe getting it wrong,

Which shade of hypocrisy actually belongs,

Whose will will will it strong,

But by that whose succeed – the one man god,

We’ve lost the love,

We’ve lost the light,

It’s why we’ll lose the fight,

We have loathed,

We have hate,

It’s how we bring on our fate,

But it won’t when we can share the faith…

Let It Be Writ

I, Me, have pure talent,

And I know some against me haven’t,

And I know what I do can be a challenge,

But when it goes, and shows, flows, it’s talent,

I’ve got people trying to claim my work,

Claim my reputation, claim my genius,

Got people trying to claim all I have,

And for what?

No real genius,

Jealousy over what money I could make,

Eavesdrop and write what they hear, they take,

But they’ll never see it comin’ when they’ve been raped,

Always to blame another when they’d forsake,

Can’t work on themselves,

Yet breed on me a hell,

Learn from me when I never tell,

To get for themselves,

And how is it honest? How is it fair?

Stubborn, snobbish, up themselves-cunt’s who couldn’t care,

When and where was there ever a

compassion toward me spared –

But to let me do as I prefer, to fare?

let it be written – let it be done

Well – I am the fucking one,

And numerous deadbeat fucking scum,

Steal from me, the devil, his unholy one,

Interference will have its’ cost,

And they’ll never truly bear the loss,

Never man nor woman enough…

Fear Divided Faith

It’s not like how I say it is,

It’s never even close,

And none ever see the way I see it –

Never, not once close

There’s millions of ‘em just like me

Facing the shit none else see,

All this monstrous monotony,

We the ‘crazy’, contempt to bleed,

It’s never just how I say it is,

Hard getting some to believe,

None ever seeing the worst of it,

You won’t see – you won’t believe,

There’s this barrier between us,

And there’s always gonna be,

That barrier between us,

‘Cause none’ll truly believe,

Like a faith long lost,

And the millions of me to suffer,

Lost, faith all gone and lost,

Me and my millions suffer,

You’ll never see how I say it is,

If you truly fear the belief,

Divided faiths betray it is,

Never see it – not even close,

Not even close,

No, not even close,

To see how I say it is,

Faith All In The Grace

People will know your face,

The more you spread your grace,

People will appreciate,

In times that depreciate,

We can’t always be at our best but –

A friend in need is a friend in deed,

We all need to make a little progress but –

A friend in need is a friend in deed,

Each of us can be burdened and buried under weight,

Of the things we anticipate – remember to appreciate,

Burdened alone under the heavy weight –

Broken, busted, strained to deteriorate,

Never mistake a hand up for a hand out,

But know a little good will heal a wound,

The Universe (or GODS if you like) know

and will bring about when,

A friend in need is a friend in deed,

Good is given regardless when people are of the mind,

And will only go back out to come round again to find,

Wickedness weakened, blinded, unravelled it’s bind,

Good going out, coming back in time,

We know we’re not always at our best and,

A friend in in need is a friend in deed,

We can only gain – only progress but –

A friend in need is a friend indeed,

Don’t go expecting handouts –

It’s not what it’s about,

Best in, best out, good given in need to –

Relieve depreciating doubts…

Forwards For Whats?

There’s no reason why we can’t all elevate,

Evolve all at the same rate,

Changes to anticipate,

Patience being just one virtue to actuate,

We won’t move on to our true purpose,

When all are just too nervous,

Nervous of letting go – we deserve it,

We deserve better than we’ve ever surfaced,

For love being the beginning and means to end,

Love, the ultimate means to mend,

Love, as being lost in translation to comprehend,

Love, the spirit of, it does mend,

There are so many factors and contributions,

Only limited by the lack of intelligence, a pollution,

Love, the key to ultimate absolution,

Love has a various attribution,

Love is a language never difficult to understand,

But love barely touches too many hands,

Not strong enough by many to have taken a stand,

But like respect, is in high demand,

Too many people receive but aren’t aware,

Over whichever gestures, dumbfounded, just stare,

Question each motive and wonder what the fuck’s in it there,

But the genuine – always only fair, and regardless still spare,

Too many gestures and as little as they can be,

To those mindful enough, look deep will see,

Tolerance, acceptance, willing to understand as key,

Love is the answer and it can free,

His Heinous, His Tragesty,

The man, the king, the Christ-like,

One to come, stealth in the night,

Looks to kill, shudder under sight,

The paring thrill – dog’s bite,

Man that speaks no word,

Nor the dog that barks berserk,

Man sights all he’s heard,

Dog bites and it will hurt,

Man – dog – dog – man,

None came – none can,

None understand,

His most unholy heinous,

His, tragesty,

Reputably Christ like,

Stealth, black as night,

Looks shredding, shudder under sight,

Crunched down, lock-jawed, dog’s bite,

Of blood of royals, deepest south,

Serpent to speak its’ own mouth,

Man speaks no word, not now –

Dog bites down, no way out,

Dog – man – man – dog,

Up through iron, metal, rock,

Sheep flee – flock in shock,

His most flawless, unholy heinous,

His, tragesty…

Luciferian Christianity

Where is the line drawn,

‘twixt righteousness and wrong,

Except by signs of guilt

Or imbalanced by what we truly feel –

At what point is it truly crossed,

The balance, the lines crossed,

Some say consensus – others not,

But ideals fade out ‘til they come back –

Found out of the lost,

Theories circulate my brain,

Always different but always as sane,

No pointing of fingers – no blame –

Each of us all our needs are the same,

Compulsion, abstinence,

Can’t control past accidents,

If it were than it is meant –

If it were then it is meant,

You can have both and synchronise,

Not necessarily sanctimoniously patronise,

Within each us all, the light, the love, the prize,

Determined by it’s use, on occasion, vilified,

At what point – middle round it’s crossed,

Determines the point, revelation of a maybe loss,

Consensus – where some others are not,

Ideals fade but return, in time, and not so lost,

Founded, regrounded, with its’ cost,

Whose to say how really’s what,

When each is to their own interpretation of God…

Makeshift Madness

I’m finding I have to refrain,

Refrain from loosing all my profane –

Profanities sending many a shame,

Shame upon other presences, shame –

Over sometime I’ve lost my boundaries,

Boundaries firmly instilled, foundried,

Foundried, but I’m still extemporied,

Extemporied and not ever so temporary,

I see no solution except to contain

Contain at least until I can ascertain –

Ascertain and exercise a restraint,

Restrain lest I can find another to appertain,

Separate, distance myself,

Contain it – control it well,

‘Cause I’ll only ever be by myself

And this path lead to hell,

Hell, fuck it…

Hell…

Lookin’ For Help

I came to this hospital for a little help,

Thinkin’ this will all do me well,

But slowly, slightly it’s becoming a hell,

Time here just isn’t gonna tell,

I have three forms of income

And that’s probably better than most,

A house – a job – a car,

That just has to be better than most,

Not when some can’t live within their means,

And fight it – kick and punch and yell and scream,

It’s a fucking nightmare – it’s no dream,

And this is some place I haven’t yet been,

I pay my bills and I don’t go without,

Who the fuck believes when there’s a slight doubt?

I’m passive – don’t mind much, barely make a sound,

But I’m losing the last of the peace I thought I found,

I came to hospital lookin’ for some help,

And ever since been, it’s been a silent hell,

This story’s just mine but many know it well,

Stressed – distressed, time here is hell,

Didn’t think I was even bad enough to begin with,

But I can’t feel any ounce of a leniency they give,

No leap of faith nor benefit of doubt to live,

I’m just losing more here and I can’t live

Was handlin’ my shit and I’ll admit not the best,

But I felt it was still a little better than most,

Still facing shit to regress, detest,

Not completely unwell, but still better than most…

Almost A Little

It almost bothered me a little,

Not seeing the doctor today,

Bothered me a little,

I’m still under lock away,

It’s a test and I can see,

No matter how that I wanna be free,

They don’t want to see the worst of me,

They don’t have the need,

Fortunately enough,

I can see the problem for what they are,

But there’s always a choice over takin’ it out so far,

My problem is that the time drags,

And some of the help are old hags,

A lot of the problem is communication,

Leaving us all exasperated,

Never is there more anticipation,

But ever more frustration,

But it is a test for them to see,

No matter how bad I want to be free,

None want to see the worst of me,

And they show they haven’t got the need,

Hindrance More Than Help

Been a lot of fucking people think I need help.

A lot of them thought I couldn’t ‘do’ myself,

But then comes an inconvenience, of some hell,

And people want to help – just never that well,

Found myself in a position many a time,

Where I’d just completely lost my mind,

People takin’ charge of what was fuckin’ mine,

Then fuck it all completely and leave me behind,

I fucking know me the best and what fucking works,

And I keep getting fucked around by other jerks,

Enough so I just wanna go full berserk –

To the point sharp words are gonna hurt,

They just get in the way and slow me down,

Preventing, delaying the time I’m crowned,

I do the kind of shit many would be proud,

I just can never escape the trespass of the crowd,

People fucking thinking they know what’s best for me,

But none of ‘em are around enough to observe and fucking see,

And I know it’s gonna be long before