The Traitor Within: Discerning the Voices That Influence You

By Joshua B Jennings CPC

The Traitor Within takes youinto the world of counseling as well as spiritual belief and explains the driving forces behind temptation, sin, and destructive life forces. Pastor Jennings draws from fifteen years experience in ministry andsecular counseling, to explain how thoughts have multiple origins and how understanding those driving forces can make the difference in falling victim to thoughts and feelings and overcoming them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Aug 25, 2015
• ISBN: 9781512708523

Joshua B Jennings CPC

Pastor Jennings serves the community of Jefferson, Georgia, as a certified pastoral counselor.  He holds a degree in psychology from Emmanuel College and multiple certifications in drug and alcohol rehabilitation, behavior modification, and spiritual development.  He has also served as an executive director for nonprofits dealing with adolescents and young adults with addictive behaviors.  His fifteen years of experience in ministry and counseling gives him a unique perspective and success when dealing with the issues that plague today’s society.

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Copyright © 2015 Joshua B Jennings, CPC.

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Scripture taken from the Common English Bible®, CEB® Copyright © 2010, 2011 by Common English Bible.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. The CEB and Common English Bible trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Common English Bible. Use of either trademark requires the permission of Common English Bible.

Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

All Scripture quotations in this publications are from The Message. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission. NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® and NIV® are registered trademarks of Biblica, Inc. Use of either trademark for the offering of goods or services requires the prior written consent of Biblica US, Inc.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Edited by:

Renee Cook

Janet Moody

Connie Wilkes

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-0853-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-0854-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-0852-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015913174

WestBow Press rev. date: 08/24/2015

Contents

Dedication

Chapter 1 1978

Chapter 2 Temptation

Chapter 3 Fig Leaves

Chapter 4 Understanding

Chapter 5 Perspective

Chapter 6 Playing Offense

Chapter 7 The Thorn

Chapter 8 Self – Contempt

Chapter 9 Chasing Redemption

Chapter 10 Did God Really Say…

Chapter 11 Stay the Course

Chapter 12 Endurance

Chapter 13 Unfair !!

Chapter 14 Choice

Chapter 15 The Deep Dark Closet of Denial

Chapter 16 Retaliation

Chapter 17 Being Okay

Chapter 18 Disentanglement

Chapter 19 The Take Away

Chapter 20 Knowing Who I Am

Dear Readers,

First I want to say thank you for choosing to read this book! I have put a lot of heart and time into writing it and my prayer is that it effectively ministers to those who read it.

For the past fifteen years, I have worked with people who suffer from low self-esteem, depression, self-hate, unforgiveness, identity issues, sexuality issues, abuse, grief, addictions – the list goes on and on. After talking with God about the direction of my own life and the struggles I have faced both professionally and personally. He opened my eyes and gave me a new perspective – He asked me to look more deeply at my own struggles and attribute them to something other than myself. He helped me realize that I was looking at my issues as though they were apart of myself which means I was fighting with myself trying to overcome these things. No wonder I always failed. I felt horribly about myself and could never beat these things on my own.

God shown light on the Traitor within, and from that moment on I was no longer at war with myself. This was the approach God instructed me to take as I counseled those who came to me for guidance. This new point of view of sin, temptations, and pretty much everything else we fight to get out of our life has something behind it! It is a very real enemy! It is the Traitor within who adds fuel to the fire of our torments.

Join me as I do my best to explain what I have experienced in my own life as well as the victories in the lives of those I have helped once we identified and learned how to battle THE TRAITOR WITHIN.

Dedication

To my beautiful wife Kellie whose encouragement, support, and grace are unparalleled. Without your friendship, love, prayers and support I would not be the man I am today and for that I will be eternally grateful!

To my parents, Ronnie & Marti, whose love, guidance, and encouragement over my lifetime have taught me to rely on God for the strength to accomplish everything He has asked me to do. To go after my dreams no matter what, and to never give up!

CHAPTER 1

1978

The Battle is not between us and God, no, there is a traitor within who wars against our true heart fighting alongside the Spirit of God in us.

~ John Eldredge: Wild at Heart

My story begins as everyone’s story does, at birth. I was born in the late fall of 1978. I entered this world healthy and whole to a warm and loving family who put their faith in God and would raise me to do the same. There I was, only seconds old, and I already experienced the first miracle of my life. The miracle wasn’t the fact I was born, even though every baby is a miracle. The miracle was that I was born in America to a family who loved God. If either of these were altered my story would be very different. But because this was the case, I began my life’s journey with a bit of a head start.

I was raised in the rural north-western tip of South Carolina. I spent my time running around outside and playing with whatever I could get my hands on. It was a happy childhood. As I got older, I spent a lot of time hiking and swimming at one of the several rivers or lakes close by. As I entered elementary school I experienced the first of many attacks by the Traitor. Teaches noticed I was experiencing some difficulties, which led to my being diagnosed with dyslexia.

Now the Traitor didn’t cause me to be dyslexic because the Traitor doesn’t have the power to create only to manipulate. The Traitor’s work began by influencing me to feel as though I was less intelligent than my peers and that because I was placed in resource classes I was different from others – somehow defective. This tactic didn’t bring results until my later life.

As a younger child, I didn’t really notice any differences other than struggling with learning to read and spell. I remember the frustration that came with taking tests, doing homework, and waiting on report cards to be sent home. The educational struggle continued into middle school. On top of that, a few weeks before I began sixth grade, I experienced the death of a close family member for the first time.

My grandfather passed away suddenly and I took it pretty hard. I started school a few days late due to the funeral. As I returned to school, the frustrations of my struggle with class work and home work began to build. My teachers were very understanding and allowed me even more accommodations than before. By this time I had figured out how to use my learning disability and circumstances to my advantage. I asked for extensions on assignments, managed to talk teachers into allowing me to take open-book exams and elicited help from my peers. It wasn’t that I didn’t need some allowances. The problem was that I learned to take advantage of the situation. I began to realize I didn’t have to put a lot of effort into studying. If I said the right thing or asked the right questions I got the assistance I needed to pass. The Traitor had taught me the art of manipulation and it served me well!

Despite my learning disability my social life was good. I was happy and led a full life. I was very involved at my church and loved being a part of the youth ministry. In spite of dyslexia, I loved to read, especially my Bible. My church leaders taught me I could always find answers to my problems in God’s Word. I found that to be true then and now.

As a pre-teen, I responded to an altar call at a youth service and prayed to receive Jesus into my heart. I remember feeling different, but other than that internal sensation, I didn’t really see anything else in my life, such as attitudes and behaviors change. At that point, I knew Jesus, loved Jesus, and believed if I were to die I would go to Heaven to be with him. I had experienced an encounter with Jesus that changed my life. Looking back, I don’t really think the relationship was there. What I experienced was more of an introduction. The reason I feel this way is because, I have come to understand that, salvation begins in the heart and works outward. I learned a lot about who Jesus was and what he did while he was on Earth but I had absolutely no idea how to have an intimate relationship with him. In short, I had no roots. As I finished middle school and began to think about life in high school, there was no way I could’ve prepared myself for what was going to happen. Just as I began middle school late due to the sudden passing of my grandfather, I began high school several months late due to a tragic auto accident.

What I remember of the actual wreck isn’t much, but I do remember opening my eyes for the first time in the hospital. I looked down and realized I was in a hospital bed with machines all around me, beeping and humming. I was very much at peace and in no pain. I was groggy and confused. As I began to look around, I saw I was surrounded by a white light. – No floor, no walls, no ceiling, just light. I felt a presence beside me. It was in the shape of a man, dark black, cold, and with no features. The figure reached out his hand and touched mine. As he touched me, an incredibly intense wave of fear and despair washed over me. I closed my eyes. The next time I opened them I was again in a hospital bed in a room. There were the same beeps and hum of machines. I looked up at the ceiling and realized there were tubes, sensors, and medical contraptions all around me. There were two major differences in the experiences. In the first, there was no sense of physical pain and an intense sense of fear. In the second, physical pain was present, but the intense fear was absent.

My parents entered the room and explained about the accident. It was touch and go for a while, but I was going to be okay. I didn’t share with them what I had experienced. To be honest, I was confused and worried they might think I was crazy. I dismissed the whole thing from my mind and focused on the fact I was looking at a very long road to recovery.

My injuries were severe. I had a third-degree chemical burn on my right hand, a broken clavicle where the seat belt crossed my chest, cuts, abrasions, bruises, and broken fingers. I also had a traumatic brain injury which I sustained when the vehicle flipped multiple times and landed upside down, crushing the top passenger-side roof inward. It pinning and crushing my entire head into a space only inches wide. This resulted in my skull fracturing into four separate plates as my brain swelled to the size of two basketballs side by side. The pain was horrendous. I was placed in a medically induced coma to allow my body time to heal, and so I would have no memory of the pain. I lost a tremendous amount of weight and looked emaciated.

I thought the long hours of physical, speech, and occupational therapies would never end and they took their toll on me. It was a difficult time in my life, but the