Lost and Found: Memoir of an Addict

By Stephen C. Waller DDS

Lost and Found presents an accurate and true account of an addicts life before, during, and after his chronic addiction to drugsspecifically, to crack cocaine. The majority of addicts never get the chance to live in recovery long term. They end up prematurely dead or in a jail due to drug-related crimes. The life of an addict is bleak, unchanging, and spent primarily in denialdenial that there is a problem or that they need help.

With addiction being as prevalent as it is, author Stephen C. Waller felt compelled to tell his story as honestly as possible as it relates to his addiction. The journey of an addict is paved with many starts and stops. The addiction dictates their every action, and it fuels their unrealistic sense of self-worth. Until the addict believes that they have a problem, no one can help them.

Waller describes the disintegration of his life, from his career as a very successful dentista lucrative dental practice that allowed him a new Porsche and a beautiful homethrough a downward spiral into addiction and unemployment that left him living with his elderly mother and aunt. He then goes on to consider what factors brought him into long-term recovery.

Brutally honest throughout, Lost and Found chronicles a journey through the life of an addict, beginning before the active addiction, through the thirty-four years of drug use, and into the following sixteen years of sobriety.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: May 31, 2013
• ISBN: 9781475991512

Stephen C. Waller DDS

Stephen C. Waller, DDS, is a recovering addict with over sixteen years of clean time (no alcohol or drugs), as well as a retired dentist. He hopes to inspire other addicts to get clean and live life free of drugs. He and his wife live south of St. Louis, Missouri, in a rural setting with Maxx, their German Shepherd.

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Copyright © 2013 Stephen C. Waller, DDS.

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ISBN: 978-1-4759-9153-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4759-9152-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4759-9151-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013908854

iUniverse rev. date: 5/29/2013

Table of Contents

Who Is an Addict?

Introduction

My Family

My Story

My Drug Career

College Days

Early Drug Use

My Third Wife

One Escapade

Close Encounters

The Chase

The Downward Spiral

The Dental Board

Fulton County

St. Jude’s

Talbot Recovery Center

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

The Cabinet Shop

The Burned Car

St. Jude’s Again

Back to Life

Taking the Test Seriously

Transition of Faith

The Prize Earned

Genuine Life, Genuine Recovery

God’s in Charge

Conclusion

Appendix A

Who Is an Addict?

Most of us do not even think twice about this sentence. We know! Our whole life and thinking was centered on drugs in one form or another—the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. We lived to use and used to live. Very simply, an addict is a man or woman whose life is controlled by drugs. We are people in the grip of a continuing and progressive illness whose ends are always the same: jails, institutions, and death.

Narcotics Anonymous

Fifth Edition 1988

To my amazing daughter, who suffered great hardship and abuse during my active addiction and whose life is still affected to this day.

Introduction

I will attempt to take you on a journey through the life of an addict, beginning before the active addiction, through the thirty-four years of drug use, and into the following sixteen years of sobriety. This story shows that addiction can attack anyone, anywhere. It does not respect age, sex, education level, ethnicity, or socioeconomic status. If an addict as sick as I was can face their demons, with God’s help, they can get better and live a happy and contented life.

I did not want or ask for drug addiction. In my opinion, I was born with a high likelihood to become a drug addict. I was a full-blown addict just waiting to happen. As soon as I tried drugs, I was off and running. I don’t recall waking up one day and thinking, I believe I’ll become an addict and lose everything and end up homeless. Addiction is sly, and it sneaked up on me like a lion sneaks up on its prey and devours it. I never saw it coming.

Names of key individuals in my story have been omitted purposely, mainly due to concerns of anonymity and privacy.

My Family

Born in 1948, I was the youngest of four boys in an upper-middle-class family. This was a few years after the end of World War II. Neither of my parents ever smoked, drank alcohol, or used mood-altering drugs.

If genetics plays a role in addiction, then I must look at both of my grandfathers. My mom told me stories about her father’s escapades when he drank. He was an unpredictable, angry, and malicious drunk. He had seven children, and five went on to drink excessively as adults. He was a functional alcoholic, and he was licensed as a dentist and a lawyer. He was also a U. S. representative in Washington DC. He got sober in his fifties and stayed that way until he died. I only knew him during his sober years and remember him as a kind and loving man.

My mom, therefore, grew up as a child of an alcoholic and became an adult child of an alcoholic. I remember her as an extremely anxious person who had little peace or contentment. She was very opinionated and argumentative. Many times throughout my lifetime, she argued with my dad, my brothers, her sisters, and me. She was religious and attended church regularly. She knew the Bible well enough that she could quote many verses from it. I loved my mom, and I believe she did the best she could with what she had even though her childhood with an alcoholic father had affected her emotionally.

My dad’s father was also an alcoholic. He drove a cab for a living, and I only saw him three or so times in my childhood. He did not raise my dad. My dad was raised by stepparents, whom I had the pleasure of visiting several times. They were good and kind people who did a great job raising my dad. My father was a prince of a man. I never saw him smoke, drink alcohol, physically harm anyone, or argue with anyone other than my mom, and that only happened rarely. He never flirted with other women or had any affairs. I never heard him cuss or tell dirty jokes. He was meek and unpretentious. He spent a lot of quality time with me. One of my favorite childhood memories is of being nestled under his arm and talking while we watched TV together in an easy chair. I felt loved and safe. One example of my dad’s integrity took place when he managed a little league team I played on. Even though I was a good pitcher, there was a one-armed boy who was a better pitcher than me. The other pitcher began the game, while I sat the bench and watched. My dad only put me in to pitch if the first-string boy ran into difficulties. I respected my dad for not favoring me over the better player. Even though he set this good example, I chose to use drugs instead of following his