Telzia’S Thoughts Through Tests, Trials, Tribulations, and Resisting Temptations

By Telzia Thomas

After a long battle with substance abuse, Telzia Thomas was blessed to find someone who believed in her and led her to the twelve-step program that set her free from a self-made prison. Telzia did not know, however, that her problems were far from over, as she was soon forced to grieve the loss of her mother and big brother, John, to battles with cancer.

She mourned their absence, but more pain was yet to come when her husband fell ill with the same terrible disease. This tough time inspired Telzia to put her pain on the page, and so grew this honest, sometimes heartbreaking poetry collection, written in commemoration, but also as an uplifting tool to those going through similar misfortune.

Caring for her daughter, a child with disabilities, opened Telzias eyes to all the amazing things her child was capable ofand that God was capable of, too. She eventually found the silence that allowed her to walk with Jesus and find peace away from the anticipation of death. Through turmoil, she found her closest friend: God the Father.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: May 31, 2016
• ISBN: 9781491796498

Telzia Thomas

Telzia Thomas is the youngest of her siblings. She has one biological daughter who is severely challenged with limited abilities. She has always loved to care for others and has touched the minds, souls, and hearts of many.

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Copyright © 2016 Telzia Thomas.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-4917-9650-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-0391-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-9649-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016908939

iUniverse rev. date: 08/01/2016

Contents

Introduction

Word of Thanks

Avoid Depression

Only God Gives the Increase

Please Let Your Tears Grasp This Understanding

Stay in the Middle of Your Square

Heavenly Father, Please Help Me to Let Go

What Is Your Purpose? Do You Know?

Beautiful Skies Mixed with the Love from the Black Butterfly

Your Final Womb Resulted from Choices You Made in Womb Three

The Angels Question a Believer and a Nonbeliever

To Die in Christ Is Gain

Cancer

The Final Graduation— A White Gown and a Gold Crown

She Has Taught Me to View Things with a Spiritual Eye

It Grieved His Heart

Feel Me, My Sister

The Message of the Hand

Thomas Carried Quiet Pain While Being a Vietnam Vet

Thank You, God, for Cleaning Me Up

Respect Me Because I Am Your Beautiful Queen

I’m Coming Back. Will You Be Ready?

Think

Marriage Vows

Dear Creator of All Creation, Sometimes I Just Get Tired

Then You Will Have Dined with the Creator of Life

Give Me Your Finger and Don’t Remove This Ring

Then God and I Began to Talk

Understand Myself

The Family That Did Reunite

Aftermath of Hurricane Isabelle

The Silence Will Become Loud

Is It True Love That You’re Giving?

A Sister Sharing with You

What is a SPONSOR?

Maybe God Is Trying To Tell You Something

To Thine Own Self Be True-Yet Escape Ignorance

What a Man Wants

It Was an Honor and a Privilege to Share Your Tears

My Soul Sitting Upon the Cliff

To YOU,

That You Will Always Out Wait Me

To: Laverne

???

Bonita

The Planter Who Also Waters the Seeds

Why the Feelings Self

I’m Glad You Remember My Id Number

The 60’s that a Sister Still Holds In The 21st Century

A Moment to Remember

Give Me Your Finger and Don’t Remove This Ring

Allow Patience to Have Her Beauty

From The Beginning of Time

The True Giver of Love Gives Without Questioning

He Will Be Missed but Not Forgotten

Five plus Five Equals Ten- Now You Make the Choice

Who Was Worse

Learned Behavior That Must Be Unlearned

Happiness That Is True

I Must Wait While Not Knowing What the Outcome Will Be

It Is Not/ It Is

Did Our Ancestors Labor In Vain?

Once the Pain Is Gone Then What

Feelings and Emotions

Question

Not Alone, nor Lonely yet Feeling by Myself

Trying to Think for Another

Christmas Poem 2001

Tarsha Monique

Sensitive Rain

Something to Think About

Over Standing

The Silence Will Become Loud

Holding On Through the Pain

He Never Explained What He Saw But the Vision Told Me First

The Presence of God and His Angels

Now You Know What You Are To Me

Who Are You ?

Answers

Peace I Leave With You

When I Turned the M in Me Upside Down to Equal We

What a Mother Is To a Child

Poem Written By Telzia Hargraves In 1985

Keeping Hope Alive

Inner Love

The Flow of Water

God Is It Your Will That I Get An Understanding?

In The Valley and On the Mountain

Okay to Bend

God Touched My Centered Gut

Once Your Spirit Is Reconnected With Its CREATOR

The Year Slowly Grew Quiet

What a Man Wants

Why Ask For Help? Then Tell Help How To Help You

Listen

You Couldn’t Find Love Because You Forgot To Look Inside Of You

Respect

Respect My Silence Please

Excuses

Repent And Practice Not Portraying Un-Spiritual Behavior

To Thine Own Self Be True

God Will Do

The Natural Me- Please Let Me See

Uncomfortable Situations

Two Requests from Love

Sit Still and Let Jesus Use You

To All Cancer Survivors

The Lighted Path by the Moon

The Fog Did Not Stop the View

I Thought That I Was the Only One, To Do the Job Right

While Rising Through the Pain

THE SECRET OF THE ROSE

What a mother is to a child

Leave a Believers Belief to Believe What He Believes

Hit Your Emotions Deep Within

A New Morning

The Wind, Rain and the Sun

The Deep Sea of Love

A Closer Walk with God

The Moves Of You I AM THAT I AM

A Cry for Unity

When It Is Done In a Spiritual Manner Then God Receives the Glory

Join and believe in the power of THE ALMIGHTY God through EMMANUEL JESUS

Conversation of Truth

Mounting up on the wings of the eagle (Spiritual warfare-Keep on trucking )

Mountain View of Your Valley Low

I Will Press on Toward the Mark Regardless of the Tribulation

We Truly Love You

With All Thy Getting Get an Understanding

Abba Father

Caught Up In Time Doing a Bid

The Beauty of the Spiritual Transition

Down On Your Knees

Understanding Spiritual Principles

It’s God Speed

Jehovah Knows That

A letter from god

To Receive Eternal Life Spiritually- Physical Life Must Come To an End

God Built Me Up!! Only Jesus Can Break Me Down

Will I?

Emotional Grip

The Marks Upon My Body, Did You Know They Were For You?

What I Didn’t and Probably Could Not Have Done For Myself

God I Know You Hear Me. Please Show Me How to Let Go

9 Steps to HEALTHY planting :

The eyes are a lamp unto thy feet

Where Do I Belong

Silence

Why Every Time I Tried To Love You, You Pushed Me Further Away

What Will You Do If God Sent Jesus for You Today

Feeling the Pain of Past and Letting It Go

The Creator Of Creation Gave Us A Choice, What Will We Choose ?

What We May Be Throwing Out

The Human Race

Unless That Individual Asks For My Input

A Thankful Heart

The Mountain Tops and the Valley Lows

Principles before Personalities

Creator

Self Deception

The State Which Has Seven Cities

Treading Through Your Trials

The Reflection Of You And Me

Mounting Up On the Wings of the Eagle (Spiritual Warfare-Keep on Trucking )

TEARS, That Tissue Can’t Wipe-They Can Only Be Dried With UNDERSTANDING!

What Happened?

They Taught, We Listened, We Learned-Yet Never Understood

Prayer after 2001 Attack on America

Tell Me Lord What Is It That I Must Do?

Understanding Feelings

The Trials That Life Uses To Teach Lessons

Feel My Inner Questioning

Power

Persevering in spite of my illness

I Now Want To Further My Education

Where Do I Belong

You Know When You Have Talked Too Much

Emotional Eruption

Which University Are You Enrolled In?

May these writings enter into your ears and pass through to lift your emotions. May they breeze through the clouds you may have in your mind and leave a refreshed path where you may have stopped in your tracks; May they lift your spirit to take your next step.

—Telzia

Introduction

The introduction to this piece is in honor of Jesus being a friend to me, Telzia!

Telzia is sweet and not too full of flavor for sweetness at times. Yet in her times of sourness, she has placed the sour aside to put forth a hand of love to others who are in need.

Please read these pages with the understanding of who you are to yourself.

Enjoy.

Word of Thanks

I would like to give thanks to the following people who gave inspirational jump starts with their words of encouragement as I embarked upon the keys to stroke the words of my deepest emotions. I appreciate both the ill acts of misunderstanding and the strong pushes of love with excitement …

My mother, Mary Louise Wagner Anderson, for allowing me to be a part within her womb walls and grow and for her strength of pushing until I exited her womb and breathed my first breath and cried my first cry. May her soul rest in peace.

My father, who was an active participant in my being prepared to arrive on earth. May his soul rest in peace.

My previous husband, who gave all he had in being by my side and was diagnosed with cancer. He departed and was released from his earthly labor December 30, 2005, and this book is my grieving process through his struggle. May his soul rest in peace.

My precious jewel daughter, Valentine Miracle, who gave me the utmost definition of perseverance as I cared for her and watched her take life by the horns and spread love, even with her being deaf, mute, epileptic, bipolar, and diabetic and having infantile cerebral palsy, moderate mental retardation, and schizophrenia. She gave a holy twist to handicapped and disability.

My blood relatives and my many spiritual children. My loving California godmother, whose prayers are forever etched in my spirit.

To the state of Maryland and the Newport News Department of Social Services for caring for my handicapped child when I could not because of substance abuse.

To all those who stand strong for anonymity! Thank you for loving me until I learned to love myself.

I would like to give a special thanks to West Corporation for allowing me to grow up and to be of service to their company from 1997 to 2006, which allowed me the opportunity to learn new skills and grow with new knowledge and sparked an interest that caused me to obtain a high school education twenty-seven years after dropping out of high school. I will always respect this company for allowing me to be all that I could be at the time I was learning me.

To Dr. Floyd McKinley Blackwell, former pastor of Miracle Temple in the city of Newport News, Virginia, for walking with God as God took me into a twelve-step program of recovery and through the acceptance and preparation of my former late husband, Mr. Kerry Timothy Hargraves’s, death and burial and approving my going into the ministry as a cloth worker.

My first bishop in the ministry, Bishop Alvin Valentine of Recovery Baptist Church, for being obedient to the call that was set upon his heart to place me in pastoral leadership, walking side by side with him, and for believing in the Gospel of Peace and seeing that I loved the Lord Jesus.

To Mr. and Mrs. Richard Gilliam for sharing his vision that became tangible and allowing me to come aboard, which taught me that it was I and not my daughter who had to grow up to release my hovering hold of her so that she could become her own individual.

To a very special, loving extended family, Mr. Anthony and Mala Wolfe, along with little Anthony, for being true to the blue people of God in many of my moments of stress.

And to my present, loving husband, Pastor William Thomas IV, who loves me as Christ loves the church and honors me as the weaker vessel with continual uplifting before the throne of grace and mercy. I love you, God-fearing man.

My now brother and sister ministry overseers Superintendent Sherman J. Watkins and Prophetess First Lady Sueleek Watkins and my God parents Mr. and Mrs. Steve Borrman and my Spiritual Parents Mr. and Mrs. Vaughn along with my church family all of New Beginnings Outreach Center (COGIC); they all at different levels in my life assisted God with guiding my feet to stay on the straight and narrow.

To my loving California God mother Charlestine who is my counselor and friend and catalyst when wanting to give a piece of my mind but, she guides me to stay in my fleshly heart. I love you California God mother.

Thank you to all those who are ultimate weapons and honor anonymity!

To the last, which is the first, and in my spirit, heart, mind, and soul, who taught me that he who is last will be made first. I hold you in deep respect and enjoy all our daily conversations. I don’t ever want to forget to say thank You to I AM THAT I AM

Avoid Depression

You consider yourself depressed; that’s when you’re suppressed, your spirit undressed.

As you dig deep into your soul, you come upon a hole

To release unwanted tension, only to mention

Love is on suspension and you need attention

For you to express all that unwanted stress, that is trying to tell you what you are not.

After all the accomplishments you’ve got,

I ask you, where did this feeling arise from?

Allowing you to feel so undone.

With the beauty I see, or is it just me?

I will tell you this. Go on very strong;

In the state of peace is where you belong.

Allow your heart to feel the presence of the Most High.

Remember it is on Him that you must rely. In the midst of your pain, hold your head high.

Do not dry your tears; go ahead and cry.

The cleansing of your soul will lift your spirit.

Then you will see your reward of merit.

Take to your thoughts; it’s not as bad as it seems.

Your flesh is only being weak and mean.

Now allow your strength to swim you upstream.

People love to see in your eyes that gleam

As the waters of love flow through your inner self,

Placing that feeling of depression on the shelf.

There’s a thing in life you must overcome.

Then you’ll take care of what must be done.

Take a deep breath. Someone does care; whenever you need me, I will be there. (4-16-01)

Only God Gives the Increase

When people are asked if they are saved, they answer no. Then what? That is when we are called to go out and make disciples of the people.

Question: Are you saved?

Answer: No.

Would you like to be saved?

Answer: I don’t know.

Question: Do you believe in God?

Answer: Yes I do. Of course there is a God.

Question: Do you know Jesus?

Answer: Silence.

How to continue on to save a soul:

I know that you may have been taught that in order to be saved you must clap your hands, stomp your feet, dance for the Lord, and go to church every Sunday. Well I am here to tell you it is not so!

All you must do is confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God came in the form of flesh in Jesus to this earth. Believe that he was born, lived, was crucified, hung, was placed and laid in a tomb, was resurrected on the third day, walked this earth for forty days and was seen and touched, then was taken into the clouds and now is seated at the right of God on the throne of God. As for the hand clapping, foot stomping, and dancing, don’t worry; it comes once you start thinking of the goodness of Jesus. The joy of the Lord takes over.

Question: Would you like to be saved?

Answer: Yes.

Repeat this prayer: Dear heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, I come before you to ask forgiveness of my sins past and present. I humbly ask you to draw me to you through your only begotten son, Jesus, so that he may dwell in my heart and I be used as a vessel of yours. Create in me a new spirit, renew my mind, order my steps in your word, and bridle my tongue whenever it’s not bringing edification to your church in Jesus Christ. See me through the blood of Jesus. Teach me your holy word as a guide in my new walk so that I can give you all the glory, honor, and praise. In Jesus’s name, I do believe that Jesus died for my sins, so that I could be free. In the precious name of Jesus. Amen.

Give the new covert some scriptures and keep in touch with them. One plants, another waters, but only God can give the increase.

Please Let Your Tears Grasp This Understanding

Now we had many years that our Heavenly Father allowed. My time has come for my hands to come from the plough.

I understand that you will miss me because I am now gone. Keep trusting Jesus in your heart, and we will meet in our heavenly home.

We both accepted him, so we will be temporarily apart, until Jesus raptures the church as planned from the very start.

Don’t think that you have much time on earth because that’s not true. See, you don’t choose him. It’s He who chooses you.

It may seem hard to walk in the straight and narrow way. The wide road is destructive and will lead to hell one day.

Yeah, I know these worldly goods you don’t want to leave, yet when you leave earth, the riches here are here indeed.

So learn to store your riches in heaven with our king. Treasures here on earth many times leave you with a sting.

Spend some time in quiet and be completely still, so when Jesus calls you, you will say yes and not chill.

I’ve already departed, so I can’t tell you what to do. If you don’t meet me in the rapture, I will be blue.

Or you can choose through the period of tribulation; that will be rough for nonbelievers with aggravation.

Think about this question as you view my corpse. My spirit has returned. I hope you make the right choice.

Dry your eyes and continue to keep your house in order. Notice that this world’s time is growing shorter.

I love you all, and you were warned that it was my time to go. Look to the hills from whence comes your help and know

I’m resting in Jesus and in my body, there is no more pain. Continue to live, and I hope to see you again.

Accept life and try not with God to be so demanding. Please let your tears grasp this understanding.

Stay in the Middle of Your Square

Let us take this moment to search our minds, as our thoughts travel through our heart to converse with our emotions, to give an inkling to our feelings as they guide our feet to the paths that our eyes see fit, without falling prey to the wrong that our flesh would love to follow due to the flesh, in its weak state, not wanting to be obedient to the call of our Creator of creation.

Once we have gained enough belief that will baste itself into faith, then our hearing instruments, which are known as our ears, will be able to open up to our third mind and follow the instructions of our third eye. That in turn will thrust us into our sixth sense, where truly the Spirit of the Divine has planted the Holy Spirit to give us the path of direction so that we will walk upon this earth in abundance.

While feeling the flow of the truth, which we will come to know as being in the agape state—that is, if we remember that we must learn how to endure—until we have been commanded to go from the physical form and elevate onto the spiritual nature that cannot be seen with the natural eye. Yet if you persevere, you will be able to feel the energy and tap into the spirit within your inner being that will be granted only by your third eye.

Life will give you many gifts, if you are true to life! As long as you follow instructions that come from the small voice on