Nineteen

By Grace Huo

This book is a collection of poems divided into three sections: Loving and Losing; Hurting and Healing; Sinking and Searching. Each section holds its own tales of pain and hope. The poems may not perfectly rhyme, they may seem out of place, but you might find a strange comfort in that. The poems are scattered, they possess an odd appreciation for certain things. These words are written, crossed out, typed, erased, and brought back again. They were sometimes written with tears, sometimes with joy. Take a deep breath, here's a whole world for you to explore...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Dec 18, 2019
• ISBN: 9781796006940

Book preview

Copyright © 2019 by Grace Huo.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2019919602

ISBN:   Hardcover   978-1-7960-0693-3

              Softcover     978-1-7960-0692-6

             eBook           978-1-7960-0694-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the

product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance

to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date:   12/16/2019

Xlibris

1-800-455-039

www.Xlibris.com.au

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CONTENTS

Part I

Loving and Losing

Lovers Are Gone

Myself and I

Love Knocks on Your Door

Radio

Happy Tears

In a Month

Elope

Repeat

Pain Makes Art

Night Stroll

Sleepless Nights

Heal

In Between

Break Me Free

Worthiness

Part II

Hurting and Healing

Ten-Word Story

Note to You

Eat

You Forgot to Breathe

Loose

Wide Awake

I Lied

This Time ’Round

Raw

Stuffed Toy

You and I

Part III

Sinking and Searching

Free

Loner

Fractions

Free Falling

Young, Attractive, Insecure

Sunk Costs

Last Train

Try to Love

Big Eyes, Sad Life

Free Fall

My World

My Dear

Tell Me What I Am

How to Feel

Search for Freedom

Myself

C’est la Vie

Home

Don’t Dream It’s Over

Ink

Soul

MAGA

Travelled

Pride—Love Is Love

Panic Attack

Confession

Writers Are Fighters

Give Yourself Credit

Infinity and Beyond

Dreams Wait

Winter

Paces

Walk the Walk

Wide Awake

Shake

The Big Questions

Sublime

Another Drink or Two

Too Young to Die

Ghosts

Sleep

Runaway

Pillows

Keep Sinking

Afraid

Attempted Poetry

Bet

PART I

Loving and Losing

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Lovers Are Gone

Fuck you, I said to my feelings

Fuck you, they said back

Back and forth, so on and on repeat

What a grumpy mess you are

I had to ask if they accept cheques

My happiness has been cashed out; I’m deeply in debt

Where did you think you’re going

Running away without hugging me goodbye?

At least look at me and see the love in my eyes

My mornings are disappearing in order

Gone before I could catch them like a four-leaf clover

Lovers are gone; they only stay for so long

Myself and I

The tears dried on my face. Everything exploded in screaming colours, the ugliest you could imagine: grey, brown, dark green. I jumped out of my skin for a second and felt liberated. But then I awoke, and it was just a dream. The most beautiful of dreams are always those where I stop being myself, where I am someone else … I am finally free! But it’s a nightmare I’ll never wake up from; it is the haunting sadness of life. Everything was grey again, and then dark, then darker, then darker than that. Everything died, and my heart, it died a long time ago.

I stopped crying, I turned around, and my life haunted me.

A false skin on my face, false fingers on my hands. Who controls me? Why am I so happy? Hello, I’m fine. How are you? But I’m not. I’m dragging the pieces along with me, trying not to make any noises so I don’t wake up the ones long gone. But I wish they could hear me. I wish I was one of them. My compulsive brain won’t stop. Who controls me, God? There is no God. There is the angel of darkness. May I speak to her? But she is me. I am me, I am controlled, and I control me. But the bits and pieces, they are roaming free. Goodbye, because I will never see them again. Goodbye, that wholeness of me, torn up already from my very beginning.