Street: Strategy to Reach Edify & Empower Teens

By Nelson Mwangi

You will never live a happy life leave alone achieve your dreams and reach your destiny if you fail to find your purpose in life. Every page of this book will help you to not only find your identity but also become conversant about the tenacity you have towards achieving your dream. This discovery will subject you to a splendid life of purpose and passion until you get to your destiny. This book is for teens and young adults who are looking forward to rise above their fears, depart from mediocrity afoot a complete transformation and efficacy of their lives by first realizing who they are and finding their Gods given purpose in life before they embark on a life journey with a sole purpose of becoming successful in all areas of their lives if they adhere to their purpose and live their passion.

Parents: As you embark on a venture to gentrify your teens life, this book will enhance your parenting acumen and help you to undertake your parenting responsibility of inculcating your teens and young adults with the moral responsibilities that they need in order to always make positive decisions not worth regrets in their present and future lives. Since empowerment is a very vital act of mentorship that fosters self-identity and ameliorates an individuals quality of life, ignorance is bliss only when the knowledge of God is not involved. Its through our relationship with God that we come to find our purpose, gain confidence, become courageous and suppress our fears in life as we progress towards our destiny. As we seek to find our God mandated purpose in our lives, its very imperative to know that life comes in phases where victory of your present stage invigorates your progress in the next stage. Nevertheless, our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Its our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Most of the times we ask ourselves; who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and successful? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your constrained thinking does not serve or impact the world. Your life is not a mistake. Every human being has a purpose which should dictate him or her to live a purpose driven life. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. Its not just in some of us; its in everyone. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to follow suit. As we are emancipated from our own fear, our presence and perseverance automatically emancipates others.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Apr 4, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512728279

Nelson Mwangi

Nelson Mwangi is a husband, a father and a prolific writer of self-help and inspirational Christian based literature as well as a motivational speaker on different life matters like; teen parenting, dating, courtship and marriage.

Book preview

Copyright © 2016 Nelson Mwangi.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

1 [phone]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5127-2828-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-2829-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-2827-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016901188

WestBow Press rev. date: 04/29/2016

Contents

Nelson Mwangi

Acknowledgements

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1 -- Self Identity (Seek For Self / Who Am I?)

Chapter 2 -- Gender Parity

Chapter 3 -- Obsession and Compulsion

Chapter 4 -- Teens and the Developing World

Chapter 5 -- Teen Challenges

Chapter 6 -- Teen Parenting

Chapter 7 -- Sex and Sexuality

Chapter 8 -- Alcohol, Tobacco and Drugs

Chapter 9 -- Resilience

Chapter 10 -- Destiny Decisions

Gone too soon

Nelson Mwangi

Nelson Mwangi is a husband, a father and a prolific writer of self-help and inspirational Christian based literature as well as a motivational speaker on different life matters like; teen parenting, dating, courtship and marriage.

When the lives and the rights of

Children are at stake,

There should be no silent

Witnesses

Acknowledgements

Just like the African adage; 'it takes a village to raise a child,' books never come about just by one person and this project was not an exception. Although numerous people have my sincere gratitude, my greatest thanks goes to the Almighty God for inculcating in me wisdom, vigor, patience and tenacity to endure and withstand myriad challenges that kept convincing me that my purpose was way too laborious and needed a lot of drudgery to achieve. Was it not for his words of encouragement from the book of Philippians 4:13; 'I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength,' this book would not have become a reality. That's why I say, May his name forever be glorified.

Special thanks goes to my dear loving wife; Sweet Sue (kairitu) who is also the mother of our handsome son Ryan and our beautiful daughter Sandra for supporting my dream and vision through her words of encouragement, affirmation and her moments of prayers. Sweetie; the longer we share the air of our matrimony, the better I feel the breeze of your love, kindness and care. I appreciate your extra input and tenacity towards taking care of our children when my eyes were totally glued on the computer screen and my fingers kept hammering the keyboard for long hours every day. Your great sacrifice affirmed the true meaning of the words in the book of Proverbs 18:22; 'he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.'

To our son Ryan, I love you so much. I admire your skills in soccer and the true passion of the game. I always pray to God that I will leave to see you overcome the inevitable masculinity challenges with vigor and eventually become a successful and responsible man. To our sweet daughter Sandra who is daddy's little queen, I love you so much, your artistic creativity always reminds me of my glowing up when I used to color my artwork with flower petals. My sincere prayer and responsibility is to ensure that you will ascend the ladder of life as an empowered girl and advance to your self-actualization. To both of you, I totally appreciate the fact that you didn't become unruly but decided to maintain calm, observed serenity and ensured tranquility around the house every time I was busy working on this book.

My sincere gratitude goes to my mum; Mrs Rose Mary Mwangi and dad; Mr Samuel Mwangi not only for bringing me forth to this world but also for answering a call of responsibility and taking me to school where I acquired knowledge and interpersonal skills which helps me to relate with people on daily bases and also navigate through life. I want to extend my greatest appreciations to you also for thoroughly laying a strong foundation in my life through instilling discipline, good morals, values, virtues and ethics in me. Although sometimes it was done in intense measures, I don't have a regret whatsoever to this date. Your thorough discipline made me understand the true meaning behind the words in the book of Proverbs 13:24; 'whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.' I am also thankful because you also took me to the house of God where my spiritual foundation was founded thus my spiritual being has continued to be fed and nourished with the word of God to this day. Through the spiritual growth, I have learnt that God's grace is all I need in my life.

Although I am whole as a person, my joy becomes complete by understanding that my wife renders me help when need be. Were it not for my parents in-law I could still be a lonely man to this day. With that in mind, I want to thank my father in- law Mr Julius Kioni and mother in- law Mrs Esther Kioni for not only bringing forth a glamorous girl of good character but also entrusting me with their daughter who is a dear treasure in my life. God Bless you abundantly.

Every time I talk about spirituals growth, I always own it to my grandfather the late Right Reverend Cannon Samson Njuguna together with my beloved grandma, the late Ruth Waithera Samson who were not only my grandparents but also my God parents when I was baptized and confirmed to the church. They also remained my spiritual mentors from my childhood to my adulthood. I will forever hold your precious memories in my heart. To my other grandparents, I thank God because he gave me a chance to serve them and get their blessings. Grandpa's Nelson Nduati and John Maina; grandma's Mary Nyambura and Susan Wanjiru, I will forever love you.

Family members are the closest people to pray for you and lift you up when onerous life issues come crumbling down on you. That's why I cannot forget to thank my siblings starting with big brother Jack and his family, Eliud and David together with their families. On the same plat- form, I extend my thanks to my close auntie Sarah Njuguna and her family who helped me realize one among my many dreams and has continued to stand with me and my family, auntie Beatrice Kagombe who together with uncle Joram and the entire family did a great job of taking me in and mentoring me soon after graduating high school aiding me to realize one among my many dreams, uncle Simon and his family who have made my wife's career a success, uncle Gitau Njuguna and his family for helping me to realize one among my many dreams, auntie Tabitha and her family, auntie Shicon and her son Njuguna and auntie Becky and her family. I salute my cousin Jasinta Karanja and her family who have offered me moral support numerous times in life. Last but definitely not least is my favorite niece Joan Wangui (kajoa) and all my relatives at large.

Although most people neither realize nor acknowledge the value of true friendship and the invigorating ambience from the people we interact with every day; personally, I truly appreciate the numerous positive values which my true friends have inculcated in me. I totally treasure the people I serve every day because they add joy and invigorate my daily life. These are the people who energize and encourage me on daily bases through their morning greetings and their good day wish something I will never take for granted. Without any shadow of doubt, I have all the good reasons to not only appreciate but also acknowledge them because their motivating words and their broad and lighted smiles have earned them a place in my heart and they have also become part of my daily life. To mention but a few, these are the close friends who have also been in the front line with words of encouragements, support and inspirations. Mr John Kimaru and family, Mrs Pauline Ng'ang'a and family, Mr Stephen Kamau and family, My George Muhuhu and family, Mr John Nene and family, Mr Oscar Kibe, Mr Gabriel Vinson, Mr Don Powell, Mr Willam Mwangi, Mrs Aimee Garmany, Mrs Cynthia Hindman and last but not least; Peter Gachane, Neema Wambui and Damaris Gachungi, who helped in babysitting our children anytime a need would arise.

On the spiritual platform, I would like to extend my word of appreciation to my church family; Westwood Baptist Church Alabaster, Alabama where our mission statement is to multiply disciples who live on a mission. Likewise, my sincere gratitude goes to the Senior pastor; Dr Matt Brooks for his inspiring sermons fraught with wisdom. With the knowledge that strong spiritual foundation is what has brought me this far, I would also like to extend my sincere gratitude to every pastor who have ever taken part in raising me spiritually starting with Pastor Rick Swing, (Executive pastor Westwood Baptist Church Alabaster, AL) Rev Peter Kiama, (St Johns Anglican Worcester, MA) Pastor Buddy Greg, (Hunter Street Baptist Birmingham, AL) Pastor Dr Stanley Macharia, (LICM Birmingham, AL) Pastor Jacob Gathogo (LICM Birmingham, AL) Pastor Dr George Ng'ang'a, (Legacy Church Birmingham, AL) and Pastor Paul kariuki. (Birmingham, Al) I would also like to thank Pastor Kenneth Malone (Bethel missionary Baptist, Gadsden Al) for his motivational narratives. Last but for sure not least are my mentors who also happens to be an amazing blessed pastor couple and also my spiritual parents; Dr Julius Kimani and Dr Jane Kimani of Shelter of Love Church in Nairobi Kenya.

With all due respect, I cannot forget to thank Dr Anita Simmons a.k.a. Nitnit and the entire fraternity of Gadsden Regional Hospital pharmacy department. The entire pharmacy department of Health south rehabilitation center, Gadsden Alabama consisting of Dr Health Denson, Dr Brandi Thomas, CPHT Lesli Wade and Sandy Gabriel. I would also like to extend my gratitude to the entire pharmacy fraternity of River View Hospital, Gadsden Alabama consisting of Dr Kenneth Johnson, Dr Chris Hindsman, Dr Jeanie Daugherty, Dr A. Chris, Dr John Kidd, Dr Tracey Friedberg and Dr Debra and CPHT Pearlie Stallings among others.

Resilience is a key aspect towards success in human race. That's the veracity I can neither challenge nor doubt having learnt it from guys who sat in a classroom for six good years for a sole purpose of achieving their doctorates in life. With that in mind, I totally appreciate the words of encouragement that I keep getting by each passing day from; Dr H. Sajjad (River side pharmacy), Dr Sherman Connaway, Dr Derik Austin (Director of pharmacies Quality of life), Dr Keith Abernathy, Dr Marie Metcalfe, Dr Jennifer Devanport, Dr Debra Ridgeway, Dr Diane Baker and Dr Justin Bramel.

The greatest joy in my life is triggered not only by helping people overcome their daily life challenges but also knowing that someone out there can trust me enough to an extent of seeking help or advice from me concerning extremely personal and confidential issues in his or her life. Your trust in me gives me a lot of enthusiasm. In that regard, I want to acknowledge and appreciate every teen who I have ever mentored and also the once I am currently mentoring. Your intriguing questions, will and curiosity to acquire knowledge towards realizing your purpose in life, attaining your goals and fulfilling your purpose has not only made me more aggressive and assertive towards my research on different matters regarding life, it has also impelled me to enlarge my research territories and intensify my quest for knowledge. In the process, I have become more intelligent and gentrified my life.

To all the teens who I interviewed for the purpose of this project, I am not only thankful for your narratives but also your sincere will and courage to divulge sensitive, heart breaking and highly confidential ordeals in your lives. Your insights and intricate anecdotes accounted a great deal to this project and will help other teens re-examine their friends, consider who they should trust, become more knowledgeable of different forms of harassments, assaults and abuse (verbal, physical or sexual) by always being alert, avoiding or budging from deleterious lifestyles. Thank you again for your participation.

Preface

Life's purpose is a collection of both dreams and visions which when ignored by failing to put them into practice never materializes to a point of yielding a successful destiny no wonder the English adage; 'the future belongs to them that believe the beauty of their dreams.' Personally, I never understood the truth behind the saying; 'ignorance is dangerous,' until I was bothered by a dream when taking a siesta one afternoon after a long tedious morning. In this dream, I had a flashback of my childhood days when I was addicted to reading peoples' real personal life experiences from old Parent magazines most of which were both tragic and horrific. Nevertheless, I was sustained by my great curiosity in a dire need to feed my greed of understanding why people faced extreme difficulties and frustrations in life. Many are the times I became too emotional but I couldn't help it thus found myself shredding a tear or two. But who was I to blame for the great quest to feed my curiosity? Was it because of my tender age that I failed to understand that human life is a journey of myriad mountains and valleys which sometimes becomes too challenging to overcome? Having found myself in a moment of soliloquy and in a state of predicament filled with un answered questions, I finally came to terms with the impression of the disciples who once met a blind man and didn't hesitate to ask Jesus who was to be blamed for this man's blindness.

All the same, the more a came across horrifying articles, the more energy I gained towards reading more articles and the more confused my life became. At one point I asked myself; What good is in the knowledge about strangers' personal struggles and miserable lifestyles? How could I help them even if it meant a phone call to let them know that I was praying for them and that God loves them? These questions and many more were answered two years ago exactly twenty years later since these questions first crossed my minds. Although I might not help the very people I read about from parent magazines twenty years ago, I am positive that my writing will reach different individuals who are going through difficult life challenges today. I have tried doing a lot of things in the struggle of finding my purpose in life. Today, my purpose of helping others through writing is finally at hand after a dream that brought back the memories of twenty years ago.

In this day and age, many people out there are still struggling to conform to what their parents thought they would become and yet others are struggling to become who they perceive they should be. I was there and I did that until I finally realized that; each and every person's purpose in life is in the hands of God. Unless you continuously seek God's guidance, you are prone to live a life of miserly and never to find your purpose in life. I was brought up in the days when parents believed that there were only four professions that their children were supposed to assume after their studies which were; a doctor, a pilot, a lawyer or an engineer. Days when teachers' mere thoughts inspired them to determine whether your future would be lined up with success or whether you were destined for failure. Although I was regularly encouraged to make my own decisions, it seemed that at every corner, society openly defied me taunting me to retreat back into safety. One thing that these encounters taught me was; your destiny shouldn't be determined by other people's opinions but your own. On the other hand, I came to know that not everybody will wish you well in life. The reality is; we live in a world where being different is embraced and applauded whenever it comes about successfully but also discouraged by some people at every turn. The belief that your success is only viable if it's measurable by other people's standards is irrelevant since the burden of proof that you are successful lies not with the world, but with you, yourself and your God.

There are so many people out there who have made a lot of money, leading ritzy lifestyles but their core lives are totally miserable because they have never found their purpose of existence. That's why they say; 'the rich also cry.' It's very imperative to always know that; where purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable. The truth behind that phrase is times without number being revealed by numerous people who are abusing themselves with alcohol, drugs and many other detrimental lifestyles in a dire quest for their purpose in life.

Although we shouldn't keep blaming our parents who defined success based on the number of zeros they always looked forward to seeing in our pay slips, time to change that mentality is at hand. All that we are supposed to know is that; in this day and age, success is a word that can be defined with only two words; 'purpose fulfilled.'

Introduction

One afternoon while driving down the street with my son, he kept asking me why I kept stopping when the traffic right turned red and driving ahead when it turned green. As I was explaining to him, we came along a four-way intersection with a stop sign and he asked, why did you stop here, I cannot see any red right? Son, not every stop needs a traffic right, some need a stop sign like the one over there and a good driver should obey both; traffic rights and road signs in order to avoid causing accidents and ensuring a secure arrival to his or her destination, I answered. Just before I was through talking, my son said. Dad, make a right turn over here. How do you know the way to where we are going? I asked. The GPS says that we should turn right, he answered.

The above conversation between me and my son is a perfect example of how life is. The first thing in life is to know your destination meaning; who or what you want to become in your future life. In our case, we knew our destination and that is why we had fed our destination address in the GPS. That's the same way we are supposed to feed our ambitions in our minds and commit them to God in prayer so as to stay focused in the direction we are headed. From this day forward, please adopt this GPS analogy in your life. Just like you would program a GPS with a sole intent to get to your destination promptly, program your daily life progress with your destiny. Once you set your destination, no matter how many times you fail, you will re-calculate, get back on track and eventually get to your destiny.

After deciding your destiny, it's very imperative to stay on the right track and make the right choices in life in order to avoid life difficulties because your destiny is tied to your decisions. The above conversation between my son and I about the importance of choosing to obey all the traffic rights and the road signs is analogy that helps in understanding how important it is to make good choices in life. In other words, if you keep making wrong choices in life, you may end up taking a very long time to get to your destination or worse still, you may never get there.

Life is just like a street. You keep driving with full confidence when you have the directions to get to your destination. However, you will come to realize that some traffic rights take longer to turn green than others depending on how busy the street is. That is the same way in life. Sometimes we take more time to plan on our next move but that should not mean that we will not make one. Though the traffic right may sometimes take long to give you the right of way or the go ahead, when it finally turns green, it's your time to proceed.

All the same, one thing that should always linger in our minds is; the road to success is always under construction. With that in mind, don't be taken by surprise when you see signs like; men working ahead, merge left, no shoulders ahead, please detour, road closed ahead and many more. Here is where the problem strikes. As a driver, you are subjected to limited choices; turn and go back, slow down, stop and wait or detour. This analogy perfectly illustrates how human life is subjected to obstacles which foster limited choices in life. Times without number, people have encountered obstacles like; losing a job, failing academically, dropping out of school and the list goes on. All the same, some have quit and gone back to their 'comfort zones', others have decided to permanently dwell on their problems without any efforts of moving ahead, while others have detoured and continued with their journey with a sole purpose of beating all odds and overcoming all the obstacles.

Although the ones who detour arrive to their destination late, they surely make it just like the saying; 'better late than never.' With that in mind, the best choice in life is to slow down but press on or detour and continue with your journey with all means possible without failure as an option. Please don't quit in life, always approach life challenges from different angles or directions and I promise you without a shadow of doubt; You will finally make it.

Anytime you make a wrong turn while driving, your GPS helps you to get back to the right track or re-routes you by giving you an alternative route without you re-feeding your destination address again. This is the same formula that God uses after feeding him with your ambitions in life. Anytime you make a mistake, God gives you a new direction towards your ambition despite your mistakes. Although it might take you a little longer to get to your destiny, you will finally get there.

Without any doubt, God is your master GPS in life. Nevertheless, he has lined up terrestrial help to aid you when navigating through the myriad challenges of life. This includes; parents, guardians, teachers, pastors, counselors, true friends, siblings and the society at large. These are your life's honcho with a great responsibility to guide, counsel, offer moral support and advice you when need arises to ensure that you succeed in life. After feeding your GPS with the right address to your destination which I compare to hearkening to the advice from reliable sources, take the right streets and obey all the rules (put the advice you get into practice) you will without any reasonable doubt, drive to arrive alive. (prosper in life).

For many parents and guardians, parenting teens have become a dream if not a nightmare which has forced them into a state of despondency. All the same, please don't give up. For you to overcome the challenge and change teens' mindset to merge your wish, it's very important to know that you have to first relate to them as they are not how you wish they would be. It's also very imperative to keep in mind that parenting is a God mandated responsibility and God cannot assign you a responsibility beyond your ability. As we struggle to guide our teens and bring them up in knowledge and the fear of God which is the beginning of wisdom, (Proverbs 9:10) we are encountering a lot of challenges and some of us parents have totally lost hope and given up. All the same, please be encouraged and step up to the challenge because; in serving the best interests of children, we serve the best interests of all humanity.

This book is an empowerment, edification and itinerary tool that addresses pivotal issues which will ensure efficacy to our children's present and future life through emphasizing strong life acumen from childhood through teenage all the way to adulthood. It will not only help you realize the detrimental beliefs, practices and ideologies that leads our children into a life of misery, it will also edify and hone you on ways to rekindle your hope, gear up and finally put every detail back on track by surmounting numerous formidable life challenges. By reading this book, you will be leading your future to your predestined destiny.

Youth empowerment is addressed as a gateway to intergenerational equity, civic engagement and democracy building. It's an attitudinal, structural and cultural process whereby young people gain the ability, authority and agency to make positive decisions and implement change in their own lives, the lives of others in the society and also the lives of future generations. The activities involved therein may focus on; youth led media, youth rights, youth councils, youth activism, youth volunteer, youth involvement in community decision making, talent tapping and shaping among others.

Although it's difficult to accept that your teenager is in the process of moving away from you a process called developmental individuating and starting to become independent as he or she struggles to leave in freedom, it's very imperative to let your teen know that freedom comes with responsibilities. Otherwise, he or she is doomed to become a failure in life if he or she leads a life of freedom without being responsible.

A perfect example is a father who is training his or her child to ride a bike. The key factor in the process of learning how to ride a bike is the ability to balance on your own. In that regard, what the father (trainer) does is hold the bike seat and run along with the child who is paddling as he or she struggles to balance alone. Bit by bit, the father will release the child but grab the seat anytime he realizes that the child has not acquired enough balance to ride free. When the child can finally balance alone, the father lets go the seat and the child rides the bike freely. Although the child is now free to ride the bike without any help, at times, he or she might lose balance and fall since he or she has not acquired enough experience. When that happens, it's the responsibility of the father to pick him or her up, put him or her back to the seat and repeat the training process while encouraging the child not to give up while citing the words of Nelson Mandela; 'No easy way to freedom.'

As parents and guardians, that is the same thing that happens in our daily lives when raising children. During their tender age, you make sure that you hold them tight enough and offer maximum security as they grow. When they become teenagers, it's time to release them bit by bit and grab them back if they are not responsible enough to leave their lives freely. Finally, when they are responsible enough, you can let them go free but be sure to pick them up and put them back on the right track whenever they encounter teen challenges like; alcohol and substance use or abuse, unwanted sex, mood swing, body image among other natural occurrences or adopted mischievous lifestyles. As a loving and caring parent, it's also your responsibility to always support, guide and encourage your teen. To put matters at rest and get a gist of your God mandated role as a parent or guardian, you have a full responsibility over your teens despite the fact that they are in the process of developmental individuating.

One of the biggest issues facing today's teens is what their parents believe about effective parenting. Most parents are trying so hard to raise their kids the absolute best way they can but are being led astray by some ill informed sources but good sounding parenting principles. To clear the misconception, doing all you can to protect your teen from discomfort or disappointments is not effective parenting. The role of parents is to prepare their teens for adulthood. Nevertheless, most parents are protecting teens from setbacks or sadness an act that impedes teens' mettle and fosters their failure to handle life as adults setting them up for real struggles later in life. It goes without saying that; 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' Although this is not the very best parenting advice most parents would like to hear, I believe that it wouldn't hurt this generation of teens if it gets a bit more of an airing.

Parenting teens with the goal of keeping them happy or preventing them from enduring any form of hardship is not a beneficial way at all despite the prevailing sentiment of modern parenting. In fact, it runs counter to the process of raising someone to be a well-adjusted adult, able to live a life of meaning and purpose. Although most of teen parents cannot agree, I get the sense that the prevailing sentiment of 21st century parenting and education focuses a great deal on the achievement, success and praise of their children. I can't help the feeling that there is an increasing aversion to risk and less tolerance of failure than there has been in the past.

In the present world, being an effective parent of teens requires discernment about when to step in and when to let events unfold. The older your teenager gets the less you should be stepping in. However, there will be times when your teen will be putting himself, herself or others in danger or any kind of harm be it physical or psychological and this should be the appropriate time to step in. Although not all times, there will be numerous occasions when it is best just to let your teen handle a situation their way, even when you are sure it will finally end in tears.

The other crucial application in parenting is a strong and reliable parent-child relationship. Just like any other relationship, parenting is all about a strong connection between a parent and a child which aids in ensuring a perpetuity parent-child relationship. One important thing that parents need to understand is that; unlike marital relationship which involves two adults, parent-child relationship is more challenging to establish and maintain in the sense that one party (the child) in the relationship is still going through cognitive development and his or her ability to distinguish between good and evil, understand and reason extensively is limited. Despite the differential aspects in parent-child relationship, it's always important for every parent to keep it in mind that a relationship is like a bank where the interest earned is always based on the amount deposited. In other words, the personalities you get from your child are a direct reflex of the input you inculcate in his or her life. Your children are your mirror, what you see in them is what is in you. I can't say it better than this; Children are good imitators, always give them something good to imitate. When you establish a good rapport and a viable relationship between you and your child, it becomes an assurance of better social capital.

This book will help to wave the flag for a less controlled and more holistic approach to raising teens. It's a reminder for both parents and teens that; failure, mistakes and disappointments play an important and inevitable role in life and therefore should be allowed and acknowledged rather than avoided and downplayed if we need to achieve perpetuity of responsible future generations. Having said that, please buckle up and fasten your belts because you are in for a real ride.

My school of thought

Just like it is in academics where college education is considered to be the bridge to a better career, in general life, positive teenage character is the central decision stage or the platform of one's adult future life and a bridge to a better adulthood. In other words, just like college is the bridge to your career, so is teenage the bridge to one's adulthood. For teens to observe a positive teenage life, it's our responsibility as loving and caring parents to ensure that our children are thoroughly primed by the time they reach prepubescent stage. This will ensure that they are well equipped with sufficient integrity to face their future independent life with enough courage and confidence and overcome the myriad teenage challenges bearing in mind that; when the lives and the rights of children are at stake, there should be no silent witnesses.

Chapter 1

SELF IDENTITY (SEEK FOR SELF / WHO AM I?)

BE YOURSELF EVERYONE ELSE IS TAKEN

Who am I? In a dire quest to answer this question which is the bridge that everyone has to cross during the navigation towards destiny, man has for many years invested time, energy and material resources but most of his efforts have been rendered futile. Without any shadow of doubt, the seek for self (who I am) question is extremely diverse. For many centuries, this question has been one of the most difficult conundrums among psychologists, philosophers and theologians despite their efforts of trying to answer it in myriad ways over a very long period of time and from one generation to another. Although part of this question can be answered by applying different aspects of humanity in reference to an individual person, a concrete answer to this question is hidden in the individual's purpose of existence. In other words, the question; who am I have to shift to, why am I here or rather; what is my purpose of existence?

Purpose does not only give time and life a meaning, it also disciplines your behavior and chooses your habits subsequently dispensing you to your destiny. Although I am not very sure how many people will agree with my school of thought that this is a million-dollar question, one thing I am absolutely sure of is that every human being will have a moment in life to ask himself or herself this question; Who am I? The crux of the matter is; self-identity still remains one of the greatest ubiquitous challenge among all human beings. While most people view success in terms of pecuniary achievement or fame, the truth of the matter is, success is the accomplishment and total fulfillment of one's purpose in life to the extent of self-actualization.

Nevertheless, the worst catastrophe in a human being's life is failure to find one's purpose in life. To put matters at rest, the three very important days on every individual's life are; the day you were born, the day you become a born again Christian and the day you find your purpose in life. An individual's purpose in life leads to realization of self-identity or rather, self-identity is well established after finding one's purpose in life. Without purpose, you can neither attain self-identity nor become successful in life. In other words, without purpose you can never reach your destiny. That's why all kinds of life challenges sets in when a person fails to find his or her purpose or rather self-identify himself or herself in life. Failure to perceive your self-identity will hinder the release of your potential towards success in life and render you to settle in mediocrity.

The truth of the matter is; if you don't know who you are, you will settle for who or what you are not. In other words, if you do not stand for something, you will fall for anything. Purpose is the greatest aspect of self-identity and that's why you should be willing to do whatever it takes in order to find your purpose. Finding your purpose in life will not only enable you to stand a better chance of becoming successful, it will also be an assurance of getting to your destiny. On the other hand, you will never live a happy and successful life in this world if you fail to live a purpose driven life. The very moment you acquire self-identity, you get to know your purpose and the moment you get to know your purpose, you automatically embark on a journey to your destiny. Purpose is the fuel that drives you to your destiny.

It's of great importance to understand that success in life isn't measured by monetary, material wealth or fame but rather living a life of one's purpose. (purpose driven life) Unfortunately, very few people in life understands this secret. That's why millions of people wake-up frustrated every morning as they head to their usual jobs to earn more money. On the other hand, to them that know their purpose in life, they always wake-up happy every day with great enthusiasm as they head to their work. The difference between job and work is; while a job is a skill, work (purpose) is a gift.

Now that you know the difference, please go ahead and ask yourself this question; do I wake- up every morning to go to my job or do I wake-up every morning to go to my work? Since I don't want you to get confused, here is a perfect example. Nelson Mandela one of the greatest heroes of our generation graduated from Witwatersrand University with a law degree which qualified him a lawyer's job. Nevertheless, he realized that his purpose in life was to liberate the people of South Africa from apartheid. His purpose as an anti- apartheid revolutionist and a philanthropist revealed his work in life. That's why he had to sacrifice his job as a lawyer in place of his work as a freedom fighter. In a dire urge to feed the need for his purpose of ensuring a free South Africa, he woke up every morning in a prison cell for twenty-seven years until apartheid was totally abolished and freedom prevailed among all the people of South Africa. Nelson Mandela did not only liberate his country from apartheid, he as well reached self-actualization by becoming the first president of free South Africa where he ruled the country to his octogenarian.

The bible puts it this way; 'we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared in advance as our way of life.' Ephesians 2:10 In other words, you were born to start something that God had already finished for you. You are not here as an experiment; you are here as an assignment because your purpose is trapped inside you. The problem is that you are too occupied with your job which is gradually suffocating your work. (Purpose) It's very imperative to understand that your worth is in your work not in your job.

As people continue living restless and unhappy lives of earning and spending money having not found their purpose in life, so does stress, depression, suicide, alcohol and drug use and abuse continue to take lives away denying the world numerous talents, ideas, skills, wisdom and inventions that are hidden inside of them which will never become a reality. From my school of thought, the most treasures in life are not hidden in the tranquil game reserves of Masai Mara, the gold mines of South Africa, the oil fields of Saudi Arabia, the diamond mines of Botswana or the skyscrapers of Abu dhabi or New York but rather in the grave yards where millions of ideas were put to rest without having been put into practice.

Since self-identity is a matter of you as an individual, you should always live a life that is totally in tune with your authentic self (who you were created to be) not your fictional self. (who people have told you to be) The authentic self is; the you that can only be found or perceived at your absolute core. In other words, authentic self is the level of existence that is the real, true, genuine substance of whom you are and who you were created to be. It's the part of you that is not defined by your job, function or role but rather the composite of all your talents, ideas, skills, wisdom and inventions.

Your failure to live faithfully to your authentic self doesn't only give you a sense of incompletion, it also hinders you from finding your purpose in life. In most cases, your purpose in life is expressed through discernment of your talents, ideas, skills, wisdom and inventions. Nevertheless, ignoring them and performing assigned or inherited roles entitles you to live a life of fictional self. Fictional self does not only give you false information about who you are and your purpose in life, it also blocks the information you need in order to maintain the connection with your; self-identity.

Although monumental efforts of answering the self-identity question have been made through time, the truth of the matter is; no human being can explore the entire labyrinth of human consciousness. Many are the cases when hurdles arise making some parts of self to be poorly understood, forgotten or fallacious. Difficult circumstances such as resources may also lead to excessive self-doubt, insecurity or inaccuracy. In that regard, you have to ensure that your quest for self-identity is a Godly directive because that's the only way you will be guaranteed of an identity where God is the foundation. God is your maker who knew your purpose long before he created you just like the bible puts it. 'Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.' Psalm 139:16

Self-identity is a matter of realizing and upholding to whoever you were born to be. All the same, most people struggle with self-identity because they try to live a life out of their own independent thinking, knowledge and understanding of who they think they ought to be rather than consulting God about their purpose in life. God has already ordered your steps, yours is to determine the strides. Please let this become your wake-up call as you consult God about your purpose in life as it's written in the book of Proverbs 19:21 'Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.' In the book of Romans 8:28, apostle Paul puts it this way; 'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.' It's very important to understand this concept. Otherwise, you might waist a lot of time searching your purpose from the wrong places and for the wrong reasons.

If well understood, purpose is personal but not private. That's why what lies before you and behind you are just a tiny matter compared to what lies within you. This is how the bible puts it; 'you dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 1st John 4:4 Having found your purpose in life as per God's will, you should go ahead and commit it to the Lord just like we are ordered to do in the book of Proverbs 16:3; 'Commit to the LORD whatever you do and he will establish your plans.' When God gives you a vision, it's your responsibility to make it a mission so that God can do the provision. In other words, God gives power to purpose.

It's very unfortunate on see how millions of people are living hopeless lives out of desperation. The bible clearly says that; 'for everything God created, there is a purpose.' Proverbs 16:4. There is no any reason to live a hopeless life when God has already pre-destined your destiny. Before he created you, he already had a plan, a purpose and a destiny over your life and that's why the scriptures are crystal clear in the book of Isaiah 46:10; 'I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times what is still to come. I say, 'My plan will stand, and I will accomplish my purpose.' This is a clear indication that you are not a mistake in the world. God knew your destiny before you were born. Please remember that God is not a man that he can tell a lie.

Just like a manufacture produces a product with total confidence that the product will not only fulfill its purpose but also become a success in the market, so does God create every human being with a purpose which should yield to success in life. Nevertheless, the secret behind any product's success is outlined inside the manual which accompanies the product. In order to achieve the destined purpose of the product, you have to read, understand and follow all the instructions as per the manual. Here is where the rubber totally misses the road, most people if not all don't take their time to read through the manual and follow the instructions as per manufacture's request. In numerous cases, they apply the trial and era method and end up misusing, mishandling or abusing the product thus failing to attain the maximum destined purpose of that product.

When you fail to achieve the destined purpose of the product which most likely happens due to disobeying the manufacture's request of reading, understanding and following the instructions in the manual, out of his confidence in his product, the manufacture is so generous and that's why his product comes with a warrant. The warrant guarantees either fixing the product or replacing it with a new one. But why does the manufacture care so much about the success of his product? Why fix or replace the product for free? The only reason for doing all this is to protect his good reputation. In any business, a good reputation is everything. Good reputation ensures myriad sales and keeps the business going. The bible supports this claim in the book of Proverbs 22:1; 'a good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.' The manufacture well understands that; the success of his product means more and more business which in return means more and more cash.

The above analogy is totally applicable in a human being's life as a way of finding one's purpose, getting self-identity and leading a successful life. When God created you, he gave you laws, rules and the instructions to follow which are outlined in his manual called the bible. Just like the manufacture's manual, most Christians don't take their time to read, understand and follow the laws, rules and instructions in the bible concerning their lives. It's out of their ignorance to read the bible that they end up living lives out of God's will, a reason that hinders them from achieving their purpose in life. Pursuit of God doesn't only help you find your purpose in life, it also ensures that your purpose is in alignment with God's plans which ultimately guarantees success in life. That's why the book of Psalms 57:2 says; 'I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.'

If the manufacturer's products come with a warrant, did God issue a warrant when he created you? Of course he did. Just like a manufacture, God is totally confident about your success and his promises are evident in the book of Jeremiah 29:11; 'for I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' These scriptures clearly indicate that God has a full responsibility as your creator or manufacturer to preserve his good reputation so that you can believe he is who the bible says he is.

But how does God's guarantee his warrant? The bible clearly says; 'Come now, let us settle the matter,' says the LORD. 'Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.' Isaiah 1:18 With these scriptures encrypted in your fingertips, you should be certain of God's warrant in your life and you don't have any reason to live a hopeless life out of desperation and fear from your previous downfalls. God guarantees new mercies every morning as well as renewed strength. With that in mind, you are guaranteed to find your purpose if you adhere to and live by his rules and regulations.

Study shows that the question; 'Who am I' is mostly common among teens during prepubescent when puberty kicks in. Nonetheless, this question continues to linger in their minds through adolescence and beyond. Although their cognitive development which is the ability of the brain to begin processing more abstract thoughts in teens will hinder teens from achieving a productive answer at their age and stage in life of which many of these thoughts are focused on themselves through this new developmental ability, they should always incorporate their thoughts with the scriptures in the book of Jeremiah 33:3 which says; 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' In the book of Ecclesiastes 12:1; God convokes the young generation to his kingdom through this words; 'remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, I find no pleasure in them. In that regard, the act of seeking God's counsel will help teens realize their purpose in life through the manifestation of God's promises that he will disclose marvelous things that are beyond their imagination.

Although teens may have asked themselves this question before, (who am I?) they might not have had adequate mental capacity to process the answer in a deep way therefore living in Identity diffusion whereby there is no commitment to their way of thinking and no concern about that lack of commitment. At their age and stage in life, being unable to face the necessity of identity development and avoiding exploration or making commitments by remaining in an amorphous state of identity diffusion is not biased. Identity diffusion is a normal phase in personality development. However, as adolescents, the journey towards self-reflection and self-perception sets in. With that in mind, quests to have the right answer to the million-dollar question (who am I?) will now be more profound where a teen develops a greater need for identity achievement which in turn aids him or her in answering the question; 'Who am I?' or in other words, gives him or her; self-identity.

Self-identity achievement is a matter of a sequence of ten different questions which appear under five different categories. Each category has a question (s) with an impact towards your total achievement and fulfillment in your life. The application of these questions holds the entire schema of self-identity deposition and purpose fulfillment. Below are the different categories and the questions in reference to choosing a college major.

Although the above questions relate to a teen student who is looking forward to attainting a career after graduating college. Every field of life comes with questions that begin with why, who, what, will, can, do, how, which, when and where. The first two questions are universal to every human being since God created everything and everyone with a purpose. Where purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable. That's why you find some people abusing their bodies through tobacco, drugs, alcohol, pornography, prostitution and many more acts of immorality just because they don't know their purpose in life.

Both purpose and self-identity are extremely crucial in realizing one's potential or ability in life. It's important to keep in mind that self-identity is a personal issue. Your potential should not be determined by people's opinions but rather by your ability. People will limit you to how they meet you, define you by how they see you and lock you in a prison of fulfilling a limited expression of your purpose in life. Nevertheless, thank God because when it comes to your ability, the scriptures are at the surface; 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.' Philippians 4:13 These scriptures are also fraught with the truth behind the death and resurrection of Christ which was; to expiate your past and salvage your future.

Finding your purpose will render you to release your potential. After you have found your potential, it's important to remember that there is always a time frame in everything you do. With that in mind, you should deploy a good plan towards your destiny because you don't have forever to fulfill your purpose. Although the best way to waste time is failing to find your purpose in life, failure to execute your purpose is equally unconscionable. Having found your purpose in life, you will be somehow safe with matters pertaining time. All the same, you need to lay out a good plan towards accomplishing your purpose. There is an English adage that says; 'failing to plan is planning to fail.' What does the bible say about planning? 'The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.' Proverbs 21:5 Please plan to use your time wisely because time to do right is always ripe.

When all is said and done, your destiny is the last result and it should align with your purpose. In other words, if you fail to find your purpose, you will never have a destiny. Destiny is a future mark of a person or the end product of your purpose. Having a plan in your life ensures a successful destiny because the value of life is not measured by duration but rather by donation. With that in mind, are you determined to lead a purpose driven life and bequeath knowledge, wisdom and other beneficial resources to the world and also leave a legacy behind? The choice is all yours.

Aspects of self-identity

In the book of Luke 4:1-12, we read the narrative of how Jesus was tested in the wilderness by Satan. It's very imperative to know that Satan tested Jesus at a point of his vulnerability since he had starved for forty days in the wilderness. Nevertheless, Jesus did not only observe the three aspects of self-identity which are; know, be and do, he also did it in their sequence as per the book of Daniel 11:32b, 'but the people who know their God shall be strong, and do exploits.'

➢ Know: He knew he was the son of God. (Mathew 3:17)

➢ Be: Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9b)

➢ Do: Everywhere he went, he did well. (Acts 10:38)

All the three tests that Jesus underwent were totally based on three ideologies that most people term as success in life as outlined below.

Performance based ideology: If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.

Possession based ideology: "I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. If you worship me, it will all