Coming to Terms

By Margaret Alston

A personal memoir covering the period from when my Mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour, completely out of the blue, to when she passed away three months later.

This very sad time in my life occurred over 20 years ago when my Mum was driving to my house one morning as we were going away for the weekend.  En route, she suffered an epileptic fit and was taken to A&E. She was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour later that day and given three months to live. Mum was finally discharged when it was evident that nothing further could be done to prolong her life. She moved in with my husband and I for the final precious weeks we had with her and every two to three weeks my sister would travel down from her home and stay with Mum in her flat for a long weekend. This meant my sister could spend some time with Mum, and my husband and I could take a short break from caring for her.

My memoir covers our time caring for her, to then arranging her funeral and our life in the early days thereafter.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Margaret Alston
• Release date: Apr 9, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215348147

Book preview

Introduction

At the age of 63, my Mum was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour and given three months to live. This was totally out of the blue and a great shock to us all as she had previously been of good health. Over 20 years on from her passing, I still miss my Mum terribly. By putting my memories of this sad time in my life down on paper, I hoped it might help me come to terms with my loss and, to a large extent, it has.  I hope this memoir may help others, as we all have to go through grief at some stage in our life. Perhaps reading this personal memoir may enable readers to also come to terms with their grief.

Chapter 1

THE DAY THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

Friday, 14th June 2002, I was due to take my Mum away for the weekend as she hadn’t been feeling well over the previous few weeks, having suffered from a few headaches. I lived with my husband in Kent and Mum lived on her own in a flat in South East London, about 30 minutes' drive from me. I had booked a pretty cottage in the New Forest and Mum was due to arrive at my house at two o’clock and then we would set off together for the weekend at half past two. Little did I know when I got up that day, how my life would change.

Mum had called that morning to ask what clothes she should bring as the weather forecast was mixed. I suggested she take a selection as there was room in the car and she would then cover all eventualities. She also asked me what time I was expecting her, she couldn’t remember whether it was two o’clock or half past two. I reminded her that it was two o’clock for a half past two departure and was surprised at her forgetfulness, as she was always so organised. She sounded fine though, with no inkling of what was to come.

Two o’clock came and went. Mum was never late, but I didn’t worry, because I assumed she had again forgotten what time we had agreed and would be arriving at half past two. The telephone rang at half past two and I thought it was Mum calling from her mobile to say she was delayed as she was caught in traffic, but I got the shock of my life when the caller identified themselves as a nurse from Accident and Emergency (A&E) at our local hospital. She said they had Mum with them and could I come as soon as possible. I asked what had happened and she said she didn’t know, but they had found my contact details in her handbag and called me.

I drove very quickly to A&E, to be met by a nurse who took me to a room where there was a mêlée of nursing staff surrounding Mum who was in a very distressed state. Her arms were flailing as they were trying to cut her clothes off because she didn’t of course understand why they were doing so. They asked me to try and talk to her to calm her down, but she was very agitated and couldn’t hear me over the din. She was finally calm, lying there in just her underwear and I was shocked by her skeletal appearance. As you never really see your Mum without clothes on, it was such a shock to see how much weight she had lost. I told her I was there and that the nursing staff were trying to help her, but she was still sadly not aware of my presence. I just watched in complete shock, not sure what was going on, but I could feel a rising panic in myself and choked back tears.

One of the nursing staff took me aside and told me that my Mum had suffered from an epileptic fit in her car. He asked me if she had a history of fits and I responded