Calvin 1208

By CAD

-I was born to two distraught parents on March
9,1975 in Oklahoma City, OK. I received a Literary Arts
Award in the seventh grade, a Student of the Month for
Art Award in high school, and plenty of Employee of the
Month Awards in my occupations.
I've worked in fast food, housekeeping and
currently work in Materials Management at a hospital in
Renton, WA. I reside in Auburn, WA.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 5, 2013
• ISBN: 9781493103102

CAD

-

Book preview

COPYRIGHT © 2013 BY CAD.

ARTWORK BY HARLEY AZBELL

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. NO PART OF THIS BOOK MAY BE REPRODUCED OR TRANSMITTED IN ANY FORM OR BY ANY MEANS, ELECTRONIC OR MECHANICAL, INCLUDING PHOTOCOPYING, RECORDING, OR BY ANY INFORMATION STORAGE AND RETRIEVAL SYSTEM, WITHOUT PERMISSION IN WRITING FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.

REV. DATE: 11/04/2013

TO ORDER ADDITIONAL COPIES OF THIS BOOK, CONTACT:

XLIBRIS LLC

1-888-795-4274

WWW.XLIBRIS.COM

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122092

Contents

The Little Pawn

Boundaries

Waiting

The Fight

In and Out

Without a Doubt

Baby Stew

Crawling

Flawless

Unglued

RSVP

Let Me Not Be Forsaken

Custom Built Languages

Target Practice

The Masochist

Oedipus By Mistake

Soul Filter

Race To Eternity

There’s Some Good Eden Tonight

I Still Carry His Name

Unleash

Tears Like Gold

The Effigy

My Goodbye Invitation

Looking For A Few Good Friends

DNA Rerun

Leopold, My Father

Survival Of The Twisted

Platinum

Leftovers

No Eulogy From Me

There Is No Glory

A Hitler Way Of Life

What A Mess

The Immortals

My Lost Friend

Plastic Soldier

To Grow Up Is Death

One Bullet

Dreams Sweet As Honey

Vacancy

Quid Pro Quo

Walking Among The Grown-Ups

Name

All Is One

Crave

Little Mind Quakes

The Fine Line

Whisper

Stigmata/Pieta

Psyche vs. Psyche

Landfill Mind

Say When

Monarch Of Art

Forever In Hell

Release

Underwater

Mommy Christmas

This One’s On Me

Listen To My Advice

Cripple

In Between Lines

Make-Believe

Muse Bandage

Lest We Forget

Until The Sun Closes Its Eyes

Secretes

Haunted

Prose, I Suppose

Gazelle

Ex-cidental

Purple

Games

Radioactive Love

Tainted Ruins

Mediocre Etiquette

At Your Disposal

So Cold

Thumbtacks

Riding A Wave

My Rose Mine

A Hand Me Down Brain

Vulnerable

On My Best Conduct

Love On Loan

Discretion

Rejoice O Young Man

Reincarnation

The Feast

Mental Hygiene

Five Year Old Prodigy

The Beaten Path Of Wrath

Full Frontal Lobe Attack

Hope

Forty

The Princess I Lost

If I Give In

My Father’s Footsteps

Complete

Comprehend To Mend

Animal

Disembodied Parts

The Illiterate Servant

Battle

Envy

Victims Of The Tower

The Jealous God

Combat

Mommy Glue

Backward Mind

Plague

Dry Song

Left Behind

Hanging On A Noose

Blind Eyes

Mood Swings

Lost

The Wounded Soul

Martyr

Damaged Goods

Father

Audience

Hand In Hand

Hereafter Laughter

Master And Servant

Immaculate

Perfectionist

Test

The Wild Insides

Neuron To Neuron

High Voltage Drown

Side Effects

R.I.P.

Diaz To The End

Sweet And Sour

Rainy Day

Side Show

Backwards Embryo

Soul Umbilical Cord

Alphabet Soup

Dinner Table

Hide And Seek

Veteran Of Madness

Cryptology

Untitled

Neanderthal Remedy

Scar

Another Type Of War

Let Me Be

Thank You Dad!

You Were Always My Home

Where Is Jesus?

Final Chapter

Cowardly Man

Concentrate

Ghosts

Building Fences

Pendulum

A Lonely Ink

Over And Over Again

Cold Fusion

Matador

Rotten Faith

Words Of Pain

Ritual

Swim

No Cure For The Sick

Fetch

Douse The Fire

Homo Erectus

Organ Player

Overdrive

A Sand Box Filled With Time

A Broken Emotion

Innocence In A Jar

Posthumous Poet

Plastic Love

Original

Emily

In The End

Goodbye Cruel Girl

A Quiet Chill

Pain Is Your Friend

An Empty Site

Echoes

Dartboard

A Resolution Of Delusion

Another Chapter

Field Trip

No Respect

Comatose

Lonely Chair

Woman, Thy Name Is Hell

Ode To My Doctor Gone

Please Excuse Me

Fictitiously

Beware The Stranger

Choke On Hell

Virus

Just Us Justice

Drowning In Youth

Combustible

Once Upon A Time

The Stranger

Irony

Misfits In Demand

Celebrity

Temptation

Sacred Waters

Institutions

Baptism

The Lone Wolf

Déja Vu’

Black And White

We ESP

A Psychotic Novelty

Vaccine

The Odds

A Mind In Traction

Alive Inwards

Love And Art

An Old House In A New Neighborhood

The Bitter Old Lady

Terms Of Isolation

The Mourning Factor

Sour Rind

Prime

Atrophy

Left In The Gutter

Brittle Soul

Chorus

Clot

Covetry

Headaches To Heartaches

Homeless

A Psychotic Stain

Last

Morose Code

Paralyzed

Plural Thoughts

Go On Without Me

Gag

Ask The Liar

"IMMATURE POETS IMITATE;

MATURE POETS STEAL."

—T. S. ELIOT

DEDICATED TO

MY LATE FRIEND JOSH

I WON’T FORGET ABOUT YOU

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I WISH TO THANK MY MOM AND STEPMOM FOR THEIR FAITH AND BELIEF IN ME. ALSO, MY FAVORITE DR., JILL BOSS ROSENTHAL, AND MY TATTOO ARTIST, HARLEY WHO DID THE DRAWING FOR THE COVER OF MY BOOK.

PROLOGUE

I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I’VE BEEN WRITING EVER SINCE I HELD A CRAYON, WHICH WOULD LATER EVOLVE TO PENCIL, THEN PEN.

I WAS NEVER ANY GOOD AT WRITING SHORT STORIES, SO POETRY WAS MY FORTE’,

POETRY WAS ALSO A NATURAL OUTLET TO THE ABUSE I SUFFERED WHEN I WAS LITTLE.

BECAUSE I WRITE SO MUCH, MY THERAPIST CALLS IT, CHANNELING. SHE AND I BOTH BELIEVE I CAN WRITE FOR THOSE WHO HAVE PASSED ON.

ANY NOTATION TO MENTAL ILLNESS IN THIS BOOK IS FIRSTHAND. AT THE AGE OF TWENTY I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH SEVERE DEPRESSION AND SCHIZOPHRENIA.

I CHOSE THIS TITLE BECAUSE CALVIN WAS MY FIRST TATTOO FROM THE COMIC STRIP CALVIN AND HOBBES. 1208 WAS MY ROOM NUMBER IN THE PSYCH WARD, WHERE I MADE GOOD FRIENDS WITH ONE OF THE INMATES. I PROMISED HIM IF I EVER WROTE A BOOK, THIS WOULD BE THE TITLE. TWO YEARS AFTER WE WERE RELEASED, HE COMMITTED SUICIDE. SO THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO HIM.

I HAVE ENJOYED WRITING THIS BOOK, AS I HOPE YOU WILL ENJOY READING IT.

The Little Pawn

I KISSED YOUR RING AND THE GROUND YOU WALK ON.

FOR I AM NOTHING IN LIFE, BUT A LITTLE PAWN.

MOVING ONE SQUARE UP, YOU PUSH ME BACK TWO.

WHAT KIND OF GAME IS THIS? THE ONLY ONE WHO WINS IS YOU?.

I’M THAT LITTLE GAME PIECE, THE ONE WITH A ROUND HEAD.

THE QUEEN IS SENT FOR, FOR I AM TOO FAR AHEAD…

KNIGHT ME IN YOUR HONOR. I WILL CRUSH THE FOES.

I’LL FIGHT FOR YOUR HONOR. AND NOBODY WILL KNOW…

CALL FOR THE BISHOP. BLESS ME ON THIS BOARD.

A HOLY HICCUP. WHERE LESS IS MORE…

WE MUST CRUSH THE QUEEN, AND CAPTURE THE KING.

NOT VERY CHIVALROUS, AND MEAN,

BUT, THIS GAME MEANS EVERYTHING…

IGNITE A FIRE ON TOP OF THE ROOK.

A MESSAGE TO THE OTHER SIDE TO TAKE A LOOK…

WE ARE ADVANCING, PIECE BY PIECE.

THIS HOLY WAR MEANS PEACE. AND RELEASE.

THE PRISONERS TAKEN AS PRISONERS OF WAR.

THEY WEREN’T BEATEN OR NEGLECTED. THEY JUST WANT MORE…

AHA! THE QUEEN HAS BEEN OVERTHROWN.

AND THE KING HAS NO THRONE.

ALL OF IT GONE, BECAUSE OF ONE LITTLE PAWN.

Boundaries

IT TOOK ME FROM MORNING TILL NOON

TO DIG MY FATHER’S GRAVE WITH A SPOON…

I’VE FOUND MADNESS HAS NO BOUNDARIES.

I WAS BORN WITH GENETICS AGAINST ME…

AS A CHILD I WAS SPOILED.

BUT, AS I GREW, THE LOVE WAS TAKEN FROM ME.

NOW I LABOR AND TOIL

FOR AN OUNCE OF LOVE FOR ME…

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?

OBSCURITY AND INSECURITY,

WHAT A PERFECT FIT.

INGENUITY CROSSED THE BOUNDARY…

HE CROSSED THE LINE,

AND SO DID I.

SO, WE SHOULD BE FINE, RIGHT?

NO, HE DOES NOT RECONCILE…

SO, I’LL JUST TWIDDLE MY THUMBS

AND PRETEND I’M DUMB,

SO HE DOESN’T SEE COMPETITION

IN MY ANAL RETENTION.

Waiting

AS FAR AS LOVE GOES,

YOU CAN KEEP YOURS.

AT LEAST MINE SHOWS,

EVEN WITH UMBILICAL SORES…

YOUR LOVE IS TWISTED.

ALL IS GOOD IN YOUR WORLD.

MINE, YOU MUST’VE MISSED IT.

THE RED CARPET UNFURLED…

WAITING TO LOVE AGAIN.

WAITING TO BE ABUSED.

WANTING MORE OF THE PAIN.

IT’S THAT LOVE I CHOOSE…

IT’S THE ONLY LOVE I’VE EVER KNOWN,

A CHAOTIC MIXED DEVOTION…

ALL I KNOW IS