Walking into Hell: Battling Injustice

By Stephanie Meakin

You hear stories from all walks of life. You say to yourself, ‘This can never happen to me. I have everything in place—a stable, respected family and career and comfortable life.’

Little did I know that my well-guarded life was only a mask to hide the dark side of my marriage, only to be unveiled after the sudden death of my husband. Who was he?

I was young and trusting when I met him—a widower twice my age. He was soft-spoken and spoke kind words. How did I endure a life of unfathomable pain, loss, betrayal, and humiliation? I was treated like a common criminal more than once by the police. Being used as a perfect cover in my husband’s ‘business world’ was beyond my wildest dream. Yet against all odds, I have found the courage from within that screamed, ‘Enough is enough.’

I walked into hell and back, not once but more than twice. And each time, I got stronger and vowed to tell my story of the power of love and hope and redemption—the sweet and gentle love who never gave up on me. I promise to share my life to the world to give you a piece of my heart that will give you the will and strength to fight to start a new life. It’s never too late.

You will find out the twists and turns that occur in what was a very normal, respectable family on the outside. Behind closed doors, another life was being played out.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Aug 31, 2018
• ISBN: 9781543489460

Stephanie Meakin

Stephanie is a passionate people person – amongst other things running a business; leading a faith-based community at home and abroad; and generally working with people from all walks of life Life has delivered its fair share of ups and downs, so Stephanie is now combining her life experiences, her writing, and the development of a dedicated injustice project in a move to help others through her story, to help them tell theirs, and to educate those that don't know. She may be small in stature, but she is big in heart and voice. Why not join her on that journey.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

The Journey Begins

I ’M SITTING ALONE in this large conservatory, enjoying the morning sun. I gaze aimlessly at the beautiful garden arrayed with colourful spring flowers and mature trees planted neatly along the walking path. Here, everyone can enjoy the peace and tranquillity they seek, away from the high-pressure, stressful everyday living at Retreat House. I am toying with my cheese string. Peeling it string by string brings back the memory of when I was a little girl. Every time my mother and I went grocery shopping, she would buy me cheddar cheese sticks as a treat. I got so excited staring at the box of cheddar sticks while we queued up to the checkout. The moment we got in the bus, she would give one to me, and I would nibble it bit by bit as I enjoyed the ride. I would look out the window and watch everything taking place. My mind took in everything, and even as I enjoyed my cheese, I would get told off for not sitting still. Sometimes, if my mother wasn’t watching, I would put my head out the window and feel the mid-afternoon air, hot and tropical, drying my sweaty little face in that non-air-conditioned public vehicle.

Now I am staring at my pile of diaries and notebooks, dreading reliving my years in the fiery furnace of affliction—the place of shame, pain, fears, and abandonment. If only words would come out freely as I write, it wouldn’t be too bad. But for some reason, they seem to have found their abode in the darkest corner of my heart.

Time is ticking, and I have already peeled and consumed a few cheese strings. Sister Mary has finished weeding the flowerbeds, and I am still here sitting quietly.

Alone? Since my husband’s death, I have been alone. It’s the first time in twenty-eight years that I’ve had no one to talk to or do normal things with: shopping, trips, walks. Maybe for many people out there, that’s the norm, but not for me. I have lived a busy life surrounded by people—our families and friends. I’m blessed with three beautiful children and, more recently, four grandchildren. I pastored a growing, vibrant church. The church became my extended family.

My world changed completely overnight when my husband, Arthur, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Within two and a half weeks, he was gone. We were in a daze. No one was prepared for that news. If somebody had told me earlier that Arthur had a weak spot, I wouldn’t have believed it. For the twenty-seven years, I had been with him. He was untouchable. No one crossed him. He was not afraid of anyone. He was not intimidated by the law or the authorities. He was like the godfather to many, a man who shouldered other people’s problems. He was the one who carried them and stood by them as they faced their fears. He was always in control. No one among the family, the church, or our friends was prepared for that news. He was strong and active and led a healthy lifestyle. He never smoked and never touched alcohol. To family and friends, he was invincible. He always had the answer to life’s challenges. He always had the final say in everything—or so we thought.

Arthur’s passing escalated my journey into the valley of hell. Looking back now, I can truly say, Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil. For You are with me.

The three years and nine months of my life after his death were the darkest times I had ever been through. I thought the untold secret chapter of my life was over, but never in my wildest dreams had I thought it was the start of a terrifying ordeal. The fiery trials that meant to finish me off only bred love, compassion, tenderness, and dedication to serve those who are suffering in life. By His grace, my character has been refined like pure gold—and it is still in the process of being refined. My perspective in life has changed, leading me to pursue a new goal: making a difference in people’s lives.

May I be a channel of His peace and hope where there is darkness and despair. May I bring joy where there is sadness and unending sorrow. May I give strength to those who have lost the will to live.

There is hope for anyone who is looking for a new beginning, no matter how broken one’s life is. Many have been led to believe a lie that the impossibility of your circumstances is beyond the bounds of change. Not true. Never allow your past to dictate your future.

I was pushed to exercise my faith into action beyond my personal strength. Countless times I screamed and wept during my most desperate moments. Those moments turned into hours, days, months, and years. I had to believe I would come out victorious, even though there were no outward signs of hope. It takes strength to say, Enough is enough. Without any support, praying was painful, and the Bible seemed to weigh a ton as I read it, and yet I had to do it.

And I believe it still works, even if everything around me has crumbled and everybody has chosen to walk out on me. I still believe. I call it holy stubbornness. I just can’t let go of the one thing I have left—my faith in God—because everything else I held dear in my heart has gone. People, things, achievements, good reputation—I had them for years, and then, all of a sudden, they vanished into a thin vapour. What else can I do when all options for help were non-existent? Many of the people I loved, trusted, and helped in the past were nowhere to be found. They soon became too busy, and some simply disappeared.

His unfailing promise—that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever—has become my only weapon in defeating the enemy each time he raises the white banner of defeat in my head. My mind was filled with the screams of fear and questions: When will this ever end? Will I ever get out of this alive? Is this thing I am going through real?

My hope is in Him. His reputation as the unchangeable God is at stake. He could not violate His very own Word. I bore my affliction patiently and waited expectantly for His promised deliverance. This is the time and place I have experienced His goodness and kindness in the most personal and tangible way. I was thrown into a gamut of afflictions, a secret world of pain and shame from which I have now emerged.

It is June 2016. The new season of summer is here. Winter is over and done for another year—a year of seeing God’s miracle displayed both privately and publicly. There are times when God gives miracles only for you to see and behold, but there are times when they are on public display. That’s what makes Him beautiful. He chooses when that miracle occurs just between you and Him. It’s like a secret you both share.

It makes me chuckle when I see the hand of God move in response to the cry of a human heart. To me, this movement is the product of an intimacy born during a time of adversity that has grown deeper and stronger. What emerges is a father-child relationship, built and cultivated through total dependency on Him. You relish every single day you spend with Him. You hear His whisper when He talks. You feel His hand when He touches you. You see Him nod when He affirms your obedience. Each endearing moment of answered prayer brings a smile to your face.

God, in His infinite wisdom, created the seasons to show us that He is in control of the times and events in our lives. He teaches us that all events are in His hand, making it happen in the time He judges appropriate. Each one of us goes through a season, and it happens at the time He chooses. He has an infinite store of knowledge concerning you and me. God is concerned in all that concerns us. He promised to bring to perfection all that concerns us.

Everything has its time. He sets the time for sorrow and the time for joy. This is my time of joy. This is my time to laugh. This is my time to dance. This is my turn to celebrate in His victory. As the song goes, I revel in His love. I rejoice, for He has set me free.

And this is my time to share my story.

CHAPTER 2

We Have a Choice

A S I’M LOOKING around the marina, I can’t help noticing the peace and calm etched on people’s faces. They too have come to unload their burdens onto the sea breeze, hoping it will blow away whatever weighs on their minds and hearts. What better place to be but here in this wide-open span of miles of dried-up seabed?

I watch as the