A Light at the End of the Tunnel: Surviving a Grief Storm

By Sally Latimer

From the beginning I always felt I didn’t belong. My own parents didn’t raise me, I felt unloved, unwanted, like it was my fault, the physical abuse, the sexual abuse, I thought everything was my fault, I didn’t feel worthy of love and I took that feeling into a 25 year marriage that ended in divorce. I still felt broken & unworthy of love, but the one thing I did promise myself was that when I had kids of my own they would never experienced what I went through. I had to be the one that broke a vicious cycle and I did it. Life’s began to look up for me, when I met my future husband on a blind date. Everything was so wonderful until March 7, 2014 when my world exploded into madness, my youngest son 35 was killed. My perfect world had fallen apart. I asked God “why him, why now?” Read how I found the resiliency to go on, I was heartbroken, how was I suppose to go on? How does any parent who loses a child move forward? I was much stronger than I ever thought I could be, but I survived and so can you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Jul 9, 2019
• ISBN: 9781982226671

Sally Latimer

Sally enjoys life with her husband Thomas in Southern California with their combined family of 7 children & 19 grandchildren. She has shown great strength and resiliency having survived physical, mental and emotional abuse as well as sexual abuse as a child. She contributes her inner strength to her Spirituality and belief that she is a child of God and that God doesn’t make mistakes. Her main focus is her belief that every woman needs to believe that she is special and beautiful and is capable of surviving life, even when the worst things are thrown at her. If you would like to contact Sally about book signings or speaking engagements she can be contacted at [e-mail]

Book preview

A Light at the

End of the Tunnel

Surviving A Grief Storm

Sally Latimer

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Copyright © 2019 Sally Latimer.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-9822-2666-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-2667-1 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 06/27/2019

Contents

Foreword

Growing up Abandoned and Abused

In the Beginning

My First Experience with Death

A Slap in the Face

Getting Out

Finally, Free

Into the Storm Comes Beauty

Breaking A Promise

Moving to Michigan

Our Cross Country Trip

Earl

The Elephant in the Room

The Shower Strike

Hockey

Learning to Drive?

Finding Love Again

You Broke My Mom?

One Big Bad Week

Moving to Arizona

Reaching Out

Moving Back Home

Samantha Kay

Lake Havasu Birthday Week

An Accident Looking for A Place to Happen

Conspiracy Theories

March 7, 2014

Andrew vs The Final Storm

Devestating News

A Celebration of Life

And the Storm Raged On

March 6, 2015

March 7, 2015

Learning the Truth

How Do I Go On?

Fighting for Justice

What Next?

Surviving the What If’s

Why Me?

Epilogue The Driver

About the Author

Gratitude To

Foreword

I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME

PHILIPPIANS 4:13

This is the true story about my life from what I was told happened to me at birth, my growing up, suffering both physical and sexual abuse, and emotional abuse as well. It is a story of my survival and how I thought that as a child, I was to blame. I didn’t know at the time that this was abnormal behavior or that what was happening to me as a little girl was wrong on so many levels. All I knew was that I was broken, I didn’t trust and I certainly did not tell.

As I continued to grow, the abuses changed but by now, I realized just how wrong everything was but I didn’t know who to believe. I had been told so many different things, who could I go to for answers? So I went to the only person who I thought would tell me the truth, that was my birth mother but the words she always said to me didn’t add up, it never did feel genuine and only after her death did I learn the real truth.

Life was a constant storm, one after the other as I grew, and married and had a family of my own, how I vowed as a teenager that if or when I had my own children, they would never endure the many ways in which I was so wrongly treated.

This is a story of survival, one of abuse, a life lived in a home full of dysfunction, alcoholism, depression. I had feeling of despair, anger, betrayal, pain, yet I also had feeling of determination, resolve and hope for a better future. I was a child of God and I trusted and believed that a better life lay ahead for me and my children. My biggest issue of all was not trusting.

At a certain point in my life I had built walls so high, it was my way to protect myself from anyone ever hurting me again. It took years for that wall to be chipped away, little by little until I was able to find love again and learn that as broken as I thought I was, I was still loveable.

35 years, 6 months and 19 days after the birth of my son Andrew Scott, when his life came to a sudden and tragic end, my life ended too in ways I could not imagine. Life had been so good. I was so happy to be back home to Southern California. I could not possibly comprehend what was happening any more. Never in my wildest imagination could I believe I was now the parent of a child who had died.

My world exploded into an emotional madness that nearly destroyed me until I received a book from an unknown person, who had read my posts on Facebook of my loss and she reached out to me by sending me a book written by Sandy Peckinpah, a book about loss, a book about surviving the worst that could happen and she knew exactly what she was writing about because she too, had lost a son at 16 years old. There were 5 words in that book that just jumped off the page and made me decide then and there that I would HONOR MY CHILD BY HEALING.

I was only a few weeks into this Grief Storm, one that would take me back to my childhood, reliving the abuses I endured as a child, the feelings of being abandoned, abused, unloved, unwanted, broken and insecure. Never feeling that I was ever good enough or worthy of being loved. But those 5 words made me realize it was time to tell my story, as well as my beloved son because he left a legacy that needed to be told.

This is my story, others may disagree with some of what has been written within these pages, but everyone is entitled to their own opinions but I promise one thing, nobody knows what it feels like to lose a child, unless they have been where I’ve been.

The hope I have with writing this book is that others like me, and I know there are thousands and thousands who have suffered like I have or who have lost a child like I have, there is hope, there is life after loss. I may never be healed from the loss of my child but I will move forward and live my life the best that I can. Life was denied to Andy and it’s my, our responsibility to honor Andrew and a life that was cut short in his prime. I know he wouldn’t want it any other way.

Resiliency, that is the word that best describes me now, I have learned I am a survivor and am capable of surviving the worst things ever in life because I already have.

God will never give me more than I can handle but sometimes I think He has more confidence in me than I’ve had in myself. I have survived the unthinkable, the loss of a child and here I am, moving forward. They say when the going gets tough, the tough get going and I guess that would describe me. I hope that you, my reader will find the courage to tackle the demons that are working to keep you down, beat them back and stand up and fight back, take back the control of your life. If I did it, and who am I? I’m just like you, a wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother who has survived the worst that life can throw at me, if I could do it, so can you. Just believe in yourself, you are worthy of love.

~Sally

If anyone who is reading this is being sexually abused by anyone, please know that you are not alone and you do not need to suffer in silence. Sexual abuse does not just happen to girls. Statistics show that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before the age of 18. 90% of them know their abusers and it is rarely reported because of the stigma of shame and the families tend to want to sweep it under the rug to avoid further damage to the family, but, educating parents and caregivers can reduce the likelihood of future abuse.

If you are being abused, please contact:

WWW.DEFENDINGINNOENCE.ORG/START

TO

ANDY

35 years, 6 months, 19 days

Forever and always I will love you.

I promise to honor you by healing.

Aloha ‘oe hui hou

Analu Koka

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I would like to thank my friend and mentor,

Sandy Peckinpah

Without her love and support I would not

Be where I am today

And to my wonderful loving husband Thomas

What a crazy life it’s been!!!

Thank you for all your support, I couldn’t

Have done it without you

Growing up Abandoned and Abused

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me

(Psa 27:10 NTL)

My life growing up was confusing, difficult, emotionally and physically painful as I endured many harsh and cruel treatment. It is still confusing to me to this day as I have heard so many different stories about my birth and what happened next. I didn’t know who or what to believe. I had been told so many different stories, I just knew I wanted to be a part of a family, with my brothers and sisters.

What I do know was that I was raised by an Aunt and Uncle whom I called mom and dad. Now, my Dad was always my hero, he was the best dad anyone could have ever asked for. Yet, with all the things that were secretly happening to me, I still didn’t feel safe enough to tell. I don’t know if I thought that daddy would think I was telling stories or if he would get mad at me or, if simply telling him, would anything change? One thing was certain though and that was I was most definitely a Daddy’s Girl my entire life.

At the age of around 5, I was constantly being told by my aunt/mom that my mother didn’t want me. Of course she was raising her brother’s child and according to her, my Daddy Dick was a big hero. He had decided that he would join the Army before I was even born and of course, he couldn’t take care of me so he took me to his parents, (my grandparents) and left me. They placed me with their daughter Ruth and her husband.

I was told that my birth mother left me at the hospital after I was born. She had another child at home and was not mentally stable to care for another child yet she went on to have 2 more children in 4 years. My birth mother, Joan, always said she wanted me but what I could not understand was if she wanted me, why didn’t she just take me? I heard those words all my