Esperanza and All My Hope

By Carlos Garcia

There he goes again, driving with his head down every chance he has. Hes going through something, but every year, nothing ever seems to change. School is going to start again in a couple of days, and he has no new clothes for his boys. The clothes they have are worn out with gravel and sweat entangled within the cloth. Their feet keep growing, but theyll only get laces after the old ones wear out and finally break. We must learn from our mistakes. And know that its okay to make mistakes, but to ignore them is to repeat them, and if we repeat them, this cycle will never end.

There he goes again driving, wondering what type of man would let his children walk into a classroom with that feeling of failure stamped to their future before they cross in the classroom door. Hes counting his money to see if he can at least buy some soap before turning into the grocery store. After counting the change in his hand, his eyes turn red. He wants to cry. He wants to hit something. It needs to come out. It will come out. He hides his face from his sons who are wondering why the car is not moving. Its hard to be a full-grown man and to have that feeling of hopelessness that you cant take care of your own children. In their eyes, theres nothing that you cant do, but you know the difference. Dont see me cry. I cant break down right now.

Why cant I do it? Why cant I make it through the week? Why do I have to beg? But I will beg for my childrens sake. They deserve better. Ill keep looking for that job, start that business my wife and I always want and always talk about, tired of just talking about it though. Ten years together. Two children we have brought into this world. Weve got to stop driving in circles for our children sake. We can do amazing things for our children. And, children, learn from our mistakes. We dont want you to struggle, but if you do struggle, know it will get easier in time and that your family always loves you.

There he goes again driving, thinking which road looks the best. He cant afford to turn down the wrong road. But how does one know which path will lead to prosperity? His children beg him to go while his wife touches his hand reassuring him that wherever they go, they go together. Slowly the brake pedal releases and the car starts to move even as hes not sure which direction to turn the wheel. And there he goes. God bless. Your mother and I know that feeling. Sometimes you just have to push the gas pedal and see where God takes you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Mar 13, 2015
• ISBN: 9781503551008

Carlos Garcia

Carlos Garcia has been Professor of Research for the Spanish National Research Council (CSIC) since 2003. He is currently working in the Centre for Soil Science and Applied Biology of the Segura (CEBAS-CSIC) of Murcia (Spain). His scientific work focuses on the problem of highly degraded semiarid soils and strategies for their protection and rehabilitation, as well as the search for new sources of organic matter. Dr. Garcia has published 189 scientific papers in SCI journals. He also has extensive scientific management experience, having served as director of CEBAS-CSIC, Scientific Coordinator of the CSIC Agricultural Science Area, and as a partner in national and regional research programs.

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Copyright © 2015 by Carlos Garcia.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2015903770

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-5035-5099-5

                Softcover        978-1-5035-5101-5

                eBook             978-1-5035-5100-8

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Rev. date: 03/06/2015

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Contents

Chapter One Our Future

Chapter Two Walking Strong

Chapter Three Mom Would Be So Proud Of You

Chapter Four Esperanza

Chapter Five Digging Holes

Chapter Six Through My Eyes

Chapter Seven Different Seasons

Chapter Eight High School Drop-Out

Chapter Nine With These Hands

Chapter Ten Round And Round

Chapter Eleven Making Mistakes

Chapter Twelve The Teacher

Chapter Thirteen Once Upon A Time

Chapter Fourteen Welfare Line

Chapter Fifteen Are We Poor? I Hope So!

Chapter Sixteen Go To Church

Chapter Seventeen The Endless Circle

Chapter Eighteen Not In Front Of My Children

Chapter Nineteen Intelligent Being

Chapter Twenty You’re Going To College Now

Chapter Twenty-One Graduation Day

Chapter Twenty-Two Do You See A For Sale Sign?

Chapter Twenty-Three Leaving Home

Chapter Twenty-Four Love Letters

Chapter Twenty-Five Clarity, Then Confusion, Then Clarity, Then Action

Chapter Twenty-Six The Dead Flower In My Pocket

Chapter Twenty-Seven The Last Chapter, We’ll Call It No More Being Sad

Dedication

To Samantha and Esperanza with love

CHAPTER ONE

Our Future

Aug.6 2001

My Future,

Life is beautiful. Don’t ever forget that and don’t be afraid to live. I love to run and dive into the coming waves. I love the sand going between my toes and the gulf water washing it away. I love the sound of seagulls singing and flying; sometimes I think they do it just for me because it brings me joy. I love to watch the sunrise and set and the way the trees dance with the cool breeze. I think they’re alive trying to teach us something. I love to climb oak trees like a child, and I grow them too. I love to play with the earth and slide my feet on the green grass; it’s a sensation I can’t describe but it makes me smile. I love to lay back and look at the stars and the moon; I wonder what’s out there and then I get a little sad because I’ll never experience that notion. I love the smell of burning candles at St. Joseph Church; it makes me feel holy and that I’m not alone. I love running in the cold rain and feeling the shock. I love holding your momma’s hand where ever we go; I need her so much. I love that we’re going to be a family and how much I need you too.

The Yellow Butterfly

You run so fast. It’s what you want the most, it’s just too fast for you. Don’t fall and then you do any ways. I dust you off and back to the chase you go. Its’ yellow wings dance up and down and dances all around you. It plays with you. You twirl and fall once more. You try so hard and then your time comes. Here is your chance, but you let it go. Why did you let it go? To see it fly some more. Yes, it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful to watch it dance and fly, so much better than just catching it. And as I watch you, I think, fly beautiful, dance.

CHAPTER TWO

Walking Strong

He was out of place. He was scared to death. He could hear his heart pounding as he had to wait in line with the others.

When the music starts, start walking together in a straight line. Stay with your group. It’s going to be a long walk. Let’s go! Time is up! No more restroom breaks! Get back in line! Here we go!

How did I get here? I’m the first one to graduate from a University. I wish my grandfathers were here. They wouldn’t believe their eyes, or maybe they would. They knew something was there where others may have given up on me. I have them with me in spirit. Now we are moving. Look at us. We look like a thousand soldiers marching into battle. Your grandfather was in a war. He marched to a different beat. It was a different set of instructions.

"What the hell are you doing son! Do you want to die out here boy? You stay alert, you stay alive! Do I have to