Daughter Wait!: A Story of Life, Loss and Love

By Carly Riordan

Daughter Wait! is an invitation to consider a different approach to dating and relationships.

If you've ever wondered:
How do I know if he is the one?
How do I move on from a broken heart?
What are realistic boundaries in a relationship?
What can I do while I am waiting?

Then this book is for you.

Within these pages are some of Carly's most vulnerable and heartbreaking moments, along with the powerful revelations and realizations that set her heart on a new course. Daughter Wait! is a warning of the perils of dating and a reminder of the promises of a Heaven-sent relationship.

Written in Carly's unique conversational style, you'll cry, laugh and cheer as you follow her story of life, loss and love. Daughter Wait! is a timeless reminder that regardless of your past, God has the best for your future.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Jun 22, 2018
• ISBN: 9781543408683

Carly Riordan

CARLY RIORDAN is a deeply personal writer who’ll have you feeling like you are catching up for a coffee with an old friend. Her writing is light-hearted and refreshing, yet full of thought provoking-wisdom. Carly currently resides on the Gold Coast, Australia, with her husband Joe and their two gorgeous girls. She is a passionate follower of Jesus Christ, a lover of His Church, His people and life in general. Her words will leave you digging deep and inspired to live the life you are destined to live. CARLYRIORDAN.COM

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Copyright © 2018 by Carly Riordan.

ISBN:                  Softcover                        978-1-5434-0869-0

                            eBook                              978-1-5434-0868-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scriptures taken from:

Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

The Living Bible copyright © 1971 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. The Living Bible, TLB, and the The Living Bible logo are registered trademarks of Tyndale House Publishers.

Amplified Bible (AMP) Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, CA 90631. All rights reserved.

The New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

The NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960,1962,1963,1968,1971,1972,1973,1975,1977,1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 05/31/2019

Xlibris

1-800-455-039

www.Xlibris.com.au

741441

This book is dedicated to my gorgeous girls Beni and Selah. Your daddy and I love you so much. We pray that you will know a love as rich as ours one day. You inspire us to be better people.

CONTENTS

Part 1 Where It Went Wrong

Chapter 1     Let’s Begin

Chapter 2     First Kiss

Chapter 3     Wisdom From Above

Chapter 4     A Way That Seems Right

Chapter 5     Positive

Chapter 6     Numb

Chapter 7     Colour

Chapter 8     Single

Chapter 9     Dani

Part 2 Getting It Right

Chapter 10   Dream Again

Chapter 11   Access Denied

Chapter 12   No Good Men

Chapter 13   A Gift

Chapter 14   A List

Chapter 15   Arranged Marriage

Chapter 16   Prepare

Chapter 17   Plan

Part 3 Living It Out

Chapter 18   The Spark

Chapter 19   The Promise

Chapter 20   A Rocky Beginning

Chapter 21   Insecurity

Chapter 22   Boundaries

Chapter 23   Choosing Your Boundaries

Chapter 24   Trust

Chapter 25   Love

Chapter 26   Proposal And War

Chapter 27   Moving Boundaries

Chapter 28   Two Become One

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

This book has been many years in the making. It could never have been possible without the faithful help of so many.

To Malia, Bonnie and Han, you girls are seriously the best. God was so kind bringing you into my world. Thank you for allowing me to share my story as it came together. And thank you for inspiring me to keep going when I wanted to give up. Your feedback and constant encouragement has blessed me more than you know.

To Sue, Tracey, Jodie and Sharon, I would not have a book if it wasn’t for you. Your encouragement put wind in my sails and your eye for detail helped shape a book I am proud of.

To Jen, thanks for always having your door open and your ear attuned to Heaven. You have been such an integral part of my journey. Thank you for always reminding me what is within and what is ahead especially on days where I have ‘those moments.’ You are one in a million.

To my Hillsong Church family, thank you for making life rich. Life with you is a joy and I am honoured to be able to serve Jesus alongside you.

And lastly to my husband Joe. You rock my world every day. I know you hate written displays of affection but it’s not every day I write a book so I’m going to make the most of it. Ha! Thank you for loving me in ways I never knew possible. You are my best friend, my hero, the most incredible husband and father and I still can’t believe I get to share my life with you. Here’s to many more years of travelling the world together, staying up late chatting about everything and nothing, building His Kingdom and finding refuge in our beautiful family. My heart is yours forever.

INTRODUCTION

When I was twenty-one, I made the decision to remain single. Forever. Relationships, dating, marriage weren’t for me. Better to remain single forever and protect myself from any future heartache.

When I made this decision, it was genuine. I couldn’t risk being hurt again, wasting time with the wrong guy, or worse still, waiting in hope for the knight in shining armour who never arrives. I wasn’t willing to lower my standards either. I had watched friends settle for less, then years later find themselves unhappy, and again out of love. No thanks! Not for me. I wanted to let go of the idea of ‘happily ever after’ and move onto the next phase of my life.

For a while, I walked out this decision confident it was right for me. Then, a few months in, it dawned on me that my decision to remain single was consequently a decision to forfeit having children. I was a Christian after all so having children meant first being married.

It was not that I had some deep yearning for motherhood (I did not) but growing up I loved being able to provide a nurturing relationship for a sister nine years younger than I was. Memories of dressing her up, braiding her hair, taking her shopping and being there for her during significant events filled my childhood and beyond. The bond we had was special. Subconsciously I expected I would replicate this bond at an even greater level with children of my own one day. Having children was one of the many unspoken expectations I assumed I would tick off as I navigated the seasons of life.

Finish school- check

University- check

Job- check

Boyfriend- check

Get married- check

Start a family- check

And of course, all the while continuing to pursue the call of God. Not too much to ask, right?

If I remained single, by all natural circumstances, I would remain childless. Deep down, when I was honest with myself, I did want children. This meant I did want to get married, which meant, one day, I’d have to approach the whole dating thing again. I filed the situation in the too-hard-basket. It was too much to think about. And from there I carried on, unsure about the future.

Fast forward twelve years and these days I find myself happily married, with two gorgeous girls, and thankfully this challenging season is a distant memory. It still brings a smile to my face, though. God had to teach me so much. Daughter Wait is my story, and I am honoured to share it with you.

Within these pages are some of my most vulnerable and private moments. Some bring such joy while others are so painful they bring tears to my eyes as I write: the shameful things I hid, the feelings of devastation I felt as the consequences of my poor decisions unfolded, and the isolation that grew within me as I did my best to walk out my journey.

As confronting as these years are to pen, I write them in the hope that perhaps you will find encouragement on your journey. Our stories are made to be told, to be shared and enjoyed. My prayer is that you will be inspired to allow the King of Heaven to write your story, wherever you are at. His way winds upwards, it can only get better.

If you allow God to work out the intricate details of your life, then one day you will look back and know He crafted something that far exceeded every dream, hope, and aspiration. He is the only one who can be trusted with your heart and will never disappoint.

A great adventure awaits.

Carly xxx

PART 1

WHERE IT WENT WRONG

CHAPTER 1

LET’S BEGIN

As I sit down to begin this story, I’m on a plane heading to Sydney, Australia for the annual Colour Conference at Hillsong Church. I’ve left my beautiful family for a few days and, although I will miss them, I can’t wait to immerse myself in an atmosphere where God has my undivided attention. It’s the perfect space to begin writing this book.

I can picture us (you and I) sitting down with a hot drink ready to delve into a great conversation about dating, singleness and finding ’the one.’

I smile, although you look a little hesitant. Perhaps you are not thrilled at the thought of another conversation about your current relationship status. Even so, we settle into the lounges and get comfortable. I cannot wait to hear your story.

What made you want to pick up this book?

Tell me how you got here.

Any lessons in love that you want to share?

Outwardly the mood is light; like two friends catching up. On the inside, however, I feel a little different. There is a part of me that would love to look you in the eye with desperation and plead:

Daughter Wait! What I have to say may save your life!

That would come across a little intense and could have you suddenly looking at your watch, ‘remembering that very important thing you had to do’ before heading for the door. So, I’ll refrain from the intense look and stick to the nice comfortable conversation.

Why Daughter Wait?! I hear you ask.

Let me explain….

Firstly ‘Daughter’ because that is who you are. Your identity is not in what you do or what you have done in the past; your identity is in who you are, in whose you are.

You are His. A child of God, a daughter of the King, His princess and royalty by birthright. Whether you know it now or not, there is a God in Heaven who passionately loves you and desires the best for you. This revelation alone—one of royalty, value and worth—has the potential to save you from so many mistakes and detours in life. You are worthy of the best. His best.

And ‘Wait’ Yes, I am sure you have heard that word before as a single person.

‘Wait’ until you are married before you have sex.

‘Wait’ for Mr Right.

‘Wait’ on God.

Wait,

Wait,

Wait…

Not exactly the encouragement you wanted to hear, is it?

But my request to wait comes from a place of hope that you will wait before you cross any lines of intimacy—both physical and emotional. But also, before you go off in search of your Prince Charming, or like me you decide singleness is your portion forever, wait and allow me to share my story with you first.

What I am about to tell you will change your approach to dating, marriage, and relationships forever. Relax, I won’t be giving you a list of do’s and don’ts. This is not a book outlining the ten dating commandments.

I am not expecting that what was right for me is right for you. You are unique, and so am I. God created each of us, and He knows what makes us tick. It is our job to carve out a perfect path under God’s direction that will lead to fulfilment. I am convinced that in Him is everything we need.

In case you are wondering, I didn’t do things perfectly. Part of my story includes a time far away from Jesus, winding up at one point alone in a pregnancy abortion clinic. In my darkest days, my best efforts to cover up one mistake after another quickly snowballed into a life of confusion, shame, and brokenness.

But little by little He restored me and gave me the gift of being able to leave that all behind and do things a different way. His way.

When it comes to my relationship with my husband Joe, I have no regrets. Our wedding night was the first time we went any further than kissing, allowed our hands to wander, and the first time we had sex.

There was a time when I believed that because I had made mistakes, I was bound to make the same ones again. But that’s not true. We’ve all made mistakes, but they don’t define us, nor do they dictate our future.

Regardless of your journey so far, there is no condemnation in my eyes, and more importantly no condemnation in the eyes of our Heavenly Father.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. (Hebrews 12:1-2 NLT)

Seek the Lord while He may be found,

Call upon Him while He is near. (Isaiah 55:6 NLT)

He is close; He is kind, and He wants to see your life flourish more than you can even imagine. So go ahead, settle in for a wonderful, relaxing heart to heart catch up. It’ll be worthwhile I promise.

CHAPTER 2

FIRST KISS

I had just turned thirteen when I had my first kiss. Rory, the cute, mysterious, dark-haired boy from down the street, had been my boyfriend for a few days when our friends decided it was time we kissed. I assumed this was common practice for him, so wasn’t about to let him know I’d never been kissed.

Our friends from the neighbourhood arranged that we would kiss as we said goodbye after walking home that afternoon. The walk home took an eternity as I tried to imagine how this whole kissing thing was going to work.

I decided to liken my first kiss to jumping off a cliff into water; the first time would be a little scary, but if everyone else was enjoying themselves down there in the water, then I’d take the plunge and trust it would be fun.

Take the plunge I did.

As we prepared to say goodbye that sunny afternoon, Rory flipped his hair back and leant in for the kiss. It was happening. I shut my eyes, parted my lips and waited. Before I could do anything else, I felt him peck my lower lip, closer to my chin really, and it was all over.

I was horrified. Mortally embarrassed. In the process of arranging our first kiss, my friends had failed to outline just exactly what that kiss would entail.

I assumed we were going in for ‘the pash.’ Having never done it before I guessed both parties opened their mouths and kinda mushed their faces together. Apparently not. As I’d closed my eyes and opened up like a stunned fish, I guess Rory was a little taken aback. He took the easy option and did a quick peck and run. We remained boyfriend and girlfriend for a couple more days (no more kisses though) and then it was over. My first kiss was hardly a memorable moment.

In contrast to this awkward teenage moment, my first kiss with Joe, who is now my husband, was on a clear-skied evening on August 22nd, 2006. We’d officially started dating six weeks earlier, taken lots of time to get to know each other, stayed up late talking and saying goodbye, all the things you do in a new relationship, but up until that night, as far as physical contact goes we’d only ever held hands.

At the end of a family dinner, he walked me out to my car to say goodnight.
As usual custom we were in awe of the stars. It was one way of making our goodbyes last that little bit longer. As the time came for me to get in my car Joe leant in to kiss me softly on the cheek. My heart did flip-flops. No fish-lips, no regrets, just a special moment that I will treasure forever.

I’d been praying for a few weeks he would kiss me, and that night he did. I made silent vows never to wash that part of my face again (okay, slight exaggeration) but, needless to say, I was smitten.

In the coming weeks after this first kiss, pecks on the cheek were sporadic but became more frequent leading up to our engagement. Admittedly these pecks also became a lot more lingering