Pe·Num·Bra

By Kayla Joli

Kayla Joli is a fresh voice in poetry whose soul is comprised of words. In her first collection of poems, Kayla shares the most vulnerable part of her soul that encourages others to overcome their fears of blossoming in life and to believe in possibilities, magic, and freedom.

Within raw poems rooted in the vast experiences of motherhood, femininity, and relationships, Kayla offers insight into the different feminine roles of a woman’s life. While exploring the nature of love and hate, reliance and freedom, heartbreak and healing, her poetry examines the interconnectedness and dualities of the heart, mind, and soul. As she journeys through the ties that break and relationships that heal, she connects to the vulnerability and strength that resides within all of us. Through lyrical verse that delves into strong emotions, Kayla invites others to consider their own deepest feelings and fears while searching for the truth.

pe·num·bra is a collection of raw poetry that combines strong feminist views with the tenderness of the soul that speaks to the vulnerability and vastness of human emotion.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Mar 15, 2019
• ISBN: 9781480874480

Kayla Joli

Kayla Joli has been writing poetry since age fifteen. After her daughter was born in 2015, she decided to live her dream of creating a compilation of poems. pe·num·bra is her first book of poetry.

Book preview

Copyright © 2019 Kayla Joli.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Archway Publishing

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.archwaypublishing.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-4808-7449-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-7447-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-7448-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019902303

Archway Publishing rev. date: 3/15/2019

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Me In Three Words

You In Three Words

Our Words

Watercolor

Resolutions

To Market

Ocean Bird

Don’t Build Your Home Here

Xx

Pink Again

Games

Gypsy

Confidence

Scavenger

What’s Left

Petals

Proof

Release

Apple Seeds

Boxing

They

Witchcraft

Teflon

Wooden Pearl

Said And Felt

Birthmark

Lovely Little Lonely

Naked

Wanting

Bully

Wal-Mart

Transparent

Salt

Without You

Cancer

Pavement

Pain

A Million Miles

Stargazer

Wish List

Mess

Ugly, Pretty, Thrifty

Painter

Nape And Pillage I

Nape And Pillage Ii

Shame

Beggar

Indecision

(Im)Proper Proportions

My Fruit, My Wheat

Balloon Skin

Intention

Caterpillars

Snore

Forest On Fire

Unrequited

Bloody Mess

Child

Depression

Enough

Hearts Worn Out

Self-Sabotage

Mother

Chain-Smoking

Nosebleed

Trust Exercise

Parasites

Fire And Rosewater

Museum

Maternal Instinct

Six Feet Under

Hoarder

Silky Milk

Avalanche

Decomposition

Death

Winded

Motivation

Eruption

Shards

First Aid

Look At Me

Michelangelo

Landfill Love

Little Rascals

Masquerade Ball

Sweet Dreams

Weed Patch

Blooming

Picking Favorites

Adulting

Past Lives

Palmistry

Great Grandma

Memory

First Room

May

Poem Prayers

You’re Invited

Butterflies And Giants

Drum

Grandmother-Mother-Daughter

Mirror

Artist

Packing Light

Full Moon

Dreamers

Wordsmith

Purpose

Oppressor And Oppressed

Oppression

Simple, Hard Things

Lead

Back Burner

Wake

Way Out

Rabbit Stew

Lessons

Telescope

Dress

Postmodernism

We Fly

Empowerment

Burn

Habitual Anger

Celestial

Unclean

Victim

Butterfingers

Landmine Women

Wo(Man) Is

Beast

Totem

A Woman’s Place

Years

Gills

Me Belongs To Me

Genocide

Binge

Tulips

A Nonservice Service

Nest

Love

Humanity In Process

New Growth

Kaleidoscope

Single Mother

Serendipity

Oh, My God

Your God

Fair?

Fluid

Rolling Boil

Multipolar

Mental State

Adoption

Real

Don’t Love Me

Renovation

(Wo)Man Cave

Time’s Up

Masterpiece

Me. My Planet. Words. My Moon.

Penumbra

Your Penumbra

About The Author

About The Artwork

Afterword

To those who make me full

and still love me when I’m not.

My keyboard, my fingers, and my soul have spread themselves into this book

so that I may tell the world how much I love you.

Mom, Dad, Boo & Pip

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

My family, my soil. Nourishing me, allowing me to stretch my roots and wrap myself inside. Endlessly encouraging me to rise. Nothing for me would ever happen if it weren’t for you.

My daughter, my little sun. Shining to warm me, charge me, and make me grow. You have melted my ice and given me the strength to remember my dreams.

My believers, my wildflowers. Do not be afraid to blossom into life. Believe in possibility. Believe in change. Believe in freedom. You deserve all of this world.

My women, my mothers, my sisterhood, my river. Your demonstrations of strength have carried me here. Your backs have borne the scars I write with. May we wake and rise each day and use our waters to quench the world’s thirst for love.

INTRODUCTION

Hello my darling,

Welcome to my mess of

angry and happy, hurting and healing, confused and clear, disgusting and beautiful.

Welcome to my duality.

I welcome you, and all of the worlds inside of you,

with open arms and a heart split wide open.

This is it. The first page.

Open in your hands

with so much expectation and contemplation.

Is it worth the money in your wallet?

Is it worth your time?

Do you really need (another) book of poetry?

Well,

if you’ve gotten this far

but think you may put the book down

and not read anything else,

what do I say,

what can I say,

to make you stay?

Will

PRETTY PLEASE

work?

It must! You’re on to page two.

Now that you’re here, please let me say this:

This book is the offering

of my soul’s most bountiful harvest.

It is my shadows brought to the light,

my labor of love

and everything else

that allowed my truth to rise to the surface.

This book has changed me.

It has held and released me.

It has been abandoned many times

but it has always found its way back to me.

I hope, with all of my heart,

that if I’m privileged enough to have my words

wander into your hands (and heart),

maybe you will feel found too,

safe and understood here.

Maybe you will believe in soul mates.

Maybe you will feel nothing.

And that, my love,

is the only thing I’m afraid of.

So if you are tempted to turn the page

and get on to the third,

I will not promise you anything.

But I will offer you my words

because they are some

of the very best parts of me.

And so … on to page three?

Shall we?

Hey, so nice to see you!

You’ve put up with me for two whole pages

so it is obviously meant to be.

Can you feel it?

Now that we’re here,

it will make us both feel better if you start by

pouring a strong coffee or a glass of good red.

Perfect.

Feel better? Me too.

Now

crack the spine. Really crack it.

Read and fill the rest in.

I have left blank spaces for you

in hopes that my words will help you find a new conversation with yourself.

Underline, highlight, scribble, doodle.

Write your truths. Write your mess.

Write your duality.

This book was mine. Now it’s yours.

And no one else’s copy will ever be like

the one that belongs to you.

Come as you are,

take me as I am,

(insert another cliché here ___________________).

Now will you please come for a walk with me?

If you do

I think that,

when we get to the end,

we’ll be holding hands

and neither of us will regret the journey.

Do you trust me?

ME IN THREE WORDS

Lost

and

found.

YOU IN THREE WORDS

OUR WORDS

These

are so much more than my words;

they are my purest offerings

of help, of love, of thanks

to all of you.

These are our words.

They are carved with the intention of