“Do You Work Here?”

By Curtis Smith

This work is an accumulation of episodes occurring between Customers, Management, and Salespersons, Some humorous, Some witty, and Some frustrating.
It is the goal of the author to share them with the intent of bringing a smile to the readers face, or a belly laugh, to tickle your endorphins. So much so, that the writer, who is a published author, and an Ordained Non-Denominational Clergyman, has been encouraged and inspired to write a compilation of the episodes presented herewith.
If the episodes are well received, and bring forth laughter, then the goal has been achieved.
Consistent with research done, in preparation for publication, and to the best of the Authors knowledge, there is nothing comparable to this work today in the public Marketplace.
Dear reader, you are encouraged to read these humorous and witty episodes, to ease tension, reduce anxiety, and stress, enjoy, and LAUGH!
The Author would be negligent and remiss in Pastoral responsibility if the following Scriptural Statement was not included:

God Sent
His Son
So That
We May Have
Eternal Life;
He That
Does Not
Believe In Christ
Does Not
Have
Eternal Life.
Scripture: John 3:16-18 KJV (Paraphrase)

No God,
No Peace;
Know God,
Know Peace.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Aug 30, 2018
• ISBN: 9781546251835

Curtis Smith

Curtis E. Smith is an Ordained, Non-denominational Minister. He holds graduate degrees in marriage and family counseling, religious education, and human behavior. He holds postgraduate degrees in psychology, religion and human behavior. He is a graduate of California Baptist University, Riverside, California. In undergraduate studies he majored in Human Behavior with a Minor in Business Administration. While a student, he worked part-time, in the retail industry moving through various positions as management trainee, assistant manager, and ultimately being promoted to an executive management position where he worked for many years. During this time he kept notes on humorous customer / management / sales person relations, and subsequent consequences. From those notes he has captured the wit, humor, and sometimes frustration presented in this publication titled Do You Work Here? Leaving the retail industry to return to school, he earned graduate and post-graduate degrees, and transitioned into the medical field, specializing in Pastoral care, as a Chaplain / Clergyperson caring for the sick and dying in both acute Hospital, and Hospice care. He currently serves as Chaplain for various Hospice Agencies in Southern California. Dr. Curtis, as he is fondly called by associates, and colleagues, has extensive education and experience working in private practice, as a Counselor, Pastoral Psychotherapist, Marriage / Family Counselor in the Medical Field, as a Counselor and Spiritual Counselor / Chaplain, in both acute hospital care, and hospice care settings. A published author, he has written seven self-books on family, hospice care, Positive Thinking and religion dealing with life, spirituality and infinity. He has a Clinical Pastoral educational background having trained with a Credentialed Clinical Pastoral Education Training Center operated by (at the time) the Crystal Cathedral, located in the state of California. He currently resides in Southern California. His Personal Website is doctorcurtissmithauthor.com. He can be reached through a contact number at: 714-928-6597.

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© 2018 Curtis Smith. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 08/27/2018

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5185-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5184-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5183-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018908496

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible in Paraphrase

Editing by: Thang Dam, a Medical and Tai Chi Professional

Cartoons by – Anonymous

CONTENTS

Disclaimer

(Second) Disclaimer

Dedication

Acknowledgment

Preface

Epilogue

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DISCLAIMER

The material presented in this publication Do You Work Here? Is the exclusive property of the author, with the exception of clichés, idioms and Biblical quotes commonly used in the Public Domain.

It is neither the intent of the author to plagiarize or, to intentionally use copyrighted materials without permission of the copyright holder.

In no event shall the author, namely Dr. Curtis E. Smith, be liable for any special, direct, indirect, or consequential damages or any damages whatsoever resulting form information, arising out of, or in connection with, the use or performance of any information appearing in this publication.

In the unlikely event, that any copyrighted material inadvertently appears herewith __ with the exception of newspaper articles used in part and articles appearing in the Public Domain that may be presented __ the author claims hold harmless privilege.

(SECOND) DISCLAIMER

NOTE: The material in this book is NOT Politically Correct and may not be suitable to some audiences.

Neither is it intended to be discriminatory, prejudicial, offensive or insensitive to any age, culture, ethnicity, gender, race or religion. The goal, intent, and sole purpose is to tickle the funny emotion of the reader and arouse, at least a smile, and at most a belly laugh.

Assuming this will happen, the goal and intent will have been achieved.

DEDICATION

The work is dedicated to those who have personally adopted the essence of humor, as well as to their vocabulary, and have and are, using humor to improve and enrich their daily lives.

Additionally, I dedicated the book to my colleagues and friends, who have assisted me in putting my thoughts into words, and cartoons applying the sense of wit and humor to brighten their live along the pathway of life.

Finally, I dedicate this book, Do You Work Here? To the memory of my late, faithful and lovely wife Sandra, who inspired my life, kept me smiling, and made me look good in the eyes of others.

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

For unlimited help received from those who have made suggestions for subject inclusion, and the learned insight offered by those who have read the manuscript, and have offered helpful tips for better presentation of material discussed, I am deeply touched and extremely grateful.

A special thanks to my colleague and friend Thang Dam, for his patient and accurate editing.

At the risk and embarrassment of leaving someone out, I will not attempt to name each of those who have make valuable contributions for enhancement and improvement for this work. Each of you knows who you are that has given invaluable insights and suggestions.

Rest assured, I am very thankful.

To each one, thank you, and God bless you, as you pursue your wit and humor along the pathway of life, in your journey of faith.

PREFACE

Curtis E. Smith IS A…

PASTOR - BY ELECTION - MINISTER - BY ORDINATION…

BUSINESSMAN – PASTORAL PSYCHOTHERAPIST BY PROFESSION

And AUTHOR - BY AVOCATION…

Smith is the former Sr. Minister of multiple churches and a retired executive manager with a major national retail department store chain. He found no reason why a Minister could not be a businessman, pastoral counselor, wear a 3 piece suit, earn an upper income, drive a Mercedes, and live in a $500,000 residence, and at the same time, enjoy and share …abundant life… spoken of by Jesus, through humor, and laughter.

In this autobiographical publication Smith presents a look inside the humorous events a department store General Manager must endure. other side of the cash register.

The scripture verses throughout are from The King James Version of the Bible in paraphrase and are used to show man’s helplessness without God; no attempt at parody is intended.

Whenever I take my journey… I trust to see you… A journey of A 1,000 miles begins with the first step. Go West, young man, go West…

When I entered the brightly lighted variety store that day and applied for a job, I didn’t know that I was embarking on a career. I mean, after all, I was only a freshman and I wasn’t supposed to know too much; was I? Anyway, I did - embark upon a career I mean. A career which would lead, through a position as semi-carpenter, custodian, store clerk, and eventually to the executive management of a Five and Dime.

But, wait, I’m getting ahead of the story. To clue you all in, it started when I became bored with a factory job I had held for four years (a record for me) and got a brainstorm to go to college and finish my education. My wife and I sold all our goods, (I use the term loosely) pooled our resources, and sat down to think. After selling our belongings and pooling our loot, we had a little over $400 to gain a new foothold, and start all over in life. We remembered Jesus’s advice: …take nothing for your journey… (Paraphrase) Luke 9:3. And we were really counting on Him. In any event, we drove fifteen hundred miles, across two states, moved into a motel (I use the term loosely) and I enrolled in college.

We arrived in the little Southern California town at a very bad time. At least it was a very bad time for us; it was at the height of the tourist season. House and apartment rentals were at a premium and we had little premium to do any bargaining with. Notwithstanding our dwindling funds, we continued to stay on at the motel (costing $10 per day at the time) where we were getting far less than we were paying for. We knew (or at least I knew, even though I was only a college freshman) that we would have to make some other arrangements immediately, if not sooner. The next day being Sunday we (my wife and I, of course) put our heads together and decided to go the sucker route. That is, buy a repossessed mobile home with nothing down, and easy monthly payments. We soon learned, the only type mobile home we could afford this way was so small that you couldn’t cuss out a cat, without getting hair in your mouth (not that we wanted to cuss out any cats; we didn’t have any). We were desperate; we had to find something fast.

The salesman who waited on us looked like a left over character from Buffalo Bill’s side show. He wore a dirty brown sombrero, and a pair of threadbare western pants (that barely came together six inches below his navel). His stomach resembled a giant anthill. How those pants ever stayed up is still a mystery to me (and to my wife too). To complete his attire he had fell into a pair of cowboy boots. If you could have seen those boots, Dear Reader, you would understand that the word fell is not a misnomer. They really looked like he fell into them. The seams were gaping open, the soles were worn thin, and the heels were run over so far, that it made his bowed legs look as