Barber Shop Adult Jokes and Value-Laden Quotes: Laughter Is the Best Medicine

By Dr. Floyd E. McDowell Sr.

On the importance of adult jokes and laughter:

Some dictionary definitions of laughter are as follows: the general word for the sounds or exhalation made in expressing mirth, amusement, etc. and to feel or express joyousness.

I started collecting these adult jokes, brief bits of humor, and one-liners over seventy years ago while serving as a young enlisted man and officer in World War II and the Korean Conflict. As a young serviceman, I started collecting them as a hobby when I observed the one sure way to relieve the anxiety and tension of young men who didnt know if theyd be here tomorrow, or if so in one piece, was to hear and respond to a good adult joke. Later in graduate school, during a course in the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, I learned that laughter is one of the healthiest things you can do for your body.

After sharing this adult humor with a large number of family members and friends and receiving a resounding positive response from these recipients, I was motivated to write this book with the belief it would provide many healthy smiles and laughs to a much larger audience of adults.

I have thoroughly discovered this books subtitle, Laughter Is the Best Medicine, is indeed the most valid one that could be used.

Dr. Floyd E. McDowell Sr.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 16, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524500986

Dr. Floyd E. McDowell Sr.

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Copyright © 2016 by Dr. Floyd E. McDowell, Sr.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2016907974

ISBN:   Hardcover   978-1-5245-0100-6

Softcover   978-1-5245-0099-3

eBook   978-1-5245-0098-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the

product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance

to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 06/15/2016

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CONTENTS

Author's Preface Statements

Adult Jokes and Brief Bits of Humor

Value-Laden Quotes

AUTHOR'S PREFACE STATEMENTS

I started collecting adult jokes as a hobby during my service in World War Two and the Korean Conflict as a young enlisted man and officer. I observed that one sure way to relieve the anxiety and tension of young men who didn't know if they'd be here tomorrow, or in one piece, was to hear and respond to a good joke. Later in life, in a graduate course in the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, I learned that laughter is one of the healthiest things we can do for our bodies. As I added to my joke collection, the key places to pick up new, hilarious ones was in men's Barber Shops. As I now approach 90, I still add to my collection with every visit to my barber shop or in other settings. If you pass a men's Barber Shop and hear laughter from within, know that someone has shared a good one. Laughter has been properly called The Best Medicine.

I have shared many of the jokes in this publication with family members and friends on a monthly basis with continuous positive feedback from an ever-growing list of recipients. This response motivated me to share my joke collection to a wider audience of adults in the interest of more healthier smiles and laughter. The vast majority of the 380 jokes, brief bits of humor and one-liners in this publication are not appropriate to share with young persons or at events like a Sunday School picnic. My wish is that you will share them with your adult family members and friends who I believe will receive healthy smiles and laughter benefits from them.

The book section providing some brief and more lengthy quotations are hopefully read, understood and internalized. If so, I believe they will help improve one's quality of life. Whether we're surfing on the peaks of elation or dredging in the depths of painful misery, these quotations are examples of wisdom that will be very helpful in utilizing the apt quotation And this, too, shall pass.

Dr. Floyd E. McDowell, Sr.

This list is not arranged in any order of categories, but randomly presented as jokes, brief bits of humor and one-liners were obtained. The vast majority of items on this list are not to be shared with our young ones or at an event like a Sunday School picnic.

An old couple of 90 had been married for 70 years. All of a sudden the old man died. His grandson came over and asked, Grandma, how did Grandpa die? She replied, Son, I'll have to admit it was while we were having sex. Grandma, how could that be? You're both 90 years old! Son, we lived a healthy, clean life and we found out, that if we wanted to, we could have sex each Sunday morning. We always did it safe, slow and careful and always in rhythm with the church bells. Ding...Dong...Ding...Dong and DAMNIT, he'd still be alive if that ice cream truck hadn't come by!

This woman lived in the Appalachian Mountains in the 1850's. She had a baby. She didn't live near a church. So she wrote the Circuit Riding Minister as follows: Sir, I know you come into our territory. Next time here, please come by our home, sprinkle and baptize my new born a Methodist. He wrote back and gave the date he would be at her house. He further asked, Be sure and have the baby ready at 10 AM sharp on that day as I'll be on a tight schedule. At five minutes to ten on the day the Minister was to arrive, she looked around the house and found no water. She grabbed a bucket and ran down the hill to the Spring House to get water. When she returned, her older daughter informed her, Preacher came by and baptized the baby. What'd he use? He reached under the bed and pulled out that pail underneath. Oh, my God, he's done baptized my baby a Piss-co-pail-yun!

A woman goes in a Bar with her French poodle. A drunk man looks over and asks, Where'd you get this pig? She replied, I'll have you know this is a registered French poodle! He answers, I was talking to the dog.

Joe was a young man who worked in a fireworks factory. There was a terrible explosion and Joe lost his private parts. Rushed to a nearby University Hospital, the bleeding was stopped. A Surgeon came in his room and said, Son, you have the bad news. The really good news is that we're the top research center in the nation to replace what you've lost. In about fifteen minutes a Nurse will come in with a booklet showing the many attachments you can choose from. Choose one, we'll operate in the morning and you'll be fine. As he started to walk away, he turned and said, Oh, we have a new attachment not in the booklet. It's the trunk of a small elephant. It works really well and will give you the best stream in town. Joe replied, Doc, don't send the Nurse in. I want that elephant trunk. The operation was a success. Joe recuperated and was released from the hospital. First evening out he took his girl-friend to a restaurant for a meal. The waiter came, took their order and left water, butter and hard rolls on the table. All of a sudden, Joe feels this movement in his trousers. His new attachment comes up over his belt buckle, reaches up on the table, grabs a hard roll and disappears. His girl-friend excitedly says, My God, Joey, I am impressed. Can you do that again? Ashen-faced and stuttering, Joe replied, I-I th-think so but I don't think my rear end can stand another hard roll!

An old rabbit who controlled his territory was losing his sight and could hardly see. He still went out each night looking for the special white spot on the rear of female rabbits. As he hopped around he would hit these white spots and say, Biff, Bam, Thank you, Mam. One night he was hopping through a cemetery. He saw this big white spot, a tombstone, became very excited, hit it and wailed, Biff, Bam, Hot Damn!

This very old couple was very religious. Went to church every Sunday, first ones there and always sat on the front row. He was ten years older than his wife. He developed a habit of going to sleep during the sermon. Worse yet, he would start snoring loudly. She was able to hit him in his ribs with her elbow but that didn't wake him up anymore. This Sunday she put a hat pin in her bag to jab him in the rump to wake him up. The Minister had a sermon delivery method in which, during his sermon, he would ask two questions of the congregation and expected someone to answer each question. Came his first question which was, And who came to earth and gave his life so we could all be saved? She had to jab him. He yelled out, Jesus Christ! The Minister pointed down at him and said, Amen, Mr. Jones. Came time to ask the congregation his second question, What did Eve say to Adam after she had borne him his ninety eighth child? She had to jab him again. He yelled out, If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your rear! And ALL the women in the congregation pointed at him and said in unison, Amen, Mr. Jones!

Why is taking a viagra tablet like a trip to Disney World? You wait thirty minutes for a four minute ride.

This young woman advertised in a Lonely Hearts publication she wanted to meet a man who wouldn't hit her, wouldn't run away from