Rise Above It: A Caregiver’s Life After Tbi

By Niko Doggett

At about 6:00 p.m. on January 5th, 2012, my wife Marie suffered a severe traumatic brain injury. This book describes how I (and Marie) coped and healed over the years since the accident. It is a story of love. It relates much more than the injury and the healing of it; it also records the complications of life that surrounded the event and its aftermath.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 7, 2018
• ISBN: 9781984569967

Niko Doggett

Niko Doggett is a retired network systems analyst living with his wife, Marie, in Wellington, Florida. He was born of American parents in Athens, Greece in 1955. As a youth, Niko lived in Greece, Pakistan, the United States, Vietnam, Thailand and Kenya before returning to the United States to attend college. He was graduated from the University of Maryland (BS), and George Washington University (MBA). Meanwhile, he and Marie had two sons, Michael (m. Stephanie) and Daniel (m. Jessie), and a daughter, Amy (m. Rafi). Their grandsons Levi, Ari and Sammy, who are still back in Maryland, don't come down to visit Pops and Grammy in Florida often enough now that they moved away. Niko was in IT management at USAir and Amtrak over most of his career. Now retired, Niko is an avid tennis player and amateur musician. He is reasonably well traveled and likes to write.

Book preview

Copyright © 2019 by Niko Doggett.

ISBN:              Softcover              978-1-9845-6997-4

                        eBook                   978-1-9845-6996-7

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 02/23/2019

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

788264

PREFACE

At about 6:00 p.m. on January 5th, 2012, my wife Marie suffered a severe traumatic brain injury. This book describes how I (and Marie) coped and healed over the years since the accident. It is a story of love. It relates much more than the injury and the healing of it; it also records the complications of life that surrounded the event and its aftermath.

It is dedicated to Marie, whom I love kabisa (completely).

Rise above it

10,000 feet above it

Have patience

And love

Take care of yourself

Thank you, Gina and Carol, for adding coherence to my thoughts.

CONTENTS

Introduction

That Night

Why I’m Writing This

A Note on Organization

Part I – The Experience Itself

Chapter 1 - Suburban Icu

Chapter 2 - The Regular Floor

Chapter 3 - Shady Grove

Chapter 4 - Home

Chapter 5 - The First And Second Years

Chapter 6 - Family And Friends

Part I – Dealing with the Experience And Its Effects

Chapter 7 - Impacts

Chapter 8 - Managing Deficits

Chapter 9 - Getting Back To Life

Chapter 10 - Logistics And Paperwork

Epilogue

INTRODUCTION

That Night

I had arranged a tennis game with my friend Ken and was already dressed and ready to go. Ken called to say he was running a half-hour late, so I went up to my office to push some papers around and check e-mails. Marie was walking our dog Gigi. The phone rang. Marie’s mother, Jean, called to say she had been talking with Marie but had gotten cut off for some reason. No worry, I said; maybe her cell-phone battery died or she fat-fingered something. We talked about Ari’s bris and other things that happened that day.

The front door was unlocked. Someone knocked loudly, then opened the door. A woman shouted in, Hello, is this the Doggetts’ house? Mr. Doggett? Are you home? I told Jean, I have to go, ended the call, and dropped the phone on the floor. The woman said, There’s been an accident, and I knew right away it was Marie. Later I learned that the woman was a neighbor who lived several houses away on the corner of McDonald Chapel Drive where Marie had been hit by a van. I ran to the scene and knelt where Marie lay. She was struggling to breathe, and there was blood next to her head by the curb. I tried to comfort her and even tried to move her to a more comfortable position but quickly thought better of that as bystanders rushed to tell me not to move her. The paramedics were just arriving and were by her side within seconds. I looked up and saw Marco, who was white as a sheet. He just said, I didn’t see her – I’m so sorry.

Marie had a brace put around her neck and was laid on a stretcher. A paramedic used a squeezable bottle with a tube run into Marie’s mouth to give her more air. They put her in the ambulance. The paramedics told me to get in front, but I said I didn’t have my wallet or phone on me and could I at least get them before we left. They told me to be quick, and I was; you can imagine how fast I ran. I’m sure it took me less than thirty seconds, and during that time a bewildered Ken was rolling into my driveway for our tennis match. I told him Marie was hurt and to follow the ambulance to the hospital.

Marco was still there. About the last thing I did was tell him to call me, so I could let him know how Marie was doing. Inexplicably, I gave him a hug. (I have no idea why I did that.) I also yelled my cell phone number to him, but he didn’t call. That didn’t matter, because I was living a nightmare that would last a long time.

Gigi was gone. Her leash, with the collar dangling from it, had somehow gotten jammed between the front bumper and license plate of Marco’s van. I wasn’t thinking about this at the time, but it became a major concern as the night wore on. Within a few days I would learn what was happening while we were at Suburban Hospital.

I rode with two paramedics in the front of the ambulance while another worked on Marie. I was told to sit still and not talk through the window to the paramedic in the back. Frantic thoughts started racing through my head as I became increasingly afraid of the most horrific outcome that might occur. I was afraid Marie might not make it to the hospital and I became even more agitated when the ambulance went right by Shady Grove Hospital. Where are we going? Suburban.

Ken followed and arrived at Suburban close behind us. God, did I need him then!

Marie was whisked away into the emergency room while Ken and I were corralled into the waiting room. It was only then that it occurred to me to get in touch with the kids. I wasn’t thinking straight, and at first I thought I would tell them to stay put until I could give them an update. Ken helped me get past that stupid idea. My first call was to Michael, and among the obvious things to tell him I said he should come to the hospital right away. I then called Daniel and Amy. Fifteen minutes later Michael called back and said he was in the parking lot and needed to know where to go. After a brief but confusing discussion I realized that he was at Shady Grove and I told him to keep driving. I had forgotten to tell him which hospital to go to!

My memory of the gathering of family and loved ones that night – when they trickled in, and where we were when – is a blur. I can’t remember which twenty-odd people were present, but it was very comforting to know that each and every one of them was there for us. Ken, of course, was the first one there, and if I remember correctly, Stephanie was the last to arrive that night. Stephanie, who had given birth to Ari just eight days earlier! I said, What the hell are you doing here? and she said, Hormones.

And there was another surprise: One of my soccer buddies, Spiros, was the on-duty pharmacist in the ER that night. Small world. I did get some comfort from knowing that there was a personal connection with Marie among the ER staff, although I know full well that in a place like that the professionals are focused on performing everything close to or beyond a miracle for every life-or-death situation that is presented to them, soccer buddy or not. Still, Spiros was sort of a lifeline for me while we stayed at Suburban.

A few of us were gathered around Marie in the ER when Dr. Shields came in. Marie had already been given a CT scan, and the results showed that she had a skull fracture and some subdural bleeding. Dr. Shields explained that a second scan needed to be done to see if the bleeding was getting worse. It was, so she was immediately taken to an operating room for life-saving surgery.

We were relocated to the operating room waiting lounge, where we would spend the next five hours or so. It was fairly spacious, but we filled most of it. Finally, Dr. Shields came in to report that the operation was successful.

So much of that initial time span, from the knock on the door to the end of our wait, remains vivid in my memory. That first sight of Marie alongside the curb is like a photograph etched on my brain. How Marie looked in the emergency room. And seeing Spiros. Worrying about recharging my BlackBerry (I didn’t have a charger). Stephanie’s midnight entrance. Throughout all this was the feeling of shock and fear, and the hugs and handholding of all the people gathered there. Lots of hugs.