Wondering of Inner Self

By Billy D Nagengast

I know what it is like to go through life alone. Not having any one there to help you go through the darken times. Not having any one to share your life with. As I was writing down things, I also wanted to cover other things that happens in our world. To see if people would think about things, and maybe change the way we live our lives before it will be to late. Most of all, to reach out to those that feel alone in life and don't have no one talk to about their darken times. So they know that there is someone that is out there knows and understand what they are going through. In some way to help. I have had some people read my poetry, they told me it helped them. There was even three people was even thinking about killing themselves. Than when they read my words, it helped them. It saved them. So If my words can do that for others. It is worth it, to get my words out there. I can't sing so I figure, poetry is another way to reach out.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 4, 2015
• ISBN: 9781503575769

Book preview

2] Born to be free

When you were young

You had the urge to run

Far and free

As the wild and sea

Then came a time

When you are caught

You thought

I am not free

You cannot run

You cannot breathe

You cannot go, where you want to be

You need to be free

Your life turns dark and gleam?

You just want to be free

For what you were born to be

To be free

3] The love, once we shared

Once we loved each other

We thought, we always going to be

As

The love we shared

Was still not there

Now, we’re not together

As your life has turned another page

You have found another

Our love, is now gone

Never again, will it be

What we had

Was out of our hearts

The love, we shared

Will never disappear, forever

As far as we may be

You will always be close to my heart

4] Love for two

Now, my heart is confused

Because

My heart is for two

My heart has formed another

As it still for the other

I don’t know, what to do?

To which one, I want to go to?

They both mean so much to me

Oh, Lord, can you help me?

I know, who means more to me

Oh how I wish, it could be once again

So it could be, where it once was

How could it be again?

Since, now we are friends

So, that where it probably end

Therefore, my love will go to the other

5] The love we had

The time we were together

It seemed like it would last forever

For time we kissed

Time stood still

Still forever

Time and time again

We took off like a star

For which, we couldn’t go any further

As life may be

We lost our way

Even though we could not turn back time

It could not happen again

For what we had, was out of this world

The love, we shared

Will never disappear, forever

As far as we are apart, we will always be in each other’s heart

6] A new love that could be

Time and time again

I end up alone, all by myself, no one to talk to

I try and try, not to cry

Therefore, I would not feel the hurt, so deep inside

Then came a time, that stunned me

For what, I was going to see

To see, the love that could be

Therefore, I asked myself

Could this be?

Be, what I wanted to be

I clear a tear from my eyes

To see, what there was to see

A vision

A vision of beauty

A beauty that could ever be, stolen from the heavens

However it may be

Yes, it was going to be

As far as I can see

For what, I wanted it to be

A vision like a flower

That blooms in the springtime

For what, shall I do?

Stand back?

Keep my distance?

Oh Lord, what should I do?

I could not take it any longer

For me just stay away

From this vision

Vision of beauty

Therefore, I made my move

For what, I was going to do

To know what happened next

Is for another time to tell

7] None of them understand

Every time I drink

I get weak

Then I fall down

Down, where I should not be

For it shows, that I’m weak

Too weak, to say hey

This is not where, I want to be

I get closer and closer

To that last step

Where I do not want to be

I took a big step

A step

Where I wanted to be

If I’m not careful

I will be where; I do not want to be

For that next step

Will be the end of me

For all I have begun

To start this new life

All will become, to its end

If I go, to that last step, once again

8] Life near the end

Happiness is finally in your life, once again

Then, what usually happens, it ascends

What kind of happiness you have goes away

Most of your life, it hasn’t been

No hope in life

No willing in life

You, just want it all to end

Sadness is always upon

It seems, happiness doesn’t belong

You will not say, so long

Therefore, you just live on

9] Dark cloud

Dark cloud

Dark cloud

Why is it me?

Why do you follow me?

When things go right

You make it dark

Therefore, I fight back

To make it right

Then, you strike

Strike hard

The way, you think it should be

I say, nay

You, say yea

Therefore, it grows so dark and gleam

As it can be

I search and search

For my inner strength

To fight, with all my might

To make my life, the way it should be

You come and come

With all your might

But

There will be, one day

Your might, will be no longer

For which I am a fighter

Fighter that I am

Not to give up

Not to surrender

Even at the darkest hour

So, Dark Cloud

Give me, all you can

For which that final blow

Might knock me down

Cut me deeply

Only thing it will do

Just piss me off more

For it will be me, that stands

Stand, tall and proud

To reach, that dream

Dream that shall be

Which, it will be you

Dark cloud, that goes down

To deepest part of Hell

To where, you can do no more harm

Harm, no more

10] The darken day

We were young

With all these big ideas in our hearts

We were wild, wild as we could be

Then came a time

Time of choice, becoming men

Each one of us

Came from a different part of this land

To meet at a certain part of our lives

That will change our lives forever

Until we die

Through the days, we were chosen

To be the Unbeaten 4

Then came that certain black day

That darkens our lives

For which, there is only one that still stands

To remember that dark day

That will affect me, rest of my days

To relive, through that day

The day, I will never forget

For what you have done for me

Oh, why did you take it for me?

For it was meant for me, to end my time

However it may be

It was you took my end of time

For what reason, did you have?

To take that time from me

You had a lot to live for

I had none

Every year

I try and try

To forgive myself

For your loss

Yet, I still cannot

For it was my failure

That took you away

Oh why, oh why

Does this have to be?

However, we were different colors

You still my brother

Brother of Green

To the very end of time

We formed this Code of Honor

Which we followed

Which is a part of me, to the very end

So for me to salute you

My fallen Brother of Arms

For the ultimate sacrifice

You gave

My dear old friend

My brother of green

I have written this poem

To help me with this painful memory

I carry with me, each awake moment

I pray one day

It all goes away

Yet

How can I forget?

That dark day

That took you away, to the beyond

For which, you’re the one died in my arms

To take my last days

Knowing it should have been me

To take that last breath, not you

Therefore, I search, for a way to forgive myself

Knowing it should have been me

On that, darken day

11] Time to remember

When things go dark

When you start to fall

Just remember, there are others, that are here for you

I know life can be a bitch

We just do not know, reason why

There are so many of us, asking, why does this have to be?

So, we are told

God has reason for everything

However, it may be

Does there have to be so much pain?

There are some are stronger than others

And

There are some weaker than others

Yet, it all feels the same depth of pain

It does not matter, how big or small

It all may seem the same

The darkest pain, you may go through

Might seem, like it’s the darkest day ever

To others, they had darker days

When you receive the truth

Whatever level of pain it may be

To each individual, their pain will feel the same

As deep as another

We as individuals cannot judge another one’s pain

To judge, on who is going through more than another

Even when you think, your pain is greater than another

Their pain might not be the same

However the pain may be

We all go through certain levels of pain

So, when those times do come

It seems like the darkest hour

There are others out there will understand what you are going through

Knowing exactly, how you are feeling

That you are not alone

You just have to be willing to reach out

Even if you cannot see it

You are somebody

You are not alone

Do not give up

We together, can get through anything

12] Faith that brought us together

On a Summer night, we met

Who really knew?

How that was going to change our lives

We both, were going through rough times

More we saw each other

We never realize it at first

How it brought a spark to our hearts

For one reason or another

We kept apart

Even though there was some distance between us

We thought

We talked

What was there, grew

So, could this be?

Something that we never expected

Who knew, how fate brought us together

13] I cannot turn the other cheek

I cared for you

I tried to help you

I treated you like a brother

Therefore, I did you a favor

Now, you fucked me over

My brotherly love, has been betrayed

Therefore, my heart turned over

Therefore, I hate to say

You