The Last Weekend: A Story of Love, Loss, and Hope

By C. B. Schneider

Each year, millions of widows and widowers face a new “normal” life because of the devastating loss of their spouse. In this modern, digital age, losing a beloved spouse comes with more than it used to. For author C. B. Schneider, the loss of her soul mate one April afternoon also meant that all of the account passwords died with him, his digital life locked away.

Shutting down a digital life is not an easy task for those left behind. The Last Weekend documents one woman’s battle with grief and all the new tasks to be done, showing you how to make it through the first thirteen months of your new “normal” life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Apr 12, 2019
• ISBN: 9781973659198

C. B. Schneider

C. B. Schneider was born in the sixties and has lived in St. Paul, Minnesota, all her life. She has a grown daughter, Kristen, and a shih tzu named Frodo, who keep her company after the loss of her beloved husband of thirty years. Schneider holds a master’s degree in organizational leadership and a bachelor of science in business administration from the University of Northwestern–St. Paul, and is an eccentric visionary with a love of history; The Last Weekend is her first book, with more to come.

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Copyright © 2019 C. B. Schneider.

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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-9736-5918-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-5920-4 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-5919-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019904072

WestBow Press rev. date: 04/12/2019

Contents

Introduction

1. April 2017

2. 911 Emergency Network

3. Donor Call

4. Funeral Planning

5. Picture Boards

6. Music

7. Eulogy

8. The Celebration Luncheon

9. The Enormity of It All—Widowhood

10. Bill’s Antics

11. Anger

12. Unreality and Disbelief

13. Two Walls

14. Emotional Pain and Sadness

15. Physical Pain

16. Month 3

17. The Necessary Items

18. Obituary Notice

19. Shutting Down a Digital Life

20. Actual Death Benefit

21. Bank Accounts

22. Social Security

23. Cell Phone

24. Car Loans

25. Student Loans

26. Selling the Elm Street House

27. Other Phone Calls

28. Solitude

29. Past and Present Pain

30. Month Seven

31. Month Eight

32. Months Nine and Ten

33. Month Eleven

34. Month Twelve

35. My Borrowed Antics

36. Month Thirteen

Afterword

Bibliography

Appendix

Death Discussion Checklist

There are so many people to thank for making this book a reality that I could go on and on; blood family and family friends, you know who you are and how much I love and cherish all of you. My bottom line is to thank God for the vision and the words, and for Bill, my beloved husband, who never stopped believing in me. Ever.

Introduction

I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD OUTLIVE MY BELOVED HUSBAND, BILL. I THOUGHT WE would be one of the few couples to grow old together like bookends, still in love as the decades rolled by. Well, here I am, sixteen months after his unexpected death, and I’m trying to stay focused on learning to breathe again, without him.

If you are reading this, then you may have become a card-holding member of the widow/widower club. Welcome. I wish (just as you do) that we were not in this club; the dues are extreme. Even in this digital age, we can’t hit the reset button, no matter how much we want to. There is no do-over.

I want you to know that you’re not going crazy. You will have good days, mediocre days, and horrible days ahead. Not gonna lie. Your grief path may be similar to mine; it may also be vastly different. Some of the thoughts I’ve documented in my new journey may cause you to cry, laugh, just nod your head, or all of these. We’re the same but different. We’re widows/widowers in a digital age who will have to fight with every ounce of our being to be able to fix our digital lives for ourselves and our family.

You’re lonely but not alone. Take a deep breath. Take another one. And take one more. Learn to breathe deeply again.

God is with you.

C. B. Schneider

August 13, 2018

CHAPTER

1

April 2017

NO ONE EVER TELLS YOU HOW TO BE A WIDOW; SOMETIMES, IT JUST HAPPENS OUT of the blue. My Saturday blue sky brought instant widowhood without warning, without any promises, and without my best friend for the rest of my life here on this earth. In thirty minutes on April 29, 2017, my world came crashing down, and I knew my life would never be the same.

My husband was one of those healthy individuals who gets a cold, is sick for one day, and is 100 percent better the next day. Super annoying. I would then get the cold and be down and out for a week or more, sniffing, coughing, using up all the Kleenex in the house. Bill was a happy person, always cheerful in the morning. My rule was Don’t talk to me until I talk to you; you are safe once I talk to you. He was the reason I got up each morning and went to bed with him each night. He was my safety, my rock, my love, my other half, and the father to our daughter, Kristen. He was Daddy. He was the one who could soothe her nerves, the fail-safe car fixer, the manual reader of the house. If it was electronic, he not only understood it but also would install it and teach you how to use it. He was the handyman of the house. We planned for now, and we tried to save for the future that we thought we would have with each other. Undiagnosed heart disease and a massive heart attack proved both of us wrong just five months shy of our thirtieth wedding anniversary.

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BILL AND CHRIS SCHNEIDER, SEPTEMBER 25, 1987

The beauty of our relationship meant that we talked about everything and nothing. We had discussions about death. We both knew that we didn’t want to continue life if either of us were hooked up to a machine keeping our physical forms alive. We agreed that the surviving spouse should go on and find love again. I remember these conversations as if they happened yesterday. We were so filled with love for each other. We thought these conversations were unreal, but we still had them, together.

I have provided a discussion form (see appendix) as a way to start a conversation together. These conversations are really important! If you don’t have a living will, you will need your surviving spouse to know your wishes.

We both wanted to be cremated for a number of reasons, one being that we didn’t want to purchase land just to be buried in it. We viewed land as something to use or invest in when you’re alive or provide as an inheritance. You don’t own anything once you’re dead. While this would give the survivor(s) a place to visit, it wasn’t something that either of us wanted for the other. Also, it’s easier to visit his urn that has found its place in the living room. I still have him