Enough: For the Love of Edward

By Karen Citrano

The aftermath of murder would continue to baffle me at some times and bring me to the depths of pain at other times over the years. I had to deal with distance in the family, divorce, and the loss of friendships, where people drifted away due to the inability to cope with the reality of murder. Then there were my own physical limitations to consider as I went through it all. I found that I had a need to be with other survivors and had a strong connection to other mothers who had lost children. All of this made me feel less alone in all that I was going through. Recovery does not start at the same place and neither do the stages of grief. I have had to speak openly and freely to not feel ignored in coming to grips with myself in being able to understand my own grief. I know now that murder does not just happen to other people. I had an intense need to talk about it, but I found that I could not talk about it to everyone.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 27, 2017
• ISBN: 9781543438116

Karen Citrano

The author has lived in Massachusetts all of her life. She works as a licensed mental health counselor and licensed social worker. She is the mother of four children and grandmother of two. This is a first publication and it is dedicated from my heartfelt love of my memory of my late son, Edward F. Sullivan Jr. To my daughters, for keeping me grounded in my faith and my love and need for them.

Book preview

Copyright © 2017 by Karen Citrano.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2017911379

ISBN:      Hardcover       978-1-5434-3813-0

                Softcover         978-1-5434-3812-3

                 eBook             978-1-5434-3811-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Rev. date: 10/27/2017

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

754375

CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1 Let It Be Told

Chapter 2 When Death Comes

Chapter 3 The Call from the Hospital

Chapter 4 Powerlessness for the Fourth Time

Chapter 5 Things Destroyed

Chapter 6 Connecting the Information

Chapter 7 Day Two Lying in Wait

Chapter 8 The Supports

Chapter 9 Saying Goodbyes

Chapter 10 The Teens

Chapter 11 Some Miracle and Move to Finality and Reality

Chapter 12 Holding Tight and Letting Go

Chapter 13 Saying Goodbye

Chapter 14 The Road Ahead and Trying to See the Blessings

Chapter 15 Going Home

Chapter 16 The Nightmare and the Attempt to Move Forward

Chapter 17 Town and Outside Community Support

Chapter 18 What is Insensitive to me May Not be to Others

Chapter 19 The Wake and Funeral

Chapter 20 Ocean Waves and Broken Glass

Chapter 21 After the Funeral

Chapter 22 Sorting Out and Things in Between

Chapter 23 Ending the Violence

Chapter 24 The Court and Problems in the Days Following

Chapter 25 Seeing the Supports of Others

Chapter 26 The Media Attention

Chapter 27 The Inquiry

Chapter 28 The Services for those Who Have Lost Children

Chapter 29 Forward One Year After Eddies Death

Chapter 30 Fast Forward 2007

Chapter 31 Facing the Fears and Living in the Solution

Chapter 32 The Sisters

Chapter 33 The Other Connections

Chapter 34 Kerianne, Eddie’s Sister

Chapter 35 The First Trials

Chapter 36 The Autopsy Report

Chapter 37 The Parole Board

Chapter 38 Going Before the Parole Board for the Sixth Time

Chapter 39 Time and More Time

Chapter 40 Making Connections

Chapter 41 Contacting the State House

Chapter 42 Facing Losses

Chapter 43 Trying to Face the New Normal

Chapter 44 Facing Losses

Chapter 45 The District Attorney Becomes a Judge

Chapter 46 Moving forward

Chapter 47 The End of an Era, My Father

Chapter 48 New Motions and Rulings

Chapter 49 After Effects of Murder

Chapter 50 Four Years Later More Trials

Chapter 51 Warmth Comes after the Cold

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

T HIS IS MY first publication and it is dedicated from my heartfelt love of my memory of my late son, Edward F. Sullivan Jr. To my daughters, for keeping me grounded in my faith and my love and need for them. Thank you. We needed to stand together in order to remember the facts and share what we have gone through and that enough is enough.

Thank you to my late mother and father, who taught me most about having faith, both of whom always gave me wisdom and support all of the days of my life. Special thanks to my aunt who always accepted and listened to support me and encouraged me in ways she will never know. I want to thank my sister, and my brother and all of my family members and friends for loving and supporting me in this long process.

I want to thank my advocate, who has listened to me and stayed with me and made me aware of court notifications and kept me updated to any changes and at times has been a soothing presence while waiting for those court sessions to take place. My special thanks to Alanon, Parents of Murdered Children, Project Reach in New Bedford, and Rick for answering my questions over the years and for always taking my calls.

ONE COLD NIGHT IN FEBRUARY

CHAPTER 1

Let It Be Told

I AM WRITING this story twenty years later in an effort to heal and to bring another level of peace for myself and that of my family. It is a true story. It is of my personal perspective of experience of strength and hope in effort to give my message to another parent who may be in need of some assistance in getting through a difficult period of time. In writing this I am praying for the healing of myself and for that of my family.

There was such a ripple effect as people listened to my story they would become impacted by the reality of what had happened, although some people did not want to talk about it, the underlying current was there in every move I made. My ability to deal with this process so openly many years later may allow someone else to process what no one wants to talk about or be a part of. I want to be able to help others to not only be an example but because of my own search to move forward for my family, for my grief and for my years spent in the judicial system trying to make sense of a senseless tragedy. I want to be able to help others deal with tragedy and crisis. This is a story of love and one of pain and the long process of grief and frustrations of the judicial system with the endless appeals and appearances. It is my story where I have had to work through my denial, anger, bargaining with God and great sadness at times. I am at a point in my life that I must let go so I can move on. Life has to overcome death first and joy is followed from pain I have learned. For too many years I have struggled with forgiveness. I did not know this then, but I would learn that in my brokenness and pain I had been given something special. I believe that I will see my son again.

Opening within to forgiveness means that I never forget the process that I have gone through has been long and hard. I want to never forget that this grief has brought me to others who have shared their grief with me. It has helped me to be in the presence of that grief and that it has made me a better person and given me the ability to share the story to keep my son alive. I have done the footwork and I know that God has been in charge and has walked with me in my journey. I know today that one act can change everything for a family in a moment.

CHAPTER 2

When Death Comes

W HEN DEATH COMES and you lose a child so much is gone from life and you realize that nothing will ever be the same again. As a parent I had nowhere else to turn except to turn toward my faith and search within myself. In writing this my heart reaches out to your heart, and no matter what the circumstances or suffering that has occurred. I learned there is no loss greater than the loss of a child. From the time of birth we have hopes, dreams and visions for that child and we never think of them dying before those visions were fulfilled. Today, years later I wonder if there was really a choice in the dreams and hoped for experiences that would have been developed in my son, my child, and my firstborn. I grieve for what was, for all it could have been. I know that my peace will come, though my heart has been broken. My son left his legacy to me to use the gifts of compassion, love and to have empathy towards others. I think back of how many times he used these in his own life, with his sisters, cousins, grandparents and out in the community dealing with others.

One of the ways people respond when an unspeakable crime occurs is to distance themselves from it. Some people become indignant because it cast the town and area that it happens in a negative light. Most people have the idea that this will never happen to them or in their area of town or in their family. I have learned that this is a form of denial. I am taking this time to share my experience. I recall going to bed early and was almost asleep on the winter night of February 21st in 1994 when I was awakened by a phone call.

CHAPTER 3

The Call from the Hospital

I T WAS A holiday night in February, Presidents Day to be exact in the year of 1994. There was some snow on the ground and it was mild that day. I had spent the day reading the papers, relaxing with my family and going out to dinner with my youngest girls who were nine at the time. Eddie had lived on his own in his apartment in the town of Abington not far from where I lived. My oldest daughter was away at boot camp in the National Guard.

I recall going to bed early and was almost asleep on the winter night of February 21st in 1994 when I was awakened by a phone call from my father, Gary Sr. stating that he was driving over to my house. I dressed and waited almost impatiently for the next fifteen minutes until he arrived. I took the wheel and drove straight to the Hospital. The ride was very eerie for both of us and as we both had been thinking about our last ride together to the hospital just less than nine months earlier when my mother had had a heart attack and how she was pronounced dead at the hospital. Neither one of us said too much on the way over, we both felt the same foreboding feelings even though neither of us talked at that time about them. We had only told that we must get to the hospital right away that my son had been hurt. I had not been told the extent of the injuries so not knowing anything, I never dreamed that what I was about to be see around that act of violence would change my life and that my family had ever known from that night forward.

When we arrived at the hospital, my brother, Gary Jr. met us along with some of the staff at the hospital who brought me to speak with the neurological doctor who had been placed in charge of my sons care. The doctor told me that my son would probably not live, his head wounds had been quite extensive and that his head was swelling at an extensive rate due to his brain stem being crushed. I immediately went into denial mode. The doctor told me that my son was in a coma and that they had to place him on life support in the field while in transit before even arriving that at the hospital. We were also told that he had lost more than a liter of blood when found. The doctor went on to say his prognosis was extremely grim and he again states that he is not expected to live one more, time as I look at him in horror.

He is not expected to live, not expected to live! I have to say it in my mind over and over as I still cannot believe it or begin to process what it all means. This is difficult information to process and I feel as though I am going into a shocked state of mind as the doctor gives me this information as I try and wrap it around my brain inside my head.

The doctor told me that he was covered in glass and blood. Eddie had already been intubated out in the field. The diagnostic imaging that had been taken showed that Eddie had severe skull fractures, fracture of the occipital bone and a fracture of his front occipital bone and a fracture of the left sphenoid bone. He had skeletal muscle damage. His head looked like an eggshell on the diagnostic imaging and his pupils are fixed