"U Can't Make This Stuff Up": The Extreme Encore!

By Larry Malcolm

U Can't Make This Stuff Up: The Extreme Encore! opens and closes chapter 1 with Larry's Radio Talk Show.

There are plenty of funny elevator stories, observations, and a super sexy marathon that will make you blush.

My babies, JYD and Prissy, are scattered throughout chapter 1. Stand-Up Comedy While Sitting can be found mid-way though chapter 1. Pictured is a younger virgin* of myself.

Do things ever make U say Huh? We have a few in the first three hundred pages.

The Supreme Court has made three controversial decisions. 1962-1973 and 2015. A lot has been written about these three decisions. What is next for America?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 12, 2016
• ISBN: 9781514488096

Larry Malcolm

After publishing two books in four years...I ran into many obstacles getting this book to the publisher. My computer broke down about ten times and I decided to buy all new equipment. I bought this laptop and it was so difficult for me to adapt. My fingers kept hitting the wrong keys. I was looking up pictures by file number and was taking days to do what I have learned to do in a few minutes. It was quite an adjustment for me. Therefore...this is over a five year book. All three books have one common denominator. A theme of “Flesh versus Spirit”. I have a saying that is “It is not what U say...but how U say it”. People say the funniest things on elevators and in line at the convenient store. I believe all of us have similar situations on a daily basis but do nothing with the information. I remember all of my wives (2) asking me what I was going to do with these boxes of junk. I always said that I was going to write a movie. I decided to learn screen play and soon realized that I did not have the years or connections to actually see the movie on the big screen. So in 2012...I started writing notes for the first book that published in 2014. I started the second book as soon as I finished the first and published it in 2016. Here we are in 2021 with book III. I have 1,200 hours in it and typed 770 pages. Okay...I got a tiny bit long-winded. I am shooting for 370 pages for this book. I have been trimming it for a month. Enjoy, Larry Malcolm, Author

Book preview

U Can’t Make This Stuff Up

The Extreme Encore!

Larry Malcolm

Copyright © 2016 by Larry Malcolm.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2016905264

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-5144-8082-3

      Softcover      978-1-5144-8081-6

      eBook         978-1-5144-8809-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Rev. date: 07/08/2016

Xlibris

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Contents

About The Cover

Foreward

Preface

The Feature Stories

Chapter 1 Funny Stuff

"Stand-Up Comedy…While Sitting!

Chapter Two Court Decisions

Ending Addiction(S) & Claims Department Refreshed

Acknowledgement

ABOUT THE COVER

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Kelly Bass Cameron-RN & Husband Gary A. Cameron II

kelly Bass Cameron-RN in Tulsa…Oklahoma. She is also a wife…mother…grandmother and is fiercely loyal to her family. She stays busy with her four kids and two grandsons. She loves her job at Urgent Care and her youngest son says she is a geriatric magnet.

America is rapidly changing…find out in "Before The Chapters…Chapter!

U CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP…The Extreme Encore! Opens and closes Chapter one with "Larry’s Radio Talk Show.

There are plenty of funny elevator stories…observations and a "Super Sexy Marathon that will make U blush.

My babies J.Y.D. and Prissy are scattered throughout Chapter one. Stand-Up Comedy While Sitting can be found near the end of the book. Pictured is a younger virgin* of myself.

Do things ever make U say Huh? We have a few in the first three hundred pages.

The Supreme Court has made three controversial decisions. 1962-1973 and 2015. A lot has been written about these three decisions. What is next for America?

DISCLAIMER PAGE AND GLOSSARY

"All views and opinions expressed by this author…may not be the views and opinions expressed by this author...Huh?

*******

My version of a version is a virgin*

There will be no commas in any of the chapters.

I do not like comma’s…the same way women do not like periods.

*******

One characteristic of this book is the letter U opposed to you. This glossary page and possibly the foreward could be the only place U will find a you. It may be in the foreward because I do not write my own foreward. Also…there are many pictures in this book and a you could be found there.

When I was in elementary school…this is how I was taught to spell vegetable. It was broke down and sounded out. Ve-ge-table. Of course…I get EXTREME with it in my daily expounding of grammatical refinement. I will list a few other daily regurgitated expulsions:

I am sure U have heard of Table of Contents… it is my pleasure to introduce and showcase to U my Contents of Tables...Huh?

CONTENTS OF TABLES

U get the idea…I think I will table my thoughts.

*******

I should explain my Jed Clampetts or I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THAT BUT…

Co-worker: Larry U have a fine repertoire.

Larry: I don’t know about that but I do know my stuff.

Co-worker: Do U have any siblings Larry?

Larry: I don’t know about that…but I have a sister.

U may find a few of these "I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THAT BUT… inserted periodically.

*******

Prissy Kind: Turkey meat opposed to hamburger meat. It is the fat that is on steaks. Certain types of ice cream I call Prissy Kind. She is picky about her ice cream. If I do not say Prissy Kind…there is a good chance it will melt before she decides to join in or J.Y.D. will dispose of it for her.

J.Y.D. chips…What could that be? Most of us called them Pringle’s potato chips. They are called J.Y.D. chips because at first Prissy did not like them.

I would recommend reading Chapter one before Chapter two. Some prefer to jump around. If U start feeling froggy jump…REBIT!

Explain 800 college credit hours or more : There are people in the world that can only see things through a limited prism… their prism. Something U and I may find to be common knowledge…they cannot begin to understand. So being the nice guy that I am…I want to take this opportunity to acknowledge their lack of knowledge. Not always…but they generally believe things from the neck up. No faith unless it is science.

I want to provide in this book the most quintessential embodiment of both funny and serious that can be found in print. U are Malcolm. (Welcome).

This is extremely important. There may be some of U that read parts of chapter one and be scared away. It may be too extreme for U. I will ask U now to believe me when I say this: I know what I am doing. I integrate topics that typically are not merged. Such as a spiritual message blended with a filthy perverted joke or true story.

But why? As of this moment I have not consulted God to write this book in this manner. I have outlined this book on the premise that I went before God in my first book and covered much of what I am doing in this book. I figure if he gave approval for the first book…then the second book is probably in good standing. Would U like a clue why I am integrating such diverse topics? I will give U a one word clue diamonds. I don’t even like diamonds. But that is the true answer.

*******

If U are really offended…by some of the mosting disgusting…repulsive and perverted things I write about…just skip a page or two and it calms down a bit. Just bare with me…see there…I did it again…bear with me. That was no invitation. Enjoy… U CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP…The Extreme Encore! Now available at a website near U! (larrymalcolm.com)

OFFENSIVE PARODIES…SATIRE…and COMEDY are truly the best types of femur uh humor…just can’t get a knee jerk reaction anymore…anyway just enjoy and don’t be too politically correct… laugh…no matter who is the target…for the record…I make fun of myself more than anyone. For those of U that have more than 800 hours of college…that means self-deprecation.

If U are looking for a way to be in control of your habits…This book is for U… If U are living an angelically pure life…this book is not for U. This book could drag U down to the gutter before U get to the good part. As my buddy Joe B.Good says It’s got to get better.

I have created this book the same way I would treat a lady…Huh? I would treat her so many different ways…she is bound to like one of them. With that in mind…I have created so many different things for this book…U will have no idea what is next.

FOREWARD

Only Larry would come up with an Encore and make it Extreme. The title of this book is U CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP…The Extreme Encore! Trust me this book is EXTREME!

This book is full of jokes, self-deprecation and observations. Larry’s perspective resonates with so many things that we do every day and not realize it…much less remember. If you ever wonder how someone can remember so much believe me Larry has the most vivid memory of any one I know.

Larry gets personal about his own experiences so turn the pages fast during the sexy marathon. And if you want to Bust-A-Gut the sarcasm is non-stop in the Larry’s Radio Talk Show. I could not stop laughing and was anxious to read the next one. His parodies, satire and comedy is so LARRY and he has written it just how it happened. I love what happens every time he steps into an elevator.

The author’s virgin and take on things is astonding. He actually uses his Contents of Tables in his every day speaking. His pick-up lines are the best. I have known Larry for quite a few years and he would try them out on us girls in the office. You might want to use caution if you attempt to use these!

U CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP…The Extreme Encore! Is primarily about humor but later in the book Larry is very serious and Heaven and hell.

You will find this book entertaining as well as amazing in the number of paths that it takes you. This is a book like no other. You can never predict what is going to happen on the next page.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone that wants non-stop laughter.

Many words can be used to describe this book but sarcastic, witty, original hilarious and outrageously funny are just a few that come to mind.

I know that you will enjoy reading U CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP…The Extreme Encore! And think you will take a little something from it.

Terri Jorgensen

Top Czar

Major Media Publication

PREFACE

My first book U CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP came out in July 2014. On July 23…2014…I started making handwritten notes of funny things I encountered. I could not imagine writing another book because my first book was just being released and I had no idea how well it would do.

One year later…I had handwritten notes stacked about two foot tall. I started reducing the size of my notes by typing them and putting them in catergories. July 23…2015…I decided to write a second book. The name would be U CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP…The Extreme Encore!

The book would be similar to the first book but far more extreme. On September 2015…I was on page 240 and seemed stuck there. Today is February 28…2016 and I have exceeded 550 pages. My first book was 379 pages.

I asked readers what they liked about my first book and what they would like to see more of. More pictures and keep it funny was the number one requests. The addiction pages were also mentioned as a useful tool that helped guide those with addictions in the right direcrtion.

It is my hope this book generates enough audience to make an impact to help as many people as possible in this life and the one to come. It is very important to understand the strange dichotomy that exists in Chapter one. How can a author be so caught up in the secular world and write such bizarre if not perverted things and then follow-up with a scripture?

I am glad U asked. There are many people that have given up. The odds of someone completely removed from the idea of having a spiritual life is not realistically attainable. This book has stories that appeals to both sectors of society. It is really difficult to become immersed in the secular world and snap out. It is not practical.

I had a dream last night about the rapture and on my way up…I had doubts. I remember thinking…I hope the rapture has no detours to hell. I decided to look down and prove it was just a dream. I know that I wake up thirty feet above earth. I am afraid of heights. I was so high that I could see the planet as a globe. That is high. I did wake up.

On December 26…2011 at 3:33 A.M. I had a dream about the rapture. Last night was February 28…2016 at about the same time in the morning as the first dream.

I will admit my sins right here. I love women and gambling too much. Case dismissed.

*******

BEFORE THE CHAPTERS…CHAPTER…Part I

(Conservative Values…Then and Now)

Kelly and Family

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Top row: Johnathan…Colton…Dakota

Bottom row: Paris…Kelly…Gary

Kelly prefers a peaceful life and avoids conflict whenever possible. She loves her family and considers everyone a friend and is not judgmental. What about then and now? Most TV shows were in black and white. No color TV in the 1950’s. What? I probably just shocked the younger generation.

Television shows from the 1950-1960’s reflected a generation of conservative family` values. The Donna Reed Show…Leave It To Beaver…Father Knows Best and Ozzie and Harriet to name a few. We had three networks plus PBS. In Tulsa…it was channel 2-6-8- and 11.

One famous show was I Dream of Jeannie. The network would not let Jeannie show her belly button. She was a Genie in the show. Get it..Jeannie-Genie…just checking.

Billy Graham Ministries held crusades on TV that were live. It was okay to speak of God at school and there was prayer in the schools until the Supreme Court outlawed it in 1962.

On Sunday nights…we had Lassie…Walt Disney and Bonanza…U may need to Google some of these shows if your too young to have heard of them.

Life was simpler then…in school it was a big deal to get caught with bubble gum or throwing a spit wad. Today…it is keeping the school’s safe from violence. Back in the Leave It To Beaver episodes Beaver Cleaver would merely respond to his teacher Miss Landers by saying Yes Miss Landers and that was the end of it. No arguing…no guns and no violence in the classroom.

When I’m in a restaurant or public place and I see a married couple with kids that are well behaved… I stop and praise their accomplishment. Recently I saw an out of town couple at Quik Trip. I said I bet your with her….He said that he was…I let them know they looked great together. He said they had been married over twenty years. He was proud to let me know she was his high school sweetheart.

Not all of us are fortunate to have married our high school sweetheart but I just feel compelled to say something when I see a great looking couple. They just looked in love and desired to be with each other.

It would be great for this country to get back to that type of life. There is an axiom in sales that "it is harder to win business back after U lost it than it is to secure it the first time. This is true with life. If U have a life or a country with moral values and they begin to erode. U certainly can understand how difficult it would be to get an entire country to return to morals of yesterday. (U reap what U sow).

Ozzie Nelson versus Ozzy Osbourne…Now that was EXTREME! then and now.

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BEFORE THE CHAPTERS…CHAPTER…Part II

CONSERVATISM VERSUS LIBERALISM

As much as I would love for this country to return to high standards…it is too late…Wait a minute…aren’t all things possible through Christ. Yes they are…it is highly unlikely that Jesus will place blessings on this country after our leaders state we are not a Christian nation. I believe part of our punishment will be turning our back on Israel. For taking prayers out of the schools… our Supreme Court making abortion on demand legal and redefining marriage. Only Jesus can define marriage and we will soon find out the consequences of our sins as a nation.

Conservatism in this era was put on the map by William F. Buckley Jr. Buckley was famous for one liners. Here are a few listed with Brainy Quotes online. There is an inverse relationship between reliance on the state and self-reliance…I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob…The best defense against usurpatory government is an assertive citizenry. Idealism is fine…but as it approaches reality…the costs become prohibitive…

Back in the thirties we were told we must collectivize the nation because the people were so poor. Now we are told we must collectivize the nation because they are so rich…All adventure is now reactionary. (Brainy quotes online).

That is great stuff from one of the greatest conservatives of all time. A leader of this movement and way of life. Then came the most conservative president of our generation…President Ronald Reagan. Quotes from The Great Communicator…Ronald Reagan..The most terrifying words in the English language are… I’m from the government and I’m here to help…I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of an emergency…even if I’m in a cabinet meeting…We can’t help everyone…but everyone can help someone…Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for ...protected and handed on for them to do the same…When U can’t make them see the light make them feel the heat..(Brainy Quotes on line).

I personally believe Rush Limbaugh went national at the right time to add his brand of conservatism. He arrived on the scene just as President Reagan was wrapping up his eight years in the oval office. He also was the perfect conservative to step in and assist Buckley with his seamless style on radio.

Radio host Rush Limbaugh came on the national scene in the late 1980’s and truly defined conservatism to the masses in a way that has never been heard before.This country would be in a heck of a mess without Limbaugh. President Bill Clinton actually made this remark that he Did not have three hours a day to compete with Limbaugh.

Limbaugh success spawned new radio talk shows across America. Many like the late Tony Snow or Sean Hannity who filled in for Rush Limbaugh when he needed time off from his daily show. While conservative talk shows have snowballed since the late 1980’s…we cannot say that for liberal radio talk shows.

It is so one sided that liberals have attempted for years to pass a doctrine to destroy conservatism on radio. Now what would seem like a fair name to call this doctrine. Think…liberals are a bit slippery…okay I’ll just tell U…they named it the Fairness Doctrine. Now who can vote against a name like that.

They tried their best to get the Federal Communication Commission. (FCC) to tamp down Limbaugh and many others from radio. The right thing to do for a liberal would have been start your own radio shows and compete in the marketplace. They tried…they failed.

Liberalism seems to always lean on government. They sought after the government to shut down talk radio. When it comes to our money…they always want more of it to pay their pet projects. A individual conservative will reach in their own back pocket and donate for a cause…where a liberal is more likely to want the government to pay for it.

It is so repulsive to see liberal politicians line up to get their picture taken for overspending our money. They have this big smile on their face as if they really accomplished something. What did they do? Spent money… our money.

I want to clarify something. Liberalism is not just the division of the two major parties. It is mostly identified with democrats but let me assure U…many republicans lean left of center when it comes to spending our money. On social values republicans are more likely to be right of center.

The bottom line is both parties need to put AMERICA FIRST!

One thing is for sure when it comes to conservatives and liberals. We can tell our Ozzie’s apart. Ozzie Nelson’s character in Ozzie and Harriet TV show and Ozzy Osborne from the rock band Black Sabbath.

Ozzie versus Ozzy…Now that was EXTREME! WARNING-WARNING-WARNING!…The first chapter of this book is going to be super EXTREME…it could be offensive to many…hang on…there is a method to my madness. The next chapters will be EXTREMELY funny…sexy and serious. I need yellow police ribbon to section off portions of this book…watch your step and get ready to take a ride on the wild side…uh…U were warned!

Have your seat belts ready for Chapter one…but let’s enjoy a new feature titled THE FEATURE STORIES before we take the serious plunge into Chapter one.

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THE FEATURE STORIES

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I JOINED A NEW CLUB

Kimberly McFarland

(February 23…1971-July 26…2010)

This story breaks my heart but I just feel compelled to share it with U.

I worked with the late Kimberly McFarland about one-half of my time in the yellow pages. She was an outstanding graphic designer. For nineteen years Kimberly overcome cancer. She had lost fifty percent of her weight and doctors gave up on her. She got a double portion of God’s love. She lived an additional nineteen years against all odds.

She was the type of person that everyone loved. I truly mean they loved her and it was genuine. She called me one day when I was in Norman…Oklahoma. I was in town early for an interview concerning a billboard job. She called to see how I was doing and begin praying for me. I was offered the job but it was in the panhandle of Oklahoma.

I could feel her love through the phone Just a few weeks before she passed…I called her and she was very happy. She said Guess what Larry?…I joined a new club. I have never felt so good…I have no pain.

Larry: What club did U join?

Kimberly: The Hospice Club.

(I was stunned…I just didn’t know what to say next…I was outside in a lawn chair just listening to her beautiful voice and tears were flowing down my cheek).

Larry: Kimberly…Do U know what kind of club that hospice is?

Kimberly: Oh yes…it is wonderful.

(After that I just listened to her speak to me…I concluded…unlike nineteen years ago…she knew her time was up)….I was happy that she was not in pain and happier that I knew she had a strong faith in Jesus.

On July 26…2010 she went to Heaven…To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.

One year…we were closing out our yellow pages book and things could get tense because the demand for her artwork multiplied.

She was so tired and wanted to take some time off. But she just smiled and accepted more work to meet the deadline. I still miss her beautiful angelic voice and smile.

Kimberly is a member of a new club that only requires that your name be written in the book of life. I know that Kimberly is enjoying her new mansion.

*******

THE BAND BULLY?

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Innovative student

An innovative student from a mid-western part of the United States came up with this knock off of the Declaration of Independence to prove a point to a school bully. Apparently…the bully was having his way with the high school’s band members and this student has had enough

IN TRUMPET CONGRESS…November 11…2015

The unanimous Declaration oF the Five United Trumpet Players of the South East High school Band.

When in the course of human events…it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another…and to assume among the powers of the earth…the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them…a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident…that all band students are created equal…that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights…that among these are making their own decisions. Freedom from oppression and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights…leaders are instituted among men…deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any leader becomes destructive of these ends…it is the right of the band students to alter or to abolish it and to institute new government. Laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form as to them shall seem most likely to effect their freedom and happiness.

The history of the present King of the Trumpet Section is a history of repeated injuries and dictation. All having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tryanny over these trumpet players. To prove this… let facts be submitted to a candid high school band.

He has exercised utmost tyranny in the form of dictatorship.

He has forbidden his players to make their own decisions.

He has given orders and made decisions without the consent of the governed.

He has established his leadership without democratic process.

He has established chairs and parts without the consent of the governed or the consent of

the head leadership of South East High School Band.

He has been destructive and ineffective leader.

He has been taunting…judgemental and rude about other trumpet players’ skills as a band student.

He has ostracized some trumpet players for not competing in higher level band events.

He has exercised arrogance…ignorance and feudalism on the trumpet players.

He has exercised hypocrisy in many forms.

In every stage of the oppressions…we have asked for redress: Our repeated pleas have been answered only by repeated injury. A leader whose character is thus marked by acts which may define a tyrant is unfit to be ruler of a free people.

We therefore…the members of the United Trumpet Players of the South East High School Band…do in the name and by authority of the good people of the trumpet section…solemnly publish and declare…that these united trumpet players are and of right ought to be free and independent individuals. That they are absolved from all allegiance to the king of the trumpet section and that all connection between them and the king of the trumpet section is ought to be totally dissolved. That as free and independent individuals…they have full power to make decisions…live free of oppression ...contract alliances…play their instruments freely and do so all other acts and things which independent individuals may of right do. For the support of this declaration…with a firm reliance on the protection of divine providence…we mutually pledge to each other our allegiance and our trust and our honor.

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Okay…I agree that was not funny…but U got to respect a young man standing up for what he believes.

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OKMULGEE’S JESUS MAN

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Marvin Maytubby carries a cross on Wood Street (75 Hwy) & 6th Street

Five straight years and 7 days a week he let’s motorists know that Jesus saves and will return. At age 50…Marvin’s wearing out one pair of shoes per month.

Many decades ago he was caught stealing Iguanas and was sentenced to 60 years in prison. He was known in prison as the Iguana man..He got up at 4 A.M….got on his knees and began to pray. He went to the parole board that day and his prayers were answered after serving 15 years.

Since being released from prison he lets Jesus know daily that he appreciates what Jesus did for him.

Many of us have large gaps between prayers and may go a day or week without much thought or time for Jesus. We live in a very busy or secular world. I asked him how many minutes or hours can he go without thinking of his savior Jesus Christ. I think of him always.

He basically is outside praying while there is daylight. He gives Jesus all he can. Most days are ten to twelve hours per day.

He is known affectionately by friends as Moses or Jesus Man. He wears a white gown and often sports a crown of thorns or a gold crown.

He has been persecuted a few times and atheists have spray painted his crosses. He does not attempt to estimate how many people have been saved or healed by Jesus through his ministry. He said Jesus told me that church attendance is up.

I told Marvin that I admire someone that can do something that I cannot do. I know I would fade fast if I had to stay outside 10-12 hours. For me the harder part would be staying focused on Jesus every waking moment.

I may have to go back…I did not ask him about his sleeping moments.

*******

THE NO STORY…STORY

As I was preparing for my first book…a phlebotomist asked if she could be in the book. I told her she would have to come up with a story. Every few weeks I ask her if she had a story for me. She did not. The first book went to the publisher without her in it.

I let her know that I was starting my second book in the summer of 2015. Once again she let me know that she wanted in the book. I ask her for a story. She said U have the story. It is about a person that does not have a story.

Larry: If I put a story in the book about a person that has no story…then I must have a picture to go with it.

Maritza: No picture.

Larry: Why not?

Maritza: I do not want my picture with what I am wearing today..

(I was interrupted and had to leave)

(On the next visit to the clinic).

Larry: I think I know why U do not want your picture in the book…your shy.

Maritza: I am not shy.

Larry: How about a picture with sunglasses or a silhouette?

Maritza: No.

Larry: By any chance do U have a picture in your phone that we could use?

Maritza: How about this one?

Larry: Can U send that to my phone?

Maritza: Yes.

Larry: Okay…so U are not shy.

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U win Maritza…U are in the book.

The title of this book has Extreme Encore in it. This was not Maritza’s encore but can we agree…this was Extreme!

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SUNSHINE SUPERMAN

Sunshine Superman is a great song from 1966 by Donovan. Actress Sue Lyon is in the video for this song. If U could access U tube at this time and play this video. When the song reaches the 1:48 mark take a look at Sue Lyon. I think her expression looks like Tamara’s picture below.

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Tamara Malcolm

I was digging around for a pair of socks yesterday and I saw an album that I forgot about. I thought it might have been a wedding album. It was pictures from a birthday party. I saw this picture and it reminded me of the Donovan video that I had recently watched while compiling my song list. If U think Tamara Malcolm and Sue Lyon have the same expression…let me know.

[e-mail]

*******

THE ADVENTURES OF NOELLE

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Noelle

On Noelle’s first date April 7th.. she wore bright colors and her date took her to a club that had black lighting. She looked like she was ready for a halloween costume party in April.

While at the club…a gentleman asked her to dance while her date was in the restroom…The gentleman named a band that she never heard of and he got insulted because it was his father’s band and walked off.

The nightclub had a pool table and she watched people play pool while her date talked to some friends of his. A jealous girlfriend picked a fight with her because she saw Noelle look at her man. The bouncer kicked Noelle out of the club. Her boyfriend got upset with her because he was not ready to leave.

After they argued…she said that he had to take her to the golf course tomorrow and say that he is sorry for raising his voice to her in public.

They arrive at the golf course and decide she would drive the golf cart. The Marshall pulls up to the first hole and ask them if they drove across the greens of hole number two with their golf cart. They answered that hole number one is as far as they have gone with the cart. Both were refunded and escorted from the golf course because the perpetrators turned them in.

Noelle decides that a romantic drive-in movie would be just the perfect way to change her luck. She picks out the movie and can’t wait to go. Her boyfriend calls and cancels the date. Noelle is determined and goes it alone. Her I.D. was checked to be at least 17. The drive-in is crowded but she finds a parking space. She watches the whole movie with no sound. Her pole did not have a speaker and she thought it was because she got the last space available. After the movie she went to the concession stand and complained that she did not have any sound. It was then she learned all she had to do was put her radio on the proper station for the sound.

On the way home Noelle stopped at Quik Trip and thought she used her Quik Trip gas card but it was her Quik Trip pump start card. In essence…she drives off without paying $25.00 but does not know it.

Noelle sees a new $40.00 bottle of perfume in her car that she has never tried…she applies way to much and does not roll the windows down soon enough. She is getting very dizzy as she pulls up in her drive-way.

She blacks out and wakes up in about ten minutes with double vision. She attempts to go inside the house but she goes completely blind for one minute then her vision returns. Her cell phone rings and her boyfriend lets her know that he is on the way to introduce to her his new girlfriend.

After the boyfriend makes a complete fool of himself. She goes inside the house and starts cleaning the house. She turns on her favorite radio station and learns that tonight’s lottery ticket has been won in her hometown.

7-1-2-25-40-17…Those numbers sure sound familiar. My first date…holes one and two…twenty five dollar of gas…forty dollar perfume and my I.D. was checked to see if I