Reflections

By Kaleda Carthran

Kaleda Carthran was born in the city of Wrightsville, Georgia in 1972. Having that small southern town upbringing could only keep her hidden from the rest of the world for so long. After spending her early days playing with cousins and friends she began to mature and finally got out of there and joined the military. She left her daughter that she had at a young age in the care of her mother with hopes of creating a better Kaleda for her childs sake. The tiny walls of Wrightsville were not big enough to hold her back from seeing a much faster paced life and meeting many great people along the way. She met her soon-to-be husband while stationed in Ft. Hood, Texas and they had a daughter together and then began raising a family together.

It was in raising this family that many trials and tribulations came along and tested their marriage and well-being. Through it all her husband and her began going to church and putting all the bad things that plagued their marriage behind them. She has always strive to be better at everything she does and now she is striving to become an excellent writer. She writes about things that tug at her own heart strings and things that make a difference in others around her. She currently resides in Wisconsin with her now larger family and keeps writing about topics that really hit home to many people.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 12, 2014
• ISBN: 9781493190508

Kaleda Carthran

Kaleda Carthran was born in the city of Wrightsville, Georgia in 1972. Having that small southern town upbringing could only keep her hidden from the rest of the world for so long. After spending her early days playing with cousins and friends she began to mature and finally got out of there and joined the military. She left her daughter that she had at a young age in the care of her mother with hopes of creating a better Kaleda for her child’s sake. The tiny walls of Wrightsville were not big enough to hold her back from seeing a much faster paced life and meeting many great people along the way. She met her soon-to-be husband while stationed in Ft. Hood, Texas and they had a daughter together and then began raising a family together. It was in raising this family that many trials and tribulations came along and tested their marriage and well-being. Through it all her husband and her began going to church and putting all the bad things that plagued their marriage behind them. She has always strive to be better at everything she does and now she is striving to become an excellent writer. She writes about things that tug at her own heart strings and things that make a difference in others around her. She currently resides in Texas with her now larger family and keeps writing about topics that really hit home to many people.

Book preview

Copyright © 2014 by Kaleda Carthran.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2014905810

ISBN:   Hardcover   978-1-4931-9051-5

   Softcover    978-1-4931-9052-2

   eBook           978-1-4931-9050-8

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the

product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance

to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Rev. date: 04/04/2014

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris LLC

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

616380

Contents

Acknowledgments

and Thanks

Introduction

Chapter One   The Beginning

Chapter Two   Reflections of Mixed Emotions

Chapter Three   All These Reflections

Chapter Four   Governed by the Wrong Reflections

Chapter Five   Meeting Emma

Chapter Six   Learning to Trust

Chapter Seven   Cremating Henry

Chapter Eight   Nikki

Chapter Nine   Healing through the pain

Chapter Ten   The Test of a Grandmother’s Faith

Chapter Eleven   Recovering From a Fall

Chapter Twelve   Getting Better

Chapter Thirteen   Time to Go Home

Chapter Fourteen   How Did I Get Here?

Chapter Fifteen   God Stepping In On Time

Chapter Sixteen   The Shadows Are Back

Chapter Seventeen   Nikki, Oh Nikki

Chapter Eighteen   Help me please

Chapter Nineteen   What a Mess!

Chapter Twenty   Reflections Reflections

Chapter Twenty-one   Forgiveness

Wisdom and Words from the Author

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

AND THANKS

Reflections is dedicated to: The Father, Son and Holy Ghost; my husband, Damien Carthran; my children, Latrice Rouse and Kia Carthran; my grandsons, (who will be 5 and 2 years old by the time this book published), Markis Isaiah Ira Williams and, Jaedyn Izaiah Williams. It is dedicated to my immediate and extended family, in-laws, friends, pastors and sister & brothers in Christ throughout the Nations. Dedicated to My Grandma, Grandfather, and Aunt Johnnie Mae, (may they rest in peace, my angels). Special dedications go out to Jackie Sumlin, who helped proof read the beginning of the book for me; Bescina Powell (My Hair Stylist), Yolanda Norman, and Dana Neal (who helped me coordinate some of the events). I have to really thank my daughter Kia because she wrote this book with me. She spent several hours reading and proofreading the rest of the chapters and helping make this book awesome! To my Aunt Nita who helped edited this whole book for me. A special dedication is to Laverne Brown and Mr. James Mason gone but not forgotten

INTRODUCTION

Yes! I am back, after writing "Looking Through The Mirrors of Me." I now see that this may be one of the many talents that God has given me. I remember growing up I wrote down every thought that I had, because writing helped me get through several situations that were going on. Even today, I write things down what I’m thinking, and give it to God as a way of releasing what concerns me. It seems to work and now God is turning my thoughts into books. Well! Well! Who would have thought something good would have come from such?

We never know the plans God has for our lives until He starts to reveal them to us. Once we know them it is our responsibility to get to it, and not make any excuses about it. Thus, here I am again, writing the second book that I said I was not going to write. But we must stop saying what we’re not going to do and like Nike said, Just Do It.

As you read through the pages in this book there may be a part that you can reflect on that may have occurred in your life. Reflections is about a young lady who is trying to find the right reflections of herself. As she is going through life you will see all her reflections in her mirror as she is searching for that one reflection that could lead her to the life that she desires to have.

There is a song by Mary Mary entitled Forgiven Me and in that song it says, The reflections of how I used to be, reflections of me. I like it because when you look back in life there are always reflections of something in your life. Some of these reflections may be of your relationship with parents or a reflection of those who have influenced you. As you read her story I pray you will be delivered, and set free as we travel down the life of this young lady trying to find the real reflection of herself in the mirror of life.

CHAPTER ONE

The Beginning

Oh My God! All these different reflections, all these different people inside her head trying to get out, but Rebecca does not know which way to go. Rebecca knows that she is trying to find the reflection of peace, but is does not seem to be there. Her father Henry came in the middle of the night and did things that he was not suppose to do. All Rebecca kept hearing him say was, If you love me you would do this, I am only doing this because I love you, and if you love me you will keep this quiet. Therefore, she just cried through the pain and allowed him to climb on top of her, and do whatever he wanted. Rebecca really loved her dad and when he said, if you love me you will do whatever you can to please me; she told herself that it was ok because daddy loves me. Yes, daddy loves me.

Rebecca was the tender age of three when her daddy began to come into her room and sexually molested her. Each time he did Rebecca just told herself, he loves me and daddy knows best.

It hurt her! It was extremely painful because Rebecca was only a child, but she could not scream because daddy told her that if she told anyone she did not love him. Therefore Rebecca saw the reflection of what was being done to her in her mirror, but there was nothing she could do about it… other than stare at it.

Her mother abandoned her when she was younger because she did not want to raise any children. This young child was left with her with daddy, and he made her do the things that her mom was supposed to be doing. In her mind she believed she was doing right because daddy told her that she was doing a good deed, because as long as she was satisfying him the pain of losing her mama would go away. However, after a while it did not feel right for her anymore.

Despite the many times Rebecca tried to escape he would find a way to convince her that she was helping him, and not doing anything wrong. Now all the reflections that Rebecca carries are from the severe terrible things she has gone through in her life. Each time something happened there is another reflection in her mirror that Rebecca cannot seem to escape. She’s building reflections as her life goes on.

Can you see this precious little girl who believes there is no one she can talk to? Screaming on the inside but no one can hear her! Can’t you see how Rebecca feels? It was Mama’s responsibility to help her to become a young lady, however, mama did not know how to be a mother herself.

Rebecca is now left all alone with a man who by birth was her daddy, and was to make her feel safe and secure. Instead he had become the worst person in her life. This has caused a down ward effect and now the reflection Rebecca sees is a dirty little girl that no one would want, because she has been soiled by her father. Rebecca could tell no one, and she has taken the reflection of who he has made her out to be and put it in the mirror with the rest of the reflections, and left them there and walked away, (or so she thought).

CHAPTER TWO

Reflections of Mixed Emotions

Now Rebecca is in her teens trying to find some kind of way to live a normal life. Her father is no longer able to take care of himself because he is dying of cancer, and the doctor has given him three months to live. Presently, Rebecca does not know if she is happy or sad because all she remembers is him violating her, and making it seem as if it was normal.

Night after night she pleaded with God to just kill her dad, but her prayers were never answered. Now Rebecca is mad at God, because she feels He has let her down and left her alone in pain when at any time God could have stopped