Living with the Evidence

By Thomas Q. King

The stories within these pages tell of my life from the beginning of my time on earth. These tell of my first days and how they changed my life forever, the many struggles that I encountered because of events early in my life, the many difficult times that I faced, and how I hid these from others for over sixty years. I keep my story as the main subject.

Many who knew me in the early years were amazed of the events in my life. Some cried, and others were speechless. That was not what I expected, but it was a surprise to me.

With over 150 stories, this covers many events of my life. I looked at many things that I had to deal with because of how I lived in my early years. I can recall shedding tears every day for over seven years. I wish this to happen to nobody else. But I did not have a choice; both my parents took that away from me.

Some told me that I was too easy on them. I will leave their judgment up to the Creator. Their judgment will come. I dont need to add fuel to their future.

I needed my story to be presented to show what could happen when parents harm their children. Harm can come to children in many ways, and I present many of mine.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 22, 2017
• ISBN: 9781524581817

Thomas Q. King

Thomas Q. King was born and raised in the city of Pine Valley. He is married; his wife recently passed away in January 2019. Three children were born in their marriage. They were married over 37 years. Both of their surviving children are young adults. He lived in the same area where he was born, for my entire life. This is his second book, and completes the two-book set. He did write several earlier poems, one was published in 1970. This poem appeared in hi Senior High publication of poetry. He have several unpublished poetry writings. This current book follows his life for over 65 years. The events described here are the actual events and ordeals that he had to face. He finally reveal the problems that he had growing up and the events related to why he is what he is today. This tells events of his history. This book covers what he had to deal with when his wife died. He stated what he had to go through. In addition, events during the 12 days before his wife died. This event truly becomes a Game Changer. He covered what the following months were like, and how he had to take care of all the things that faced him. Some of his classmates gave him support in his time of need. Thomas Q. King’s purpose is to complete what he had to deal with the past and cover the new issues in his life. Others have told him that he did not know what it was like after the death of a spouse. He told them that they were wrong, and he wrote about half of the chapters in this book to enlighten them. Before writing this second book, he had to feel that this next book was needed. With the loss of his wife, the need was there. Therefore, in this book, he covered this issue and what problems he dealt with, and how others around him reacted to a loss of a family member. These chapters offer a glimpse to his recent past, as he felt that he was his Grandpa. This book has taken him around 29 months to write, he wrote at least 1 Chapter for 80 days in a row. He wanted to get as many things written down as he could, so he would not miss anything about his current events. He was,at times, living a life as a Friendless Friend. Do I become this again? As his life partner no longer walks on this Earth with Me. Moving forward will be a challenge, he must keep focused and stay on his path, even if he’ll do it alone.

Book preview

Book intro - 8/28/16

The stories within these pages tells of my life from the beginning of my time on earth. These tell of my first days and how they changed my life forever. The stories tell of the many struggles that I encountered because of events early in my life. I keep my story as the main subject. These tell of the many difficult times that I faced, and how I hid this from others for over 60 years.

Many that knew of me when in the early years, were amazed to my events in my life. Some cry and others were speechless. This is not what I expected, But was a surprise to me.

This covers many events of my life. with over 150 stories, I look at many things that I had to deal with, because of how I lived in my early years. I can recall shedding tears every day for over 7 years. I wish this to happen to nobody else. But I did not have a choice, Both my parents took that away from me.

Some told me that I was too easy on them, I will leave the judgement of them up to the creator. Their judgement will come. I don’t need to add fuel to their future.

I needed my story to be presented to show what could happen when parents harm their children. Harm can come to children in many ways, and I present many of mine.

What some of my friends have said after reading chapters of this book.

Friend 1- You have been robbed of so much in your lifetime. Keep the Faith Brother. Great way to tie-up and refresh readers for the Grand finale Thomas. I hope you sell a million copies, and someday,a movie offer. Let me know when your first book signing is.

Friend 2- Thomas, this is just too much, I am so sorry for you and your brothers. I know that I can’t change anything but I hope you know that I care. Very few things affect me more than children who are abused

Friend 3 - "My heart goes out to you and the challenges that you have endured. Again glad you made it! Your writing makes me want to know about the dirty secret, one can only imagine.

Friend 4 - "Keep writing Thomas. You have a great memory and retell your experiences well. I hope that others can learn from your experiences.

Friend 5 - I agree, Barb. He has had so many unique experiences, and does a good job describing them. I think it is good for those of us who were lucky to live such sheltered lives- to find out that some in our community were not so fortunate.

Friend 6 - Thomas, Thank you for sharing these intimate stories with us. I find them most impactful and hope you’ll keep on writing. While you had a difficult childhood it seems you’ve risen above it and have been determined to be a better man. Kudos to you!

Friend 7 - You are such a good writer- your memory for detail is amazing. Thank you for sharing- it really opens my eyes to what some kids go through just trying to survive in dysfunctional homes, I really hope you publish this, So sorry you had to endure this…just terrible. You survived! Amazing!

Friend 8 - "Nicely said, Thomas..Thanks for the memories.

Chapter 1

Birds - 10/21/15

As I watched the Birds as they live a life of being free, and having no boundaries. It takes me back 57 years, as I lived a life of little or no freedom. I had to play with neighbor kids through a fence along the east property line. The Berlin wall was not built until 1961, But I knew what that entailed, Because I lived with a wire fence wall, years before the residents of Berlin endured the same thing. My past holds a thousand tales of injustice and these only strengthen my efforts to enjoy the freedom that this country offers. Even a blind man can hear and feel the freedom of the Birds .. Get out, enjoy this world and feel as free as the birds. As I know that In my life, that it wasn’t always this way. Get out and smell the Flowers and hear the Birds, as my Wife feels like she is being held hostage in a place, that was to care for her needs. Now it has turned against her. It’s her berlin Wall. Enjoy life with your Children as I can’t do that with all of mine.

Get out and see the lesson of the Birds… and share it with Family and friends ..

Chapter 2

Before the Teens - 10/21/15

I need help to write a Book, But it would not be easy to put all of the parts together. I will do the best that I can, some of these remembered events go back over 60 years.

Like when I was being locked in basement, over and over across many years. and this is only one issue.

In ‘57 the Babysitter locked all 4 of us out of house, called her friends, all 6 of them had an orgy, they ate all of the food that was planned for meals, we were like being abandoned in the wilderness. I was 4, my brothers were 5, 6 & 10. Its a night that I still can’t forget this night, it has been almost 60 years.

I had to start another round of potty training as this was a traumatic event feeling like I was thrown out with the trash.

Then there was the sexual abuse, when my Mother went out with her Mother and sisters for coffee. What was done in that house, my mind blanks it out, this went on until I was around age 9 or 10, only way to end these sessions was to wet the bed, my Father had to change bed sheets before my Mother came home. He would tell her an excuse as how the bed got wet. I was the weakest link. My father did many things to hide and cover up this activities. He later gave me a pet name ‘Peanut’. He did this and paid more attention to me than the older brothers. My brothers did not like me being the favorite child at the time, But they never knew why this was happening. He did it so I would not reveal the fact that I was still being abused over and over. Sometimes it was nightly abuse. My brothers thought that they were being treated unfairly. If I knew then why I was the current favored child, I would have spoke up. I did not know that this was his ploy so he could continue the abuse. My brothers talked about me being ‘Peanut’ years later. If they only know the reason, maybe one of them could have helped to stop the continuing abuse. This favorite status only lasted a few years, But a few years too many. Nobody enjoys being abused in any shape or form.

My Mother stole back the watch that she/father gave me for a confirmation gift when I completed confirmation at Christ Lutheran Church. The Minister of the church had to bend the rules for me, To complete confirmation you had to Go to church weekly and then Sunday School weekly, I went to Church only Once in 2 years instead of 104 times, The amount that I went to Sunday school, The teacher would call name, you would say Present, Present, The first one says you are here that day and the second because you went to church last week .. The teachers knew I was lying when I said present twice, They were told to accept a lie and Minister told them why, The coverup lasted years.

My teacher and the other Sunday school teachers helped me many times through the years. I would see other classmates whine to their parents about many things, they really did not know just how lucky they were, even if they came from a family of 5 or as a single child.. when I left Church after Sunday School and before the second Church service, I had to sneak out because my Mother wanted to go to the Crossroads Coffee Shop with her Mother, after that it was back to the house of hell ... and another day that my Father would be drunk, he would smoke 3 packs a day, we were confined to play in basement or outside, the livingroom and bedrooms was no kids land. We were sent to basement everyday to play, unless there was a few inches of raw sewage covering the basement floor, then it was almost always outside. Then there are these things to ponder.

When my Father builds a swingset out of spare pipes, then ruins it trying to use it as a hoist to, remove engine out of a car.

He made a small baseball field, but did not control poison ivy and sand burrs, making it useless. Later he parks cars and a mobile home on it for sale, making it no place to play.

Then the segregation issues, every meal each child had their own color set of dishes. Mine was red, Next oldest was blue, then yellow, then oldest had white. I had red Hair, Oldest brother as child had hair as white as a rabbit ... The odds of this is incalculable ... and then 1960 was a very bad year.

Some of these stories are complete later in this book.

Chapter 3

The Whiners - 10/21/15

Why is it that many people point out errors, They seem to want perfection in an item made over 33 years ago, they expect todays results in 35 year old technology. If I recall when changing my foot from the gas to the brake it slipped a bit, someone brings up that I drove around the corner too fast.. Somebody else complained about the color of the sky in a recent video, my vans front window reacts to strong sunlight and tints a bit, throwing off the color of the sky, but they want network quality. Others complain that I did not have music playing in videos made earlier this year. How can I correctly adjust sound if I have a hearing loss and I can’t see, smell or taste sound ? It took me weeks to learn how to feel for sound to at least attempt to get the music on my videos.. Then others say that I was driving too fast for them to see the buildings better, as I am driving down the street in 1985. If this was the first video of its kind, I would not know the camera response to speed. Where is my time machine like Back to the Future, that went forward in the movie to 10/21/2015, That’s today.

I started making Videos in July 1982. I had no others that did what I did. I wrote my own how to do book since I learned by trial and error. But others see every opportunity to point out the mistakes. Where were they 33 years ago ? Some complain about the camera being slightly tilted, as I drove across an old bridge, as I was leaving the state. I don’t see any others that have ever made this bridge crossing with a 8 pound video camera, a 22 pound home VHS VCR, all running on a 110 volt AC power generator in the trunk of car, with a Fan for ventilation. Maybe they need to use what I did to make a video today, and see how well they can do it. I was a decade ahead of the camcorder, they were not around in 1982. That 22 pound VCR cost me $581, More than 3 months rent for a 2 bedroom apartment, back where I lived in ‘82. Enjoy these as what they are - A Gift to all for free - A chance for a person to give freely to a world that can’t understand what I had to deal with every day. Any problems that arose while I made videos, I had to find the answer by trial and error. I could have written the handbook.

How I wish that I could be like others, but I can’t, They should have seen a world as I saw it, over 33 years ago or yesterday. There could be a time that I may not be able to share my past, and that could be a loss to everyone. In the over 10,000 videos that I have made, these contain dozens of priceless clips, that others would never have seen if my videos are lost. This almost happened in a house fire on 12/2/1990. I still need to find my Truax blvd driving video of 1985, It shows a part of town that has greatly changed in 30 years. People should not be evaluating these videos. They should embrace these as what they actually are - A freely given gift ... Each video is truly, One of a kind. When I post these to other places on the internet, Many people can’t believe that I was making these in the 1980’s. They wish that other people that lived in their hometown, could have done something like this. The videos really open their eyes as what the world was like over 30 years ago. They see a life that their parents saw, something that seemed impossible until they saw my videos.

Chapter 4

My Videos - 10/22/15

My videos have become a labor of love to let others see the world as I have - To let my children see what I saw in the world if I could not be there, in their teen and young adult lives. But my children have grown into adults now and I cant see the videos lost to the world, by having them sitting on the shelf. I ask for no payment for these, I offer them to others to see for Free.

In my mind right now - I am walking through the Co-op and everything is fresh in my mind. I hear the buttons being pushed on the grocery cash registers. I hear the grocery tubs going down the tunnel outside on the rollers. I see the Red Barn Cafe and see how it looks, all dressed out in red and white. I smell the tobacco stand near by. I see the courtesy counter, the worker counting change. The 10 cent soda’s in the dixie cups with stainless steel holders, clicking on the counter. The remember the taste of the free hotdog sample given at the meat counter. A worker punches the time clock. The background music as I wander down main isle.

I see the departments all lined up, neatly lined up in a row. The stationary, records, housewares, then the smells of the new manufactures clothing, I see the steps go up to the insurance office and credit department. the books, magazines, and at end of isle toward the south entrance, I smell and see the candy counter, where many items sold by the pound. Toys and auto with sporting goods was off to the left. In toys, they had a 4 foot glass counter display full of T-Jet slot cars for $2.57 each.

Time to go because this is where I spent by dollars that my Grandfather snuck to me on his last visit, hidden from the eyes of my parents. His wife, my grandmother, died in 1947. I watched him grow old for the last 19 years of his life alone ... I did not have a video camera until 10 years later (1982), so with the video camera, I saved what I saw of the world around me. I have made videos that have given many a way to remember their world through the lens of my camera. I can remember in 1982, a single T120 tape could cost $21 each. Few years ago, I was buying them for a dollar, and 3 years ago, people were giving them away for free. Pictures of my Grandfather are on a videotape or two, I turned his photo album into a slideshow video.

So the past became part of my videos. Some appear on local based websites, others have been shared hundreds of times. Some make others, remember past stories of a world that they lived in. These can seem to make their memory come alive, when they see a video. I could have sold them for five dollars each. But,I wanted to give to the world something in return, because many have given me things while asking for nothing for payment. If my videos can make someone remember a happy time in their lives, It was well worth it to me to give it away as a free gift. Enjoy any of my videos, and make a memorable moment in your life. As all of my over 13,000 videos have done this for me. If my photos and videos can make a happy memory for you, It will then become a priceless moment. This would become a reason as why I offered to share my videos. My mind then has a flashback, that fire back in 1990, could have left the me without my home videos. The images would only be in my mind, and I could not share them today.

Chapter 5

QtvQjr on CTV - 10/22/15

Along my many adventures in life. I decided in the early 1980’s to buy a VCR and record the shows that I wanted. Within the next year, I saw a friend own a video camera. This led me to trying out his camera and making an early home video. Later I bought the camera and a portable VCR. This led me to making my own home videos, starting in the early 1980’s. I was making quite a few per year and had many by the early 1990’s.

Another class member of ‘71, decided in the early 90’s that he wanted to make a public access show on the local cable system. He wanted to make a show where he would comment and tell stories about local events. He wanted to be the home town version of Rush Limbaugh. I saw a few of his shows and decided that I could do better, No I was not going to make a talk show like he did. I had hundreds of home videos and knew that I was one of the few that were making them. So I started a TV show on public access and called it QTV, Quality TeleVision. And to date, I made and aired over 550 of them.

A few months later, I decided to make another public access show and called it QJR. My Son and ! made this show for kids, and it ran for 1/2 hour. I made about 500 of these. I was making a few of each every month. I used my own equipment and video mixer, and audio mixer. I made these for over 20 years. But current video camera are many times better than 20 years ago.

But In today’s world, many new people were seeing my videos and some started to complain that they were of poor quality, They were not like the pictures that he took with his cell phone. The audio was not in stereo, like he could do with his 8 ounce digital camera. I told many that these were 20 year old recordings, they assumed that these should have looked like the ones he makes with his cell phone. My comment was this, You did not get it - and truly don’t know just how difficult it was to make these - I had to go where nobody did before and make an Idea in my head, actually work in the real world. I wrote my own instruction manual. Many told me it was impossible because they knew my limitations. But It was full steam ahead to show them they were wrong.

The early videos have faults, but I was improving as I went along. No more tilted videos, Sound got better. I switched to a 7 lux camera instead of a 100 lux. I did what I could on a shoestring budget and still hearing others telling me that I can’t do it at all.

One issue that I had to deal with was being colorblind. I had to have a Unit at home (TV repairman have these) that produces a colorbar pattern and the crosshatch, this helped to adjust the 2 colors that I have an issue with. I had oscilloscope as well. This was one of my secrets. When I saw another person bring in the MX-1, and he used it making his show, in the library basement Location, I knew I had to have one. The unit cost me hundreds of dollars, after this, my videos improved again. My videos were intended to save a part of the world I saw, for my kids. It turned into more after I found out that I was the only one that did this over and over. Many of my videos are a one of a kind rarity. I found that others enjoyed something that they wish they had done. So I shared it Free on PACT, or Public Access Community Television.

Once and awhile I was given a discarded piece of equipment or a damaged item. But I made use of it the best that I can. Making Qjr at home was a challenge,It helped my child improve social skills and an issue or two at school. Whenever he saw himself on my monitor or on CTV, He tried harder to correct his problems and speak as other children would do. You can see improvement after about 50 shows out of the 500. I still have the nearly 1,100 public access shows. Little by little I am putting them on DVD’s. These still are playing on the Public Access channel, after 25 years. I branched out and now put them on FaceBook. I created a page that has clips of them. Now others that have moved out of my hometown, can still see parts of them. I have many saved on the page. Qtv and Qjr have been a way that I shared part of my life with others for over 22 years.

Still some do complain about the quality. I should ask them, Let me see yours? They, like hundreds, say that they did not know how or have a way to make their own. I found a way to make them and save a slice of history. My video pie can provide everyone to share a slice of my video world. I had to create many solutions to the problems that I encountered along the way. Because of this, hundreds of my videos are now enjoyed by the masses. A few might have thought I was a madman, but others came up with Inventor Genius. But I think of my work as a personal video time capsule, opened now for all to enjoy. Some can still complain, but I should send them back in time and let them ‘walk a mile in my shoes’. Just wonder how well they would do, some could be too afraid to show their work.

I did have a Local TV station interview, and I did show my older camera and recorder. It was a fun human interest story. This is also posted on the internet. My videos, and now my written stories, have made others remember their own past. I have over 35 years of videos that helped them see a world that they thought that they would never see again. I hope that they enjoy my videos and the views of the past, and to remember the good times.

Chapter 6

Order Of Evil - 10/22/15

I got it the worst of all, among the 4 kids that grew up on the south side of town. I could never join the military or to be a Boy Scout/ Cub Scout. I was the only one in my grade school class never allowed to join. All the girls started out in the Brownies. Boys started in the Cub Scouts. I was never allowed to be involved in school sports past grade school. I played basketball in grades 5 & 6, after that, I was never allowed to be in any School activities. My parents were still scared that someone would find out about their dirty secret of 7/28/1953. This became the worst day of my life.

I have had 4 bad Bicycle accidents, In 1960, I could not see the stop sign. I was heading east on my way to Vacation Bible School, and hit a dark Green station wagon. The owner lived on State street. I spent 2 days in Lake View Hospital, but needed more. My parents took me out early so the Staff could not discover what happened on 7/28/53. In 1963, I broke my bicycle chain while applying my brake, and crashed going down the road that went to the bottom of Hendrickson Hill. I needed emergency care given by the construction workers building the South Hospital. Later in the ‘60’s, a car owner opened his car door with out looking, down in front of the Professional Building near Main Street, I hit the door and went over the Top. The 4th time was 1970, when I was heading west on Mc Arthur and was stopping for a stop sign. I was hit from behind by another Car (VW). The driver was another student from Lincoln High.

I had 3 bad traffic accidents. None of these were My fault, or the driver of the truck I was in. 1st was at the corner of 6th and Marsh street. When a Fuel Oil truck ran the stop sign, I ended up behind front window, and ended up on top of the dash board. There was 5 passengers in the front seat of the truck, that I was in. There was no seatbelts in this truck. The 2nd accident I was Hit almost head on when I was making a turn into a corner. The other driver cut the corner and hit my van. The 3rd was on 2/21/2015 when a 16 yr old failed to yield and totalled my Van out by the New Mall. This accident took away over half of my hearing and I am now partly deaf today, and I may never recover. I spent over 4 or 5 hours in ER, Damaged back during this one.

There was 2 times that I was confronted with 2 people with Guns. 1st was in 1960, when 2 escaped convicts from Stillwater, this city was out of state. They came to our house to steal the truck in the yard. My father would not give them the keys, They pistol whipped him and then he runs across living room floor and jumps through double pane window, like Superman, and runs off into the backyard pine trees and hides. Then my second brother came out of his bedroom and entered the hall. The convicts moved in on him and my Mother throws the truck keys to them. They leave and attempt to start truck and steal it, But they dont know how to start a truck that has choke. They ran off and later are arrested. The 2nd time with Guns accurred on 2/21/79. They thought I was armed and came with rifles to check out the situation.

Then I Had a House Fire on Dec 2,1990, The fire was in bathroom area. I had to get my pregnant wife and our 4 year old out of the house. The house was considered a total loss. Our 2nd Child was born 3 months later and dies same day 3/13/91. The only time that my wife and I held our baby, he was already a cadaver. Our 4 year old saw his brother and ran and hid in the corner of the hospital room. I had to call my Father in law and when he hears news, he drops the phone. I called my mother and told her. She cries, I have not heard her cry in 31 years, since the death of her father, in 1960. But soon, My mother was back to the way she was. I had 6, 1971 classmates that helped with the funeral expenses - County Services paid the rest. $660. Our Son was buried along side my Aunt. This saved on the cemetery cost. Only 1 photo of this child exists. NO photo exists of Me until I am about 4 years Old, My mother destroyed every Baby photo that they ever had. every brother has a Baby picture but me. Oldest brother is holding a white rabbit. My second brother is holding a Ball, Next brother is on floor, But no photo of me, My mother even went to my Aunt’s house and searched in her photo books, and destroyed many. All to hide the crime of 7/28/1953. On this day, Doctors proclaimed that I had less than 6 hours to live. I was only 33 days old, Jesus lived on this earth for 33 years. My oldest brother was effected for the rest of his life because of this event, that he saw. He was Only 6 years old. It was not until 1985 that my questions began to be answered by my Brother, about the events on 1953.

Chapter 7

Odds and Ends - 10/23/15

Because I have been silent for over 50 years, Many people around me today constantly add in their two cents worth of advice to me or my wife. The make judgemental comments on how I do things in my life. Even commenting how I communicate with my wife. They show extreme lack of knowledge about my past and why I do some things that I do. But this does not stop them from thinking that they know more about my issues that I do. They never ask any questions at all. Then they tell my wife that she should be living her life differently. What gives them the right? They should not be judging others and giving advice based on their lives. They need to walk the walk, and talk the talk that I have had for over 60 years. Sometimes they are just too nosey and should stay out of other people’s relationships. Maybe, if they read this book, they would find out that their comments are wrong and no help at all. Sometimes their comments are cruel. This makes me remember more about the life that I had living with my Mother, the warden. They should stop trying to solve the puzzle, without all of the pieces.

On my Father’s side of the family, His Mother died in 1947, he was 25, and her favorite. He finally had to grow up, but my Father ended up having 2 women in 2 different countries pregnant at the same time, before his mother died. My Mother got pregnant so he would marry her instead of going to Germany and marry another.

A few years before his death, my Father was sent to the hospital after he collapsed at home. He had internal bleeding, that could have caused his death, My Mother did not allow me to see him, I was banned as a visitor. When he dies later, I was not allowed to attend his funeral. I was given no Inheritance after both of my parents had died.

My maternal Grandfather had inappropriate contact with others. This may explain somethings about my Mother, but this can’t excuse her for what she had done to me and my brothers.

I was the only one in my family that got married, without having children in the mix, or any on the way.

Issues continue at the nursing home (2015)… I was cleared of all possible charges, But I was still forbidden to visit my wife in the nursing home, I found out that my Daughter’s future Father-in-Law was admitted in same place, and was expected to die within a year. If they are planning a wedding before he dies, and holding it in the nursing home, I can’t be there to give her away ... evil abounds, The nursing home does not want what it was doing wrong exposed.

The workers at the home will not back down - New Exec Director is used me as a scapegoat to put fear in other workers. It’s so wrong, They started this by not controlling 2 residents, and not giving me any personal space when I was sharing meal time with my wife. Exec Director is trying to protect her image, But her house of cards can collapse. Their incompetence care, left my wife to suffer issues for the rest of her life. She needs hip surgery, but can’t get it due to the home’s lack of proper care and their failure to follow doctor’s given orders.

The cost was $50 a month rent for the house I lived in back in 1975. I used actual Food Stamps - Plastic coins and multicolored money, this began my Little House on the Prairie Days.

I had No visitors many times, while I was in the hospital,Its Just like my wife now, She has no visitors where she is today, only me.

I am still banned from a nursing home, even thou the Police report clears me of any wrong. (I moved her before end of the year)

My Paternal Grandfather, before he left after a visit, stopped his Buick behind the lilac bush, next to driveway in yard, As kids we would run up to his car and when mother was out of view, He would hand each one of us kids a dollar bill, we could not risk coins as they made noise. We hid the money and it was the only way this would work. When I saw my Uncle at the Co-op, (fathers twin) He would give us a quarter or two. had one for each pocket.

My Mother would take away any money that we got for our birthdays and spent it on things she wanted us to have. We were not given the chance, as other kids, to make mistakes and learn how to handle money ... we had to learn from the dollar bill gifts from our Paternal grandfather.

When My child died in 1991, I had him placed next to my Aunt, My Godmother. The county rules wanted to place him in another cemetery, and away from relatives.

I got it the worst of all, among all 4 kids. I could never join military. I was never allowed be a Boy Scouts or Cub Scout, or join any team activity. They wanted to hide the evidence of their sins.

I was never allowed to be involved in school sports past grade 6, I only played basketball in grades 5 & 6, my parents were still scared that someone would find out about their dirty secret of 7/28/1953.

I have had 4 bad bicycle accidents, in 1960, I could not see the stop sign, as I rode east on my way to Vacation Bible School. I hit a station wagon, spent 2 days in Lake View Hospital but needed more, parents took me out early so the staff could not discover what happened on way back in 1953.

1963, I broke the bicycle chain while applying my brake and crashed going down hill road next to Hendrickson Hill. I needed emergency care given by crew building South Side Hospital.

Later in the ‘60s, a woman opened a car door, without looking, while in front of Professional Building that was downtown. I hit the door and went over the top of it.

4th time was in early ‘70’s, when I was heading west on Mc Arthur and was stopping for stop sign, I was hit from behind by another car (VW) the driver was another student from Lincoln High.

I had 3 bad traffic accidents, none were my fault, or the driver of the truck I was in. 1st time was at corner of 6th and Marsh st., when a fuel oil truck ran the stop sign, I ended up behind the front window, and on top of the dash board. There was 5 passengers in our truck. There were no seatbelts in our truck.

The 2nd accident, I was hit head on when I was making a turn on a corner, the other driver cut the corner and hit my van.

The 3rd was on 2/21/2015, when a 16 yr old failed to yield and totalled my van, out by the New Mall. This accident took away over half of my hearing and I am now partly deaf today, and will never recover. I spent over 4 or 5 hours in ER, injured my back during this accident.

2 times, issues with 2 people with guns came up. 1st time was in 1960, when 2 escaped convicts from out of state, came to house to steal our truck. My Father would not give them the keys. They pistol whipped him, then he runs across living room floor and jumps through a double pane window like superman, and runs off into the trees, in our back yard and hides. My second oldest brother, came out of bedroom into hall, while they were there. The convicts move in on him, my Mother then throws keys to them for the truck, they leave and attempt to start the truck, to steal it. But they don’t know how to start the truck with a choke. They ran off and later were arrested.

The 2nd time with guns occurred on 2/21/79, They thought I was armed and came with rifles to check it out.

I had a house fire on Dec 2,1990, it started in the bathroom area, I had to get my pregnant wife and 4 year old son, out of the house. The house was considered a total loss.

Our 2nd Child was born 3 months later, and dies the same day, 3/13/91. The only time My wife and I held our baby, it was already a cadaver. Our 4 year old saw his brother, and ran and hid in corner of hospital room. I had to call my Father in law, when he hears the news, he drops the phone. I called my Mother and told her, first time I heard her cry in 31 years. Back when her father died in 1960, but soon my Mother was back to the way, that she was. I had 6, 1971 classmates, that helped with funeral expenses. County Services paid the rest, it was $660. Our Son was buried next to my aunt, my Godmother, This saved the cemetery cost. Only 1 photo of this child exists, He was our second born Son.

I can’t find a photo that exists of Me until I am over 3 years old, my Mother destroyed every baby photo that they had. Every brother has a baby picture, but me. My oldest brother is holding a white rabbit. The next oldest is holding a Ball, then the next one is laying on his back, while on the floor. But None of mine exist. My Mother even went to Aunt’s house and searched in her photo books, and destroyed many photos. All to hide the evidence from 1953. My oldest brother was effected for the rest of his life because of this, he was only 6 years old, at the time.

My Mother was like a KGB agent, When I went to the hospital in 1975, she had a friend there. This nosey switchboard worker, called my mother, as soon as my name came up on the patient list.

When I moved to a new location in 1983, My mother had a relative that reported to her where it was that I moved to. My mother only visited my place once. It was the fall of 1986. She visited with my father that day, and never came again.

It took decades to find the real truth told by my medical history reports, and uncover my Parent’s ‘dirty secrets’, some facts were not known until 2005. My body is like a jigsaw puzzle, with a few pieces gone and other parts are out of place.

I can remember when I talked to a highschool girl, she was older than I was, over the phone. We talked several times. When my mother found out, I had to find a way to end the calls and place no blame on the girl. My mother started to get nosey around her father. I then realized that I could not end up like my brothers. She would call their girl friends at times and get information and sometimes using what she learned to her advantage. I could not see her doing that to me. I did learn a few things about others this way. I learned that others, even thou they were a single child and the opposite sex, could have a normal life without living in pain, and were actually wanted by both parents.

It amazed me how many times I was demanded to do a perfect job, when involved in painting cars. But with my inabilities, I could not do it. I got punished for it, but it was my parents fault that caused me to be that way. I got punished again because I was not ‘good enough’ to do the job correctly. I could not know if my work was correctly done. It would be compared to having a deaf person being asked what Beatle song that they liked best, or picking what instrument Pete Best played in the band.

Everyone in my family, was interested in cars or motorcycles, except me. Being a grease monkey or hog wild over a Harley, was not interesting to me. My interests led me to the TV. How the program was made and sent to your TV set at home. My knowledge in this area helped me stay a step ahead of the ‘at home Warden’.

I tripped up my own mother. When I said that I was getting married, I brought my wife to be, to their house. My mother was in slight shock, she expected someone else would be with me. My bride to be, was someone that she did not know who it was. All of her plans and schemes ended up for nothing. I finally broke her control and her power. I was marrying a stranger to her and she could do nothing. The weird thing about this is, my future Mother in Law and my Mother were alike in a few ways. Both controlled the house by harming others. My mother would twist our arms behind out backs, over and over. My mother in law liked to smack the back of the hands of my wife, with a wooden spoon, over and over. But both of them, My Mother and Mother in law, tied their oldest child to a railing or pipe outside their house, using a leash or a rope. Both mothers treated their child like a pet dog. The biggest difference between the two is money. My Mother was like Mrs. Scrooge, My Mother in law gave me things that I would never expect at all. The 1985 trip to California, my Mother in law, paid my round trip airfare costs. My Sister in law, and her Husband, provided free room and board. I never could imagine taking a 10 day trip for 2, all the way to the west coast, and only paying a third of the cost. As for my parents, they would not give a bum, the time of day. Their money was theirs. I should say, their money was my Mothers.

I remember the fun times on the trip to California, I wish I could forget the hell that I faced when growing up, but I can’t. I remembered it so that I would not repeat it to my own children. I never ended up as a Warden, like my Mother was. Others outside the house each had a small part to play, Together, they provided me a different path that I could follow.

My Father and Father in Law, both said the same thing to all of their male offspring… You are an A-Hole and will never amount to anything. My Father would add, when you get 18, get the hell out and don’t come back. Her Father was not like mine, Her Father provided some money so we had a bigger down payment back in 1983. My Father became a Mr. Cheapskate, a perfect match to my Mother. Mr & Mrs Cheapskate, I knew what it was like, to be a ‘Tiny Tim’, It was strange to see the matches between both sides of the families. My Sister in Law and I, are the youngest in each family. Both of us, where the ones that needed the most medical attention in our lives, Both of us spent long stays in the hospital. Strange fact, I spent my care at Lake View Hospital in Pine Valley. My future Sister in Law came for care at South Hospital on Highway 3, Pine Valley WI. My future wife, and her family came many times to the South Side Hospital. It was just across the street where I was growing up. The red brick house, hidden away in the trees. Who knew how many times that our families crossed paths decades before. Her family lived in the next eastern County, from where I lived, it was over 65 miles away.

I can recall over 100 more stories, Its like opening door after door, going down more than 6 decades of time. I can recall sneaking into the local race track a few times. 1 saw a movie twice but only paying 1 admission.

When I was in Junior High, I never assumed that I was going to graduate based on my health issues. I never saw the future as other students did. I saw at times, my future fading into the darkness. My life would turn into an episode of the Twilight Zone.

I was like other kids in my hometown, To get on the local children’s TV show, The Marshall Burt Show. This was sponsored by local places. I thought that this would be my only chance to be in the spotlight. After all, I did get chosen to play musical chairs. Talking to the ‘Old Western Host’ on TV, made me the center stage highlight for the moment. 50 years later, I would talk to ‘The Retired Cowboy’ day after day. Somehow, He remembered me after 50 years, just as I remembered him. I did get more chances to be on TV. It was something that I never thought that would happen to me at all. It was not part of my life’s dream. It was a surprise bonus. I really never thought that I could even get tickets to the show. But, I got 4 tickets and used 2 of them to take other classmates on the show with me. During the Ruff and Reddy cartoons, my brain photographed the studio at this local TV station, I recall it all, and the man that came from Iowa to be Marshall Burt. Memories of him, will last a lifetime.

Walking the trails on the west side of Oyster Creek, was another place where I enjoyed getting away from others and exploring nature. But this place had a double trouble, as I found out later. Over 50 years before, A man walked from his house along Fairway St and was carrying a rifle. He spotted 2 teens together at the mouth of Oyster Creek where it ends at the Clear Water river. The boyfriend tried to protect his girlfriend. He gets shot and his body is dumped in the river, she later is killed and the same fate ended her life. The Police did find the killer, but this event leaves a bad memory as 2 innocent teens died. Another event was decades ago, when kids started a fire and part of the woods burned. What was a peaceful place for me was ended. Another event out of here was somebody found a few thousand dollars in a container, this money came from a crime. Oyster Creek had given up its mystery, after decades of time had passed.

I recall going to explore the old lumber mill site, at the SE end of Oxbow Lake. exploring all the old concrete before they knocked the walls down. This place went back over a century.

I went many times to the ridge behind 11th St. The Devil’s Chair, walking on the stone wall, and finding the ‘bear caves’. Back in the 60’s there was a meadow with wild flowers, to the west of the hill top.

I can remember that I bought ice cream, by the half gallon. I used the dollar bill that my Grandfather had given me. I hid the ice cream in the freezer, that was in the basement. It was full of homemade bread at times, so hiding my stash was easy. My brothers brought in their own treats as well.

Thinking back to the 1960’s, going over to an uncle’s house. I recall a few times during the fall, Having 2 doll carrier cousins that lived there. These 2 Buckaroos wanted to play ‘house’ in the back yard. They would use leaves and make a floor plan on the grass by rows of leaves. This ended up looking like a blueprint floor plan. They would then pretend being a mother to some various sized soundless replicas of themselves, calling them Reba and Patty. This fall activity was fun for them, but later I wanted to explore the ridge behind the house and find the ‘Devil’s Chair’. I recall that when I went over to the house in the winter, Their older brother had an igloo built in the back yard. I was large enough to get 4 of us into it. Used a candle for light, It was warmer inside and no cold wind. It was something that nobody else had. It was made by hand and lasted for months. The doll draggers had the back yard in the fall, But winter, It was the guys ‘Chilly Willy’ looking Igloo. During summers, the gang of relatives would walk down to Oxbow Beach, taking a shortcut not far from KBIZ. This place had a slide, large dock, and a raft.

I can recall a place where my youngest Uncle lived, off highway 11t. There was a treehouse built behind the house. Spent many times out there.

Year after year, Kids would turn the Wilson Park fountain into Soap Bubble geyser .. This is the one that is downtown. One of my brothers would find this style of prank, interesting and not out of his possibility.

My cousins, that lived in Husky country, Had a backyard pool. this was behind the garage and lasted for a few years. My cousin, that lived there, She had a portable TV in her room. Her Mother’s bedroom, had at one time, a TV that was set back into a wall.

I recall that I had a smaller metal pool in the back yard. My next oldest brother and his friend Mark. tried to throw each other into the water, but fell on to the side of it and the pool collapsed. This was next to the willow tree that was in the back yard.

After I moved from Highway 3 to a house out in the country.. I was going to the races out on Hw 10, by riding my bike to get there. When I can back, I rode back with a friend of mine, He also rode a bike to get there. But I would ride back to the Highway 3 house with him. After he left to go to his place in Westville, I would wait a few minutes, and then leave to go west on Highway 3. I would see him when he turned off Highway 3. Then I would head north and on my way to my house, that was out of town. Then I headed west to where I lived. He did not know for awhile that I actually moved away from the red brick house, complete with it’s own ‘Warden’.

When I was under 9, if I ‘soiled’ my underwear by having a mishap. My mother at times, would rub my face in it. This happened many times over a few years. This was another hell on earth.

Everything in my life, seemed like another challenge. My life never could be normal after July 1953. Simple things that other kids could do was not so easy for me, Some things would be impossible. I always was looking for ways to blend in. But at times, even that was impossible.

Simple things is life for others is an issue for me. I was walking down the hall and ready to take a 90 degree turn to walk to the exit door. While I was making the turn, 2 others almost ran into me. Why do people with normal sight and hearing always seem to cut corners when walking in hallways. They should never assume that the other person can do the things that they do. I almost was hit twice. I was next to the wall and tried to take a sharp turn, but they cut across the corner like they own the entire hall. A driver,caused an accident that destroyed my 1985 van, cut a corner so much that when he hit my van, I ended up partly off the right side of the road. Now people in the halls are cutting corners so much that it risks harm to others. Why is it that people with 2 good eyes act as if they are more blind than I am ?. I have a reason if I can’t do things that they can do. What is their reason for acting as if they are as blind as I am ?. I can’t do things that they can do, But they act as if they want to act worse that me. People, stop cutting corners in the hallways and on the highways. Handicapped people have enough to deal with, don’t add another road block to their daily walk of life.

I have the some of the same issue as others do, Children that do not want to spend time, or visit, with their parents. I was given thousands of reasons for not visiting my parents. The main ones were, get the hell out and don’t come back, if you have children don’t expect us to take care of them, and don’t call us for anything. I never treated my kids that way, but the results look the same. Another thing that if it happened in others lives, it happens in mine.

Writing positive stories are hard for me to do. Fewer good things happened that the bad things. I can remember what one of my brothers said. He said that life for him was better at reform school, than living at home. If I included stories that had my brothers as lead, I would have to make a set of 5 volumes. plus the 6th, Parents,their early Years. Every time I try to remember the positive, I remember more of the negative. I can now recall being punished many times. My father used a belt and hit me with it over and over. I also can recall that as a family of 6, we never sat at the same table at home, for meals. 17 years and never had the event at home. My father used the sofa as his place to eat, drink, and take naps. I can only remember sitting as a complete family, of six, when eating at a relatives house. The sofa was also his, at home bar stool. The cigarette burns on the hardwood floor become a testimony to this. We had a half acre field to play football and baseball, but I can’t remember a single time that my father was part of playing in any of the games, But, he was always the first to be a ‘Straw Boss’ with a beer in his hand.

When it