Fifty Years and Counting: How to Be Happily Married Forever

By Jaime Alvarez

The foundation of a happy marriage is honesty. Both spouses must be reliable, responsible, and resilient. A healthy marriage is a team effort. It takes hard work and selflessness. I find it interesting to read advice from marriage experts with many degrees and are on their third or fourth marriage. The purest knowledge and understanding we will find from good examples and experience. When you talk to couples that have been happily married for many years, you will find some commonalities and some differences. Every marriage is unique because it is made up of two individuals. That is one of the reasons why being married a long time can be so interesting and rewarding and should never become monotonous. Getting old together and still having fun is a reward that couples who have been married for many years celebrate.
I hope that the couples who read this book benefit from its experiences and wisdom. The sacred vows you made were not a condemnation, but if truly applied, you both will learn that they were a liberation. My wish is that you have a long and blessed life together!
Some marriages do not work out the first timethats just reality. The universal principles discussed in this book can help any relationship become happier and more rewarding. Dont give up on love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Aug 21, 2018
• ISBN: 9781546254546

Jaime Alvarez

JAIME ALVAREZ was born September 14,1949, in Mexicali Mexico, to U.S. citizen parents. Throughout Jaimes life being a true and faithful family man has always been his priority. On December 2, 2018, Jaime and his childhood sweetheart, Eunice, celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary. They have been blessed with four amazing daughters, Leticia, Marisela, Elena, and Gina. Included in what Jaime calls, His Village, are 13 grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren. Jaime is most proud of being a faithful husband, father, and grandfather. Jaimes first book is entitled, SKIN FOR SKIN. It is the true story of his family ten year struggle against false criminal charges and how they were exonerated. THE COLLECTIVE WORKS of JAIME ALVAREZ, including DICHOS DE MI MADRE, was Jaimes second book. It was dedicated to his mother who passed from alzheimers Disease in 2015. SUDDEN DEATH BEAUTIFUL LIFE, is Jaimes third published book. It is about the amazing story of how he and his family survived sudden cardiac arrest. Over 300,000 people die annually from sudden cardiac arrest only one in ten people survive, sudden cardiac arrest. The book tells about the incredible challenge his entire family had to endure and what can only be called miracles they witnessed. 50 YEARS AND COUNTING, How to be happily married forever. is the true story of Jaime and Eunices 50 years of marriage. In its pages, you will find practical wisdom and advice for any couple contemplating marriage. The book does not color coat the challenges involved in creating a healthy and long-lasting marriage. Being married so many years brings with it many new changes requiring resiliency and sometimes reinvention. It is spiritual but not religious. It is a must-read for anyone for all young couples. JAIME ALVAREZ is an author and inspirational speaker. He can be contacted at [e-mail].

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© 2018 Jaime Alvarez. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 08/20/2018

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5455-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5453-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5454-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018909342

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book to my bride of 50 years, Eunice, and my beloved family. December 2, 2017, Eunice, and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. We were wed December 2, 1967 at the ripe old age of 18 years. Together we have experienced just about every challenge a marriage can encounter. Through it all after everything was said and done we stood together as partners. Together we raised four magnificent daughters that are confident and loving women. Leticia, Marisela, Elena and Gina. We have been blessed with 13 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren. Jeňa, Priscila, Victor Jr, Jasmine, Hector Jr., Ivana, Seth, John Jaime, Katrina, Vivian, Isaac, Leo and Sophia. Great Grandchildren Levi, Baby Lana, Hector (Tunney), Olivia and Everette. To my wife and life partner I say thank you for giving me everything you had to give and more as a partner and wife. Together we created a mosaic that is a masterpiece. After 50 years of being married to you, I would do it all over again!

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EUNICE AND JAIME DECEMBER 2,1967

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DECEMBER 2, 2017

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

SPECIAL ACKNOWLEDGMENT

Chapter 1   SAUTHOR YOUR LEGACY TOGETHER

Chapter 2   SHONOR AND RESPECT ONE ANOTHER

Chapter 3   SCOMMUNICATE AND BE FORGIVING

Chapter 4   SBEST FRIENDS, LOVERS AND CONFIDANTS

Chapter 5   STHE MIND, BODY SPIRIT CONNECTION

Chapter 6   SBUILDING A LASTING RELATIONSHIP

Chapter 7   SUNTIL DEATH DO US PART TEMPORARILY/LOVE EACH OTHER FOREVER

Chapter 8   SLONG LASTING LOVE STORIES

MARRIAGE EXERCISE

INTRODUCTION

I decided to write, 50 YEARS AND COUNTING, HOW TO BE HAPPILY MARRIED FOREVER, after Eunice and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary, December 2nd 2017. Most people when they hear you have been married 50 years will ask, What is the secret to being married so long? While doing some research on the subject on Google I was amused to read varied opinions on, The Secret. It was fun to read the headings. One said the 5 secrets to a long and happy marriage. Then there was the heading that said 10 secrets to a long and happy marriage and another was entitled 25 secrets to a long and happy marriage. So how many secrets are there? Here is my answer, There is no secret! My book deals with reality not theory. It takes daily awareness and dedication to be happily married for 50 years. There is no magic pill or secret. Being happily married together for a long time requires growth and understanding. According to the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University only 7 percent of marriages have reached the 50-year mark.

The foundation of a happy marriage is honesty. Both spouses must be reliable, responsible, and resilient. A healthy marriage is a team effort. It takes hard work and selflessness. I find it interesting to read advise from marriage experts with many degrees and are on their third or fourth marriage. The purest knowledge and understanding we will find from good examples and experience. When you talk to couples that have been happily married for many years you will find some commonalities and some differences. Every marriage is unique because it is made up of two individuals. That is one of the reasons why being married a long time can be so interesting and rewarding and should never become monotonous. Getting old together and still having fun is a reward that couples who have been married many years celebrate.

I hope that the couples who read this book benefit from its experiences and wisdom. The sacred vows you made were not a condemnation, but if truly applied, you both will learn that they were a liberation. My wish is that you have a long and blessed life, TOGETHER!

Some marriages do not work out the first time, that’s just reality. The universal principles discussed in this book can help any relationship become happier and more rewarding. Don’t give up on love.

SPECIAL ACKNOWLEDGMENT

I want to recognize and thank my classmates from, El Monte High School, Class of 1967, for their contributions to the success of this book. Thank you, Irene and Mike Randazzo, Grace and Floyd Carter and Angelita Silva, for sharing your special love story.

THINK OF YOUR MARRIAGE AND LIFE TOGETHER AS A BEAUTIFUL MOSAIC BOTH OF YOU HAVE CREATED. EVERY EXPERIENCE, EVERY CHALLENGE, EVERY VICTORY, ARE PIECES OF YOUR MAGNIFICENT CREATION.

CHAPTER 1

AUTHOR YOUR LEGACY TOGETHER

Resiliency and reinvention are two of life’s favorite children. Jaime Alvarez

One of my favorite sayings is, Life is a journey not a destination. As I look back on the amazing journey my bride Eunice and I commenced, December 2, 1967, I cannot help being amazed. What amazes me is not the fact that we have been happily married for 50 years but our relationship is getting better and stronger. We have endured economic, health, spiritual challenges and more. Through it all we held each other’s hand and faced them together.

All marriages will have to endure incredible challenges that will either make them or break them. Eunice and I have certainly endured our share. Your legacy will be the meaning or the moral of your marriage’s personal journey. Just like authoring a book your choices will determine the title and chapters of your story. I once wrote, Resiliency and reinvention are two of life’s favorite children. All successful marriages must be resilient. Marriages need to have the capacity to recover from difficulties.

Let’s go back to the beginning of when we first met. The year was 1964 and the Beatles had taken over the world. We were sophomore’s in High School. Those were turbulent times full of insecurities. The year before our president, John F. Kennedy, was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald in Dallas Texas. We grew up in a world where all out thermal nuclear warfare between the United States of America and The Soviet Union was a horrific reality that always haunted us. In our social studies class we were learning about a far and distant place called Viet Nam where the United States was going to prevent a Domino effect, from occurring. The administration of then president, Lyndon Johnson, was adamant about stopping the spread of communism throughout Asia and Viet Nam was where they were going to do that.

Eunice was attracted to what are now the super oldies of the 1960s. Groups like the Supremes, Martha and the Vandelas, and Chubby Checker’s Twist, dominated her personal entertainment. Man, that girl could really dance. That was kind of surprising because she was very quiet and shy, which I really liked. Music was her escape from the harsh reality she lived in. Her mother suffered from mental illness and had bouts of delusion. Her father had committed suicide when Eunice was four years old. His abandonment left her and 6 other siblings without a father and a mentally ill mother. The oldest brother, who was thirteen at the time became extremely abusive and violent. The fact that her mother was religious and delusional added more chaos to her environment.

My family environment was just as insane as my girlfriend’s household. My father was an alcoholic that suffered from what is now known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He fought in the South Pacific during World War all and was seriously wounded. That experience compounded by his drinking made our life a living hell at times. He was very abusive toward my beautiful mother and would resort to physical violence at times. Somehow and unsolicited I became the son who tried to protect my mother against my father’s rage. I was only 11 years old when I had to try and physically fight with my father to stop him from hitting my mother or pulling her beautiful long black hair. Have you ever watched a bull riding contest at a rodeo? There are these brave cowboys dressed up as clowns. Their job is to distract the raging bull when the bull rider is knocked off. That was me at 11 years old. My father was a big man weighing over 250 lbs. I was a big kid for my age but only weighed 110 lbs. So, the drunk raging bull, who was supposed to be my beloved father, had no problem throwing me from wall to wall literally. Something happened to me, as result of the violent chaos of my childhood, I began to hate my father and love my mother more. After every violent incident my father would tearfully apologize the next morning after he was sober. When you are young you want to believe your parents with all your heart and I did. My father promised to never drink and fight with my mother a thousand times.

At 69 years old I am writing this book and recognizing that’s who my father was. He died in 1981 after a lengthy and painful battle with stomach cancer. I wish I had better memories of my father, but I don’t! It’s terrible, as a child, to love your father and hate him so much at the same time. My father never apologized for his horrible conduct, but he did spend his last days saying over and over, I REGRET THE WAY I LIVED MY LIFE, I REGRET THE WAY I LIVED MY LIFE!

When we hear the word legacy we usually think of the name or reputation a person left behind. How and what was he or she known for, especially amongst their family. What kind of person was he or she? A legacy is almost always thought of in past tense after the person died. When my father was on his death bed and he kept repeating over and over, I REGRET THE WAY I LIVED MY LIFE! it was too late to change anything.

SOMETIMES THE FIRST STEP TOO MENTAL HEALTH IS FORGIVING YOUR PARENTS.

So, what is the moral of this story? What is its meaning? I say we need to live our legacy daily and not just leave one. Dr. Victor Frankel, a man that survived the horrors and injustices of The Holocaust taught, Between Stimuli and Reaction there is Choice! He was really talking about personal responsibility! We can’t go through life blaming our parents. Much is made about learned behavior, by therapists. When we decide to take personal responsibility for our lives we will unlearn bad behavior. Because my father was an abusive husband that didn’t sentence me to a lifelong condemnation of repeating his mistakes. It was now up to me not to repeat his negative conduct. I had a choice to break that malignant mold and I did. My marriage and household would be different than the one I grew up in or the one Eunice grew up in. Violence and drunkenness was not going to be the norm in my marriage.

The great thing was that I had a lifelong partner in Eunice, that would help me break that demonic mold. We were eighteen-year-old-kids when we married. Through our 50 years of