Smiling Again: Expressions Through Poetry

By James E. Tincher

I am no doctor, psychologist, or licensed therapist. I am a person who has suffered with depression and who has been right at that moment when I was going to take my own life. Ive stood at the edge of a bridge and looked down upon the water of the Ohio River. Ive held a bottle of pills and just stared at the lid. I have been behind the wheel of a car without a seatbelt on and watched for the next telephone pole. Yet I never did itI never jumped, took the lid off, or hit the telephone pole. I hope that by the end of this book, you can see there are people out there who suffer through this daily, and if you are one suffering, you are not alone. You can live with this, you can turn it all around, and you will find yourself smiling again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 27, 2017
• ISBN: 9781524585020

James E. Tincher

James E. Tincher is an Operations Mgr. for a third-party logistics company. A manager of people by day and a writer by night. He knows what living with bipolar disorder can do to a person and their way of life. He wants to help those suffering from depression and anxiety. He truly has a passion for helping people with their everyday problems, especially those who are suffering and want to live their lives.

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Copyright © 2017 by James Tincher.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 02/27/2017

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CONTENTS

Dedication

Introduction I: Hello

Introduction II: Let’s Talk

Introduction III: The S Word

Introduction IV: Life Is Worth Living

Chapter 1: Expression Through Poetry

Conclusion

Appendix

Thank You

Dedication

Growing up with my dad was a strict life. School and actually going were very important to him. He wanted us to make the best grades we could. Well as for me, I did just enough to get by until high school. I couldn’t wait to play Babe Ruth ball for the Crawford County Wolfpack. Then on to my freshman year to wear the burnt orange and brown. My dad asked me one time during the winter semester of my freshman year, What kind of grades do you have to make to play ball? I told him, At least a D average. He looked straight into my eyes and said, I guess the time of doing what you needed to do just to get by is over. I expect you to make a C average or better, because if you don’t, you will not be playing. That was the first real expectation my dad ever gave me. The rest were the typical expectations of don’t drink, unless you bring it home and share. If you meet a girl and, well you know, they’re in my top drawer. I could probably write a book on my dad, Growing Up with Little Man, that’s what Brian and I called him when we were taller than him, which was after junior high for both of us.

My dad was a good man and he worked hard. I don’t think I can remember a single day when he did not go to work. The weekends were spent hauling rock and dirt, cutting grass, and trimming the world’s greatest tomato plants from the hill next to the road. Ask me about it sometime.

My dad wasn’t perfect either. We all have our ups and downs. We also have our trials and tribulations. He was my dad and I loved him dearly.

My dad was our biggest fan. He attended every sporting event he possibly could. The greatest day of my young life was a spring day in 1986. We were playing a doubleheader against Corydon, well, the story is in here and I hope you like it. When I think of that midmorning trot around third base I always close my eyes and remember the feeling.

As I grew older, my dad and I became closer and I began to see all the things he talked about growing up. Having a job, bills, cars, having children, relationships, but most of all, life. Live it, he would say to me. Don’t be anyone else other than yourself. Now, Dad’s philosophy came when he had a couple beers in him, but he was my dad and to be in that moment with him meant everything to me.

Thank you, Dad, I would give anything if you were here. I love you and miss you every day.

Introduction I

I am a forty-seven-year-old father of four great kids. Emily is a great mom and is working on a great career. Jocelyn is going to college and working part time and she has her life pointed in the right direction. Jennah is a senior in high school and plays softball. My son is a freshman in high school and he is very active with bowling and baseball. I have a granddaughter, Vivienne, she is the beat of my heart. I have a great son-in-law, Nick, who takes care of my Emily and Vivienne. My daughter Jocelyn has a wonderful boyfriend, Dylan, who treats her like a dad would want his daughter to be treated. I have a wonderful partner who means a great deal to me, Patricia Tish. I have a wonderful family and lots of friends; there are too many to mention. I have a great career as an operations manager. I love my Indianapolis Colts and Detroit Redwings. My heart belongs to University of Michigan football, GO BLUE! I have a lovely home that is full of love and laughter.

Hello, my name is James, and I live with bipolar disorder along with suicidal tendencies.

Introduction II

Let’s talk… My work was written during some very dark times for me. I have battled depression since the age of sixteen. I did go through times that were good and life was great, but the evilness of depression also hung over me like a dark storm cloud ready to flood my emotions and thoughts. I never was on medication for my depression until the past five years. I went twenty-five years without being on medication for my illness and during that time I came to a point where I thought of ending it all.

During this time, I lost a friend from high school. I think it was my first experience of losing a classmate. It got me to a point where I was struggling for a resolution. I had lost a person I knew while growing up and now they were gone. My mind needed to scream out, and when it did, these words came to me and this is what I wrote:

Your memory echoes like the loon’s call through the midnight wood.

Lost in the hypnosis of the glistening water against the moonlight glare.

Your spirit glides through the pines on the soft night’s gentle breeze.

After writing this small piece, it felt good. I felt as if I contributed to something, some kind of heavenly satisfaction, like a silent prayer being sent to God’s ear. I had been writing small pieces of poetry and simple quotes since I was a teenager. The sad thing is, after I wrote them, I threw them away.

Since my friend’s death, I started writing more and more. Then a personal tragedy hit me, then another, and another. I started writing more and more. I found myself writing three and four pieces at one time. So much negative energy poured through me like a flooded river.

Introduction III

I’ll go ahead and say the S word: suicide. Suicide is intentionally ending one’s own life. Plain and simple? No, not at all. Suicide is intentionally ending one’s own life, yet having a traumatic effect on those loved ones who are left behind. Yes, suicide is a singular action, but it has a plural outcome. It does not matter how old you are, there are very young people to the elderly who commit suicide. Why do they choose to do it? In my opinion, they do not