Deepening Your Marriage: Applying Marriage to the Truths of I Corinthians 13

By Jilene Scherbenske

No matter how good a marriage is, it must keep on growing if it is to remain happy and fulfilling. This study takes the truths of I Corinthians 13 and applies them to the wifes relationship to her husband. Each chapter takes one thought, analyzes that thought, and then matches it up to Jesuss character. Finally, it puts those truths to work in your marriage in ways that become real, causing good marriages to be enriched and struggling marriages to be helped.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: May 30, 2017
• ISBN: 9781512788372

Jilene Scherbenske

Jilene has loved to study and meditate on scripture most of her adult life. Her joy for God’s Word has led her to conduct ladies’ Bible studies for over 30 years. She and her husband attend Eagles Heights Baptist Church in Kansas City, MO. They have been married for forty-five years and have three daughters, all of whom are serving in full time ministries with their husbands, and thirteen grandchildren. Jilene received her BSN from the University of North Dakota. After serving as a nurse for several years she became active in the church’s music ministry and has remained in that capacity for more than twenty-five years. Her greatest love is God’s Word.

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Copyright © 2017 Jilene Scherbenske.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-8838-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-8839-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-8837-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017908063

WestBow Press rev. date: 5/25/2017

Contents

Preface

1.  Though I speak with the tongues

—1 Corinthians 13:1

2.  And though I have the gift of prophecy

—1 Corinthians 13:2

3.  And though I bestow all by goods

—1 Corinthians 13:3

4.  Charity suffereth long

—1 Corinthians 13:4a

5.  And is kind

—1 Corinthians 13:4b

6.  Envieth not

—1 Corinthians 13:4c

7.  Vaunteth not itself

—1 Corinthians 13:4d

8.  Is not puffed up

—1 Corinthians 13:4e

9.  Doth not behave itself unseemly

—1 Corinthians 13:5a

10. Seeketh not her own

—1 Corinthians 13:5b

11. Is not easily provoked

—1 Corinthians 13:5c

12. Thinketh no evil

—1 Corinthians 13:5d

13. Rejoiceth not in iniquity; but rejoiceth in the truth

—1 Corinthians 13:6

14. Beareth all things

—1 Corinthians 13:7a

15. Believeth all things

—1 Corinthians 13:7b

16. Hopeth all things

—1 Corinthians 13:7c

17. Endureth all things

—1 Corinthians 13:7d

18. Charity never faileth

—1 Corinthians 13:8

19. For we know in part

—1 Corinthians 13:9–10

20. When I spake as a child

—1 Corinthians 13:11

21. For now we see through a glass, darkly

—1 Corinthians 13:12

22. And now abideth faith, hope, charity

—1 Corinthians 13:13

Appendix

A.  Characteristics of One Who Acts Seemly

B.  Provoking God

Preface

This book is written to all married women. It is a help for those marriages that are in trouble, but it is also a source of refreshment to those who have good marriages. As with any area of our lives where we are seeking to be more Christlike, we will never totally arrive until we reach heaven. Therefore, I believe good marriages need constant attention. As wives, we should be always seeking for ways in which we can enrich our relationship with our husbands.

God tells us in Titus 2:4 that we are to love our husbands. I find no better pattern for how to do that than is laid out in 1 Corinthians 13. It is such a familiar chapter, one of the hallmarks of the Bible, but putting it into practice is perhaps much less familiar to us. Each chapter begins with a general teaching on that portion of scripture and then relates it to marriage. Since 1 Corinthians 13 is a description of Jesus, a third section presents the example of Christ in that attribute. Each chapter ends with suggestions for how to apply the truth presented to one’s marriage.

My heart aches when women talk about their relationship with their husbands, for I seldom hear cheerful comments. This world and all of its deception has made us focus on one thing—our selves, which results in a very unhealthy relationship in the marriage. Today’s philosophies have taught us that if things don’t come easy, just give up, and thus we have the divorce rate that we have today. Seldom do I hear of a woman who is looking forward to her husband being around once he retires! Marriage is often the subject of negative jokes. Something is wrong with this picture! In God’s eyes, marriage is a sacred covenant meant to be taken very seriously. In the Old Testament, God commanded that a man remain home for an entire year after he was married so he could get to know his wife. So serious is this covenant to God that He desires that it never be broken.

I did not write this study to be published at first. It was simply meeting a need I saw in a group of neighbor women who had been won to the Lord. After studying the gospel of John, I saw a need to teach these new converts how to love their husbands. This book is the outcome of that study. Later, as I began to teach women in our church, I used this study and was told that it greatly enriched the marriages of those who had even been married for several years. It was their encouragement that made me consider publishing.

Using 1 Corinthians 13 as a guide for one’s marriage relationship is a real eye-opener. For the newly married, it becomes a rich counsel to follow; for the older woman, it becomes a measuring tool that reveals areas needed for improvement. I myself was humbled by this study and amazed at the wealth of teaching it afforded just in this one area. It is a measuring tool that needs to be reviewed continually so we will be careful to not forget any of its instruction.

I thank those who have encouraged me to publish. It is my great desire that it will be used as an aid to enrich marriages as well as individual lives. May it glorify the Lord by helping produce marriages that are more connected, more loving, and less self-focused.

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Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

—1 Corinthians 13:1

Eros is the Greek word for love of an adorable object, and it is a term especially used for the love between man and woman. Phileo is the Greek word that refers to the love between friends. Agape speaks only of the kind of love that God possesses. It characterizes God Himself (for God is love—1 John 4:8). God shows us this love in the gift of His Son, Jesus (John 3:16). This is not mutual affection but rather the love Christ has shown us—which is undeserved and without thought of return. First Corinthians 13 is an entire chapter devoted to the description of a gape .

What is sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal? These have no lasting significance, will not affect the world tomorrow, and will only put the focus on oneself. Sometimes God gives wonderful talents—glorious talents. But if we use those talents to draw attention to ourselves and not point to Him, then those talents are empty—they have no lasting value. Our talents must flow out of a love for God—and not just an eros nor even a phileo love. The love through which our talents must come is that love that only God can produce. God lives within us, so out of us He can make His agape love to flow. If all we do and say comes from God’s love overflowing within us, then an impact will indeed be made; our talents and our entire being will honor and glorify God, and that will be our motivation—to please Him, not people. Then lives will be affected. It will have a staying effect. It will be remembered—not because we are so wonderful, but because God is so wonderful. I must get about the business of yielding every moment so His love can stream out of me and so He can use me to influence others for His honor and glory.

Marriage

Sometimes in my marriage I think I am right in an area. I know I have the world on my side—and even God on my side. I sound my horn and tinkle my cymbal. Indeed, I may be 100 percent right, but if I’m more concerned with being right than with displaying God’s love, I am dead wrong. When I approach my husband with a self-assured, presumptuous attitude, then I am not allowing God’s love to flow through me. God’s love never insists on being right. It does not argue.

The only way agape love can be displayed by me is by yielding to the Spirit that lives within me and by allowing Christ to love through me. Then I am walking in the Spirit, and that walk will never find me having a need to be right.

When I walk in the flesh, the flesh wishes to promote self. From this comes the urge to be right on an issue. When I walk thus, I do not—and cannot—convey agape love to my husband, my God-given authority. Walking in the Spirit so God’s love can flow through me is much more needful to my marriage.

Jesus: Our Example

For I have not spoken of myself; but the Father which sent me, he gave me a commandment, what I should say, and what I should speak. And I know that his commandment is life everlasting: whatsoever I speak therefore, even as the Father said unto me, so I speak.

—John 12:49–50

Unlike words that are spoken without agape love, Jesus’s words were not empty as is a tinkling cymbal. Philippians 2:16 calls the word of God the word of life, and so it is. Scripture is words from the Giver of Life—from the one who is the way, the truth, and the life! John 6:63 says, The words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life. Jesus’s words were always those of God the Father (John 14:24); they are never sounding brass or tinkling cymbals. Jesus’s words were never empty! They were always true; they were the words of eternity. Think about it: When it is the Godhead that we talk about, the subject is an always adverb! God is an always entity, and everything about Him is always (except for His judgment—it will not always be postponed). He is always loving, always wise, always present, always just …

Jesus’s words were life-giving. His words were gracious. As Luke 4:22 tells us, And all bare him witness, and wondered at the gracious words which proceeded out of his mouth. They were kind and merciful and compassionate and polite. We forget that we should be polite to our husbands. Polite words show respect and lift up our husbands. Kind words do the same and will make our husbands want to be around us. Have you ever had someone respond kindly to you when you knew you deserved his or her wrath? Wasn’t it like a cup of cool water—like something so welcoming?

On the other hand, have you ever been talking with someone and found yourself down once the conversation ended? If that happens repeatedly, do you find yourself avoiding that person? I do! So if we are continually speaking the words of a downer to our husbands, how do you think that makes them feel? Do you think it draws them to us? Does it make them look forward to coming home at night? Often our husbands have a certain habit that is irritating to us or not good for them. Sometimes they have something