Small Steps, Giant Leaps: 21 Things You Can Do to Transform Your Life

By Tolulope S. Olaniyan

The book is a guide for those who want to make positive changes in their life, transforming from the ordinary to the extraordinary. There is a latent power within everyone which you can call forth no matter your situation, even when you think you have completely messed up or have hit a dead end. You are faced with only two options: dare the challenge or fail.

This book adopts a holistic approach to the mind, body, and spirit, guiding you through 21 winning steps that I used to transform my own life after my battle with emotional trauma. These steps are little changes you can make in your life that will produce phenomenal results.

Life isnt a dress rehearsal; you only have one life to live. Live your life fully, live the life of your dreams; transform into your best self. FAME: Freedom Acceleration- Mastery- Empowerment

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Oct 12, 2017
• ISBN: 9781546282563

Tolulope S. Olaniyan

Tolulope Olaniyan is an entrepreneur, speaker, executive coach and a facilitator of positive transformation with leaders and aspiring leaders. She strongly believes that leaders are not born. In fact, ordinary people can be transformed into exceptional leaders if given extensive support and the right tools to grow. Olaniyan’s areas of expertise include personal effectiveness, emotional intelligence, motivation, as well as the art of personal mastery. Tolulope Olaniyan is the initiator and organiser of FAME Transformation Network. It is a network for people who want to enjoy freedom, accelerated growth, positive transformation and gain personal mastery in their personal and professional lives. She is married and has three wonderful children

Book preview

Introduction

My Journey from Darkness

My unhappiness was my own creation

It happened seven years back, at an age when I should have been extremely productive and sharp-minded. Instead, I experienced a total burnout. It was not because of too much to do, but rather too little of the activities that would have brought more joy and fulfilment. I didn’t realise what I know now, that my unhappiness was my own creation. I only looked at all the negative circumstances surrounding me and could not look beyond to completely appreciate my life as it was.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again because there is no effort without error or shortcoming … who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. --Teddy Roosevelt

Formula for Failure

I came to Ireland in 2002 and had left a lovely job in Nigeria as a manager of an investment company. I had great expectations about my new life and was optimistic that things would fall into place quickly. I was very wrong, as nothing happened as I had planned. As a result, I experienced a total decline, mentally, emotionally and physically. I became angry with myself, angry with the system, angry with my spouse, friends and even acquaintances. I was disappointed in the Irish system which was less favourable to migrants at that period. Everywhere I turned, I saw only outside circumstances conspiring against me and I felt helpless. At the time, I failed to realise that the change I needed had to come from within me. And so I played the victim, threw pity parties and complained endlessly until eventually, my life started to operate only in the negative environment created by my thoughts.

I was born to a middle-income family of professionals: my dad was an accountant in an Italian oil company and my mum worked with the government. We lived a sheltered existence where there were fewer disappointments and struggles compared to many people in Nigeria experience. I never attended a boarding school; even during college, I lived mostly at home.

Living this sheltered life didn’t prepare me for the disappointments that can happen in one’s life; it didn’t magnify the importance that other people, apart from my parents, could play in my life journey. It didn’t teach me survival principles outside the home. I was trusting, gullible and simple-hearted, and even sometimes just plain stupid. As a result, once I arrived in Ireland I got my fingers burnt several times. This caused within me a deep distrust for people in general. I was angry that I was being taken advantage of.

I woke up one morning like any normal day but somehow I physically could not see clearly. Things appeared as if from a distance. I checked in the mirror to see if I had an eye infection but it was nothing of the sort. I dismissed it, expecting that it would clear but it only got worse. I had not had quality sleep for a while, so I wondered if it might just be a result of some very stressful situation I was going through. I tried remedies from both my GP and the pharmacy. That helped a little but I felt groggy and lifeless.

By this time I had started to lose concentration. I had lost my energy and drive. I either slept too much or too little. I had no understanding of what was happening to me. I felt numb, cold, tired and as if everything was happening in a dream. I ate very little and went down three dress sizes in about three months. I started exercises in the morning but after a while, I was too tired to continue. I cried most of the time because I had to look after three children alone because my spouse could not join me here and I was in no position to travel myself.

I found myself crying out, Why does everything seem dark and far away in this world? Everything is standing apart and aloof. I feel trepidation, a sense of emptiness. Perhaps if only there would be a little sunshine, a ray of light: it could give me some courage to continue. I don’t understand. Could it be my mind playing a trick on me? What if this was another world, removed from everyone else? Could I really be dead and not realise it? Somebody wake me up from my slumber! It’s lonely out here – somebody help!.

I was disillusioned and depressed; which was contrary to what I believed about my Christian faith. I got lost in the midst of the chaos, lost my personal identity, and suffered from very regular panic attacks which could last up to 30 minutes. I was admitted to the emergency department several times. I experienced every kind of symptom in the book. I became a doctor without a qualification, constantly checking my symptoms on the Internet for the most likely ailment. My life became like a movie: I was the leading lady, but I could not recognise myself. The woman in the movie had no resemblance to the real me. That person was dull, anxious, depressed and lost. She struggled to come out of the darkness around her.

The Turning Point

Hope came from a doctor who, after conducting several tests, said: you are in perfect health. My mind initially couldn’t accept that at first. It was too used to negative conclusions and expectations. I tried to argue and he said, I could place you on antidepressants if you wish, but do you want to use them for the rest of your life?

I looked for the first time at him, coming out of my cocoon to see an elderly doctor with a wealth of experience. He was dead serious. Do you now say I am imagining things? I demanded. He answered that what I was feeling was not from a physical source. If I didn’t dwell on the symptoms, they would eventually go away. It made so much sense, and I felt better immediately; but as soon as I returned home, the torture was back. However, I realised he was right. Whatever I was experiencing was based on nothing physical, and so I would not give it any more power from thence.

That is a simplified version of my Eureka moment when I began to see a hint of the possibility that I could change my life by changing how I thought about it. How often do we empower negative circumstances around us by the way we react to them? We magnify our challenges until they consume us totally. But you do not have to be controlled by what happens around you. You have the power within to shape the direction of your life.

Change is not usually easy, nor fast. It took me two years of hard work to recover from stress and another three years to build back my life. I learnt a lot, developed empathy, practiced daily forgiveness to free my mind. I prayed more, thanked more. I went back to college and within two years qualified in two postgraduate courses. I discovered life coaching and various behaviour modification tools like Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) which I often use on myself and clients with amazing results. I now love life more, live life more fully. I am able to see things from a wider perspective and have changed my association to include more positive people.

A Hope for the Future

To someone out there who is in a similar situation, I want to say, Hang in there. It seems dark now but at the end of the tunnel, there is hope. If you can endure, if you can be patient, if you can change your general outlook on life, you can conquer. There is a latent power within everyone, and you can call it forth even if you believe you are completely messed up, that you feel you are running from life, that you have hit a dead end. You are now faced with two options: dare the challenge or fail.

Initially, I was afraid to change: I was in too much pain to care. But when I thought about my loved ones, the things I had not achieved, the people I had not met, the lives I was supposed to touch, I held on, did not give up on life. I knew there was much God-given potential deposited in me, and I did not want to fail God and mankind by making little or no impact in this life. I decided to give myself a chance to recover, a chance to give and accept love. I prepared for the journey, a long journey!

l became a perpetual student, learning, assimilating and practicing. I learnt that there are life principles you are not taught in college or at home. They are little things that yield powerful results. I didn’t invent any of them: successful people the world over have practiced them throughout the ages. They are small steps you can take to transform your life. I have used most of these principles to make phenomenal changes in my life and in the life of others as a coach and mentor. Come with me for a short while on this journey as I share the wisdom I have learned from my life experiences, my Christian faith and what has worked for others.

So I dare you to take the challenge life has thrown at you. Understand that it is not the obstacles that matter, but what you do, how you react and what you become afterward. If there is anything constant in life, it is change itself. We are all making a journey whether we realise it or not -- only our paths are different. The important thing is to achieve your life aim, fulfil your purpose, and transform to become your best self.

The power to transform from the ordinary to the extraordinary is within you, if only you know how to activate and maintain it. Transforming yourself may be one of the hardest things you ever do because it involves discipline, patience, perseverance and more. However, if you are willing to brave the open road, confront your personal roadblocks and renew your mind, the rewards for your effort will be profound.

Part One

Prepare for the Journey

Most journeys have three crucial parts: a reason, a destination, and a route. Likewise, for your successful transformation, you must determine your purpose in life, develop a clear vision of what you would like to attain, and then map out step by step the goals that will help make that vision a reality.

Once those three factors are in place, you are prepared to embark on your journey to transformation. However, you should be