God and the Hillbilly

By Susan M. Hogan

Linda had just turned 21, married for six years to an abusive man, and had two wonderful children. After a lot of urging from two online friends, she decided to take her two little ones and run. But could a woman with little education make a life for herself and them? All she had was her faith in God and love for her children. When she made that important phone call for help, little did she know how much her life was going to change and what an impact she would make on other people. Linda proved that no one should stay in a marriage or relationship that was abusive and belittling. She helped change the lives of elderly people put in her care with love and strength she never knew she possessed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 7, 2018
• ISBN: 9781984551627

Susan M. Hogan

I live in a small town in the Florida panhandle with my husband Michael. We attend a great little church, Medart Assembly of GOD, that prays for needs of all people. They are praying for my book to be able to reach and help those that are in an abusive relationship to find the help and peace they need. My husband has encouraged me to have this book printed as he believes in me and my work.

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Copyright © 2018 by Susan M. Hogan.

Library of Congress Control Number:          2018910550

ISBN:                        Hardcover                            978-1-9845-5164-1

                                 Softcover                              978-1-9845-5163-4

                                 eBook                                    978-1-9845-5162-7

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 09/05/2018

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To the real Linda, who had the courage, strength,

and faith to step out on her own. And to all the Lindas who are being held down, put down, and hurt in the name of love. May you have the courage to stand up for yourselves and your children.

I would like to thank my husband, Michael, for encouraging me to have my book printed again.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

L INDA WIPED A smudge from her computer screen. The computer, a birthday gift from her brother Larry, was her link to the outside world. She had met a few people online, but they didn’t stay in touch with her for long, except for two women she had met in an online prayer group. She looked forward to seeing their names on her email list. They encouraged her, accepted her, and loved her. How someone could love her without ever seeing her or talking to her in person, she couldn’t understand. But they did! And she was hungry for that love. She glanced at the clock: 11:45 p.m., and her husband, Dean, still hadn’t come home from work. The bar was always the first stop after he got off work. He rebuilt diesel engines at a big construction company on the other side of town. He would come home late at night smelling of booze, smoke, and cheap perfume. The later it got, the more worried she became because the more he drank, the meaner he would get.

Linda opened an animated card from one of her friends and giggled. The kids would love this one! She jumped when the back door slammed.

What the hell’s so damned funny? Dean’s voice boomed behind her. He reached down and unplugged the computer.

Dean, please don’t do nothin’ to my computer. Larry will be mad at you ifn you does. From the look on his face, Linda knew that had made him change his mind about tearing up her computer. Larry was the only person whom Dean was afraid of or respected. Her computer would be safe, for now.

Mommy came a whimper from the bedroom doorway. Dean Junior, or DJ for short, stood there wide-eyed.

GET THE HELL BACK TO BED, BOY! Dean roared at him. Linda started to walk to the frightened child, but Dean grabbed a handful of her hair, jerking it hard, and pulled her toward the kitchen and away from their son. Well, I don’t see nothing on the table for me to eat! Dean had her by the arm and was pushing her against the counter.

Dean, it be’s in the oven. I keeped it hot for you. You didn’t telled me you was gonna be late. Dean raised his hand, and Linda cowered, bracing herself for the pain that would come from the slap.

I don’t have to tell you a goddamned thing, BITCH! He let go of her and sat down at the table. She had cleaned and put everything away but his place setting. Dean was always complaining about how dirty she kept the house, even when it looked spotless to her. Dean watched with half-closed eyes as she set the steaming plate of food in front of him. He swept the plate to the floor with his big hand. Pure G-A-R-B-A-G-E! Know what that spells, stupid? GARBAGE! he yelled in her ear. Now clean it up! Dean shoved her down to the floor, making Linda hit her head on the side of the table as she fell.

GOD, I needs you! her mind screamed; she knew better than to say GOD out loud. Dean didn’t believe in GOD, not like she did. The only time Dean had His name in his mouth was when he was swearing, and he did a lot of that when he was drinking, like he had been tonight. Dean stumbled toward the bedroom. In a matter of minutes, she could hear loud snoring. Thank you, GOD! she whispered. Tears ran down her cheeks as she scrubbed the mess off the floor and cabinets. LORD, what am I post to do? Please, GOD, shows me. I ain’t sure how much more athis I can takes. I am so ascared he is gonna hurts my babies, special DJ. Please tell me! Linda pulled herself up from the floor. She leaned against the table until the dizziness passed. She picked up an overturned kitchen chair and sat down. How could this have happened?

She thought back to the first time she had seen Dean. She had been in the yard hanging sheets on the clothesline when Dean and the boy next door came walking by. He was so handsome! She almost dropped the sheet she had in her hands when he smiled at her. They began talking, and the next thing she knew, she had agreed to go out with him. She knew her parents weren’t going to be happy about it. Her daddy was sick with black lung from working all those years in the Kentucky coal mines. Linda had to quit school in the sixth grade to stay home to take care of him while her momma worked, even though she, too, had cancer. Her older brother, Larry, was away at college on scholarships. He came home as often as he could to help out and do repairs on the house. From the first time Larry had set eyes on Dean, he had not liked or trusted him. Dean always watched his step around Larry. Linda was in love, and nothing any of them said could change that. Linda thought about the first time they had made love; Dean had been gentle with her, not like he was now.

How long had it been since he had touched her in a loving way? She couldn’t remember! The gentleness had stopped sometime after DJ was born. Dean had been so proud at first. He had a baby; he had a son; he was a daddy! Then reality set in. DJ crying, DJ needing diapers and formula, DJ teething. It seemed everything DJ did upset Dean. Then there had been the time when DJ was just over a year old. Dean and some of his buddies were going to take their wives with them on the motorcycles for a night out. Dean had gotten someone to watch DJ so Linda could go too; she was excited to be able to go with him. Before they left the house, Linda told Dean she was expecting again; all he did was glare at her. They met up with the others for a night of drinking. Linda wasn’t old enough to drink liquor, so she spent the evening sipping on Cokes. She sat next to Dean, watching him drink shots of some kind of liquor and washing it down with beer.

A man walking by accidentally bumped the table, smiled, and said, Excuse me.

Linda had smiled back, saying, That be’s OK. Dean grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the bar. He pushed her toward the motorcycle, yelling at her about her boyfriend.

Dean, I don’t know what you be’s talkin’ about! I ain’t never seed that man afore! she said, trying to escape his blows.

Dean slapped her across the mouth with the back of his hand. LIAR! he yelled, knocking her across the motorcycle. He ran around and picked her up, her toes barely touching the ground. Is that the man that fathered that little bastard growing in your belly? He come around when I go to work, BITCH? He knocked her back over the cycle. One of his friends came running out of the bar, pulling him off Linda. Come on, man, let’s get out of here. The bartender called the cops! My old lady will take her home. Dean jumped on his motorcycle and sped off, leaving Linda lying on the asphalt drive. Dean came home hours later to find Linda curled up in a ball, not caring that she had just lost the baby she had been carrying.

*     *     *

Tears slid down Linda’s cheeks. She put her hand to her throbbing head to find a big knot forming there. She felt something warm and wet. Her fingers were sticky with blood. These beatings were getting worse each time. She was afraid, but she loved Dean so much. And he did tell her sometimes that he loved her too. But like Susan, her friend from the prayer group, had said, "Dean could love you to death." At this rate, it seemed like he could.

She heard a whimper from the kids’ room. She hurried in to check on DJ. He was having another nightmare. She pulled the covers up around him and touched his cheeks, which were wet with tears. Linda stroked his hair back from his face. This always happened when Dean came home drunk! Dean was too heavy-handed when it came to DJ. When she had been called to the school for a teacher conference, Dean had said it was probably because DJ was as stupid as his momma. She couldn’t help but see the hurt in DJ’s big brown eyes. He had looked down at the floor, his little shoulders slumping. He tried hard to please his daddy, but nothing was any good. Sure, she had to drop out of school at a young age and she couldn’t read and write very well, but she wasn’t stupid like Dean said!

Linda turned and covered up her sleeping daughter. Thankfully, Deana slept through turbulent things that happened at night. Linda smoothed the blond curls that framed her little face. Linda thought back to something that Jo, her other friend from the prayer group, had said, Children mimic what they see. She didn’t want DJ to mimic Dean! And Susan had asked how she would feel if she saw Deana being hit by her own husband when she married. If they saw this happening to their momma, well then, that must be the way things were done. Linda shuddered, pulling her robe tighter around her small body. Her life and her children were in danger, and she didn’t know what to do. GOD, you an’ me is in this here thing together. I knows there ain’t nothin’ too big for you to take care of! Linda slid softly into bed. She didn’t want to wake Dean up. He might feel he had to make it up to her for the beating. She couldn’t stand the thought of him putting his hands on her body and her smelling the stale booze on his breath and the scent of other women on him. Dean continued to snore loudly. Thank you, GOD, Linda prayed. The next thing she knew, the alarm was going off.

*     *     *

Linda quickly silenced the alarm; she wanted Dean to sleep. She never knew what kind of mood he would wake up in after a night of drinking. She gingerly climbed from the bed. There was not one inch of her body that didn’t hurt. She went into the bathroom, avoiding the mirror; she wasn’t ready to look at her face just yet. Linda set the coffeepot to perking, made a pan of biscuits, and started the bacon frying. She quickly packed Dean’s lunch pail, then hurried to wake him up.

Dean, time to get up. I’m fixin’ to fry up your eggs. How many you be want’n this morning?

Damm, I just got to sleep! Dean grumbled as he threw the covers off himself and onto the floor. "How many do I always eat, Linda? You too stupid to remember I always want four? You tryin’ to make me late for work? Don’t stand there with your ugly face hanging out, get my uniform!"

I hanged it up in the bathroom. You gots time for breakfast, Dean. Linda backed away as Dean pushed past her into the bathroom and slammed the door. She could hear him mumbling but couldn’t make out what he was saying. She hurried back to start his eggs. If they weren’t just right, they would end up on the floor or wall again. She got tired of cleaning food off her kitchen, but she knew better than to complain. He would only make a bigger mess. Dean walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Linda placed the plate in front of him, keeping a safe distance away. Dean picked up his fork and jabbed one of the eggs.

MMM good thing I’m so hungry this morning or you’d be wearing these damn things. Linda knew by the remark the eggs were OK, or she would have been wearing them. And it wouldn’t be the first time! Get me some more coffee, woman! What the hell you daydreamin’ about anyway? Linda had been leaning against the counter and jumped as Dean’s fist hit the table. She hurried to pour his coffee, hoping that he hadn’t woken the kids up. Dean hated to have them around him when he was eating breakfast. DJ was real good about staying in his room and out of the way, but sometimes Deana would toddle out and want to climb on his lap and help eat his eggs. Linda knew this would not be a good morning for her to do that. She peeked into the bedroom and saw both kids were still sleeping. Good! She breathed a sigh of relief; she didn’t need for Dean to start yelling and cussing again this morning. Linda could feel the muscles in her neck begin to tighten up as Dean scooted the chair away from the table and walked up behind her. He ran his hand under her nightgown.

I just may come home early tonight if you’re lucky. Then he swatted her on the butt and walked off. How could he think that she would like his advances after last night? Dean walked to the door, picking up his lunch pail from the counter. Suddenly, he put it back down, walked to the phone, unplugged it from the wall, and tucked it under his arm. He grabbed his pail again and started to the door.

I’ll just take this with me so the computer won’t work. That way you won’t be tempted to spend the day on that goddammed thing! I might even get to come home to a clean house for a change. He laughed as he slammed out the back door. When she heard the car drive off, she slid onto a chair, put her head on her arms, and cried. Why did he have to take the only thing that was hers and hers alone?

Mommy. Linda heard a whisper from the bedroom doorway. Linda quickly sat up, drying the tears as best she could.

Yes, DJ?

Is he goned yet? he whispered.

Yes, darlin’, Daddy done leaved for work. She looked up to see those sad little eyes looking at her.

Momma, I wetted the bed. I’m sorry, Momma. Tears welled up in his eyes. This happened a lot, the nightmares and the wet bed.

That be’s OK, sweetie. Let’s get you cleaned up and back to the bed. It be’s too early for you to gets up yet.

DJ walked over to her and put his hand gently on her face. I love you, Momma, he said. Linda engulfed him in her arms, both of them crying. Linda changed the bed, put fresh pajamas on him, and tucked him back in. She stroked his hair until she heard the soft snoring. She knew this would be a sweet uninterrupted sleep with no nightmares. She might even go back to bed herself.

She walked into the bathroom and looked into the mirror; the face looking back was not her own. This one was swollen with a big bump on her head, a black eye, and a big red scratch down the left side of her face. The tears started again. Sobs rose in her throat. What had she done to deserve this? She couldn’t think of anything she had said or done last night. But then she didn’t have to do or say anything. Dean said she could just piss him off by being around him. GOD, you said you was gonna gets me thru this. I dosen’t knows what you be want’n me to do. If only her computer worked, she could get her mind off all this. Linda washed her face. She would take a shower later and wash the blood out of her hair. But right now she was just too tired to care. She slid into bed, closed her eyes, and welcomed the darkness of sleep.

*     *     *

What was that sound? Linda quickly sat up and felt a stab of pain in her head. She reached up and felt the lump and the dried blood through her hair. Again, she heard that noise. She listened, wide-awake now. Oh no, it must be Dean coming back home! He would be mad that she had gone back to bed and would call her lazy and stupid, like he always did. She felt she could not go through hearing that again. She cleaned and picked up constantly, but it was never clean enough for him. Every day she was on her knees scrubbing the worn linoleum floors, trying to keep them spotless, dusting everything in the house, and even cleaning the windows. She felt tired and wished she could go to sleep forever. Whispers came from the kitchen. Linda tiptoed to the bedroom door and looked out. DJ was getting a bowl of cereal for Deana.

SSSHHH, Momma don’t feels good this mornin’. We gots to be real quiet like. Deana nodded, her blond curls bobbing. Tears welled up in Linda’s eyes. DJ was so sweet to take care of his little sister and his momma too!

Momma be’s up now, sweetie. Thank you for takin care of Sissy. You is my little man.

How you feelin’, Momma? DJ asked as he led her to the table and pulled the chair out for her.

I be OK. There ain’t nothin’ the good LORD can’t takes care of.

Momma boo boo? Deana asked with a frown on her tiny face.

Momma falled down, baby, Linda answered, kissing the tip of the turned-up nose and sending Deana into giggles.

Why had Dean messed up her chance to be on the computer? She needed to talk with Jo and Susan. She had decided to get help for herself and her children, but with the computer disabled, she wouldn’t be able to get the information they had sent her. Dean would keep the phone in his car until he was ready to let her have it back. And that could be days or even weeks! She poured a cup of coffee and looked out the window. She was afraid and lonely. Dean didn’t allow her to have friends, so she had no one to talk to. And the old woman next door wouldn’t be of any help! She knew the woman had probably heard all that cussing and yelling that went on last night too.

Turn your computer on, a voice told her. She looked around. No one was there but her and the kids, and they were busy eating. Turn your computer on. The voice came again. "Boy, I musta bonked my head worser