Letters to My Father

By Dvora River

Keep growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ.

2 Peter 3:18 But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen. NIV

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 14, 2019
• ISBN: 9781728331157

Book preview

LETTERS TO

MY FATHER

DVORA RIVER

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AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2019 Dvora River. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 10/11/2019

ISBN: 978-1-7283-3116-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-3114-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-3115-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019916082

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Scripture quotations marked AMP are from The Amplified Bible, Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified Bible, New Testament copyright © 1954, 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to:

My cheerleaders A.Buzz, H. Hill, D. Rooner

My Editor S. Elphick

Special Mention S. Frank

Dedicated to my friend and mentor R. Hoetmer

Contents

Dedication

Prologue

Introduction

Part One

The Beginning of My Walk… October 19, 2001

Avoiding Commitment… December 6, 2001

Battling Depression… December 18, 2001

Battle Of Detachment… December 30, 2001

Beginning of Healing… January 12, 2002

The Journey of Desire… January 13, 2002

Deeper in Healing… January 15, 2002

Step of Faith… January 17, 2002

Freedom of Thought… January 19, 2002

Father, Today I am at a Loss… January22, 2002

Part Two

Battle with Despair… January 24, 2002

Learning to be an example… January 25, 2002

Preparing to Give Up All… January 27, 2002

My First Public Testimony… February 1, 2002

Persevering… February 13 -21, 2002

Choices… April 10,2002

Emotions vs Identity… April 12, 2002

Forgiveness… April, 17 2002

Wounds… April 27, 2002

Escape into Alcohol… May 11, 2002

Seeking Him… June 18, 2002

Self-Absorption… June 20, 2002

Repentance… June 23, 2002

Sorrow… June 25, 2002

Living in the Light… June 30, 2002

Conditions of Discipleship… July 2, 2002

From Isolation to Fellowship… July 11, 2002

Sanctification… July 22, 2002

Part Three

Loneliness… August, 26 2002

Purpose… August 30, 2002

Destined to be Holy… September 1, 2002

Being Taught… September 2, 2002

Obstacles… September 6, 2002

Deliverance… September 9, 2002

One Nation Under God… September 12, 2002

Surrender… September 13, 2002

Temptation… September 17, 2002

Lack of commitment… October 8, 2002

Obedience… October 11, 2002

Answers to my Questions… October 13, 2002

Taking Hold of Lies… October 14, 2002

Facing the Truth… October 17, 2002

One Year Journaling

Testing of Faith… February 6, 2003

More Tests… February 9, 2003

Asking for Peace of Mind… February 11, 2003

Decisions… March 2, 2003

Transitions… March 5, 2003

New Job, Better hours…April 21, 2003

Part Four

Gifts from my Father…January 1, 2004

Father You have spoken… January 30, 2004

Purpose of Journaling… February 10, 2004

Hurricanes Francis And Jeanne… September 3, 2004

Added Journal Entries

The Reckoning… August 17, 2005

Shock… August 28, 2005

After My Hospital Stay… September 3, 2005

Suffering… September 28, 2005

Reading God’s Word for Strength… January 2006

New Eyes… January 11th 2006

Competition…January 18, 2006

Crossroads… April 2006

Medication and Concentration… April 15, 2006

Back to the Hospital… April 18, 2006

Gods Provision… May 6, 2006

Delight from Despair… May 24,2006

Fires of Sorrow… June 26, 2006

Life Change…August 22, 2006

Welcome back… July 1, 2007

Time to Part Ways… 2008 -2009

Jumping Ahead Ten Years… August 10, 2019

Epilogue

PROLOGUE

I was born into a seemingly healthy, upper middle-class family in 1964. My father was the proverbial breadwinner, and mom’s role was the homemaker … A standard title in the sixties, long before any woman’s movement that we have today in this 21st century. When comparing the sixties to today, significant differences took place. I can’t list all the events, as there were so many, but familiar ones jump to mind.

Early in the sixties John F. Kennedy became our 35th President from 1961-1963, part of his legacy was the decision to go to the Moon in the decade of the sixties. Before the President could realize his vision for our country, he was assassinated in Dallas Texas, November 22, 1963. His brother, Robert Kennedy, established himself as a political figure in 1964 and wanted to follow in his brother’s footsteps, but he too was assassinated and died June 6th, 1968.

Two other figures shared the juxtaposition of lives taken way too soon, Marilyn Monroe and Martin Luther King Jr. On a lighter note, The Beatles arrived in NY in 1964 taking America by storm! The hippie culture was in full swing by the time they took over Metzger’s farm in 1969 for the incomparable Woodstock’s musical phenomenon, the likes of which have never been duplicated! Finally, in July 1969, the world, glued to their television sets, waited to witness Neil Armstrong’s first-time walk on the moon, answering JFK’s call to reach the moon by the end of the sixties decade.

When I think back to my childhood, looking in from the outside, we were a regarded as a typical All-American family. I grew up like my mother on the same beautiful tree lined street. We lived in a lovely, colonial style four- bedroom house, belonged to the beach club and attended church every Sunday.

I grew up and went all though school with the same neighborhood kids. We all ended up graduating high school together. That was the same high school that my mother had graduated from! My parents married at the young age of twenty-one. After initially having difficulty carrying a baby to term, in 1964 I was born a healthy six pound fourteen ounce baby girl!! My dad worked full- time and was a prominent member of a local catholic club. My mother was the homemaker, staying home to care for me and prepare all our meals. I remember my mother as dutiful, she did all the cleaning and went out of her way to make us happy.

My parents, like all their friends, smoked cigarettes and socially drank alcohol. They enjoyed spending time with their friends at the beach club, or at restaurant bars, and at each-others homes. On occasion after they put me to bed for the night, they would go down the street to a friends house for a couple of drinks. When I was old enough to realize they were doing that, I used to cry in my bed, afraid of being in the house alone and longing for them to come back home.

When I turned thirteen, I was excited to be a teenager. I had just started junior high school. I had just started menstruating as well (not exciting at all) when a person in authority over me, whom I cannot mention due to the fact that he is still living and the libel laws, decided with permission from my mother to teach me the facts of life. This led to me being sexually abused. The abuse lasted two years physically and eleven years verbally, whenever this individual could have contact with me, which was unavoidable because of circumstances that would put us in close proximity. I never reported the abuse because of threats that were made to me and because I was convinced by the perpetrator that my mother was ill and telling would kill her. The abuse and the secrecy and the shame caused me to bury my fear and anger for more than twenty years. This is where my anger issues arose and where my outcry to my Father in heaven began.