Writings of an Amateur: Volume 3

By Dustin A. Benson

Containing photographs, sketches, and paintings along with poetry, stories, and blurbs created in 2008 forward, Benson brings together the final pieces of unintentional works, ranging from romance to betrayal and dark imagination.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 8, 2018
• ISBN: 9781543480214

Dustin A. Benson

Dustin Benson is a reason to hope, the love to achieve, and the best man to call a friend. He is sincere and intelligent with a loving heart for those in need and a playful spirit that glows more when he smiles. He is like an exploding star that is forming a new universe; beautiful, strong but fragile and full of billions of complexities. He is self-motivated, highly dedicated and full of inspiration which brings out the light from those who enter his life.

Book preview

Copyright © 2018 by Dustin A. Benson. 772999

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018900918

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 05/08/2018

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

Contents

Author’s Notes

Hese Eyes

E. P.

Letters to Him No.1

Letters to Him No.2

Letters to Him No.3

Stranger Within

A-Lone

LNK#

Post Script

The Kitchen

No One Answers Him

Obsessed

Thought Process

Broken Marble

My Bag of Marbles

After Math

Run

Post Script

Rape

Sleep the Soul

Maze of Moments

Storm of Vendetta

Seduction

48 Beads

Yellow Marble Gone

Birth Again

Untitled No.6

Untitled No.7

Untitled No.8

Untitled No.9

Untitled No.10

Untitled No.11

Untitled No.12

Untitled No.13

Untitled No.14

Untitled No.15

Untitled No.16

Bleeding Love

Not going to…Throw Away

Bleeding Love

P.S. I Love You…

Ramble

Over a Plate of Sushi

Table full of Papers and Pens

Bitter

Today, Yesterday-Tomorrow

Desirable Eyes; Kissable Lips

So Wrong; So Right

Erase

Lloro Por Ti

Statement

CTC

Cry for His Blood

N0@4 k31LeY

Fruit?

Reflect: Reflection: Realization

Motivated

CDC 8630

I10

Artemis

His Blessing

That Golden White Joy

My Jake

So many Lies

Sequoias

Kool-Aid Face Smile

Elimination

Mirror Confusion-Self Delusion

Oak-Acorn

Lost Soul; Wondering Spirit

Sleeping Spell

Just Talk

Guilt

Chronicles of ‘The Book’: Before the Damnation of Innocence

P-s a Book

Letters to Him No.A

Letters to Him No.B

Letters to Him No.C

Letters to Him No.D

Letters to Him No.E

Letters to Him No.F

Letters to Him No.G

Letters to Him No.H

Letters to Him No.I

Letters to Him No.J

Letters to Him No.K

Letters to Him No.L

Letters to Him No.M

Ending Eclipse

Chronicles of ‘The Book’: After the Damnation of Innocence

Esparza

Piano Duet

Transfer

Ancient History

Her Dark Eyes

Emerald Eyes

Broken Family

The Table

Turkey and Ham

Alice’s Diary

WBH- Gone and Broken

Murder

Black Widow

Lost Marbles

Shattered Marble

Abstraction

V’s Eyes

Gone Forever

Boiling

Blacker than Black

Fuel via Anger

Borris

Apollo Smile

Pride

Apollo

Grounded

Back to Underland

Lleyton Marcelo

Project Eveden

Still

Three Photos – Wesley Snow

TruthCA 1-4

TruthCA – Missing Marine….

Truthca- Lost and Unfinished

Declared War

Bound

Masquerade

Monopoly

I.D.1.0.T

Adult Hood

Remembrance

Summoning

Pain Spell

Téa Green Marble

Window

Abandoned

Can’t Be Me

My Request

Last Drop

She

By Candle Light

Used

Remember-Remember

Just Rest – True Peace…Two Lost Souls…Center…

Three Flights Up

Dirty Little Secret

Alone or not: it’s time

Today for you; Tomorrow for me

Click

Darkened Slumber

Umbrella

She Reprise

An Eclipse’s Melody

Slumber Sweet

Sweet Slumber

Defeated

Yellow Brick Road

Defying Darkness

Still I Yearn for You

2³rd of December

Lies

Offended

EO Random

Tea

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John

Restless Soul

The Fairytale

Mitch

Fairy Twisted Tale

Key to Darkness

So close to me Your Whisper

Morning Call

Must Accept

Overflow

Hotel Bed

Hidden

Hat-Tenderness

K9 Cabin

Delusion

Vanity Mirror

37 Stitches

Invitation to Underland

Vision of the Reset

Reconstructed

February-Each Year

Dum Spiro Spero

Sandbox

My Yellow Marble

HHO

LTL

A. J. Love

Black Blood

Broken Heart

Andy Bandy Boo Bear

Troy Alexander Da’Crim-Du’Prii

Jake Benjamin

Thought Process

Díamont Rose

Letters of a True Confession…

Boil Anger

Pumpkin Carving

Carlos

His Penny

Carréon Spell

Carreon Fairytale

That Knife

The Box of Memories

Dark Soul

Gone Via OD

Jesters Comments

Creating a Virus

Mirror, my Dear-

Mythology

The Story in the Painting: The Gardens

Head-Ache

Water

Difference

Phan

My plea

Why so Curious

Fucking Cool

Un-Cut

His Black Beauty

His Rose

Her Rose

The Notebook

Now Out And Hold…

Nay Or Aye Hello…

D

Glossy Eyes

Execution of Death Row

MC Diary

GALL

Chained Chair

Omen via Sun

New Year

Malfunctioned

Underland, Returned

Wonderland

Kill thy Self

Hasty

Cove

Sun Rise

Captivity

Book

Jesters Creed

Noah

Justin’s Prayer

Decide

0300, Monday

Quiet

In a Room full of Men

Bath of Water

Reflection of Abandoned Attachment

Who can Say

Footprints and Tears

A walk with You

Dark Star

Alpha Juliet Golf Juliet

Fear with no Control

Simple

Unnamed No.2

Lost Halo

Him-

Frozen and Awake

Belong

Accidentally in Love

Living the Life

My Hero

Schizophrenia becomes Sanity

Plucked Flower

Falling Rain

Ripping Silence

Crowing Battle

Evening Tea

Chained

Mater of Web

Flying Cupcake

Thunder Feather

Played like a Game

Row Boat/Jeep Compass

Fukitol 1000mg

Soul Eyes

You’re still the one-Gravel Road: Blur

Operation Revelesis

Burning Candle

Veri Occhi

Nothing

Ave Maria

Engraved in Paper

Troy Alexander

Eclipse- Into the Gardens

Blackness

White Lust

Captain O.

Gay Charming

A Wild Way, an Answer

Her Picture

Pavement

Violent Tongue

Manners

iCris

D

Marcdon

Smiling

To be completed

Darkness against the flame

The Last Message

Dedications

-To my Syrian and my brother

-To my Queen and my sister

Author’s Notes

WARNING: This book contains strong language, graphic scenes and/or content that may be unsuitable for children and/or may be offensive and/or cause uncomfortable feelings. All pieces within are creative art and are not solely based on factual events.

The pieces Black Sin and White Lust have been blacked out in certain parts due to censorship requested by the publisher, as per their policies, not the author. The original versions of the pieces have been stored into the vault.

There are many pieces of art that have been destroyed, donated, lost, sold or stolen made by my hand. These art pieces can include, but are not limited to, drawings, paintings, photographs, sculptures, sketches, or writings. There are three pieces that were donated but an image was neither captured nor received by the party to which the piece was donated to. This also includes all pieces that were lost. These pieces can be signed by two names, both my legal and pseudo.

Hese Eyes

*Hese pronounced as ‘His’*

And for none shall know what lies behind those Emerald Eyes-

But shall quiver with fright and fear as the end will rise;

And be not dull to the Voice so Stern-

For it too, with Death be your turn,

But remember well who thou betrayed-

As those Emerald Eyes glare into your Soul as you eternally are laid

Because these trees are not bare nor full with crows

Though your infected minds will see them so

As the rain falls down to nourish the grounds

Birth from Death; new Life is found

Twitch our Eyes see the infinite beauty

Yet never are aware of the minds mutiny

For no secrets are known behind these Sapphire Eyes-

A twist on reality, a wicked disguise

So turn your back, and walk away-

And while you leave, you mumble and pray

"Dear Lord above, Almighty and True

Forgive me of these sins that I shall do"

Yet don’t hesitate once when you steal that Soul

A name forever written on that Ancient scroll

A punishment darker than Purgatory or Hell

When those Mahogany Eyes from Heaven Fell

Date-January 10, 2010

E. P.

He is free, He is free-

Low and behold;

He is free

His chains are gone

That held him down

The tape over his mouth

Not on his head, wrapped around

I see Him now;

I saw Him then

And my soul flutters

For nothing but him

But his eyes have found another

Twitch he doubts

And with me he’s afraid to loose

So I pout

I will never be His

Though I work hard to be

But with all said and Done

He’ll never see the me that makes me.

Date-August 12, 2010

Letters to Him No.1

This is for you.

I love you.

Please, be safe.

I need you to come home safely.

I don’t want to lose you.

No matter what, I always will have you.

Do not be afraid to let go,

Because you have my heart.

Date-August 18, 2010

Letters to Him No.2

You said that Love comes from the brain,

I disagree

You have my same rhythm,

My same heartbeat.

I cannot sleep because you’re on my mind

Te quiero.

I love everything about you

Just as you are,

You’re perfect.

So I’ll stay here and wait for your return

I’ll wait for when I can see your smile again

I’ll wait to hear your voice

And when I can feel your embrace

Date-August 19, 2010

Letters to Him No.3

Like a pyramid,

Which remains forever in my heart-

In this horrible storm we are constantly in,

I know nothing is going to take this.

I saw you last night while I ran…

You were in the breeze of the wind.

I smiled because you’re in my heart

And I know you are close.

And so I kept on running.

Date-August 20, 2010

Stranger Within

The Stranger within me,

Follows me like Death

And I am Alone-

-And He is on the prowl

The Fear in people, never touched me

Never seduced my skin;

Fear was for the weak…

…I was blinded

Because I could not stop for Time

He kindly stopped for me,

And on his Second, Hour and Minute;

He held No-Body

I saw No-Body, No-Body saw me

There’s no going back to that place

The aftermath of Fear

No going back…

The Stranger within me,

Follows me like Death

And I am Alone-

-No going back

Date-February 24, 2008

A-Lone

Though He sits a-lone

Staring outside the door

He sits in his chair

Playing it fair

And working all day long

He loses himself completely

Loses all sense of mind

He’s lost and confused

Beaten and bruised

And no one hears him cry

Though he lies a-lone

Staring out into space

He lies on his bed

Feeling all red

And wastes his time away

He loses himself entirely

Loses all sense of sane

He’s rapped and betrayed

Violated and not saved

And no one hears him cry

Though he stands a-lone

Staring outside the door

He stands on his feet

Feeling no heat

And knows his mind will lie

Passing the time

Rejecting the truth

Moving alone

Fake happiness…

…yet-smile

Date-March 25, 2008

LNK#

Find the order-

Blessed be

And scramble it up

So none shall see

But write it here so

We may not forget

Yet never remember

Where the numbers

Truly sit

Date-July 20, 2009

Post Script

September 12th, 1997 – 6:13AM

Leaning against the old weeping willow Elijah looked into Adrian’s eyes.

I love you…

Adrian smiled, giving a twinkle from his eyes.

I love you too…

The chilly morning air smelt of fresh dew on the lawns of people’s houses. Reaching in his pocket, Elijah grabbed a ring and pulled it out. Looking at it, he turned the ring, the silver reflecting the morning light. On the inside he had TnA engraved to symbolize their relationship. Grabbing Adrian’s hand, he slid the ring on. Once more he looked into Adrian’s eyes.

I love you…

Looking at the ring Adrian smiled and for a split second the world stopped in rotation.

I love you too…

September 12th, 2007 – 6:13PM

He grabbed her hand and gazed into her eyes.

I love you Alice Lynn Arrows.

She smiled at him as the wind blew through the branches of the weeping willow.

I love you too David Aaron Bleen.

She laid her head against his shoulder as they sat together underneath the weeping willow. Enjoying her time with him, she spoke.

I want this to be our spot…

He looked at her.

It is, always.

As the hours passed and the setting sun turned to a rising moon, the new couple fell asleep under the weeping willow. –Their first time there.

September 13th, 2007 – 6:13AM

The clouds let loose with the relaxing and warm sun as her eyes opened. They had slept there under the tree the entire night. Tears feel from her eyes as she looked at him looking back at her; love aching in her heart.

Why are you crying?

She gave him a soft kiss

I love you.

The sun grew warmer, drying their tears but the sun could not stop what would happen. David grabbed her hand and gazed into her eyes.

I love you too.

Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a ring and looked at it as it shimmered in the sun. Slipping it on her hand he looked deep into her eyes.

Forever…

She smiled.

…Forever.

Her eyes drifted to the dirt looking at what was shining in her eyes. Reaching into the dirt, she pulled the ring out and looked at it.

TnA…

His face changed to curiosity.

TnA?

Yeah, why?

He took off her ring and showed her the engraved letters on the ring he gave her.

DnA

September 13th, 1997 – 6:13PM

The clouds let loose with a bitter and cold rain as they stood there underneath the weeping willow for the last time. –Sun setting in the west. Tears fell from his eyes as he looked at Adrian, pain aching in his heart.

I’m sorry Adrian…

The rain grew heavier, hiding their tears but the rain could not stop what would happen. Elijah’s hand drew near his head, flesh upon metal. Only two clicks, then silence would follow.

Elijah, don’t…please…

Adrian’s plea broke into a high pitch but soft sound. Then Elijah turned the gun. As the rain grew stronger and pounded the ground as a shot fired into the air, the sound of the rain sounding it out. Adrian fell to the wet grass motionless and not breathing. As his blood mixed into the rain and mud Elijah turned the gun one last time. The blood doubled that day as the sound of the rain echoed into the evening. Two shots fired – 6:23.

Date-January 2008

The Kitchen

Unlocking the door and walking into the kitchen my arms were crossed not wanting to listen to him at the moment. My pride and emotions were bruised, but I think his were just as well…if not even his love. His voice came loudly from behind as he entered, a sound of hurt and not wanting to let go.

You fucking suck you know that. You hear shit and you start assuming right away… Look I don’t care because I don’t look at that, I don’t care about that, I look at you as a very great friend…more than that…my best friend; my better half sometimes… If you are getting information from other places get it straight. I fucking think you are a great guy, one of the few best men I’ve met and it would be incredible if you could remain in my life…

The kitchen was quit with the exception of the clock ticking away on the wall. His hands were on each counter with his legs crossed, eyes looking down. His thin white long sleeve shirt matching the light blue jeans he wore. His short Marine hair was gelled to a style and the silver ring on his left hand caught the sun light shining in my eyes. Standing behind the island counter I traced my fingers up and down the fork that was left a strayed on the counter top. The red shirt I wore counter acted with the dark blue jeans; a cliché as to what would happen. It wasn’t odd for us to have little fights like this…not odd at all. He spoke in a soft but tone voice.

I move on with my life but it stays with me; I’ll carry the weight of my burden until I die.

Smirking I rolled my eyes while pushing the fork away from me.

Then I too sit in the same row boat as you- but you can either sit there helpless and lost or you can pick up the paddles and row to find your way… My voice and attitude changed with the pleading to an understanding as to why. Why do you do this to yourself? Stop being negative…

He looked up at me as if I should have already known his entire life story.

That’s all I ever knew how to be. I grew up hating life always staying to the shadows of life and the only thing in life that I understand was never let anyone in or I’d end up hurting them when the time comes.

Rebutting to his comeback I glared into his bright clear blue eyes.

Feel free to hurt me- for there is nothing left to hurt…I’m serious; there is nothing there. My heart is pure stone, steel and ice.

His eyes looked to the left and then to the right before settling back on me. His question came quick as if he was changing the subject, but I knew that there was a significant meaning relating to this topic.

What do you care about the most?

Seeing people happy and smile- because I never got to have it…never will have it. Changing the subject right back on him trying to defeat him at his own game, I quickly spoke again. If I said I loved you, would you believe me?

His eyes looked down and I knew he was thinking. Then his focus met mine once more; his blue eyes meeting my luscious clear green eyes.

No, because how can you love someone you don’t really know?

He was right in a sense- there was some logic there. But being stubborn I kept at my argument.

If I told you I love you because when I see those eyes I see something you don’t see and something you don’t expect that I do…Because I can love a person; anyone can love a person just off of the small details that are often over looked on or about a person- things you take for granted…but then- with that said would you believe me if I said that I don’t believe in love? He didn’t speak; as if he was thinking of what to say next…the wheels in his head were turning; as were mine. I still have your hat. If you’d like it back I can give it to you…

Still looking down he shook his head.

It’s just a hat, there’s always more.

Cocking my head with curiosity I once more spoke.

Why do you think I took your hat? The fact that there’s more is not the point. But you are trying to pick a fight and you are not going to get one from me…I care to much about you to lose you…what little of you I have that is…

Then he turned the question back on me.

As you, I don’t want a fight; I truly don’t care who wins nor loses; all it is, is a game. What would you say if I told you the person you see now is really not the person who he really is…

I looked back at him, eye to eye.

Then let me keep the rose colored glasses on. Let me take them off in my own time, when I’m ready to see the truth. …Either that or be brave enough to take them off and walk with me to the truth… See you’re pushing me away again. It’s okay though, I’m used to it.

He shook his head like the point was not being seen yet.

I’m not pushing you or anyone away…I just keep them where they should be…like a dog.

I smirked. Now the feelings inside me were slightly bruised.

I’m not a dog and I’d rather you not treat me like one. …But then- you are a free man and may do as you choose; who am I to stop you?

I did not mean to say it like that. A dog does what it’s told; you just follow your heart even if you don’t even think or want to. If you take a step, then so shall I.

Yes I am taking a step-even if I have to step all the way. Push me all you want, keep me at a distance and lie to me to keep me away, but I’m not going anywhere. Through all the bullshit you may put me through, I’m still going to be here…waiting on you to let me in- keep that in mind because that’s a promise.

His focus left the floor but didn’t meet mine, instead lying on the door. It was about time for that bundle of energy and joy to come through- was only a matter of time.

I don’t make promises when people come and they go.

Looking at the door with him, I knew what he was waiting for.

Neither do I, but I just made you one. I don’t give up. When I want someone in my life there is a reason…just wish you would accept that someone can care…

He looked at me briefly before returning his focus back at the door. Through the glass he saw him running up to the front door.

I know you care but I would rather not hurt such a great friend…

The door opened quickly as he ran into the kitchen. I looked at him and his smile then back at Him as if to please be happy around the little one. He picked up and then tension was temporarily delayed.

Look at what I made!

I squatted and looked at the piece of paper with glitter, buttons and feathers glued on. A smile came a crossed my face.

That’s pretty! You did this?

He shook his head with excitement.

Well, then I think this has a spot on the fridge…

Date-February 10, 2008

No One Answers Him

He looks at me

Curious but hiding

His broken heart and lost soul…

A cliché

But I smile and love it

When he has no clue why I’m staring at him…

He makes me smile

So today

I shall smile.

He grabs my hands,

Placing them between his;

His warm body taking the bitter chill from me

His lips brush against mine

He is unknown to your world

But every night in my dreams

I see him…feel him…

Far from my distance,

He makes me happy

My heart yearns for you

Wants to be beside you

To walk with you

To rise and fall down

Knowing that you are here to help me up

You brought me back from the dark shadows

You freed me from the shallow and ruthless rules

I placed on myself

I’m in love with you

My heart is crippled by this pain

I had been closed off

Gave up and didn’t believe

Everyone around me thinks I am going crazy