How to Build Children with Integrity

By Karen Budzinski

Raising the next generation of children is more distracting than ever. We want to raise children with purpose, who excel not only in their pursuits but in the character that makes them victorious when life throws them challenges. How do you give your children the best opportunities without feeding the narcissism prevalent in our selfie society? By giving them integrity.

Building children requires integrity: the wholeness that comes from knowing who you are, what you stand for and what you live for. Integrity is consistent; it can be counted on. Building children with integrity helps them to own the ethics and character that will stand against the flood of social opposition to strong values.

How to Build Children with Integrity is a toolbox of resources and ideas for parents and those who are involved with children. This book is meant to be used as a springboard to inspire people to think of how they can take normal everyday life and build something lasting in children along the way. As we dedicate ourselves to these tasks, results will follow.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Aug 10, 2018
• ISBN: 9781973633716

Karen Budzinski

Karen and her husband Gary were married in 1981. In 1984, they had their first child; by 1989, they had five children. Karen began challenging and teaching women to strengthen their relationships in 1981. She did not realize at that time that her life work would be dedicated to helping others build better relationships. Karen is the author of How to Build an Enduring Marriage, published in 2014. She shares her passion to help others live victoriously by teaching in America and abroad. Karen and Gary’s sons and daughters are all married, and have made Karen and Gary grandparents to fourteen children ages 6 and under and counting. Karen and Gary reside in Michigan.

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Copyright © 2018 Karen Budzinski

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

ISBN: 978-1-9736-3372-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-3373-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-3371-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018908114

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/01/2018

Unless otherwise indicated, scripture is taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations taken from the Amplified® Bible (AMP), © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org

Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from THE MESSAGE, © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (TLB) are taken from The Living Bible © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture is taken from GOD’S WORD®, © 1995 God’s Word to the Nations. Used by permission of Baker Publishing Group.

The New Testament in Modern English by J.B Phillips © 1960, 1972 J. B. Phillips. Administered by The Archbishops’ Council of the Church of England. Used by Permission.

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Preface

Chapter 1 I Can Be Content With Who

I Am and What I Have

Chapter 2 I Am Part of a Family

Chapter 3 It Doesn’t Always Have to Be About Me

Chapter 4 I Can Make a Difference in My World

Chapter 5 I Am Responsible for My Responses

Chapter 6 I Can Deny Myself

Chapter 7 I Am a Work in Progress

Chapter 8 I Can Expend Efforts

Chapter 9 I Can Get Along with Others

Chapter 10 I Can Be Perfectly Joyful in an Imperfect World With Imperfect People

Appendix A The Parable of Our Lives

Appendix B Character Attributes and How to Teach Them

Appendix C Powerful Ways to Develop

Spiritual Strength in Children

Appendix D Some of Our Favorite Family Traditions

Appendix E Church Mentorship and Mentoring

Appendix F 10 Most Important Facts About Homeschooling

Appendix G Favorite Resources for Training Children

Endnotes

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all parents and teachers

and those who hold babies and children

in their arms and in their hearts.

Those who know they desire to be more

so they can give more

to the children entrusted to their care.

Those who realize that when they hold children,

they hold their greatest legacy.

Those who realize that their hearts

are grasped by tiny little fists.

Those who want to learn and grow,

if only so they have more to give.

Those who intend to pave the way

and move obstacles out of the path,

so that their children can travel life’s road

as unimpeded and unrestricted as possible.

Those who intend to fight for and win victories,

if only so their children can be more victorious.

Those willing to step outside their norms,

to take responsibility, to keep on trying,

and to believe that they can be a part of

positive change, healing, and renewal

in training the next generation.

Those who have the humility to admit what they don’t have,

and go after what they need,

so they can empower the next generation

to swim against normal

to reach unprecedented levels

of contentment, fulfillment, and purpose,

shining in the midst of a crooked generation

like a city built on a hill that can’t be hidden.

Parents who are willing to build like Nehemiah built,

fighting opposition simultaneously.

Amazing parents who want to read, grow, and

advance with the belief that

they and their children are still

for signs and wonders in the earth.

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank our children and the many moms who have repeatedly asked me to write a book detailing how I purposefully trained our children. Such a book could be utilized to encourage and assist others while raising their children. Since there are so many good resources available, I resisted sharing such an intimate part of my life and heart. I am so grateful for those who continued to compel me because they wanted the backstage strategies I lived out; without their persistence, I would not have completed this project.

I want to thank my husband and my best friend, Gary Budzinski, who consistently encouraged me to write this book. He is the most dedicated and diligent worker I have ever known. Despite often working the equivalent of two full-time jobs each week, which required him to be out of town or country, he has backed me up and walked alongside me, combining efforts and strategies to build children with integrity. It has been a privilege to walk through life with him. His passion, integrity, and character, together with his consistent dedication to the Lord, shines brightly in his life of excellence and devotion to his family. I am so grateful to have a husband that lives an uncompromising life in a compromising world.

I would like to thank my adult children and their spouses: Jesse and Amber Budzinski, Hannah and Gabriel Bahlhorn, Bethany and Michael Moon, Christa and Brandon Doto, and Daniel and Elizabeth Budzinski. Each one makes the world a better place and lights up my life and the lives of those around them. Each has brought to life my prayers from Psalm 127.4 and Isaiah 8.18. I am grateful they continue to allow me to be an important part of their lives.

I would like to acknowledge my grandchildren, fourteen as of the time of this book: Cora, Sienna, Mila, Beckham, Finnley, Alivia, Asher, Aria, Tessa, Hazel, Colton, Everly, Ivy, and Daniel. They are little world-changers already, and I am privileged to be a part of building the legacies they can follow. They also give me fresh opportunities to eat cotton candy, chase fireflies, catch frogs, and jump on trampolines. I am most alive in their presence, delighting in their expressions and enjoying the newness of their discoveries.

I would like to acknowledge my mom who is my constant source of inspiration and strength. She continually demonstrates that it is possible to climb over obstacles and to have your life shout the glory of God rather than using those obstacles as excuses to give up the fight. Her wisdom, tough love, and motivation provide both a solace and goad to me. Her faith still moves mountains and knows no limits.

I am forever grateful for my sister, Laurie Piccolo, the one with whom I walk through life, our arms linked together. She is part of my earliest memories, knows everything about me, fiercely loves me, and celebrates and sorrows with me as if we are attached. She can finish my sentences. She sees the best in me and can untangle my thoughts and make me laugh even through soul storms. Through every mountaintop and valley, she is there to encourage and strengthen me, with our shared number one goal in life: to hear Well done, good and faithful servant at the end.¹

I would also like to acknowledge the self-professed president of my fan club, my sister Diane Fisher. She encouraged and supported this project before it was birthed in my heart. Her love lifted me, and when she left, she took a piece of my heart. I miss her so much, my sweet little firework. I know we will be together again. Her cheering still echoes in her absence. The story of her life, for those who will listen, accomplishes her vision of being a life coach.

I especially want to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Your Word and Spirit have taught and empowered me and shown me how to live and give beyond my limited understanding. Walking with You has taught me to trust that Your plans are always for peace and not evil, to give [me] an expected end.² Living by Your principles has allowed my days to be as You desired with the blessings of Deuteronomy 28.

Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams—to Him be glory in the Church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen (so be it).³

Introduction

When I was single, I was proud that in my large upper flat I could find anything blindfolded. Obsessive with order and career pursuits, I had a place for everything, and everything was in its place. When my Prince Charming came along and swept me off my feet, I answered yes to his surprise marriage proposal—after informing him that I needed a lot of space, and ensuring that he was as obsessive with order as I was.

Two years later, before I knew I was pregnant, my husband and I were chaperones for a church youth group on a 500-mile bike trip from Boston to up-state New York. Even though I normally have inexhaustible energy, I fatigued easily as we biked an average of 100 miles per day in the mountains. After the trip, my normal energy was nowhere in sight. Thinking I may have contracted mononucleosis, I went for tests. Much to our surprise and contrary to our carefully designed plans, we were expecting a baby. And from that moment on, our baby began changing our world.

Admittedly, I was a bit hostile to this interruption of our plans. We had marked my path because I loved my job and had planned on pursuing a long-term career. But I made a 180-degree turn and notified my employer I would be staying at home to raise our child. Immediately, I began to be conscientious about what I was eating and doing, staying away from anything that could be harmful to our baby.

Everything my husband and I did suddenly revolved around our soon-coming child. We prepared a room, and began to read up on parenting. We read to our baby before he was born. I changed my workout schedule to accommodate pregnancy.

When the moment came that we held our first-born child in our arms, we knew that all our decisions from that point on would be with his best interests in mind. Our personal pursuits seemed of little worth compared to making a future filled with opportunity for our child. Not only would we do anything to catch his attention or make him laugh, but also from that point on we would do anything we could, and sacrifice anything we had, to make his life better.

In the following 5-1/2 years, we had four additional surprises. My husband’s work required him to travel an average of four days a week. My obsession for order and my career pursuits disappeared along with any space I needed to call my own.

These rapid changes drove me closer and closer to the Lord. I began to see God’s awesome plan for our family. My eyes were opened to the rewards that God gave me through these children He entrusted to my care. I’ve seen firsthand what the Bible tells us: For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.⁴

When we focus on God’s plan for our lives, it moves us into a different realm of living. Accepting Jesus as Savior, we become heirs of His Kingdom – and soon we discover the eternal truth that …the kingdom of God is within us.⁵

With our spiritual eyes wide open, we discover that ours is a spiritual world. Our spiritual lives govern our physical lives. Our spiritual choices determine our physical direction in life.

The meaning of the Scripture verse in Mark 10.14-15 came alive in my soul. Jesus said unto them, Suffer (permit) the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein.

How did we receive our little child? He changed our world. His interests were never out of our minds. That is the way that Jesus said we are to receive the Kingdom of God. Kingdom living should change our world. Our focus is to be on Christ first and foremost. His interests are never to be out of our minds.

As a parent, we are now able to learn first-hand the awesome father-heart of God. We also see clearly how God sees His children as we relate to our children. As we see trials and blessings in how our children respond to our love (or turn away from it), we can understand the heart of God as He sees how we, His children, respond or turn away from His love. Your love for God and your children grows as you see constant parallels to your spiritual life through raising your children.

Children are a heritage, an inheritance, and a reward from God.⁶ As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.⁷ Your children will be sent out to impact their world and future generations—for good or for bad. As you realize both the privilege and the responsibility you have been given in raising God’s children, you will begin to see His glory at work in your families. His plan is for your family to be signs and wonders in the earth. Behold, I and the children whom the LORD hath given me are for signs and for wonders in Israel from the LORD of hosts, which dwelleth in mount Zion.⁸

The awesome responsibility to raise the children God has entrusted to your care and to demonstrate to them first-hand the love of God requires that you first know and then demonstrate integrity and the character of God in your life. Teaching your children to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and then all other things will be added requires that you first have His Word foremost in your mind and heart, then teach and impress them diligently upon the minds and hearts of your children.⁹

This spiritual and character development will not happen by accident, just as our spiritual growth and character do not happen by accident. Maturity will be the result of focused and consistent effort and sacrifice. Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over.¹⁰

There were many lessons I’ve learned in my life that I’ve wanted to impart to our children. There were also attributes that I needed to build into my life before I could pour into the lives of our children. When I was a child, I searched for significance and impact. Along my life’s journey, I needed to learn how to make that significance and impact realistic and achievable, and to keep it in the proper perspective. Some life-lessons instantly changed me. Other lessons took time through the school of hard knocks and failures. I wanted to help our children learn some of the principles that molded my life, at an earlier age and without some of the struggles.

One Christmas, my husband gave me a camera. Although I had eyed prosumer cameras before, I had decided to stay away from them because it seemed there was too much to learn before I could enjoy taking pictures. Snap and shoot seemed an easier option, even though it didn’t offer the myriad of possibilities for enhancing, transmitting, repairing, and sharing photos that the more complicated digital camera offered. Suddenly I was the owner of a new camera that offered a multitude of options. I had to go to the manual for help.

If a hand-held camera can seem so mysterious and confusing, how much more puzzling is living? Every day we are bombarded with an over-abundance of choices. With cellular phones and computer accessibility in cars and planes, we have the entire world at our fingertips. To top it off, the world seems to have access to us too. The media has introduced and condoned lifestyles and concepts that have infiltrated into our homes and ultimately invaded our minds. Outlandish and sometimes abhorrent ideas that would never have made it into the front door of our homes have overrun the airwaves and have forced resignation and even defection from traditional values, resulting in broken homes and lives.

Assailed with such a multitude of opinions, we need to go to the manual for help. The Bible is the manual, written supernaturally by the One who made us and knows us. Only by knowing the Word of God, and the Author, can we discover the lives we were created to live.

I have used different relationship tools to build a strong marriage and other relationships. I equipped our children with those same tools to build their relationships. Picture each of your children having a large empty toolbox at the end of their beds. As you go through your days with them, you are filling their toolboxes with the tools you use for life situations. When your children leave your home, they take their toolbox with them, equipped for their lives and their futures with the tools they carry with them.

Physically, this concept is easier to comprehend than spiritually. For example, when my toddler began to cry because he was hungry, I knew that I needed to feed him. If I didn’t have anything to feed him, I knew I had to go get something right away.

The same principle applies spiritually and in developing character attributes. When my toddlers became impatient or easily angered, I realized that in order to equip them with the character attributes they needed to get through their frustrations, first I had to possess and demonstrate the attributes I desired to pass on to our children. As I taught our children how I walked in victory in the areas where they struggled, I saw that if I had not learned how to deal with my frustrations correctly, there would be no way I could teach our children how to deal with their frustrations.

This book will address the principles and practices you need to train your children by first implementing ways to exemplify and strengthen those qualities of integrity inside you. As your children observe you, you are equipping them with the right tools to handle situations. You will learn to count each situation as a training ground to equip your children. Every little frustration, every set-back, every time you don’t get your way are ways to equip your children with integrity and put the right tools in their toolbox.

This book will also be sprinkled with ideas I strategically implemented to equip our children and train them to live lives of excellence and purpose. These ideas are by no means exhaustive.

We are builders. The Bible says that Every wise woman builds her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her (very own [added]) hands… (and sometimes mouth.[added])¹¹

A master builder knows how to build integrity and strength into a house. He knows:

1. The finished product will only be as good as the materials used.

2. A trained eye will equip the builder to know which areas need focus.

3. There will be problems.

A good builder knows that there will be problems; however, difficulty is not a threat to his skills but a challenge. Are you being wise and building or are you destroying the good in your home? What materials are you using to build? Where do you need to focus today? Are you challenged and able to handle the problems? What tools are you putting into your children’s toolboxes? Are you showing your children how to handle disappointments, differences, frustrations, imperfections, and trials correctly as they observe your responses?

This book will help you become more aware of your spiritual leadership for your children, and will help you to give a more positive account for leading them. It will also help you lead your children in a way that makes it easier for them to respect and obey you as a mature leader.

Obey your spiritual leaders and submit to them [continually recognizing their authority over you], for they are constantly keeping watch over your souls and guarding your spiritual welfare, as men who will have to render an account [of their trust]. [Do your part to] let them do this with gladness and not with sighing and groaning, for that would not be profitable to you [either].¹²

As you build children with integrity, the integrity must begin with you. This book is not a how-to-make-sure-your-children-have-integrity guarantee. What your children decide to do with the tools you give them after they leave your home is up to them, but equipping them with vision and character that will help them to make wise choices is up to you.

Your adult sons and daughters may choose to live differently than they were raised. They may even leave principles you taught them while they were growing up. Know that God also has children who choose to reject Him and His teachings. God has demonstrated the heart we are to have for children who cast away strong character to extravagantly waste their lives, spend their substance and live for the day: the prodigal son’s Father was unchanging in His love for His wayward son, and His goodness was patient and constant as He waited and longed for His prodigal to return.¹³

This book is meant to be a handbook to make it easier for you to equip and train your children to live with integrity and to give them the tools they need to make wise choices without being distracted from the most important task of living wisely, with the strong character and purpose that comes from having been given the Word of God and walking with Him. Kept from the evil in the world, because they are in the world but not of it, set apart by the truth that comes from Christ alone.¹⁴ We will explore different aspects of training children, offering fresh insights about how to line up different facets of our lives to the Word of God. Our lives were created to reflect God’s glory. Life is a gift. The present comes with a big bow on it, and is for you to open and enjoy.

I know that some of the techniques I have used to raise our children will encourage and motivate you as you raise your children or as you relate to other children in work, ministry or among family and friends. I know that the Holy Spirit can use some of the ideas in this book to be a springboard to inspire you to tailor activities and traditions that will address specific needs within your sphere of influence.

I am excited to share some of the struggles and victories I’ve experienced while exercising stewardship over God’s children and raising them to His higher standard. He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.¹⁵

As you read and share this book, stretch yourself: think and act outside of your comfort zone. Personalize the principles. Keep notes on the results you see as a result of lifting the bar for yourself and as you train children.

Some of the principles and ideas may seem unfamiliar, but remember, our goal is to train children with integrity: to be out of the ordinary. Be willing to be brutally honest; look deep into your heart; and be open to adjust, tweak, and change. Be patient with yourself as you apply changes to your life and the way you teach and train children. You may slip and forget, but as soon as you realize it, pick yourself back up and keep applying what you have learned.

Those who built the wall and those who bore burdens loaded themselves so that everyone worked with one hand and held a weapon with the other hand. (Nehemiah 4.17 AMP)

Pick up your trowel (to build) in one hand and your sword (to fight opposition) in the other. We are going to start building and fighting for our children’s futures.

God bless you with the fruit of His Spirit as you raise your children to shout His glory.

Preface

If I go out for coffee with you for a few minutes, you may start to get to know me. If you really want to know me, though, you need to spend more time with me: to ask me questions, see my day-in-and-day-out way of living. You need to listen to the words I say, and see my actions in order to know what means the most to me. If you want to know me, but don’t want to listen to what I am saying to you, you probably won’t ever truly know my heart.

God wants us to know Him. To know Him and to know His ways. To make that process easier, God created the entire earth to demonstrate His ways. He gave us nature and life cycles so we can know Him first hand. Creation and all God’s works, the things which comprise our lives and all around us, are real and relatable parables to draw us closer to Him, so that we can relate to Him and know Him more intimately, if we only have eyes to see and ears to hear what He is saying through them.

Jesus spoke to us in parables.¹⁶ He taught in relatable form in order to challenge us to think deeper, to incline our ears to wisdom, and apply our hearts to understanding.¹⁷

That’s why I love parables. The works and wonders of an omniscient God and His ways are clearly seen like a picture book. And we can see it and read it everywhere we turn in everything we do, if our eyes and hearts are open. Once we are personally acquainted with the Artist, we see how the world shouts His story and character without a word.¹⁸

If we pay attention, the parable of our lives can teach us to be incredible and effective parents to our children. At the same time, we will become better acquainted with the Father-heart of God as we experience what He desires to be to us as our Father. [See Appendix A for a more exhaustive study on the parable of our lives.]

As children, we learn how our father on earth loves us, which should help us learn how God feels about us at the same time. Children should learn:

• That they are loved not because of their great accomplishments or because they worship their parents, or go along with their parents’ agendas. They are loved based on the nature and the capacity of their parents to love.

• That their father is the embodiment of what real love is; and He joys over them (even with singing).¹⁹

• That they are safe, protected at all costs by their father, loved with an everlasting love, and honored as the apple of His eye.²⁰

• That their father delights to give them every good gift, (our Heavenly Father says He delights to give us even His kingdom).²¹

As parents, we should learn first-hand how our love is felt and demonstrated towards our children, thus giving us amplified insight into how God feels about us as our Father:

• Parents usually have children so that they can share all they are and have, and so that they can have a meaningful relationship with their children. Parents hope that children will carry on the family name, heart, influence and impact in the world.

• Parents love their babies and delight in them not because of what their babies do or don’t do, or because of their great abilities, but because their babies are an expression of the love of the parents.

• Parents love their children and make provision for them to prosper and have the best life possible, even when it involves great sacrifice on the part of the parents.

• When children hurt, their parents hurt. When children do well, parents rejoice.

The Devil is at all-out war against families, because without families there is no relatable word picture or parable to demonstrate to us and to the world the love and the relationship God desires to have with us. The National Center For Fathering declares More than 20 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a father. Millions more have dads who are physically present, but emotionally absent. If it were classified as a disease, fatherlessness would be an epidemic worthy of attention as a national emergency.²²

Census Bureau statistics show that between 1960 and 2016 the percentage of children living in families with two parents decreased from 88 to 69. They indicate that the second most common family arrangement is children living with a single mother, at 23 percent.²³

Our families need to counteract this problem. The enemy has come in like a flood. We must lift up a standard against him.²⁴ I know of many single parents that have strategically worked diligently to ensure that their children were on the low side of the disastrous statistics facing children that are raised without both parents. If you are in that position, I hope that this book gives you some ideas on how to combat some of the challenges facing you to raise strong children despite this and other obstacles.

The only way to get childhood and parenting in the proper perspective is to get our eyes back on the relationship our earthly relationships are a parable of: our relationship with God. The best way to understand the amazing possibilities and impact that God intends for our earthly relationships is to get our eyes on what He intends for our relationship with His Son Jesus.

Let us now take a journey to discover parenting the way that God intended, as a reward,²⁵ and to realize His love for us as our lives demonstrate the power of God to the world, to be known (perceived, recognized) and read by everybody.²⁶

CHAPTER

I

I Can Be Content With Who

I Am and What I Have

One of the most essential and empowering gifts we can give our children is contentment.

Why is contentment so essential in our lives? Because contentment yields great rewards and helps us appreciate our lives. Contentment sets us free to be some things without having to be all things. Did you ever hold back because you were afraid you wouldn’t be perfect or that you couldn’t do the whole job without some help? Being content in who you are and in who you aren’t will equip you to live without letting your inabilities hold you back.

Contentment gives us consistency because it is not based on external circumstances or events beyond our control. Do you desire joy that is unshakeable in the ups and downs, challenges, and normalcy of daily living? Contentment makes that joy achievable.

Contentment keeps ingratitude out of our lives and locks gratefulness in. Do you find yourself always focusing on what’s missing rather than on what you have? Learning contentment will flip your focus and empower you to look at life, people, and circumstances in a new way. No longer will the things you don’t have restrict you.

Contentment insulates us from envy, depression, struggling, striving, contention, and other negative emotions that accompany discontentment. Wouldn’t you love peace (the absence of negative emotions) to dominate your life?

How do we garner the great gain of contentment in our lives and pass it onto our children?

• Be grateful for what you have; eliminate the Eve Syndrome.

• Make your definition of success one that is achievable and realistic.

• Learn and demonstrate contentment.

• Guard against materialism.

• Replace perfectionism with the pursuit of excellence.

Be grateful for what you have; eliminate the Eve Syndrome

The Eve Syndrome. As long as you have it, you will never be content. How often I see this destroyer of gratefulness in my life and others’. What is the Eve Syndrome, and how do I get rid of it?

Eve wasn’t grateful for all she had. Eve failed to appreciate not only all the trees in the garden she had access to, but even the garden itself. Eve was in the garden called Eden, which means fruitful, well-watered, pleasurable. She had access to numerous and various trees which were beautiful to look at and good to eat.²⁷ But her appreciation was eclipsed by what she could not have, and