Just Me, Ellie

By Ellie Bobson

Just Me, Ellie is an autobiography of Ellie Bobson a small town innocent who experienced life to the fullest but also to the most extreme. She is a person who has carried these events with her every day and had to write about it to heal. Walk with her as her life unfolds from finding true love to losing it all as she explores the seedy drug culture of the 1970’s.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 6, 2020
• ISBN: 9781664119444

Ellie Bobson

The author has been writing poetry for 61 years. She has had ten poems published in Anthologies and has self-published two novelettes. She has learned through her experiences and is now very content with her life. She has never remarried and has become a small town hip Granny.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

"Look, Alice, I don’t care what my Mom said; I’m going home on the regular school bus.

How will she know what bus I get anyway? I don’t think she’ll be at the bus stop waiting for me."

I don’t know, Ellie. After what happened on the bus yesterday with the firecracker, I’d lay low for a while and get the other bus for a couple days, said Alice, my best friend.

Alice, Chris didn’t do it on purpose. So it exploded over my head and a little powder landed in my hair and burned it. I can cover the bald spot till my hair grows back. Come on! We’re going to be late for the bus.

We walked out of our high school in the city in southern NJ and waited for the Public Service buses that were used to transport all the students who lived outside the city. It was a nice day for the beginning of June in 1962, not yet too hot to make the school uniforms too uncomfortable.

We boarded our bus and were sitting in the back talking when T.J., a junior, got on and said to me, Ellie, you better get off. Someone in a green Ford is looking for you.

Oh my God! T.J., what am I going to do? It’s probably my mom. I’m not supposed to be on this bus today. I don’t believe she came after me!

Don’t worry, Ellie; I know what we can do. T.J. got off the bus. A few minutes later he got back on, took my hand and led me to the front. I looked outside and there at the door of the bus was the gang. Ellie, I got all the kids to make it look like they were just getting ready to get on the bus. Now all you have to do is get off fast and stand with the rest of us. That way your mom will think you were just standing around talking. The car is in front of the other bus so they can’t see you get off. Telling Alice I’d call later, I got off the bus and mingled with the group.

When I saw the car I walked over. There was Darby, my sister, sitting behind the wheel of the car in her Catholic High uniform, reminding me again that my mother hated the school I attended. Adley and Darby went to Catholic High but when I graduated from grammar school our Diocese had zoned us. Now in order to go to a Catholic high school you had to go to the one in the city. It didn’t go too well with Mom, so she really didn’t take any interest in my high school or my high school years.

What are you doing here? I asked as I got into the car.

Mom told me to take the car to school today so I could pick you up when you got out, she answered. We rode home in silence. I was too mad to talk. After a few days of pleading, Mom finally let me ride the bus again.

Adley, my oldest sister, had gotten married that year. It was a very beautiful wedding. Mom made her dress, working on it up to the day before the wedding. Talk about crying! I think everyone in the church had his or her hanky out. Me? I was sobbing, especially when Adley knelt in front of the Blessed Mother. The reception was outrageous! I danced all night long. There were so many people there it was unbelievable. At one point I was dancing with a friend of Adley’s, Will, when suddenly everyone made a circle around us and started clapping. It was the highlight of my day.

After Adley and Matt honeymooned in the Poconos, they moved to the Naval Base where Matt was stationed. During that summer Darby and I visited them, and I was in my glory! SAILORS! All I could think of was Matt bringing home some sailors for us to meet and I would fall desperately in love. However, once when he did bring them home for dinner, it was a disaster.

That day Adley, Darby, and I were having a very normal lunch when I picked up my glass and sucked on it until it stuck to my mouth. The suction was so bad, Adley had to get a butter knife to pry it off my face. Consequently, I had a very large black & blue mark around my mouth. Matt called a while later to say he was bringing home two sailors for dinner. It was so humiliating! There I was sitting at the table trying to eat with my hand over my mouth.

Matt looked at me and said, Ellie, why are you sitting like that? and he pulled my hand down. Oh no! I started to cry, while everyone else started laughing. I didn’t think it was so funny. I just blew my chance with a sailor.

At the start of school that September, I found I was still head over heels in love with Chris, who was now a senior. He was the reason I rode the bus that went straight down the pike to and from school for three years. I lived for the bus; it was my favorite part of school.

OH! Was he ever a dream. The only downer was the fact he didn’t like me. But it didn’t stop me! I would always try to get a glimpse of him on the bus or around school. I would use any excuse to walk past his homeroom.

CHAPTER 2

In the beginning of 1963 was my sixteenth birthday. Since Adley and Darby had a sweet sixteen party, it was only logical that I would too. So I set about strategically placing around the house a list of all the kids to invite.

While growing up my two sisters and I received the same gifts for every occasion. All our birthdays are around the Christmas holidays. On Adley’s birthday, we all got gifts from my parents; Darby’ birthday, we, the three girls, exchanged birthday gifts; and on mine, we again received gifts from Mom and Dad. The gifts were always the same except different sizes and colors.

Christmas was also the same with a few exceptions. We had to get up, get dressed, go to church (9a.m. Mass), come home, eat, do dishes, and make beds BEFORE opening our gifts. Then, we opened the same ones at the same time.

Well, my sixteenth birthday came and went with no big surprises. Talk about disappointment! I was devastated. On top of this, one night at the dinner table I started to tell what happened with Chris at school that day.

Oh no! Him again? said Mom. Do we really have to listen to this about Chris? No they didn’t. I stopped talking about Chris at the dinner table.

At this time, I started going next door to my aunt’s house and a neighbor’s house. I would constantly talk about Chris and all the interesting things that happened to me that day.

When my niece, Braelynn, was born, I became an aunt for the first time. I couldn’t wait to see her and spoil her. Since Adley and Matt were there by themselves, Mom went down to help out for a week. Oh, happy days! It was nice being home with just Darby and Dad. While Mom was visiting Adley, my paternal grandmother passed away. I think Mom would have stayed longer, but she had to come home for the services.

My paternal grandfather had passed away in 1954 during Hurricane Hazel. We were at my grandparents’ house when the storm hit. When we got home, Mom and Dad went up the street to check on our house that they were building. (This is the house we now live in.) The storm had knocked down three of the walls. The roof had not yet been built, so this is probably why we lost the three walls.

The next day my uncle went down to the VFW and put a note on the bulletin board that my Dad needed help rebuilding. That weekend we had an old-fashioned barn-raising. The post members not only had the three walls back up, but also finished off the roof.

Chris graduated high school that year, 1963, and was going to a college in Central Jersey to study law. I used to dream about calling him to be my divorce lawyer. When I walked into his office he’d recognize me and we would fall in love. I know. I watched too much television.

That September, I was a senior and continued to get the same bus because I had acquired many friends over the past three years. I also found out Chris’s sister, Susan, was now a freshman.

At our first meeting, she shocked me by saying, Oh, so you are Ellie! I’ve heard a lot about you. Do you still like my brother, Chris? I could have crawled under the seat. I wondered what everyone told her.

CHAPTER 3

I’ll never forget November of 1963. We were in our eighth period class when the principal, spoke to us over the intercom. She was crying and told everyone to listen to the following news bulletin on the radio. The President had been assassinated! Everyone; boys, girls, and teachers, started to cry. At this time an ironic thought occurred to me. I happened to be in a class called Problems of American Democracy when I heard about the assassination.

A MAN

Who is this man,

Who just like one other,

Tried to make us see

That we are all brothers.

He had courage and humility

And most of all might.

But he also had a sense of humor

Of which was very bright.

Tender and compassionate

Was he of great admiration.

That on one November day

He gave his life for his nation.

It came upon him

Like an animal upon its prey.

That everyone was aghast

And couldn’t find the words to say.

But, Dear God, my Holy Father,

Nothing could happen in our day and age.

Like that tragic moment

When you completed that final page.

But that final page

Will be one of great memory.

That we will bear in mind

Of the late President Kennedy.

Naturally we had off until after the funeral. Watching TV became a very important part of everyone’s lives. It was very hard to believe and accept the fact that such an outrageous event could happen.

One day, while in our religion class, an opportunity arose for which I had been waiting for the past three years. In my sophomore, junior and senior years I had a priest for religion class. Since sophomore year he would refer to me as Bippity Bop Bobson. Needless to say, I was very embarrassed because of my weight.

My mother attended only one PTA meeting while I was in high school. It was my sophomore year and it was specifically to talk to the priest.

After introducing herself, she said, My daughter will have her day. It may take a while, but it will happen.

Well, my day presented itself. One of my classmates asked him why their church did not have CCD classes (these are religious classes for children in public schools). His answer was that there were not enough teachers and money. I raised my hand and he called on me in his usual way.

Yes, Bippity Bop, what can I do for you?

Well Father, aren’t you going against what Christ taught?

Sternly, he looked at me, And what is that?

To leave the 99 and go after the one lost sheep.

You may sit now, Miss Bobson.

I had my day!

In May 1964, Adley and Braelynn moved in with us. Matt was finishing out his tour-of-duty and since Adley was pregnant again, she wanted to have the baby here at home.

Also at this time, plans were being made for the senior prom. That is, by everyone except me. I was always heavy, so not too many boys wanted to ask me out. As a matter of fact, none of the boys asked me to go to the prom. Well anyway, I decided to ask a couple boys who went to elementary school with me. They said no! That was when I really got into writing poems.

I had started writing in seventh grade and found it to be very therapeutic. If you wanted to know how I really felt, read my poetry. (This theory still holds true, today.)

Also during my last two years in high school I had been writing to Adley at the Naval Base. I would keep a list of all the happenings in school, especially concerning Chris, and then on Fridays I would write to Adley and tell her all the details. When I graduated she gave them all back to me in an album. It’s amazing how vivid the memories are when I read my letters!

That summer Aaliyah became a member of our family. She had dark hair like Matt just as Braelynn had light hair like Adley. It was a good thing that Adley and Matt were staying with us. Mom had gotten sick and was in the hospital for surgery, so at least we were there to help Adley with the girls. Matt had just transferred here.

CHAPTER 4

After graduation, it wasn’t easy finding a job. Everyone was required to take a physical exam in order to get many of the jobs offered. Since I was too heavy I didn’t find one right away.

I stayed home and took care of the house while everyone else worked. I then decided to go to the doctor for a diet. I often wonder if it was the right choice. I was on a diet for three months and lost quite a bit of weight when my nerves started to get the better of me. The doctor gave me tranquilizers to counteract the diet pills, and from then on my nerves would never be the same.

It was now the beginning of 1965. It was snowing quite a lot but Adley and Matt were still able to take me out to dinner for my 18th birthday. (They had recently moved back to New Jersey.) We went to a Japanese restaurant in a neighboring town. The roads were very bad that night so most were free of traffic. It was a night that would keep everyone at home. When we returned home I was very surprised that my family had planned a birthday party for me. It made me feel great to know my friends came out on such a bad night, but it only reminded me that I missed out on my 16th party, and they were giving me a party now to make up for it. Well, they were two years too late.

God, why can’t I let the hurt go? I was brought up to respect authority, I went to church every Sunday, I didn’t hang out on corners, I didn’t smoke, and I didn’t run around and get in trouble. So why was I always made to feel as if I were adopted? I had to be! I was the only left-handed one in the family, the only fat one andI had a very hard time playing sports with the neighborhood kids. I can remember my sisters singing to Mom, We don’t want her, you can have her, she’s too fat for us! I can also remember standing in front of parents while they were sitting on the couch. I was about 4 or 5 years old and, after I was finished my bath, they would have me count my spare tires. (Spare tires were the rolls of fat around your gut.)

In February, my aunt, from next store, went into Camden with me to help look for a job. It was a great winter day, not too cold or bitter but bright, sunny, and brisk. It was one of those nice days when everything is good and nothing is bad. We were walking past one of the major banks when my aunt suggested I go in and file an application. I did so and two days later I was called to work. I would have to take two buses to work and Mom didn’t really like that idea, so I used the family car. It never occurred to me that it was an inconvenience for my parents. I don’t recall how Dad got to work; I think he had a truck. I worked all kinds of hours so they were without a car most of the time.

I worked in the Transit Department and all the checks and deposits that came into the bank before 3 p.m. that day had to be processed before we could go home. I enjoyed working with figures though, so it was very easy to comprehend the work and get into the routine.

During the summer, I started hanging out with my cousin Ken and his friends. It was the first time I felt like I belonged. My friend, Emma, Darby, and I would go over to Ken’s and meet up with the gang. We would sit around and listen to music, dance, or just talk. Sometimes we would go over to the hang-out for something to eat, or to an empty lot to play touch football; girls vs. boys. It was during one of the games that I caught the ball. You know, when I saw those guys coming after me I knew I didn’t want to get hurt. So, instead of running for the girl’s goal posts I ran and made a touchdown for the boys.

This one day, it was unbearably hot so we all jumped into the cars and went to Chicken Beach for some swimming. The beach was set back along a dirt road, surrounded by trees, and very private. I was with one of the guys, Benny, and had a wonderful time making out. After swimming, we all went back to the house for a cookout and some dancing. Two weeks later, while my cousin, Kelly, and I were driving along, I started crying.

Ellie, what’s the matter?

Oh God, Kelly, I think I’m pregnant! I sobbed.

What? said Kelly. What the hell did Benny do to you?

Kelly, I haven’t been able to eat or sleep and I feel sick all the time!

Kelly said, Ellie, tell me what the bastard did.

Kelly, he stuck his tongue in my mouth! I didn’t want to look at her; I was so ashamed and embarrassed.

What? said Kelly. And you think you’re pregnant?

Well, it was at the age of 18 while I was driving along on a beautiful summer night in the month of July that I found out about life.

The next night Kelly and I went swimming at her friend’s house. It was around 9 p.m. when we left and went over to Big John’s Drive-in. After all, it was way too early to go home. We met Ken and few of his friends and after ordering something to eat, we hung out.

Later, Ken asked if I could take him and the guys back to his house. I said it was okay and all four of them piled into my 1950, two-door, black Chevy. After dropping them off Kelly and I were in a quandary as to which way to go home. Deciding on the back way, we left Ken’s and headed down the street. At the corner I saw Darby’s car, a red Karman Ghia, coming around the bend.

Gee Kelly, I wonder what Darby is doing here. I thought she didn’t feel good! Stopping the car and rolling down the window to talk to her, what to my wondering eyes should appear but my father.

Get the hell home, NOW! he said. (Damn, we should have gone the front way!)

Shit Kelly, what did I do? My Dad has never come after me, let alone yell and curse. I started crying. He followed me toKelly’s house and then home. Since I made sure he caught a couple lights, I made it home before him. Walking into the house, I went directly to my room, saying nothing to Mom who was sitting in the living room.

When Dad came in I heard him say, That damn bitch!

Oh God! He hates me, I just know it. Now what am I going to do? They both hate me. Why else would they be doing this to me?

It was only years later that Mom told me that Dad was referring to Kelly when he made that statement. Mom and I must have been talking about a similar situation when I remembered Dad had called me a bitch. It was a relief to discover he was not referring to me.

From what I understand, Dad got mad at each of us only one other time. Once, when Darby was 6 years old and I was 4, she was outside playing with the hammer and nails, building a house. Putting down the tools, she went into our house for a glass of water. Coming around the corner, seeing the tools lying there, I picked them up and started to build. When she came back outside and saw me with her things, she grabbed the hammer from me and hit me over the head with it! At this time, Dad was working on our car in the driveway. Hearing me scream, he came running over. Needless to say, she was the first to feel my father’s anger.

Adley and I felt it a couple years later. We were playing Cowboys and Indians with our neighborhood friends and Darby was one of the Indians. We captured her and did what every Cowboy did on TV. We were preparing to hang her!

Our fort was in the middle of a large lilac bush, and there was a branch just the right size for a hanging. We had gotten a milk crate for Darby to stand on and, of course, the rope. When Dad came home from work, we had the rope around her neck and were just getting ready to kick the crate from under her. Even though Mom was